I had an interesting night, all I have to say is I know now that I have a lot to be thankful for. Even if I don’t sound like it half of the time. I have a lot to just smile about. And even though I might not be happy most of the time, I might not be happy with how I am or the way my life is I can say I am thankful for what I have.
It was a very nice day, I am happy with how it turned out for the most part, I got to see a lot of my friends and yes I went to class. I love thinking about the future around here, what next year will hold and the like. And I just see it being better than this. I am scared of things that are to come, I don’t know how to explain it really. In my mind there is so much I couldn’t even share with this blog.
For one I’m still lonely, I have felt this way for a long time, I guess since back when I used to hang out with Megan Thorton back home. Sometimes I even wonder if there is a girl out there for me, someone I can just be happy with. And have I already met her?
Questions like these aren’t fair to ask, yeah I know. But its fun just to wonder, well its not really. Wondering is what keeps me worrying and they all say I worry too much.
Some things are for certain, I may have made some life long friends here already. I might have met people that I can count on.
Sometimes I feel like I repeat myself a lot on this thing, like I just tell the same bullshit over and over, but then again I know that things change from day to day. I do have unique little thoughts but I am afraid to mark them down in here, I think people would be surprised at the way I feel.
Just today Nicole thought it was odd that I was anti-abortion. I don’t know what she expected from a Roman Catholic, we wrote the book on anti-abortion, hell on anti-everything. I think I surprise people, like when Mandi told me that it was odd I liked this on song from Evangelion, she thought it would be too girly for me.
Yeah its true I’m pretty punk at heart, but at the same time I like things other than punk. While I can enjoy the raw voice of a band like Rancid I can also take a liking to the lyrical stylings of much softer things. And while I’m not into country, its tolerable.
Even with this fact I wish I had more surprises in me, I wish I struck people as different or out there, I wish I stood out more sometimes.
I think what makes a person stick in your head as memorable is the shock when you first meet them. I have a complete lack of surprise accompanied by meeting me. I guess that’s just how I am. I can’t learn to be different, I want to change how I am, I want to be more confidence, but how can I when all I ever get is things that are meant to lower confidence?
I would like to hear from someone that they think I deserve something more than what I get. I mean if you don’t know what I get and would like to hear, I pretty much get things that are great in most departments, but then in the department of relationships, its zip. Nada. Nothing.
Maybe I just need to search around, I mean its not like I’m looking for sex or money or any of those dumb reasons people jump into a bad thing. I’m just looking for the right girl. I’m even kind of hoping that John is wrong about who it is.
Back onto a note that isn’t all angsty and bad, this is something I said today that Rickey and Eddie just got a kick out of.
Notable Quote:
Rickey: What are you sucking on?
Justin: Candy motherfucker! You want some?
I guess its just the way I said it, fuck that’s not even funny typed. I should audio blog that…
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