Jude Law and the Semester Abroad

I've got a plan, I'll drink for forty days and forty nights, a sip for every second hand tick...

Well lets just start off by saying that today was interesting, I really am getting into the college mood, things seem to be falling into place and all in good time, I have some really nice professors and everything like that, but lets get to the real meat. The date that I had, it wasn't really a date date, it was as a good friend of mine once said, a sort of get to know you session. We sat on a bench and talked and got to know one another. She's more interesting than I expected and she really made me laugh and just smile. We talked some about what we liked to do, drawing, writing and games for me, and she likes to sing, write music and songs, and plays games some, hehe, even Zelda.

It was night by the time we found a nice place to sit under the umbrella outside of the Library here, it was peaceful with the fountain running in the background, a few people near by studying and the sounds of the wind in the trees, a nice setting, a perfect temperature, and the perfect amount of sound in the air. We talked for about an hour, about as much time as can be expected for someone who has to drive 45 mintues to get home.

I was really please, I was also glad I didn't fuck up like I usually do, I have a tendancy to mess things up, even when it doesn't seem possible. She was really nice and we tried to keep the conversation to a pretty comfortable and we both laughed some, I even showed her some drawings I did for the comic that she was in. I think she kind of got a kick out of it. All and all I would say things went pretty well, I just wish it could have gone on longer.

That song lyric that I started the Journal with is from a song called Jude Law and the Semester Abroad by Brand New, its so stuck in my head now!

On that note I think I'll let this end for now, I might be back later today--

For Me, This Is Heaven

Well crisis resolved people, I've avoided a potentially bad situation by default, what happened you ask? Well Casey, the girl that lives in the building just behind me, is not sure what she wants now. And since we're both very unsure and stuff, we decided to just stay friends for the present time. She is the kind of girl I could really hang out with and get to know better, like a friends kind of thing. I can never have too many friends the way I see it. And I've just added a new few to the list.

Well besides that what can I say about yesterday? I started the day out late, which is probably for the best since I had been up so late before that. I got out of the bed and did a little walking around, then I headed down to the campus center to grab some grub and see what was going on, one of my roommates joined me and we sat and talked forever. When we finally headed back to the dorm we took it kind of slow, he was on the phone and I was just thinking about so much. I was hoping that when we got back they might have fixed our power, but they hadn't so we just hung around here for a while, until Ben, one of my other roommates came in saying he wanted to go to the store and get posters.

We went with him and we went to North Star Mall, which is huge, and we tried to find Spencers, it was a miracle that we did find it, so we all got two posters, Ben got some girls, Brandon got Scareface and Jack Daniels, and I got Evanescence and Lindsay Lohan (yes I know, I'm obsessed with Lindsay Lohan). Right now I have like seven full sized posters in my room, two on the other side of my door. The seven in my room are Underworld, Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, Lindsay Lohan, Evanescence, Linkin Park, and Jesus Rocks. The two on the door are Spiderman and Blink-182.

I have alot of smaller things I printed out, cards and stuff like that on the wall, including a Blink-182 concert ticket and a goodby card from my friends. It can be easily seen that this room belongs to me!

But enough with that, I have to get on to the most frustrating part of the day. I come back last night from dinner, and we walk all the way in and get to the dorm, our doors have keycards, one for the main door and one for our room doors. Well the main door lock wouldn't open, so we were stuck outside, and none of the people at the front office (which is a good quarter mile uphill walk) knew how to get us in. It took three hours for them to get us in.

I did get a chance to go over and see some friends I made the other day, Deirdre and Jen, but after I got back all they could do for us is give us a metal key. Which sucks because we only have one to use and we have to share it between the four of us! Oh well its just funny how much crap goes wrong in our building and room, 8.106 has ALL the problems. But I guess its just part of growing up, the little hardships that make things more interesting. Remember the song quote, "Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up..." its so true, but who decides when we're really grown up? I for one hope its me, because if you keep growing, life is always just as fun!

Here's to Youth!

Well I guess that I'm feeling much more like I'm in a writing mood, writing is just what I haven't been doing nearly enough of lately. It's safe to say that we are indeed down to emergency power in the dorm, I filled out a request form this morning and that shit still has not been fixed, its an unsatisfactory little system, but its like real life I guess. If you can call anything that happens in life real.

Today has been a normal day, a day that I really can't say went bad or went good, I washed clothes for the first itme today, I mean the first time at college, and it helped me make some new friends, they were in the laundry part of the complex playing pool and I happened to join in because I was bored. I had alot of fun and almost won one game, I'm a horrible pool player.

After I got the clothes done I came back showered and just as I was getting out I got a call from Ashley, she called to say that she thought it would be better if we waited till after class Monday to hang out. To tell the truth I think I'm in some form of shock for two reasons, one because I'm away from home with total freedom and I just need to try and remember that I have alot of responsibility now. And two because there are two incredible girls who really seem to like me. I've never been in either one of these situations before.

I went and hung out with Chanele tonight, she's one of the girls I met after I got to the college. We're becoming pretty good friends and she seems to really want to help me out with the problem I'm having. I'm glad to have some help because I can't seem to do shit on my own. We went down the River Walk and we went out to eat and some other stuff like that. I had alot of fun and I really just got back here. It was the first time I'd left the campus for more than an hour in a while. I really couldn't help but milk the hell out of it. Isn't that what you do when given a chance.

So I've decided I want to make the best of my college experince, I want to do what I can to make it more enjoyable and more educational. I can't be like I was in highschool, because the simple fact remains that this is not highschool. Highschool blows dog, this place doesn't. People are so nice here, I met a girl the other day who I could totally see being someone cool just to hang out with. The kind of plutonic (I think that's how its spelled) friendship that you can just have with someone of the opposite sex.

What happened was I got ot class ultra early and I sat down on the ground, I had this CD I had burned with a song called "Here's to Youth" by Floggying Molly. When I sat down I happened to glance over at her and she had on a Flogging Molly t-shirt. It took me a while to say anything to her, I mean I think I had a flashback to my highschool days my mind was telling me dude, you can't just tell that girl she has a nice shirt, you don't know her, hell you two are probably in a whole different kind of clique.

But the new college Justin told me to just go for it, so having spent the rest of the song thinking it over and contemplating my next move I finally decided to say something as 'Merican by The Descendants kicked in. I pulled my headphones down and told her that her shirt was nice. We talked for the next thirty minutes, her name was Allison. And we had so much in common, we both love Furturama, Donnie Darko, Time Travel Theories, punk, ska and indie, and Mystery Science Theater. And in case you might think that I was just looking for things we had in common, she bought up Time Travel, Donnie Darko, and Futurama on her own.

I really hope that we can talk more on monday, I might have made a great new friend, and all because of a simple action I would have never taken three and a half months ago. Now I'm just hoping that I can sort the rest of these things out, I also need to find a church to go to on Sunday's, it's important to me that I keep up with my faith stuff, just because I'm away from home doesn't mean I should stop doing what I used to.

Speaking of what I used to do, I talked to Julie today, and she seemed a little down, I think that she likes college enough, or at least she said she did but I think that the real problem is that she has hardly anyone to talk to, no one from home has called her yet and that makes me feel really bad because the've been calling me and I want them to call her just as much as me, she's their friend too and she might just need those calls more than I do. So I guess I'll call later in the week and check on her, I might try to go there one weekend just to see her so that she doesn't feel like she's alone, everyone needs a friend, from the lowest of criminals to the saints, and Julie's closer to the latter.

One other bit of good news, I now have the means to play Gamecube again! I'm excited and sad all at once because I need people to play with! I think I'm going to start placing flyers around! Well I think I better head off to bed, its like 3 AM and this is making less and less sense.

Power Outage!

Well we've managed to blow out half of the power outlets in the dorm, which is bullshit, I'm down to emergency power. which means the tv ti s in my room and I've pulled back to this my last haven. It seems that I've also become pretty nervous about what I have to do later today, which for the most part is go and see Ashley at work for a milkshake, (all of the jokes about the milkshake song, keep them!). I can't wait to see her and I'll get to see her again Monday after and during class.

As for the other girl, she seems to be a little mad at me about getting to close to her, although I was just playing around a bit. I hope to smooth things over with her because she's a really sweet girl and I've got no problem with being her friend. I'm so tired right now and my mind is on the many things I have to do tomorrow or today (I'm still stuck on the rule that if I don't go to bed, its not the next day).

But I will write in this after my little outing with Ashley, so expect to see more in here later.

Better Than Expected

Well its been an interesting last few days, things have turned out to be better than I could have ever expected. Things have been going really well and today at 3 PM Central Standard Time I have my first, I’m nervous, and with good reason, I come from a school of less than 200 to a place with 26,000? That’s a big leap.

But what I’m also nervous about is something that seems to be becoming a common thing with me, there’s these two girls, both of them very special, and each of them a little bit like me, each of them kind of have a part of me.

And I need to pick one, or really find out if their both really interested. And it kills me inside to think that I might hurt one of them, that I might be hurting some girls feels. I mean I wrote the book on hurt feelings, because God knows I’ve had enough of them. And I never want to do that to either one of them.

So as for right now I think I’ll just feel things out, take things down a notch and try to see who wants what. If they both like me I’ll go from there, and if one of them likes me then my choice will be really easy to make.

I wish there were just some really easy way to make this choice. But I won’t know that until like Saturday at the earliest, I’m going to see one of them at work and we’re going to talk and I’ll see if she wants to grab a bite to eat afterwards, if she says yes then I guess I’m fucked, but if she says no then I guess I’m in the green, unless she gives a really good excuse.

Truth be told, I have little to look forward to, except that I’m going to be able to play my games soon! But even that’s not good enough to cheer me up. Next Tuesday I’m supposed to be hanging out with one of them and cooking and stuff like that, I’m hoping it goes well.

For now I guess I’ll just keep thinking, maybe I’ll talk to them, I think some things are best when talked about, so that everyone knows what’s up. I don’t want them to be in competition or anything, but I want them to know I’m truthful and can be trusted.

Well I better get off this thing, they’re testing this fire alarm for our building and the sound is paralyzing.

Do you care if I don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight
Will you think of me
Will I shake this off pretend its all okay
That there's someone out there who feels just like me

There is....

Do You Have A Comrade?

Well I just got settled down from the big move to the college, and I have to say so far things have been great. Everyone here is so nice and stuff and I have been running around with my roomates all day! I have three of them, and they're all cool guys. We went to a little mixer type party and had some food there, that was pretty fun and most of the time has been spent getting to know people.

I met some girls that knew one of my roommates and they seem real nice, they brought us some food while they were on the way over here and I gave one of them some of our tea when she was hanging out. We talked about stuff we had done and just all kinds of things. Then we walked them back to their rooms.

My friend from high school, Diego is here too, he’s in the dorms across the field but they suck SO bad, I mean he and his roommate are in the same room together, and then there just a bathroom. There’s nothing else and its going to be a really big adjustment for him. But maybe he’ll love the guy later.

Well I guess I got a little ahead of myself with the talk about what’s been going on, because I forgot to mention all of the other cool stuff that happened even before I left. My friends got together and threw me sort of a going away party! It was really nice of them and I felt better knowing that they weren’t like super sad about my going away. Tiffany, Aubrey, Alexis, Brian, PJ, Megan, John, Justin (the other one) and Austin came, we went and had a fun little game of laser tag at this place by NASA.

Then we went to this pizza place, hung out and talked and ate. After that we came back to my house and watched some MST (Mystery Science Theater 3000). It’s like one of my favorite shows!

The next day I spent all day packing, but I had time to get away from all of that to go to see Julie, I went and we talked on her steps for a while and she gave me all of her addresses for the internet and her phone numbers and a picture of her to keep. I felt better after talking to her, and I think the gift I gave to her went over really well. I know I’ll be able to talk to her sometimes on here and it’ll just make me feel all good inside.

Back to the present, so far there’s been one small problem, I forgot my memory cards back at the house, so I need to have them mailed or something! I need those two play games. I know they’re there, but I guess they fell out of my bags or something. It really sucks not to have them.

But oh well, I need to get people interactions out of the way and try to make new friends first, I mean what’s life without comradely and companionship! Well I better get off this thing, so you guys later ( I guess that go to all of the fictional people reading this crap!)

Do You Have A Comrade?

Like It's Where You Want to Be....

Well it's safe to say that I've pretty much fixed what was going on earlier, I will be making the rounds to see my friends tomorrow after I finish up some last minute packing and cleaning up my room. In all truth I think that college will be fun and all, and while I’ve scared its exciting knowing I’ll have a chance to do something without someone looking over my shoulder. I just have to worry about letting the independence go to my head.

And I’ll have to keep in close contact with my friends, even if it’ll be hard. I mean they always need to be a part of my life! I don’t want that to change. It’s going to be walking on thin ice, but I’ve already proven I know how to swim!

Tomorrow or today rather, is going to be a full day, I have to make sure I see my friends and don’t leave anyone out, it’s the last chance I have for a long while. I have to make it count. I’ll have to dig out the going away gift that I got for my friend so that I can give it to her then.

I still have a lot of packing to do, I have this large trunk down stairs on the floor that I have to finish sticking all of my clothes into. And I accidentally left two posters up on the wall (oops). I have to check on the school tuition bills and stuff, I’m trying to figure out how much of my stuff I really should take, as I’ve said before, I’ve got a lot of stuff. All of the pictures will go for sure!

I might not be on for the rest of the day, and there’s not much else to say on this thing really. I caused my friends to have to rearrange schedules to see me tomorrow, I didn’t ask them to, but they did it. So I hope this all works out!

Well I guess I better go, should I even have read that entry?

I Don't Believe This!

I am so pissed right now that words can't even begin to describe it, I've been trying to be nice and trying to be pleasant this week but everyone seems hell bent on making me as mad as possible. Th reason why I'm so pissed is because I was supposed to move into my dorm between Friday Afternoon and Sunday night, but my mom has decided she wants to go up there Thursday, because she has to go to work Saturday. First off, I don't want her going up with me anyway, I can hardly stand to be around her, why the hell would I want to spend four hours in a car with her.

Second, I can take myself, its not like its something I can't do, she has to act like I'm incompetent or something, or like she's going to miss me so much while I'm gone. I could care less if she wants to send me off to school, because I don't need her help to do it, and its not even like she's really my mom. I can go on my own just fine, I know my way and I think I can move myself in.

Third of all, how come everytime it comes down to something important its always about what's important for her, I mean God forbid we inconvinence my step-mom, that would be a travesty, a heresy! This all goes back to the many times when I had a little bit of a moment in the limelight and my mom decides that what she wants is more important, or what someone else wants. Case in point, my graduation party where my mom decided she wanted to scheldule it on the day she wanted, a day when only one of my friends could come, but all my mom worried about was family who doesn't even like me and talks about me behind my bac. So I had to sit there with no one to talk to but Alexis because she was all that could make it.

Another example, my seventeenth birhtday when my mom threw a graduation party (in March, mind you) for my cousin Michael, which I had to clean up and help prepare for. She had the whole family here helping and invited 50+ people, alot of them his friends that seemed a little shady. Then when I asked to have a birthday party with ten friends she refused it until I begged, then when I finally got to have it I had to pay for food out of my own money and clean up the whole house myself!

I think I've proved my point there, I can't really think of much else that would help better than those two examples. But here's just a few more things my step-mom loves to say and do:

• That I'm sleeping with all of these girls, girls who I've never had a relationship with.

• That All I do is lie, and that no matter what she says, she's always right.

• She once left my diabetic father outside in a car with no battery, food or his medicine for three hours in Georgia because she wanted to take my nephew bowling, even though she had told us she would meet us back at her little apartment (this was when she was at the army base there). Whe we had asked for the key before we left, she refused to give it to use telling us she would meet us there, assuring us. When he got there he didn't have his medicine he's suppose to take after eating and he got sick. Her cell phone was in her purse, when asked why she didn't answer, she said she didn't feel like it. My dad, by the way got sick for a while.

• I've heard her call me fat, I've heard her talk badly about my sister in law (whom is a sweet woman by the way) and I've heard her talk badly about my friends. Once she accused me of drug use because she found gun powder I was playing with and though it was weed...how dumb does that sound?

I'm done, because listing takes forever on this thing! But I bet she pulls that whole "honor your mother and father bullshit" on me for not wanting to spend time with her. That sounds really convincing coming from a Catholic who thinks abortion is right! And if she tries fake crying, that won't work because one result of having to help any girl that cries is being able to tell when someone is really crying. So she's not going to make me feel guilty or anything.

I've decided that I just won't deal with her, I won't call, I won't come all the way home Thanksgiving, I can stay at PJs or Jeffs, and I'll show her that I'm not just some little tool to use to cause family gatherings where she can show off the kid she "raised". I can play dirty just as good as anyone and she's not going to just walk all over me like she does my dad.

I have to go, I'm too fucking pissed to end this like I normally do.

Now It's Time To Get Me Some Cave Man Hookers

It always cheers me up to watch a good old installment of the Simpsons, it can cheer me up when I'm feeling kind of down. Today really wasn't so bad, I got up on time and got right down to packing, which I'm still doing now. But I think I can be done by tomorrow. Most of packing will be me moving things to the attic to my nephew can't get his hands on them. The last thing I need is all my stuff broken while I'm away, which if he gets in here, it will be. On the list of things going with me are my CDs, DVDs, of course this computer, and several other things.

I guess that I don’t need my parents to buy as much as they thought, I had a trash can that I got a while back, its like one of those wire waste baskets. I’m excited, I get to have an open desk, unlike my old roll top that I have here. And I’ll get to have high speed internet! That’s all a guy could hope for—well except a good education, a girlfriend that loves him and a metal spork, but all that’s besides the point.

So my IHOP plan fell through, probably because any plan that I had that involved leaving the area of the house. But I should be able to see my friend Thursday, I really want to get a picture with Aubrey and Julie. My dad says I shouldn’t hang pictures of girls in my room because it’ll make other girls think I’m taken, but I don’t care. They’re my friends and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.

One thing I did manage to do is start a live journal community with a friend of mine today, we plan on writing in it together, kind of like a joint journal. But the journal won’t hold our normal entries. That’s right folks, none of my angst ridden bitching, this journal is for characters from our stories to write entries in, keep in mind that these will be fictional characters.

Well I have to get on my first post for the joint journal, keep an eye on the friend’s page to see when it comes up.

And as Melanie would say, “This is going to be so fetch!”

Little Devotional

What's up people, I was just sitting here watching tv and getting a little writing done, I think I'm finally back on my game, there's been so much on my mind as of late, most of it having to do with one of two girls. My mind's been bouncing around trying to figure out what I should do, and I really am going to have to just toss it all up to God and ask him what i need to do. Needless to say, if I had to pick between the two and I could know that things would go the same with both of them, I'd have to say that I don't know who I'd pick. One of them I've know for about a year, she's really sweet, smart, she's shy at times and sometimes I'm just not sure what's she's thinking. I knew from the second I met her she was just my type and I just never gathered the nerve to ask her. The second one has all of the same things going for her, which makes this even harder.

Man I think relationships are too complicated for what they are, problem is I know they're so worth it. What makes all of this worst is that I'll have to leave one of them behind, to go to college. College is looking like it's going to be a double edged sword, on one hand I get new cooler things and the chance to make if on my own out in the semi real world while learning a trade and meeting new people from all over. On the other hand I have to leave all of the people I love so much behind. I do get new stuff, and I still get to see those loved ones, so I guess it'll work out. I think I've been putting the packing off because the packing is kind of like closure. I've been trying to think up new stories to keep my mind off the whole thing.

I sat here and I thought of all the things I could do for a story, I don't know what spurred this sudden creative attitude, I even feel like drawing (gasp). I haven't done that in a serious manner in a while. I guess my mind is clearing up. I'm thinking college could do me some good, I'll be out of the house is probably the best part. I try not to think to much ahead, the fact of the matter is if I don't get this paper to the college in the next three days I'm not going! Its really my parents fault, they figure that they can just wait until the last minute because my time's not as important as theirs.

I've needed something to take my mind off all of this stuff that's been going on, so I've been listening to Cowboy Bebop music for the last little while, right now I'm up to track fifteen on disk three, its a song that's sung in French and I just can't get enough of it, its called "Wo Qui Non Coin" I don't know what the title means, but the songs about a little girls lost dog. I know crazy huh? Well its already better than some American music, tired of hearing songs about kinky sex and stuff. I did find one glimmering light in the mostly mediocore bands of late, an all girl outfit called "Go Betty Go". They remind me of a girl version of Blink-182, back in the old days of the Dude Ranch Album, you guys should check them out!

Speaking of music (and Blink-182) I had to recreate on of my favorite CDs from a copy on the computer, a while back I managed to get my hands on all three editions of Blink-182's "Take Off Your Pants and Jacket". Needless to say I was so happy I damn near shit my pants. For those who don't know each CD has two secret songs, there's six in all and I copied them into one master CD. So it was like I had the whole regular CD plus six songs. Then I took their track, "Man Overboard" and burned it to the same CD, since it was meant to be on "Enema of the State" but they couldn't get the harmony down in time, so they put it on the hard to find specail CD "Mark, Tom and Travis Show" (of which I have two!). But the CD got scratched and I wanted to have it for college, since it'll be hard to burn things with my old burner. So I naturally had to recreate it!

Of course I barely had time to do it, I had to help my dad work on the A/C at the other house, it had gone out or something. It really wasn't an enjoyable experince since I hate heat and the sun and nature and stuff. BHut hey afterwards I got to go to IHOP and have an Omlette and some other great stuff, hell I'm going to go tomorrow, maybe Aubrey and Julie can tag along!

As for me, I need to get something to put in my mouth, I mean like food or something, prboably a drink of some sort, I've been playing with fire for a while and I need to get up before I burn something important. I hope I can do my IHOP thing tomorrow, if I do it'll be a little sad. Why you ask? Well this will probably be the last time I see Julie for a while, and I know she won't be reading this, but I'd just like to give her a Cowboy Bebop style send off, just to show I care! So...

See You Princess, Sometime, Somwhere...

It's been one of those slow days....

Greetings you fictional people who may or may not be reading the BS I write in this thing! I have had a very uneventful day. Most of which was spent making the scanner work, but I do have some good pictures to show for it, well some good ones, others just bad. I'm kind of a photography buff, I love to take pictures of my friends and stuff, as a lot of you probably know. And I collect pictures of my friends, even ones from over the web. I just can't get enough pictures! Well I think that when I finally get a job I will buy a little camera, well not little. But a nice camera so I can get some good shots of things going on around me. I think that I could enter a photo contest with some of the stuff I've taken. I even tried to enter some of the photos, but my school canceled the contest.

But one thing I know about my school is that its very cheap, they were always very cheap! But oh well that's over now, I'm off to college in the next week. Most of my day has been spent preparing for the big leap to school, and I can safely say that I'm not ready. I mean theres no simpler way to say that. I was supposed to be packing some of my crap tonight, but I ended up watching Michael Moore's 9/11 movie, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I disagreed with alot of the things he had to say, but I found myself agreeing with him some too. He seems to have a strange dislike for FOX NEWS. What's funny is, so does FOX. For those of you who don't know, Fox, prehaps the most liberal network on television, is different from FOX NEWS, the most conservative news network. While Fox owns them, they are not the same company. I guess its like Exxon and Mobile or something. I never really understood that.

Well there's enough about politices and stuff like that, I think I have something a little more light hearted that I should share, you guys will love these, their quality quotes from Bash.org, so check it out!

Mike3285: wtf is a palindrome
MaroonSand: no its not dude

*****

<> Omg, I saw the funniest thing today.
<> There was a chalk outline on the floor, like those crime scenes where someone's been murdered.
<> And in the middle of it, someone had written 'PWNED!'

*****
If you didn't get that second one, go into a chat room! Play some online games, my God, where is your inner nerd people. He or she is calling out from the inside in a nasally voice. And do you know what that voice is say? "Please take me to bash.org!" Yes that's right. I think that if you go you should be warned that its not the most politically correct place in the world. Matter of a fact I would recommned people easily offended tell their inner nerd to shut up.

On the subject of my story I did a little writing on it today, I've decided to add a few more minor characters. Some of them outside of the FBI office, most of my characters just happened to be FBI agents and I want to try and make things a little more three dimensional. There's just not enough of that in my story. I think later on in the story I'm going to try and hit some heavier subjects in my story, including child death, marital problems and corruption at several levels.

Problem is, I need to finish up the current series of stories I'm doing. What I mean by series is I write kind of like a TV show does, a series is like a season and the first one is about thirteen stories. At the end of these thirteen a common problem will be resolved, in the case of the first, its vampires. They won't be done away with, they just won't be a focal point anymore. But I really want to get to more subjects that take alot of emotion. I may even try to write a short love story, just for kicks to see if I can write one in a way that doesn't make most men cringe with words like, "I saw that in this movie!" I know its hard guys, but love is important, so someone has to write about it once in a while. And now its my turn I think. Besides there can never be no love in the world. That's how this thing works dudes.

I'm done now, and at the request I'm going to change it up a bit... the ending today will feature someone I hope we all know as our Lord and Savior, just one tip. If Jesus challenges you to a video game, just tell him no thanks....

"You're Gonna Carry that Weight"

It's Friday The 13th

If you know me, you'll also know I'm not a very superstious person, so this date means nothing to me. As a matter of a fact I would have never noticed it if someone else hadn't mentioned it. I don't know what it is about numbers like 13, but people figure that they hold some kind of signifigance. I guess that theres some long history behind all of it and I'd have to read it but I won't because I'm extra lazy! Oh well then.

Well I almost started myself into a rant earlier on my friend Jessica's blog. It was about girls periods and how guys act around them when the girls have them. I get really mad when I hear a guy say a phrase like, "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?" because they have no idea of the anguish some girls have to go through. And alot of it appears to be emotional. Just saying the wrong thing can set off an emotional response that the girl really doesn't want to have. I mean do you know how bad it feels to make a woman cry? I can't stand to see women cry and if they cry around me I have to do whatever I can to help them stop. I turn into this bumbling idiot and I have to help them out in some way shape or form.

I'd like to think that when I have a girlfriend that I'll be able to listen to her and help her out through times when she's feeling emotional or not quite as pretty as she really is. I mean its all about reassurence and trying to understand that she may react t things a certain way because she's in alot of pain and stuff. Things just take understanding, you can't just jump on her when she's feeling that way. You have to take it easy and just calm yourself down some. It'll payo ff in the long run.

Well this is all fine and good, but I have some other stuff to report, I just found out my room number, and what I need to bring for my dorm. I'm getting more and more excited about college, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to do some more cool stuff while I'm there. Everything sounds great so far, and I'm really looking forward to seeing someone again, I hope I made a good first impression on her, she seemed like just my kind of person, if I even have kind.

I have to go, the scanner software is downloading, when its done I will be able to post a few drawings here so you can all get a good chuckle. I hope you like my shit! lol Well I have one more thing to say, Jessica, I really hope you get better, I know its hard, but your strong! Well I'm gonna blow...oh and....

See you Cyber Cowboy

The Ultimate Politics Survey

Describe your stance on:

Abortion: It's Wrong

Affirmative Action: Its a bad idea in this day and age

Age of Consent: You really should just wait till your married

Animal Testing: I don't know

Death Penalty: Go ahead, kill them all, I'm from Texas, remember?

Downloading Music/Movies: If the industry wants it to stop they should lower the damn prices

Drug Decriminalization: I think they should do it and tax the drugs!

Factory Farming: I guess its okay

Free Trade: I don't have a stance

Funding of Arts: They should fund them, what does funding sports get them?

Gay Marriage: no comment

Gun Control: they should control them but not get rid of them

Immigration: We're all immigrants for the most part.

Hardcore Pornography: I don't agree with pornography, I think it degrades women.

Human Cloning: Its a bad idea

Miltary Draft: I don't like this idea either

Minimum Wage: it should be like raised I guess, what is it now?

Prostitution: It's a bad thing

School Vouchers: Yeah, they should do this, force public schools to work harder.

Taxes: taxes are neccessary to have a contry, unless we call become pirates.

United Nations: I hate them, their just like some kind of Illuminati cover

Universal Health Care: Health Care is good I guess

War on Terrorism: Nuke them all? lol, not we need to fight this one carefully.

Welfare: It needs regulation

My Soundtrack

The Soundtrack to Your Life Survey

Make a soundtrack for your life, matching songs with the following:

Opening song: Girls Not Grey by AFI

Waking up: Heart Attack by Sum-41

First date: First Date by Blink-182

First kiss: Sucker by New Found Glory

Falling in love: I'd Do Anything by Simple Plan

Seeing an old love: Great Romances of the 20th Century by Taking Back Sunday

Heartbreak: Starcrossed by Ash

Driving fast: Magic Carpet Ride (remix) by Fatboy Slim

Getting ready to go out: Dressed to Kill by New Found Glory

Partying with friends: Are You In by Incubus

Dancing at a club: In Da Club by 50 Cent

Flirting: Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional

Feeling sexy: Feelin' This by Blink-182

Walking alone in the rain: Take It Easy by The Eagles

Missing someone: A Plain Morning by Dashboard Confessional

Playing in the ocean: Pacific Palisades by Ash

Summer vacation: Hard to Explain by The Strokes

Fighting with someone: Wait and Bleed by Slipknot

Acting goofy with friends: Bouncing Off the Walls by Sugarcult

Thinking back: Little Devotional by Taking Back Sunday

Feeling depressed: All By Myself by ???

Christmas time: Christmas Time by Blink-182

Falling asleep: Tonight, Tonight by Smashing Pumpkins

Closing song: Closing Time by Semisonic

Birthdays, Orientation and...the Flash-o-Meter

Well if anyone's been keeping up with this (yeah that's laughable) I haven't updated in some time now. Its just been a busy last few days, but if anyone wants to hear something really funny I've got just the story.

Alrightie then, just the other day was my friend Aubrey's 18th birthday, so we took her out to eat at Joe's Crab Shack (well we didn't really take her, she paid for herself and all) but anyway before we could leave to go there we were trying to decide on which car to take. I made the point that my dad's Rondezous could take six people. So I went to put the back seat up, which meant I had to open the back door. But when I opened it, the door wouldn't close after that. We tried everything, and eventually we ended up just using duct tape to hold it shut.

It actually worked but its pretty sad, I mean a brand new car with lines of duct tape going across the back. Ah, my life is a joke.

Just for a second I'd like to talk about something that's really, really wrong. There is a game coming out, called 'The Guy Game' its a console game thats rated M and features such thing as trivia.

The real catch to the game is that when you get a question right you get video of girls doing things nude. I think its a pretty sick idea, but it does some other stuff too, none of it useful. Like it has some kind of drinking game feature for one to four players.

The Guy Game is basically everything women hate about us men, and its the reason why I think men are for the most part dumbasses. Its really wrong how women become these sexual objects so eaisily now days. And whats really odd is that some women would devote time to a project like the guy game.

As if this game wasn't bad enough, there's also another game coming out called Singles, its a Sims rip off that has only one real point, to take two people of any sexual orientation you choose and make them sleep together, its a pretty dumb concept for a game, and while it may sell good, it'll never be considered a real gamer classic.

Well on to the thing I really enjoyed this week, College Orientation! I have to say that I really enjoyed it. More than I ever dreamed I could. I really only made a few new friends I can remember by name, and only one of them is in the same dormotory as me. Oddly enough I could see alot of things that reminded me of other people I had known throughout life, like this one girl I met, Ashley, she reminded me of a highschool friend of mine.

She's really pretty, almost to the point that I went on my highschool instincts and didn't talk to her, because in high school you have that certain clique to stick with and you almost feel like you have to do whats expected of you. But she was totally the opposite of what you expect to see in a high school, she was really nice and approchable. Not rude at all. Hell no one was rude. And while it got a little boring at times, I met this one dude, Adam, he and I are already talking about starting a video game club. And I want to start a Creative Writing one if there's not one already.

Well I better fly, I'm tired!

See You Cyber Cowboy (Added my own touch to a classic)

Can't Believe It....

Okay, yeah so I'm utterly pissed, and with good reason. I spent the day baby sitting which went as smoothly as it could, hell I came back alive. And I got to sit and draw with my nieces and nephew for a few hours. I kind of had fun, and I was actually dreading it. At least they watch movies and don't need someone playing with them constantly. But the problem I'm having today started early this morning when I left for my brother's (early for me is like 10). My step-mom was mad about this picture I knocked off the wall on accident while dragging her bag up the stairs because she wanted to unload it up there and have me bring the clothes down. (which makes no sense when she could just unload them in her room and then put the bag up herself).

Well the glass on the front of the picture broke, my mom was somewhere else at the time so I naturally just picked up the galss, swept and vaccumed. Then I wrapped the picture in a big black trash bag and set it in the garage. Naturally my Aunt heard it break and asked me what happened, I told her the picture fell and I'd get it. So she told my mom the next morning and my mom screamed at me for trying to hide what I did and she complained about how I needed to get it fixed right away. Then when I asked where to get it done, she couldn't tell me. So I basically haven't gotten that done yet and she's bitched about it every chance she got.

Just to be rude today she used both lines at our house to download those stupid ass windows updates! The worst part is that no one can call in on the phone. If I even talk on line one and use the internet on the other, which doesn't have call watiing she freaks out. But line one does and I can easliy flash over. She sets rules and standards that just don't make good sense. She used to not allow me to talk on my cell phone when I was at home, even though I had free weekends. She said it just didn't make sense why I should. It makes sense, because I get tired of hearing, "Justin I need to use the phone," from her two seconds after I finish dialing a number.

Its a small wonder that people grew up as unmessed up as they did if parents like her were all there were at one time. My dad just says she's being old fashioned. I mean I have a clear memory of when she told me that whatever she said was correct, she used the example that if she said the sky was green then it was green, no matter what I really saw. She also told me that thing about children are to be seen, not heard. Like we're suppose to be pieces in a meusem! What I hated the most was the statement that people had children so that they wouldn't have to do things for themselves all of the time. That's a completely selfish way to think and I can't believe she would say something like that, especially to a kid. And it wasn't in a joking manner.

She's locked me out of the house for a week at a time, setting the alarm I have no idea how to disarm just so I can't get back in here. She tells me I'm not trustworthy enough to be left alone at the house. Even though I'm 18 years old and have been for a while now. I've never had wild parties or done anyhting like that. She accuses me of doing all this stuff with girls or wanting to. I've never done anything more than kiss girls and in the furture I hope I remember that any girl I go out with its not because I want to sleep with her, that's just retarded as hell.

So if at any point down the line from then if I sound like I'm being rude to her, just keep in mind there's good reason for it. I'm not ranting about her just because she grounded me for doing something wrong. Hell I haven't done anything other than not take out the trash that was wrong since school ended.

All of this does provide me with a template of what not to do with my kids, I hope I have little girls and I don't ever want to make them feel like property. I want to be able to trust them until they do something wrong, not trust the first, then when she does something bad punish the other three who had no part in it. I'm not going to sit here and say they'll be the best behaved little kids, because there's no way to know. But I can say this, they will be loved.

With that I have the good news, I will be going somewhere with Aubrey and some other friends tomorrow night. I'm really excited about it, but not excited enough to erase the annoyment of the last few days. I'll get to see some of my friends I hardly get to see on this little adventure and we might go to the boardwalk and ride the Grand Wheel of Death, aka, the Ferris Wheel (I don't like heights). Since Aubrey needs a place for the party after we leave there we're going to come crash back at my place, thank God my mom will be gone! It looks like this might be fun and someone I've been aching to see might even be there! The downside to all of this is I have to clean this place up, its a wreck downstairs. My other nephew and cousin saw to that. And I need to stock up on Kool Aid and Sugar for tea...and fresh water, we have well but its busted so the water here is tasting like ass. I think that I'm going to start a new trend for myself. Yeah I will....here goes....until next time....

See You Space Cowboy...

Damn that Twisp and Catsby!

Wouldn't you know that it happened again, I had another dream that involved the diabolical duo of Twisp and Catsby. They never seem to realize they are not wanted in my dreams! You would think that two of them could just take a hint by now, but I guess that's expecting too much from a naked demon and a cat that speaks in one word sentences. The dream involved me at dinner with a girl, who shall remain nameless for the sake of mine or her embarassment, and I was talking to her, just normal talking. And We were in a booth, well I look across the booth and who do I see but Twisp and Catsby. And this time I actually had a conversation with them, unlike the last dream I had featuring them.

Catsby (who is actually the demon) asked me for a knife and I said I couldn't give him the knife because he shouldn't be there, and then Twisp (obviously the demon because that makes sense :S) just bouts out, "Rude!" in this upper class, I'm better than you tone. Well I just turned back to the girl that was there and tried to talk, and then Catsby broke in again talking about how my conversation was lacked the subjects to hold the interest of a fruit fly, to which Twisp replied, "Substandard" he only uses one word to talk for some reason.

I mean having dinner with a girl, thats a cool dream. Then you have to insert those two into the fray! I really can't say why I keep having these characters in my dreams. But at least they don't steal things like the ninjas. I had three dreams about ninjas, in one they stole my phone card, another my credit card. And in the other I was driving down the freeway and I passed a Mazda Mini-van full of ninjas. Why the hell would any self respecting ninja drive a mini-van, I don't know, nothing seems right about it.

I guess I better take this time to mention some good movies that are out right now, I saw I,Robot two times, and let me tell you, its a great movie that deserves to be seen again. The acting is good, the comedy is funny but not forced, Will Smith's as good as he's ever been. And best of all they didn't do what everyone expected and tried to force some love-story into it. And if you're looking for good special effects, none I've seen this summer are better.

I saw Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, that was a funny movie, let me tell you, if you think toppal front nudity (is toppal a word?) is wrong, there's a little in this movie. But nothing so bad. I really don't pay attention to breasts in the first place so why would I care about seeing some. There's alot of cursing and drug references, but nothing compared to Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back--if you saw that this will be a cake walk. It was a pretty funny movie, I've loved John Cho since I saw him in American Pie, and then in Off Centre. He's a great comedian and he works well even in large doses, I think this movie was a test of that. Its great to see a buddy comedy involving two smart people for once.

I also saw Bourne Supermacy, I liked it alot better than the first one, espeically the ending. It was a good movie, a very smart thriller, not those ones where you can just go, "He couldn't do that," to everything. I like a movie where I can think about whats going on and I don't have to sit in the theater and dumb myself down for two hours...I like to think while I'm watching TV too, I guess that's why X-Files was such a landmark.

Well my niece is crying, I'm babysitting the three kids for my brother and his wife. Its not so bad one's sleep, one's on the way and the other is watching Dora. I'm sitting here, just about to end this, I keep thinking I should be working on my writing, but this isn't my computer. So I'm just going to go nap or something.

One More Time With Feeling

With my track record with these kinds of things I guess its safe to say that this is probably something I should have done a long time ago. I love to write and well, its 3:29 AM and I’m still here trying to get this done. I doubt anyone will ever see this, and I doubt even more that they’ll care. My life’s not all that exciting and most of what I do is write and draw. I used to have one of those Xanga things, I really didn’t like it as much as I already like this. And with me going to college and all I think that this could be something my friends could look at and be like, “Yeah, he’s doing just fine.” Even though I probably won’t be.

Tomorrow I’m supposed to be going to baby sit my brother’s kids while he’s away for a while. I’m worried because I need to get a birthday gift for a pretty good friend of mine and I don’t know what to get, I guess in a pinch I always pull through right at the end, hmm I am an excellent gift giver. I’m just hoping I’ll have time to do all of the shopping and stuff.

Well on to the more interesting things, I guess my writing has taken a turn for the better, even I have a hard time denying my improvement. I’m working on a story for a friend’s site, some of you may have come across it before on the web, North Castle, the sites become pretty dear to me and I’d like to wish the webmistress, Juliet a happy birthday because the site just turned seven years old. If you don’t know, that’s very good a site, web years are like double dog years people. The site is still beautifully done and she works so hard to make it that way!

Lately she and I have been the idea of doing a writing project together, its really something I’d love to see happen and I’m looking forward to it more than anything else I have on the table. The only thing even coming close to getting me that excited is my opportunity to have my own site—its still in the works, but there’s something there, The Great Northern Crater. I’m hoping that the whole site thing works out, it’d be real fun to do and it’d be something to help me keep in contact with my friends.

I just found out this week that they improved Yahoo messenger, so its nothing like it used to be. If you had it before and hated it (like I did) try it again. I once told a friend that yahoo messenger is like that drunk guy who shows up to parties late. He comes in acting to rowdy and then spikes the punch, then MSN and AIM get drunk and they start wigging out. It’s never really a pretty site when you watch one messenger sign itself in and out, as yahoo just signs back out and stays off and then the other messenger loses all of your contacts. But what can I say, Yahoo did good on their improvement.

I always thought that the messengers so be combined, like into some kind of universal messenger, and I don’t mean like Trillian. I mean something that has the same contact list, emoticons and everything for AOL, MSN, hotmail, Yahoo, and ICQ#. Like they could all be interchangeable. I don’t see why the companies have to be pricks about it, how much money do you make off those things anyway?

It looks like I’ll be in college soon, my scores from the test I took came back as good as anyone could have hoped and I’m kind of excited but then I’m a little scared too. Especially since there’s someone I think I’m kind of falling for that I won’t get to see as often (who the hell am I kidding, I don’t see her often enough as is). All and all it reminds me of a Blink-182 song off the Enema of the State album, not the best of their albums. But the song was called “Going Away to College”, my thoughts can always be traced back to some goofy punk song.

People always say that girls come and go, but its funny when you hurt so bad for someone but then you just want it to keep hurting because you know that at least then you know it can only get better. Things never hurt more than that first time someone tells you no, and even though she never has, it still makes me kind of afraid. Relationshis are crazy things, Love is even crazier, it overrides most of our normal thought process and even the smallest hint of it can send us into a dizzying spiral of emotions. I mean there’s no one emotion to describe it, when you fall in love you get happy, sad, angry, jealous, scared, confused and so many other things and all the while you’re still in love. It’s all too complicated to explain. I just hope I can muster up the courage to tell this girl when the time comes.

Has anyone seen the new Penny Arcade, its a goregeous work of art as usual. Gabe and Tycho are at the top of their game. It's really a must see...

Well I guess I can talk more at a later time, I hope to do this again tomorrow if my nieces and nephew don’t rip me limb from limb…if you happen to be passing by, and you see three small kids dressed in the skin of their uncle, using his bones for drums, just avoid eye contact.