Sunday, October 31, 2004

Rough Draft

Some things just vanish before we knew they were even there, and its only in the hindsight that we see them for what they really are. Most of the time these are the most precious things, that smell that comes up from the ground right after it rains, like the world has been washed clean, that first kiss from a girl.

I found myself sitting quietly in silence a lot today, I found my mind wandering to thoughts of things that I haven’t contemplated in a while. I awoke late today, around one o’clock to find that I was still tired and that I really didn’t know what I wanted to do. It was Halloween, and well its not exactly my favorite holiday, its one of the pointless ones I don’t look forward to or dread.

I made a couple of calls, the first was to Desiree to see what she was doing, she had gone home, so I let her be and get back to whatever she was doing.

I then called Chanele and she and I talked for a few minutes as I completed a little work on GTA. She asked if I wanted to run to Wal-Mart with her and I almost jumped at the chance, I wanted this day to have some meaning and its odd, I have fun playing the game but there’s so much else I could be doing. A million things more important.

Before any of you hardcore gamers out there start to call me a sellout or a poser or even a pussy—you can because I don’t give a damn. I’m just starting to see that there are things out there that I hold very dear to me, even if its hard to admit to it, I care a lot about other things and I’m not all about games anymore.

So we went to Wal-Mart and I dropped a roll of film off and then we came back, not much else happened for a while that day, I loafed around, went and ate at the UC and then came back here to hangout with Chanele and Casey. I picked the pictures up somewhere in there.

Just about an hour back it started to rain, which is nice, and kind of bad. I had to run an umbrella over to Desi’s because she left it in my car, I don’t want her to get herself wet if this doesn’t let up.

I’m starting to long for things that I’ve always wanted to have now, and today was one of those days when it was apparent. If I was loud and talkative yesterday and Friday I’m more like me in the first year of High school right now, I’m quiet, almost deathly and I think a lot about the things around me, I comment only when I feel like there might be a laugh or something else to come of it.

And while trying to get a laugh might sound selfish its really not, people fell good when they laugh, so is it so wrong to make them?

Speaking of laughing I browsed over Maddox’s website last night, I have to say that I disagree with SO much of the things he says and stands for, but he is right about a lot too. Like the thing about Christopher Reeves not being a hero…

The man fell off a horse and broke his neck, he’s no hero, he’s at best a person who saw what it meant to be badly injured and saw the need to help other people out. But I think real Hero’s are those that chose to do what had to be done, forgetting about their own safety and well being. Reeves just didn’t do this.

On to something else, I’ve been in a halfway shitty mood lately because of things going on around me, and I’m not at liberty to say what these things entail, but they are there, I’ll just deal with it tomorrow, and we’ll go from there I guess. Here’s some pictures of friends I got back with the last roll of film…

This first one is of Evan...dressed like a girl....

Don't worry this isn't an activity he usually engages in

Then there's Desiree at the party Friday

Isn't she cute?

And here's Casey in her pretty new red dress

I really like that picture, it was candid!

Well I'm Off to do some other meaningless task--and so ends my post!

Saturday, October 30, 2004

Ups and Downs

What can be said about hanging out with friends and just having a good time? Its not something that you can really descrieb, and when you try most others just don't understand. I know this because I've tried before to describe the things that I do with my friends and people outside of the little circle never seem to get it, why is that?

To tell the truth, I don't have an answer because I'm not really the answer man. But here I am again, in front of this monitor and keyboard rapping away at the one of the 105 or so keys. I can say this, there is no complaints about today and yesterday, especially the way that yesterday ended.

I started the day prying myself away from the comfort of my pillow, I was groggy eyed and trying my hardest to move. When I finally freed myself from the soft warmth of the bed I went out into the common area of the dorm to check on my game. (we all know the one)

There was a knock at the door and I opened it to find Ricky, he asked if I wanted to run to the University Center and grab a bite to eat, we sat there for an hour or so talking and Casey came in with one of her friends, so we sat with them and talked some more.

The conversation was nothing to be proud about, but after all of that Rickey and I came back here and played a few missions of Grand Theft Auto, in the middle of one my house phone rang and I almost neglected it. But something told me to get it and I did, it was Desiree.

She asked me if I wanted to go eat and I threw down the game at the chance to go, because nothings as fun as hanging out with her. So we went, had a good little conversation and I walked her home afterwards. We're getting along better and better.

The rest of the afternoon was filled with conversation with Hannah and me playing the game. But when it came time for the party I remembered that Casey and I had to run to the store to get some drinks, we did, and we came back, and Desiree, her roommate and her roommate's boyfriend showed up--we all hung out, Desiree stayed the latest, I wanted to tell her that it felt good to see her, it felt really good. And I wanted to say that I really enjoyed having her, but I think she knew, I think she can see right through me and I think she knows what I'm burning to ask her, and I think that she thinks its coming soon. Whatever is whatever, and whatever comes I just hope I'm ready for it.

The movie we had watched was It, the Stephen King movie, not really scary....but I guess I'm too old to be afraid of Pennywise. I just kept thinking, I wanted to hear some of the band Pennywise while the movie was going. We had spegetti and margaritas during and before the movie, everyone seemed so happy to hang out like that, and it just felt right being around almost everyone I loved to hang out with at once.

I spent the night there, after I walked Des back I came back and fell out after a few more hours. Today flew by like so many others have since I've been here. Tomorrow will come too soon and this week brings two tests and a quiz...

College life, like all things has its ups and downs.

Friday, October 29, 2004

A Plain Morning

Friday has arrived, the day we work all week to see, the salvation of students everywhere. And what is it we've been waiting for?

It would appear that there is alot of thought going into Halloween this year, a holiday that I forgot all about, probably because I don't really care about it. I tend to forget holiday's that mean nothing to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the kind of person who thinks its an evil holiday, I just think its pointless.

I also do like Thanksgiving, but there's other reasons behind that whole thing.

So there's a party tonight, and I can't wait because I really like hanging out with Chanele and Casey and all those people, and if Desi manages to come it will be even better because its more time I can spend with her and all her and that's becoming more important to me.

And even though it's been fall for over a month now, its just starting to feel like it in South Texas...so "So long sweet summer, I stumbled upon you and greatfully basked in your rays...."

And with the changing of the times, we get closer to a New Year and things become more exciting. Things are getting to be really fun here, and despite the little tiffs we get into from time to time there's always an aura of friendship in the air. And that's the most important thing.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

But Wait, There's More Than That...There's Adventure, There's Jokes, There's A PG-13 Rating For Strong Language!

Well tonight went better than I would have thought that it would, there was alot of nervousness at first because I am at heart a nervous guy around a pretty girl. And Desi is no exception to the rule. But after the talking got started I even got up the courage to tickle her, even thought she's not ticklish, and we played around some. At the end I paid her back the money she put down on the ticket last time we had dinner.

It took me about ten minutes of dodging her hand to try and get her to take the money and she claimed that she would give it back to me later somehow. I think that its a fair compromise because I like to treat people and treating her to something was fun because she's a fun person...and I'm rambling.

So today was a GTA:SA free day and its been killing me the whole time, I'm about ready to go play PS2. But I did find entertainment in the form of a water fight with Lauren, Hannah, Alicia and Shana. Evan and I work well as a team, he's like the most kick ass guy I've met here so far, and he seems to not just be after sex, as a matter of a fact I haven't heard him mention the sex yet.

I really had fun today, all of the waiting was worth while and tomorrow should be even better, more Desi, more fun, big party....it's everything the title assured there would be....all I need now is some Ninjas. Well this was just a slight update, there will be more tomorrow if I make it back to the computer.

That Wide Gray Line

I just stumbled into the dorm, wounded from having to take in the massive amount of notes in such a short time. There are just those classes that you wish there were more of, because they are interesting the professor is witty and things just seem to be going so good. Then there are those you wish would just end....

But tomorrow is Friday, in college language is Friday is like Neo was to the Machines in the movie The Matrix. Friday is that anomaly that just can't be taken out of the equation no matter what is done to the intergers. On a Friday campus is empty, the wind just blows silently through and the few who stick it out walk with their heads held high in prepartion for the weekend.

In between now and Friday there is something for me to look forward to, and that would be dinner with Desiree. I'm hoping that there's some little clue I can pick up on, something I can draw a conclusion from for just what it is she thinks about me.

I know it sounds pathetic, I don't know why I can't just be like those guys, the big buff ones that walk around like the own the place and basically just tell girls to go out with them and the girls leap at the chance. I'm not that vain, I put stock in relationships and think out what I'm doing too much to be like that.

I care too much to act like those guys and I know that, and while I'm glad I'm not like that I sometimes wish I could be, I just think that I could get as girl if I acted like that. But then I know its wrong. How many people ever wished they could just do something and then quit doing it and do what is right? Just use the rude condescending attitude to get a girl and then go back to being Mr. Nice Guy.

But most people know that there's a line between black and white, good and bad, and that line is wider than either the black or white side, its a gray line. And the thing about being gray, about mixing the good with the bad is no matter how much good you put back in--its still gray.

So I'm going to keep playing it nice, do what I know is right and then try to win the girl, if I don't I'm sure we'll still be good friends and there's always other girls out there, right?

The Generation Gap

Well I said that I would talk on the simpler time thing today, or is that yesterday? I don't remember, but I think its today, so lets just take it as truth.

I think that my sudden attraction to old music came at the right time, since GTA:SA takes place in the early 90s, judging by some of the things said right after the fall of the berlin wall. The game has some good old songs that came out just when rap in alternative rock were finding their place on the radio dial and when MTV still played shows about music.

In today's world everything seems to be more about trying to be too real, everyone would rather watch a show about some people trapped on an island than watch sitcoms, and because of this the last of the great sitcoms died off and none of them have been replaced.

The world that I lived in as a kid, the world that alot of the people out there grew up in is no longer here, the generation gap is about to be set, like those gaps on Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4. And these won't come up with an easy tap of any button on the controller.

I used to write these changes off as a fad, as if they were just something to come and go, like the Latin Music invasion of the late 90's or the small infux of Swing music. But reality tv, and sad sulky pop music mascarading as punk and rock are here to stay. Fake rap by people like Nelly is obviously what people want to hear, and who am I to tell them differently?

It just seems like this is a little early to draw the generational line, we're right on the edge of it people, we're the end of an era. What scares me is that because of the information age and the quickness with which things spread I fear that generation gaps marked by a huge turn of tides in trends will be set much faster because word of what would have been a smaller trend before the internet, will get further faster ensuring that is makes some head way.

Before I'm 50 there might have been another great change in popular culture, and not that I care about popular culture, because fuck popular culture, it does no one any good. But how will I relate to my kids if their almost two generations away? Will I one day be that old man asking his daughter how the hell do I use the computer?

It's just something to think about.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Those Grand Theft Nights

I just got Grand Theft Auto: San Andres, the game is loaded to the rim with jokes about racial stereotypes, crude language, unnecessary violence, and criminal mischief....

Luckily I'm the kind of person who doesn't give a flying fuck about any of these things in my games. If you haven't played this game, which I'm sure most of you haven't considering I got it a day early, you have to. Its a mastery of the power of the PS2 that just goes to prove that while GC and X-BOX may be better off in the technology department, PS2 can still hang.

The story is a little more involved this time and its going to take some getting used to being in such a big game, of course I am reminded of when I got GTA 3 and stared at that creation of God and said, "I will never know my way around this thing." I'm willing to bet if given that game today, even though I haven't played it in forever and don't even own it anymore, I would still know my way around most of it.

Wow, who could believe that I am up at 4 AM doing this! I must have a sad life, well I came to a stopping point and put the game down, there's other more important things I need to be thinking about, namely school and a girl. I also have some writing to be doing and the planning for the next little Angel party I'll be having with my friends. That should be cool, I think I have them hooked on that show, too bad it got canceled.

Last night a strange thing happened, strange in that it came out of nowhere, I suddenly started to download music from the early 90s, everything from Eagle Eye Cherry to The Cranberries and I made a CD called the 90s mix and listened to it all day. Am I longing for a simplier time, survey says....

I'm too tired to decide, tomorrow, if the call of GTA and that special someone don't interupt, I'll explore this further.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

'Five By Five'

I know this is not really about thoughts, but who cares.

Well its been an interesting weekend, I can't seem to sleep here on the weekends anymore. But I guess that its cool. I get to hang out with friends more.

Well I don't know what to talk about here really, I have so many blogs because I have friends with xanga, live journal and several other things like this. I've decided that I'll just keep a running tab on all of them.

For starters I've developed a new phrase that I can say, it really came from something that Faith on Buffy says, and I used to say it forever ago on the internet, but I just kind of stopped using it. The phrase is 'Five by Five'. All that it means is everything is okay, it comes from old radio lingo, when you have a full signal you get five bars, so when someone asked how your signal was you said, "Oh, its five by five."

Well I use it in response to my phone too, because it has five signal bars. But some people just don't understand what I'm talking about so I have to go through this whole thing about it.

Well other than that the weekend was cool, we went to the haunted railroad tracks and walked up and down them. Then we went out to this abandoned carnival.

I haven't had much time to write lately, I do get a few pages in here and there, but then again I could do like I did that one weekend where I did forty pages. I've been able to hang out with my friends more and more since I've been here and I'm making some pretty good friends.

Oh, next weekend my parents wnat me to go to Las Vegas with them to celebrate my mom's birthday, they told me that I could go with them and bring one friend. I'm thinking of one special person I'd love to bring, but then I don't know if she wants to come. And if she doesn't I don't go either, I hate hanging out with my parents because they feel this need to ostrisize me while making me stay with them the whole time.

Well I have to think about it and then I guess I'll come to a conclusion by like Tuesday....

Sunday, October 17, 2004

When Do You Really?

I started to think the other day that things when you are dating aren't always as easy as black and white, day and night or any other similie you can think of, sometimes what we have to take into consideration is the fact that we're sometimes caught off guard. Its hard to really define when you're dating someone or when you're jsut two friends out for a good time. Its even harder to define a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Its funny how those first two milestones are kind of dependant on so many factors to be decided and with things like marriage or engagement there's so much formality to the process. Just think about how many times you've actually just walked up to someone and said, "Hey let's be boyfriend and girlfriend."

The thing about all of it is, even some dates and can creep up on you discretely, maybe it started out as a friendly thing but half way through the outing it turned out that you saw a whole new side to that other person that you didn't realize existed. I mean we've all had that friend that we didn't really think about dating until we hung out with them one day and found out how cool they are.

And prehaps some of us have had the opposite happen, you went on a date and realized you just wanted to be friends. Neither one of those is uncommon.

So the real question here, asd proposed at the start of all this is, why are there no guidelines for defining when people are actually boyfriend and girlfriend? And what's that final point that kind of sends it all over the edge and proves once and for all that you are really with some one.

I don't really have answers for the questions and I doubt there ever really will be definite answers.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Sleight of Tongue and Relationships

Well I am at it (again) things really have become more fun here, but also more challenging, it seems all of the work in college is due at the same time, go figure. Well here's what I really need to say about what's happened, because this is not a blog of events, just for thoughts and the like.



Someone I know used a very good trick to get out of a situation that should never have occured and that trick is something I would call slight of hand, its like saying something that is so hard to really pin down as meaning one thing that you leave it open to interpertation. There's plenty of ways of doing this and all of them are devious in their own right.



Say you're talking to a person and you tell them "hey I want to be with you," well this can be taken to mean two totally different things, with a whole sliding range of emotional niches that someone could fall into. It could be hey I want to be with you as far as dating goes, or hey I just want to hang out sometime, or even worse hey I want to just sleep with you.



Well say that the person saying this means it in the second way presented, hey I want to hang out with you. Well what if the receptor of the message hears it as hey I want to sleep with you? What will they think? How will they react? Well both of these warrant completely different reactions either way.



Now what if they think that the person saying this meant hey I want to date you? They might become excited, or even upset and not want to talk to you again. It could become a real problem. Now I know that because of nonverbal communication that its hard to make this mistake, but the real thing is that its hard to catergorize someone's non-verbal communication. Its even harder to record or demonstrate that you know someone meant this becasuse of the way they acted.



You can tell a girl these things in the most sensitive voice ever, touch their hand slightly, and even make really devouted eye contact with them, but if they don't know you and this is just how you are, you could mean that you want to hang out with them. And even worse you can doctor body language, speech patterns and eye contact to say one thing while you mean something else.



The particualr exampe that happened here all relied on the word relationship, now while this may be a simple word that we all know, love, use and understand; it is also a basis for all human interaction. Every human in the world is related to every other in some way, even if they don't ever directly interact, everything you do is part of a whole, related to a whole and thus is part of one global relationship.



It's the No Man is an Island and Six Degress of Seperation all over again people!



For the example I will give of what happened we will use relationship (in italics) only if we're referring to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. The word relationship (in bold) will refer to a broad use of the term, as to mean that there is no real clear definition. Here's how the conversation would look between P1 and P2...



    P2: I really like you.

    P1: Yeah you're pretty cool too.

    P2: Its good that we met, but where is this going?

    P1: I want a relationship.

    P2: I would like to have a relationship too.

    P1: Well its nice to see that we'd both like to have the same thing. (the relationship)

    P2: Yeah it is. (the relationship)


See how person 2 just manuvered person 1 into a place where they could be easily manipulated? They didn't describe what relationship meant to either of them, I mean you could replace relationship with friendship and it would still be the same conversation with a totally different meaning, you could replace it with alot of other types of things and it would still look nearly the same with a totally different meanting and undertone.



Basically what I mean to say here is make sure that before anything happens that you are clear on what is meant when people say something, its a very sneaky tactic that is used by people sometimes to say words that mean so many things and then back out of it by saying that the meaning was misunderstood. So you have to be sure of what you get into.



See ya....

Monday, October 11, 2004

No Man Is An Island

This is for an English Response Paper, buit it goes kind of well with what I said earlier.

The writer of the essay, No Man Is An Island was trying to make several points, the central point being that no man can really stand alone and call himself apart from the world. Any new life that comes into the world, comes in to join us all, any death that takes place is an affliction to us all.

Despite the fact that the writer uses very eurocentric language to make this point and much of the essay is filled with points that one would have to know a slight bit of Catholic doctorine to get, this is a very good essay none the less. From the time that we are first born we live in a world full of people, no matter how far away they are.

It's kind of like that Six Degress of Seperation theory where they say that every person in the world is connected by no more than six people. John Donne in turn goes on to say that every human is like a book translated by God, and that there will come a day when God binds us all up and brings us to the big library (which by library he means Heaven) and all books will be open for the world to see.

Donne also talks about how when the bell of a church rings its not just for the preist, but its for all of the people to know. So he allures to the fact that when someone dies, its like a bell ringing, and when someone is born it is also like a bell ringing. When one hears that bell that person shouldn't wonder who the bell rings for, they should acknowledge that no matter who it has rung for it still affects them.

He goes on to explain that man maybe sick somewhere, and when a person is told of this sickness it could seem far from home. At the same time that second person could have another sickness that doesn't lie in his body, but is greed eating away at him. By seeing the first man's sickness the second man could see that his own greedy ways are hurting him as well as the sick man. He can see that he doesn't stand alone no matter how much he might think he does. He even learns that the rich, the poor and all others are part of the same figuritive human contenient.

When one part of the body is weak the whole thing will be weak and that's the point I think Donne was trying to make with this essay.

Many times people say that they are alone or that they feel like they don't have anyone there for them, but its really not true, because if it were they wouldn't be standing. No man, woman or child can stand alone, they need support from others and the only reason for that is because man is a social being. We can tell that from the advent of life, that the way we play and work, the relationships we build and the friends we make become a very important part of us. Granted you should be able to be your own person, but being your own person doesn't mean severing your tie to the main land. And its almost impossible to sever a tie that strong anyway.

If anyone here's seen the move About A Boy you know that the lessons we learn from being too insensitive and selfish can really change a person, even if it is just a movie. And lessons learned shouldn't be taken for granted.

I Think I Thought This Through

Last night I rambled on in a long winded post about so many things that I really had alot of things I really did have some time to think about, but pretty much most of the time I act without thinking, which goes without me having to say if you know me. Before Firday I had spent the better part of the week in my dorm just sitting around, I tried to avoid some of the people here because of somethings that have been going and its probably for the best.

The truth is, I can sit around for as long as I want and disect every little thing that a person tells me, any of us can...and most of the time you'll find out that what will end up happening will be that you will damn near go insane because the scariest things are usually whats in our minds. That's how monsters and stories about creatures come to pass, someone sees an ordinary thing and tries to make an excuse for it and when they do they dream up the most horrible thing you can.

This might be my only problem in a relationship, I mean the only huge problem that I would have with dating someone is that when they tell me one thing, or when something happens I might think the worst of it. Now I'm not one of those, "the sky is falling" people who sit back there with their Bible talking about the end times that we're in. Dumbass the world has been ending since it started, that's the way of things--just because there's a quake doesn't mean its time to repent for the last time.

I like to be realistic, I like to take a simple thing like not being able to get a hold of a friend I can usually get on the first ring and turn it into "maybe their ducking my calls" or "maybe I pissed them off". When the truth is most of my friends don't genenally get pissed for little things, even the girls who people think generally have a shorter fuse. Girls are more understand than men, so I know that for most girls the fuse extends well past that of you're normal pea brained male.

Now what is it that I'm trying to get at, well its just this, while most people sit back and try to make reasons for why its someone elses fault, I usually pin the blame on myself, which has been known to piss some of my friends off because they thought I shouldn't have done this.

I never really saw the big deal with it, if most of the things happening around me that are bad are directly related to something stupid I did in some way then wouldn't that mean that I could fix them? It would give me a little bit better outlook on life I would think to say that I can fix these problems because I caused them. And even though you can't always fix what you cause, it's just nice to think that.

There was a line in my favorite TV Show (Angel) that said basically this, well it wasn't a line, it was a group of lines. But another character was having a conversation with Angel and basically told him that, "For us, there is no fight. Which is why winning doesn't enter into it. We go on no matter what. Our firm has always been here, in one form or another. The Inquisition. The Khmer Rouge. We were there when the very first cave man clubbed his neighbor. See, we're in the hearts and minds of every single living being. And that, friend is what's making things so difficult for you. See, the world doesn't work in spite of evil, Angel. It works with us. It works because of us."

I know that's some pretty dark stuff, but it makes you really think doesn't it? You see the news at night and you think "how can someone do that to another living human being?" Well there's your answer, they can because inheritly we will do the worst things that we think we can get away with. Self-control is a leanred attribute, not something we inherit. But commiting a sin, just doing something generally bad can be so easily done because of the fact sometimes you can do it just by not acting when you see something wrong happening.

It doesn't matter how small the thing that's wrong is, it is still wrong. So I'm going to just go off on this note, try to be kind to someone, men open doors for ladies, ladies umm, say thank you for it. Give a homeless dude a dollar or even a pixie stick or something. Because nothing you do really matters. Don't say that you're going to become rich and famous and help the little guy, that one little guy you might help won't be any different than if you stop trying to be rich and famous and go volunteer at a soup kitchen or something. If that quote up there is right, if nothing we do matters at all at all, then all that matters is what we do. The smallest act of kindness is the greatest thing in the world.


bebop style Posted by Hello

At It Again

Well this is my third blog at this time, and I guess that once I get into the swing of things I'll be able to post on them all at once, this one is going to be more of a personal blog that I don't tell many people I know that live near by about, I guess I just never liked being secretive with the other blogs because even with a private post theres a chance I could screw it up and make it public and mess something up bad.

I'm a first year college student who's basically nothing like the average guy, as a matter of a fact I hate the average guy with a passion, from his beer gut, to his veiws on women as objects. I enjoy writing, drawing, and spending time with friends among other things. My major is English, which is my strongest subject, because basically its all I don't suck at. I'm into anime, punk rock, Angel and several other things.

So I guess to start I'll mention some stuff from over the weekend, this was in no way a tame week or weekend, theres been enough excitement that I'm convinced we warrent our own reality show. Things around here are starting to get back to normal now, but on Firday night I spent the night with five friends, we watched movies, hung out and I cuddled with a girl that I know, she was really warm and it wasn't like a sexual cuddling thing, it was just friendly snuggle type thing. Still, I love women, they are like Gods second greatest gift, right between love and the tv series Angel.

Well Saturday that friend and I hung out some in the afternoon, needless to say I didn't wake up until damn near four, because I had been up most of the night before. Well Sunday she and I were together alot again, and we got to talking, she was saying how she didn't trust boys and how they were prone to thinking about cheating. But I had to differ because I just don't think about cheating, I feel like sometimes what you have is enough.

I guess women deal with so many guys that are like that its hard for them to see it any other way, but I know I'm not like that. I didn't get her to understand me, because I was trying to show her that I, personally am not like that. And she was like the thought of sex with other people crosses a guys mind, but I don't think that really means anything, people are sexual beings, and besides, I don't act on most of the impulses I have. I mean just today I wanted to reach through the phone and slap the shit out of someone, but I didn't (not to mention I can't).

Well I had dinner over there and that was my dinner time conversation. I had to let her study some for a test, but the whole not trusting thing still bothers me. I guess I just thrive on being that trusted friend, and I hope some day she sees that in me.

Well as for the first entry, I'm out, its late, I'm tired, there's a friend that fell asleep here and I need to walk her home so I can claim my own bed. Talk to you people later....

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Not Much But It'll Have to Do

Well I guess that I'm not having a really good day, it was kind of fun earlier, but tonight has been pretty bad. My roommates annoying friends are over here, only two of them are even nice, and its the two that never seem to come. The good news is I only have three classes left this week and I'm free for the weekend. Well there's not much else to say, I guess I have to go. bye

Friday, October 01, 2004

Debate Number One (someone get me a soap box)

Did anyone see this shit, I mean Kerry blew Bush out of the water, Bush looked tired and a little bit unnerved, it seemed like they weren't even on equal playing feilds. And yes I decided this before I saw the spin that was put on it after the journalists got a hold of the whole matter. I was surprised and a little impressed, I'm not one of those partisan people that can't be swayed no matter the job that one candidate does just because of his affiliation. And while I do disagree with Kerry on some issue, such as abortion, I still think that man can make his good points, when he gets around to making a point.

With that said and done, is there anyone else out there who thinks that we around the country should chip in a few pacos and get Bush a Thesaurus? I mean it wouldn't cost us all very much if we chipped in and stuff, but I think the man needs one, or some of those vocab builder tapes, he's horribly butchering the whole language there at times. And he could use some pointers. All that Kerry needs to work on is not looking so evil and saying a little more of what he will do and stuff to illustrate that he's got some kind of plan in place. He also needs to try and tell where all of this money he needs for things will come from, because Bush already has--social security--and while it's not the answer we want to hear it is better than thin air.

I encourage you to all watch the next two debates...

Epiphany

I'm going home, I'm not expecting much out of this trip, but oh well, I have to go back to support and friend and all. I should have the ability to post on here despite the fact that I am going to be home. So We'll see how all of that goes. Like I've said before if you see me going home there's usually some other reason, and its supporting a friend this time, although hanging out with Alli will be cool too, but I'm done trying to date her. She and I are too good of friends for that. I have to start looking ahead and stop bogging myself down like this. Oh well, I'll always have my friend and I'll always have someone to talk to and isn't that what matters.

I guess like Angel, I've come to one of those little acts of God's grace that can only be described as an Epiphany in life, a turning point we reach where we can look back at how stupid we were and wish we can blame it on being drunk or stoned. I acted stupidly about the whole Allison situation and it won't happen again, as long as I have my friend I'm cool, and by cool I mean as cool as I nromally am which is not all that cool but oh well.

Well we may be getting new neighbors, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for this one. I don't like the current residents of 8.105, their noisey and annoying so I'm hoping that my quiet friend from class will move in there. And now things seem to be looking up, if this goes right the rest of the year could be looking up for me.

Oh and dude, it smells like a meat locker in this place, I don't know what happened but it needs to stop before I go on a murderous knife rampage or something. Now our door is broken and the microwave epidemic still hasn't been fixed. And worst of all some fucker drank up MY cokes, I hope the hand of God slides out of the sky and bitch slaps the fucker who did that, there are three things guys don't touch when another guy is invovled, cokes, a penis or a girl....now someone please REPEAT NUMBER ONE!