We Know Your Secret!

Well, I need to start by saying this is the last of the old year, last of 2010, y’all. And if a lot of people are right, we’ve only got one more of these before the end of the world where the planet bursts into flames or something of the like.

Anyway, I just dropped in for something fun, no reflecting, no whining about the past year. I think that if you wanted to see my year, you could look back through here and check. A lot has changed, but change is a constant and its to be expected.

What I have come to tell you is that Anderson Cooper has been lying to us! Look at him! He was Veela all along.

That lying bastard…

Happy New Years!

NaNoWriMo

Okay, its not November anywhere in the universe anymore. So everyone should be firmly done with their pledges for NaNoWriMo, right?

I wouldn’t laugh at that statement if I had ever known a single writer who kept to that one month to write a novel thing. But I don’t know a single one. Even the ones who do have the speed. It’s why I find it kind of ironic that people seem to enter into it year after year.

It’s the same issue I have with New Year’s Resolutions. They’re typically the kind of things that we do need to change, but for some stupid reason we feel the need to wait until some arbitrary start date instead of saying, “This ends now! I’m turning things around!”

Let me just say this: anything so unimportant that you can wait until the next year to start working on it…any novel you can wait around until November to write—is probably a waste of time because you weren’t serious in the first place and you’re going to fail at it for that very reason.

And if you think I’m just talking out of my ass, I’ve actually got the speed to do NaNo and actually could hit that magical fifty thousand number this week…with something I started at 11 pm on November 27th. I’m thirty seven thousand words in.

The difference is when I set deadlines, they’re based on my speed. When I set deadlines, they’re set by me. I actually aim to get them done, I bust my ass to do it and I typically start right when I set them.

If you seriously want to write, cut the bullshit and write year round. 

Story Stats

Apparently people like lesbians….

The Constant

It’s hard to learn you’ve moved past a place or person and they’re no longer needed. Not because you’re vicious toward them or the place, but because they’re just not furthering you being you.

I used to love doing a lot of things, but I realize now that they are more trouble than their worth. I find going on most forums tedious, I don’t like to take long drives without destinations firmly plotted out and I just don’t like a lot o the things I used to.

Then I miss something I don’t think will ever come back. That might be the hardest part of all is that knowing something you love will never be the same or even happen again. I’m glad that the one constant in my life has been writing, that is always enjoyable.

Thank God We Live in the Real World

This is a real life conversation I just had with my best friend. I omitted the lines about some video on you tube because they bare no relevance to what we were talking about.

Justin says (12:49 AM)

it looks like I will have to draw balls and hand deliver them, if we lived in the Harry Potter world you'd be getting owls day and night, carrying pictures of dicks and balls

PJ says (12:49 AM)

ha. id send Voldemort a pic of my balls

Justin says (12:49 AM)

one of those moving wizard photos. swinging you balls back and forth

PJ says (12:50 AM)

or just me beating off. he would come after my ass that same night

Justin says (12:51 AM)

owl would be a good way to deliver drugs

PJ says (12:51 AM)

or request hookers

Justin says (12:51 AM)

how much cocaine do you think an owl could carry

PJ says (12:52 AM)

not much...the only reason birds can fly is because of how light they are lol

Justin says (12:53 AM)

this conversation is officially legendary

This remarkably juvenile—I know.

Fan Fiction: For Better or Worse

So it seems I have come full circle and ventured back into an avenue I never thought I would again. That’s right folks, I’ve started to do fan fiction. What makes this so weird is, well I was around back when Fan Fiction.net was new.

Fan Fiction.net is the site I cut my teeth on and with the help of Juliet Singleton I got my real start writing and working out plots and just trying to feel my way around characters. If it weren’t for fan fiction I don’t think I would have this site or be writing.

When I discovered fan fiction it was shortly before the site went online and I honestly thought it was a dream come true. I couldn’t imagine that people who were not published were out there writing stories about shows they liked for nothing more than fun. Fan Fiction does predate the internet and before the circles were actually forced to communicate through more rudimentary ways, like at conventions.

But I loved fan fiction, I neglected work and friends to read the stuff. I printed it out and lived over 8.5 by 11 sheets that I cast onto the floor as I read them. I read them at school and I felt as if they were deserving of more recognition.

Then the unthinkable happened. I was asked to review fan fiction at a site and the more I read over the stuff coming in, the more disgusted I became. Fan Fiction had gone from an honorable thing to something written to indulge in deplorable fantasies. Many of the tales I looked at were rife with rape and mutilation and sexual acts that would make even the most seasoned porn star cringe.

I, by this time had started using my own characters and writing stories in worlds of my own making. The trend of ridiculous sexuality didn’t die down and it was followed closely by the bad characterization that that took the characters I loved and changed them into unrecognizable people who only bore the name and most times the looks of the character they were meant to be.

I resigned from the world of Fan Fiction by the middle of high school. I tried to venture back once or twice over the years and within a few hundred words of starting I was always bored and completely uninterested in continuing.

Flash forward to now, the world of fan fiction isn’t really any better than it was back then. With stories like Little Miss Mary (a Snape/Harry Potter fic that involves cross-dressing and male impregnation to name a few things) and Agony in Pink (a mutilation rape story about the first Pink Ranger) its easy to see that the crazy stuff isn’t just out there…it’s the norm.

Still I am able to look past this and see there is something inherently fun in writing this stuff, and that’s what brought me back.

Definition

I’ve hit a snag, for so long I defined my life with a set of things that I thought would be a constant. You figure that this is the last thing you’ll ever want to do in this life. The last job you hold, the last person you’ll love, the last house you’ll live in.

It seems to be my nature to make long term plans for things, maybe its just me. But that’s the truth. And I hate change in all honesty. Even if its for the better, even if there’s a chance it could go right I think that something going right scares me, maybe more than something going wrong.

I’m used to things going wrong—I can handle that, its happened so much.

For six hours I sat and scanned pictures out of a box, pictures three and four times my age, pictures of other people’s memories and pasts. Looking back at my step mom, her sisters, her family—I realized that I’m just starting out here and its wrong of me to lay my cards out before they’re dealt. I’ve got maybe sixty good years in me…or with the way I eat perhaps just forty.

Then again, if I have to sit through Batman and Robin again, I could end my life midway through it and that would be a blessing.

Back to My Roots

I’ve done it.

I’ve lost my fucking mind, its official. I started a Fan Fiction.net account again—well I revived my old account from 2000 and I began posting this on it.

It’s a damn crossover, who would have guessed. That’s practically all I used to write. Things have come full circle, its like dog and cats living together—mass hysteria. I feel fourteen again.

Uneventful

Today was uneventful. Nothing to report I guess. I wanted to post a really bad ass picture a friend showed me. Its from Harry Potter.

Love it. It’s by this girl Makani, she doesn’t need my promotion but she’s got talent and she deserves more recognition.

Car Wreck

It feels like the things I fear always come true, so much so that I don’t want to name them here or even out loud for fear that it might bring them fully into being.

But this is comparable to a car wreck, I feel like I’m going to hit a brick wall. I can see it speeding toward me—there’s no way it could move itself (or so it would seem, at least in my situation). And yet I’m surely going to hit it. I’m going to crash and its all going to end.

Sometimes I wonder if there was really ever another way things could have turned out and feel stupid for trying. No matter how hard I work, I’ll just never be some things. It’s the sad fact of life that an overly politically correct.

Though I wonder: is it sad when I truly, whole-heartedly believe that much chances of becoming a published author with some clout are more likely than my finding happiness or love?

I’m not sure what’s worse, the fact that I feel like that or the fact that I care so much. Both seem to be causing equal amounts of pain. 

Guilty Party

I think I’ve figured out what this is I’ve been feeling…guilt. For the past few months something has been happening that I am not sure is my fault and that I’m not sure I have control over. At the same time, I feel like I am to blame and I feel like I should be upset or ashamed by it.

I really can’t say what it is or say for sure what’s going to come from it. Part of me wants to hold onto something, on the other hand if I let it go life might just get easier from here on out.

This is hard to figure out, sometimes you feel something that you want to kill inside of yourself, that you think if you could just get rid of things would be easier. But at the same time you want to hold onto it and you honestly can’t understand why.

Rice and Cheese

I’ve learned that sometimes the most simplistic things taste best. Rice and cheese is like that, it’s delicious.

Election Day 2010

It would seem blogs are slow coming from me at the moment. Adjustment period.

So I voted yesterday and much to my surprise it was a longer wait than normal. I spent the time in line reading and catching dirty sneers and looks from people in the line.

I don’t want to say it was due to race, I was the youngest person in the room and the only non-white person too. Not something that’s all that unusual in Texas, but its even more odd when people just hate you for it.

Everyone expects you to vote by race, and often its easier to tell how someone will vote than you will think. Doesn’t I actually think that’s a good thing. Thing is, I’m pretty moderate when it comes to politics and I could have been persuaded to vote for a Republican. But Rick Perry?

God no.

The man wanted us to lave the Union because Obama won. What is it? The 1860s again? What’s more disappointing is that people voted for a guy who stole money meant for Hurricane Ike relief to pay for the Governor's Mansion, tried to talk his way out of speeding tickets on camera, and refused state stimulus money on the grounds that we didn’t need it when we have unemployed here too.

It just shows that people don’t really pay attention to what’s going on.

A Lack of Interest

There hasn’t been much of me online lately and really there’s been good reason. With the exception of talking to a few, select people—its not nearly as fun. I’ve been reading more, watching movies, writing or doing other things and even when I do get online in the back of my head I quickly feel the need to go back to doing something more productive unless there’s someone there I truly want to talk with.

I’ve read two whole books in the last two weeks and its been a while since I could claim I have done that. While I’ve neglected to finish up some of my other work, I plan to hop back into that but I was burning so hot doing it I did need a little break.

Things are pretty much changing, only not in an interesting enough way to warrant being spelled out here.

Part of me needed to come make a post though—I do want to keep with this blog, regardless of how the rest of the internet seems to be losing interest for me.

Tired

I just woke up and already I feel like I need a nap again, I don’t know what it is. Lately I feel like I have no energy and circumstances seem to just make it worse.

The Most Adorable Woman on the Internet

I came across this site when messing around on thatguywithglasses.com. It’s a blog for PushingUpRoses—the content is pretty self explanatory. There’s lots of art, posts with writing to journal type entries.

But look at this girl, she actually manages to be funny, smart and gorgeous—and to top it all off adorable at the same time.

And I know, it has been a while since I have posted. I’ve been immersed in editing. My free time has been spent watching Nostalgia Chick and Nostalgia Critic, reading, and playing games.

Knowing

If you feel like you could use more depressing shit in your life, pick up a copy of Knowing with Nicolas Cage.

Stick It Out

The last few days have been hard, I’m thankful I have my editing work to throw myself into, games to play and a book to read. Though I don’t see me being able to go at this pace much longer. I’m in bed as long as I can manage most days and even when I’m up and about I’m tired.

Everything is exhausting, I feel hollow and uneasy. Sometimes I feel sick and other times tired, on a bad day its both.

Life without stress wouldn’t be life at all, this is true. But I don’t think it should have these effects on me. Before I had those periods to cool down but when I’m left with my own thoughts is when things are at their worst. I can’t distract myself or pull myself back to rationality all of the time so in those instances I just have to go to sleep. (like I said, usually am pretty tired any)

I can’t really cast blame for this little slump, I can say don’t worry as much as its hard to admit I plan to stick this out. Even if its here to stay.

Dream a Little Dream of Me

I was already sick of the “My” prefix to the posts. This entry is a quick one, hopefully. Though its really hard to tell that going into the whole deal. Sometimes I have a lot more to say than I’ve planned.

Lately there’s been a lot of strange dreams I’ve had. None of them have a central theme and most of them seem to be the kind of thing that you’d get into with a slasher flick. One of them, I was able to wake myself up from using a line of thought from Inception. Basically I began to wonder how I had gotten somewhere, why I didn’t remember traveling and why the people who were with me were there.

Woke me right up.

But these dreams are making it hard to sleep. which when you’re working on an average of four to five hours of sleep a day—isn’t good. Not much time you can cut out of that before its little more than a cat nap.

I don’t have any idea how to remedy it though, how do you get rid of the things your subconscious mind does?

My Momentary Lapse into Selfishness

I had a bit of an absence last night. Couldn’t stand to be online or writing for the rest of the night and I just had to get out to do something. It seems like as things get more stressful, the things that would never bother me normally suddenly become stressful too.

Every little thing snow balls and the weight is just to the point that I can’t be bothered to take on any more and I shut down. That’s kind of what happened the other night and I just wanted no part in anything else that was going on.

Call it a momentary lapse into selfishness, but it happens sometimes. 

My Thoughts on “Machete”

When I first heard about the Grindhouse movies back when they were in theaters I had some mixed ideas of what to expect. I was going through this “must be mature” phase and thought that it would tarnish all of that if I indulged in movie watching of that kind.

Still when the DVDs came out, the movies hadn’t made the splash that I thought they would so I didn’t rush to by either of them until I saw they were on sale where I worked one day and thought what the Hell.

This was almost a year after their release.

I bought Planet Terror and wasn’t as wowed as I thought I should be, but what did get my attention was the fake trailer for Machete. It was funny, ridiculous and I instantly wanted more. So when I heard it was coming out because of popular demand, I was giddy.

Fast-forward to now—I don’t think I’ve been this disappointed by a movie in a while. It should have at least been to the standard that the other Grindhouse flicks were. But it was just a mess. Most of the ridiculousness and hilarity lost in the blatantly obvious, zealously repeated political message that the movie’s makers tried to hammer in.

All that sticks out from this, over the women hiding phones in their vaginas and the people repelling from rooftops with intestines is that this movie was a platform for illegal immigration and not even a good one. The rhetoric is just a rehash with people saying things like, “We didn’t cross the border, the border crossed us!” and other tired lines from rights battles gone by.

Even those who are in strong agreement with the message probably won’t like the way its handled and I think it would be hard for anyone to review this movie and not make mention of this.

Frankly, the experience left a bad taste in my mouth, I’m hoping that "Get Him To The Greek” will be better, though Russell Brand scares me.

My Busy Signal

I’m taking a break from going back over and editing, painstaking harsh edits this time. I want to delete things that are not needed and I want to cut down word count as much as I can. I should have something more substantial to put here tomorrow though.

My Perfect Attendance Streak

A snake tried to bite me today, so I took a shotgun and bit him back.

If you couldn’t tell, this post is only here to keep up my perfect attendance streak.

When Will the Writing World Stop Complaining About “Twilight”?

I haven’t always been so active in the online writing community, for the longest time my writing was something I kept to myself as a personal thing. I shared it with few and I never really discussed it besides with a close friend or two.

Since I have been more open and out there about it, Twilight has been the dominating force in the world of writing, especially when you’re talking about Young Adult Paranormal Fiction. And rightfully so, it’s reached people of many ages, reached across many different cultures and has spanned a series of blockbuster films.

Before I go any further I have to admit, I’ve never read the books. I have seen the movies though and found them to be entertaining, not heart stopping but definitely not the worst things I’ve seen.

My question has less to do with the movies, seeing as how I am talking about writing here. But why is it that every forum post, every blog, everything from writers out there is a complaint about Twilight? People devote movements to hating it, they pay money to attend the movie and mock it…

So much of the talking seems to stem from anger and jealousy over the success of Meyers. I think that some of the writers out there haven’t gotten over the fact that by and large, the industry isn’t looking for the most verbose, well written thing possible.

It’s looking for decent stories and plot that are relatable and immersive. Guess what? Writing isn’t the only form of readily available entertainment and your average reader isn’t going to spend their life in a book. You can’t get mad because people don’t want to read thousands of pages of description and what’s considered more literary. Books like Twilight aren’t the enemy, they’re apparently where the market is and whether you like it or not, as a writer you’re going to have to contend in that market.

So do yourself a favor and use the time you’re complaining with to better improve your own craft.

My Fall Cleaning

I took the time to sit down yesterday and take stock of all the numbers in the phone. Some of them might be people I haven’t called in years and some of them are good friends who I hear from almost daily.

It’s a tough thing to just delete someone out of your phone, it feels like deleting them out of your life. Some I’ve kept, despite their being wrong and in the case of my brother, though he’s dead I still like that his number is there in my phone. Call it foolish, but its the truth.

You can’t scroll through your phone and not dredge up some memories and sometimes even a few instances of “who is this?” here and there. I feel like the technology has really become imbedded in our lives, these experiences with face book and cell phones weren’t common twenty years ago…they were less common even ten years ago.

So I’ve plucked out the people whom I have no place for anymore. I’ve stripped away those who I can’t talk to, won’t talk to and especially those who won’t talk to me. Sometimes I wonder why I added a number when I see it, it was bound to never get dialed, many of them weren’t.

But as I do this, there’s something odd about some of the people you cut out. Maybe its that I look for a common pattern in things where there really isn’t one. Some of them shaped me so much, whether good or bad, some of them I just have no desire to talk to and I think that inside I know that it ended because I was tired of carrying us. I was tired of being the only one who could pick up a phone when they didn’t need something.

And then there’s the good. I can honestly say I don’t have any of those friends right now, all of them are there for me in some capacity. I don’t have to be the one to initiate conversation and that feels great.

My Comfort Zone

I’ve been trying to gauge when its okay for me to tell people to stop without sounding kind of odd.

Everyone has had the inevitable times when a conversation got to a subject that they were less than comfortable, maybe its because of the person’s views. Like there are those I absolutely can’t talk politics or religion with because they end up calling me stupid and I don’t take well to that. The last time that it happened, it pretty much destroyed any chance of this dude and I becoming good friends because he acted as if he had every right to act that way, even after the fact because he was passionate about something.

That really has less to do with comfort zones than it does with me not wanting to get into random fights.

But what if you’re the one in the wrong? What if you’re being too sensitive and all the other person is doing is talking about whatever and you suddenly realize that its bothering you? I feel like I can’t say anything because its just not expected of me. Most anyone that knows me knows I can talk about anything and I’m always that guy who tries to leave no topic untouched.

Though what is there to do when things take that unexpected turn and you find yourself on the other side of things.

It’s easy to be the pushy one, but when you catch a glimpse from the flipside—its not all that fun being pushed or pulled.

My Life in Flux

Last night was probably the last time I will see my friend for the next four years. Things changing is probably the only thing that you can honestly count on in life. It’s funny to think of where I’ve been and what I’ve done and then look at where I am now. It’s not something I would have chosen for myself a lot of the time and other times I wouldn’t have myself be anywhere else.

Maybe that’s why I have such a hard time spurring on new changes myself. It’s hard for me to act on things because of what it might bring. I’m fearful of the ripple effect it will have on my life. Though its not as if I could ever stop change altogether.

I guess its been a sad couple of days, though not in a way I really noticed until I realized how happy I was to speak to my friend after over a year of not talking voice to voice. I needed some cheering up and she provided that. It’s always nice to hear from someone you miss.

Normalcy’s in short supply and I kind of hope things stay that way. A few things can become a constant; familiar faces, voices, friends, a place to just sit and think, but life’s kind of interesting when things are in flux.

Well I have to go nap, last night was rough and I’m a little tired. I got up early just to talk to someone and realize I’d neglected my blog. Story edits are piling up, notes on agents and people to call once this is looking more complete and job applications and offers…Today might be the last time I can get a good rest for a while. So I’m going to soak that up if I can.

My Mystery Photo

I’m not sure who this image is of, I know that a friend claimed she got it off of 4chan.org but I don’t know much about it besides that. It’s just one of those examples of stuff I wish I could do in Photoshop mixed with a great picture.

Also, going to try something out with blog titles. Pattern should become apparent soon if it continues.

Bioshock

These are posters to set the stage for the coming Bioshock game, the game never interested me all that much, but the style of these ads is interesting.

Selfish

I had planned to write today, just write on anything at all to not have to deal with the editing stress and other little things. Today I kind of feel like staying in bed, I’m just really sore and I don’t know what’s the cause of it. My neck was hurt yesterday, but that seems to have mostly passed by now.

The main thing that is going on in right now is I’m wondering how much you can want from the someone else, the world and life in general before it just becomes selfish.

Some people will claim that anything we do at all is selfish, its all just furthering our own desires and if it wasn’t, we wouldn’t do it.

I don’t agree with that. At least, I don’t think I agree with that. I know that’s not the kind of world I want to live in, where all actions are selfish and even you’re most sacrificial of acts can be boiled down to a desire to see your own goals played out.

The question kind of seems like a waste of time as there can’t ever be a definitive answer in it and any discussion further would just result in a round and round argument with now winner.

Sentimental Much?

I kept my old Razar phone for some texts that were left inside of it, most of what’s special about a phone is the people who call you on it, the memories of the things they’ve said and the fun had.

These are memories in text that I want to keep. Jokes, random things people sent while drunk, and even a very special message or two.

I want to hold onto these things, is that so odd?

Troll?

I read a story about this assistant to the Pope calling the U.K. a third world country. The comment was apparently followed by something a bit racist and classist (no doubt about Muslims I’m sure). The comment is funny only because it couldn’t be further from true.

Even funnier are the responses of people who I’ve seen talk mad shit about England and the U.K. jumping to their aid simply because they dislike religion. I don’t think he could have been serious. It’s still rude but it seems like an over exaggeration, they way I people will say something for effect.

Still, its a dumb comment. But its funny to watch people jump in to make other dumb comments to combat nothing.

I think this is what it boils down to.

Blind Sided?

Have you ever been blind sided? Just caught completely unaware?

It happened to me yesterday and I really don’t know what to think. First off, when something like this happens its usually a bad thing.

Good thing this wasn’t one of those times.

Been so long, I think I’d forgotten how to really function when something nice surprises me.

 

Oh yeah, one of my blogs is six years old—light some candles.

Hurricane Ike

It’s been two years to the day since the storm and its like it never happened in most parts of the town. Its hard to believe that Katrina was further back than it and that the people in New Orleans have just not recovered to any kind of substantial degree.

Houston was better built and there was more organization here, but at the same time its also a matter of luck. Ike could have very well been worse, it could have brought more trouble but it didn’t.

Well I just wanted to make note of this day.

Hurricane Ike

It’s been two years to the day since the storm and its like it never happened in most parts of the town. Its hard to believe that Katrina was further back than it and that the people in New Orleans have just not recovered to any kind of substantial degree.

Houston was better built and there was more organization here, but at the same time its also a matter of luck. Ike could have very well been worse, it could have brought more trouble but it didn’t.

Well I just wanted to make note of this day.

Bring on the cold

It’s been cooler these last few days, even rainy at some points. Being out in the sun seems to have totally drained me. Somehow I just want to wait this out in the bed, see if its passes.

There’s that looming threat of hurricanes now and at this point I think I just want summer over—bring on the cold.

Kind of Funny…Kind of Wrong Scam

Taken from here: http://adamswomanlost.xanga.com/732808035/a-confession-and-an-important-warning/?page=1&jump=1516469508&leftcmt=1#1516469508

Women of Xanga...please be warned!

Men of Xanga...please warn the women in your life!

I don't know how many of you shop at Wal-Mart, but while I was shopping there I became a victim of a clever scam.

If it happened to me, it could happen to you!!!!!

Here’s how the scam works:
Two handsome twenty-five-year-old well-built cowboy-type guys come over to your car as you are packing your shopping bags in the trunk. They’re both shirtless and they start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex with their highly-defined chests,  huge muscly arms, and rock-hard abs exposed.

I'll admit it...it’s impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say “No” and ask you to give them a ride instead, to another Wal-Mart.
You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start talking about what they want to do to you!Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts kissing your neck and begs you to pull over so he can make love to you!! Except while this is going on, the other guy steals your purse!!!
I had my purse stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, this evening, and most likely tomorrow.

Finished Anansi Boys

Finished Anansi Boys just now, I think out of everything that I read my favorite passage has to be:

Charlie pushed his fedora back onto his head. Some hats can only be worn if you're willing to be jaunty, to set them at an angle and to walk beneath them with a spring in your stride as if you're only a step away from dancing. They demand a lot of you. This hat was one of those, and Charlie was up to it.

Gaiman has such a way with words and at the same time he’s not using overly complex language and it still paints things out vividly and in an easy to understand manner. I really liked this book, though I am not sure if its better than American Gods.

I Am Jack’s Fear

You know that saying about, “if you love something/someone, let them go”? Well it seems like there’s been a lot of that in my life and its usually ended up in loss. Many of those times its really for the better, a lot of the time we can’t see how something is because we hold it too dear or people change and become different people.

I’m praying this time is different, really, honestly praying. The thought has kept me preoccupied recently and I’ve wondered if there were things I could reflect back on and see where they went wrong. Sometimes it was just the absolute wrong person or sometimes it was the wrong thing. I don’t think either of those are the case this time.

Worrying never helped anything, but I can’t help it. So I am doing the only thing I can do when I’m worried like this, I’m praying that this is the time where that bond lasts. I know we’re not supposed fret over what we don’t have, we’re supposed to be thankful that which we do. What I do have right now is a great friend and it would be a shame to lose another person—especially this time.

Well I’m out—gone for the day and signing off in a way that I don’t think I have in about five or six years on this blog. If this is the new copy of the blog, it’s never happened here. But some of you might know it well.

—See You Space Cowboy

The Black Knight’s Flag – A little RP moment

Me: After thinking for a moment Dee said, "One more question, do you know of a black knight with a flaming hoofed horse?"

Sebastian: "...blah Knight with a flaming what?" Sebastian had finally awoke amidst the clamor of Itolla's arrival. The Cleric looked a bit...well...out of it.

Me: Dee perked up, "We've also been given marching orders..." she said, "We've got a long fight ahead of us it seems," she said looking out across the plains. Madeleine had only been awake for a few minutes and she hadn't felt like being bothered with people just yet, especially not after the previous night. Despite it, she could hear there was some activity going on so she made her way into the common area. "You missed it Madeleine, there was..." Dee started. "An evil Black Knight?" she asked, "Yeah I saw the whole thing from my tower..." "Say, do you think the flag has some kind of magical effects? You would know better than I do Sebastian, and if it does we should probably get rid of it..." asked Dee.

Sebastian: "Sounds like a Blackguard, or a Paladin from the depths of Baator, given strength by hellfire itself--in truth, a dangerous foe. Your concern is well placed." Sebastian walked over to the flag and muttered something. It wasn't anything particularly potent, just a Detect Evil that he would center on the flag.

DM: How many rounds does Sebastian concentrate on the Detect Evil spell?
Assuming the full 3 rounds. Round 1- There is Evil around Sebastian. Round 2- There is only a single source of overwhelming evil coming from the flag. It stuns Sebastian for 6 seconds and ends his concentration. Within the party none seem to be able to recall anything about the flag. Unless someone wants to try an knowledge roll, i.e. Knowledge history, nobility or local. A horse with flaming hooves is definitely not from the mortal realm. Itolla speaks up as she hears you discussing this black knight. "I've seen hims a few times around. He's not the type to wield a sword or lance into combat. He wields a warmace or warhammer of some sort and with such power you'd think he's the size of a grey render or something. He however does love to toss powerful divine magic at his foe first or enhances his troops with magic before following up. Also he's very difficult to fight magic to magic wise. I've exchanged blows with him before, and without my globe of invulnerability, he probably would have pummeled me to death. A very difficult commander to kill. You guys look like you didn't have much sleep last night." Itolla tries changing the subject. "With this many people here, why don't you take more rest, you will need to be fresh, when trying to hit that supply line. Though my men aren't fresh either, they did have more sleep than you guys did."

Me: Dee stared at her, "Do we look that off?" she asked. She drew her hands about her as Madeleine examined the flag from a short distance. "It looks like a normal flag," Madeleine said. "Well we're sure that it wasn't a normal horse...what with the fire and all," Dee said.

Orseth: "That thing was strong," Orseth muttered to anyone listening, watching the dust swirl over the battleplains below, "Really strong. If I fought it, I'd die. But that's because it's strength is twofold. It has it's own strength, and the strength of whatever evil, Dis I think it said, is backing it up. If we could block that, I think it can be killed. Something like that, killing it would have a positive effect on the entire battlefield for us, right?"

Sebastian: Sebastian fell backwards, stunned by something emanating from the flag. "Is that pyre still burning--don't let anyone directly touch that pole." Knowledge religion; 1d20 + 6, 19+6 = 25 to identify, garner information from the flag of Dis. Generally most heraldry has something to do with religion

Orseth: "If he's a paladin or variation of, isn't that his God, Dis, then?" Orseth continued to theorize, remembering a campaign of his past, "So you block one God with another. We've certainly got enough supporters of whoever doesn't like Dis, right?"

Sebastian: "Dis--a god? Hah!" Sebastian laughed, sarcastically. He then went to his pack, and removed a shirt--something a bit like what a peasant would wear. Wrapping it around the base of the pole so he wouldn't actually be touching the thing, the Cleric squatted down and then gave a great heave, hopefully uprooting the standard (14+2 = 16). "Now...this is a blessing if ever I saw one!"

Orseth: "It's the same concept," Orseth bit back, "Actually, that makes us better off, because actual divine intervention will be even more likely to succeed. My point stands firm."

DM: On a military scale among fiends from the outer realms Sebastian would categorize Dis' rank around either a Sergeant or at best a Lieutenant first rank.He's actually on the 'bottom' ranking of their military might. The flag is just a corrupted flag, intended to influence those around them subtly with evil thoughts, until they break. [evil vs sebi's will]1d20+10=4+10 = 14 resisted Since it is an overwhelming evil, as Sebastian picks up the flag he feels a surge of thoughts running through him, yet with his discipline he resists and suppress these ideas. What is Sebastian doing with the flag? Orseth's guess is good, however he can guess that Sebastian doesn't have the necessary power neither does Lyn or Luemus. Maybe the city itself may have some means of doing it, but with the constant barrage and attacks, the high mages probably don't have the time to develop anything currently.

Me: Dee ran over, "What are you doing touching that thing again," she said, "Be careful!" Madeleine watched from back with the others as she worked with her bow still. She glanced up, "I don't think this bow's gotten this much use before," she said, "you kind of have to break them in."

Sebastian: Sebastian looked at the standard for a moment and then moved his hands farther apart, making sure to keep the shirt between his hands and the standard. He looked around and then announced in a loud voice that might, just might be heard throughout the camp "Do not let the events of this morning trouble you...this, is the power of his God." He waited for a moment, uttered a prayer under his breath (Bull's Strength, Target him) and then brought the standard down over his knee, hopefully breaking it (1d20+6, 18+6 = 24) (If it breaks) "...Now has anyone seen a midden heap?" His voice was tinged with scorn.

DM: The standard breaks on Sebastian's knee on his first attempt. A chilling air surges upward from where Sebastian stands visible to all as a fog. It disappears shortly after, it seems as if an evil spirit had left the flag.

Burning Books

Today I’ve decided to stage a protest against the group I dislike by burning their sacred text.

Take that Furries!

Just a Pair of Quotes

One from Chuck Bass:

The world you're looking at only exists from the outside. The only reason I survive in it is that I always knew it was empty.

One from the mean streets of Utah:

Yo cuz what French people be rapping about? standing on the corner selling hard baguettes? bicycling away from the police?

Working on Cosmology

This is just a bit from my story, I think it will be heavily changed before I actually put it back in there though.

 

Reality is most often referred to as being a fabric or fabric-like. This comparison is more accurate than most would know. Our universe is like sheets layered one upon another. Most beings exist in one sheet and can only perceive reality in that layer. The average human falls into that category, they wander about their day to day lives and even on the off chance that something from another realm pokes its way into their sight, they shrug it off—ignoring it. Those things don’t mesh with their accepted reality.

A sacred few of the humans can see the bleed over and sense the ebb and flow as the sheets and layers are pushed, pulled and manipulated. They’re a special breed and typically they’re driven mad by their own perception of the world.

There are other beings, Vampires and Werewolves mostly, tethered to this layer and only able to see the world right in front of them. But then there are the beings who bend and manipulate sheets, stepping between them and creating crevices and small creases to step a great distance. They fold the layers at their will, though only momentarily, and force themselves through the fold to create a quick straight line to a point that wouldn’t otherwise have one. Some of these creatures can step into multiple layers at once, they can view them in a kind of stacked vision. Internal picture-in-picture-in-picture.

And the same way they can see and pull themselves back and forth between layers—they can communicate. A single voice can howl through the cosmos reaching the furthest reaches of the universe, reaching down through all of the layers and rippling through space and time. Sometimes a thing in another layer presses so hard or sounds off so loud that its cracking into every reality and reverberating through every sheet.

Today one of those calls is echoing out, rousing anyone with the skill to listen.

Cardboard Tube Knight

This was drawn by my pretend internet little sister, Katie. I love it.

“A Meeting of the Minds” And “Don’t Give Up”

We had a little “Dude’s Night Out” tonight, there might be pictures to prove this later on but the camera is in the car and seeing as how I can actually hear the mosquitoes outside, I don’t want to go out there.

It was a fun little outing, had a nice time, good conversation and all.

I sent a message to a girl on Deviant Art, someone who I aspire to draw sort of like and she told me not to give up and posted a FAQ about it all, she’s right. I can’t give up.

Let Me Tell You How Not to Be a Good Friend

By just ignoring the other person, when you make time for everyone else all of the time and ignore them you really can’t expect me to want to put up with you or even pay you much attention.

And that’s how its going to be from now on.

Hollywood Goes for a More Realistic Body Image?

It’s about time, Hollywood has picked a leading lady who’s not meant to be pitied and she’s actually not an ultra skinny twig woman.

Check out these pictures of Nicole Weaver from The Virginity Hit.

Anasai Boys

This book has been flying by pretty fast. I simply love the straightforward way in which Neil Gaiman writes.

Oddly enough, this book is very different from American Gods. It’s based in the same world and its a world  I hope Gaiman writes more in, but the story is different.

I did comment that it was good to see someone writing a book about mostly black characters where their blackness was not a huge factor in the story.

Message

She’s hidden a message in a song.

A message so hidden that I don’t know if she herself noticed it. Twisted and wrapped about the lyrics is a sentimental virus that has the means to infect me and damage the last of what I have to hold dear.

Maybe I’m just imagining things. But even then I’ll continue to piece together this puzzle and work through the trail of bread crumbs—even if they turn out to be little more than the aimless mess left behind from a long forgotten meal.

What is wrong with Writer’s Digest?

The title refers to this: http://www.writersdigest.com/article/5_Tips_To_Polish_Your_Fiction

Use appropriate and frequent paragraph breaks. Who doesn’t know this? If you don’t know this, you should be writing.

Use only one name for a character. Sorry, no, several books use different names for characters, especially when they’re changing perspectives and it makes sense. December isn’t going to call her mother Mary, the same as Stroud isn’t going to call his ex-wife Mom. Their third person narration shouldn’t regard them that way either.

Choose entirely distinct character names. Is it just me or are they treating the reader like a dumbass?

Don''t use slang unless you clarify it. Slang is often easily clarified by context. It at time enhances characters and it at time is a beautiful thing to put in fiction. In fact, many words we use here daily are very foreign in other English speaking countries. I really can’t be bothered to follow rules from someone who doesn’t do this “don”t” number to each contraction.

Limit your use of possibly offensive language. Perhaps the most offensive of them all. Most of these treat the reader as if they’re an idiot that can’t follow names and is so wary that a few extra sentences will end their existence. Then they go on to to point out that women are bothered by cursing. Really? I could swear I’ve heard women curse before. I’ve also seen them watch Tarantino flicks and there’s a lot of fucking cursing there.

Gah—this whole thing is just, retarded.

Take Care

So its safe to say that I’m ill.

I’ve been burnt up for the last few days, I spent too much time working in the sun and tiring myself out and its catching up to me. I can’t stand for long, can’t balance myself in the way I should be able to. My eyes burn sometimes, for seemingly no reason, too.

I don’t like being ill in this way, its better when you’re just flat out delirious with pain and you know you can’t do anything and others know it too. People don’t realize that I can feel myself draining out as I move around—like those ridiculously short stamina bars they put in video games as a realism mechanic.

Guess those main characters have the same illness I have.

Yesterday I briefly thought it would be nice to go out and cut the grass.

Yesterday I almost passed out in the yard.

It wasn’t hot, nor was it back breaking labor.

Maddy says I should take better care of myself, I don’t think I know how to or have good reason to. But I try despite that.

Practice Makes Perfect?

I’m working on it.

Lewis and Holly Conversations…

This is just a little something from something I am writing, some of you might recognize it if you’ve ever read this part of Students of the Universe.

“I see,” Holly pushed her bistre tendrils out of her face.

The coke and toast were delivered and the moment the waitress was gone Lewis bit a chunk out of the bread and drank a huge hurried set of gulps. “You really ought to try this,” he said through a full mouth.

“It’s garlic bread. I’ve had garlic bread.”

“Nope, Texas Toast,” Lewis shook his head.

“I’m quite capable of reading the menu,” she sighed. “Don’t you find it the least bit odd that this state seems obsessed with including its name in front of foods that already existed? No one else does that sort of thing.”

Lewis took another drink from his soda. “What about: Turkish Coffee, Rocky Mountain Oysters, French Fries and English Muffins—,“ he rambled the list out as if he had prepared it.

“But most of those were—I mean one of them’s just a euphemism—bugger, never mind,” Holly sat in silence and finished her tea as he ate and drank.

Pick a Side? Why?

I love going from forum to forum, posting on topics of a social or political nature that have to do with current events and being labeled as a Conservative and a Liberal at the exact same time.

It just shows the unending stupidity of some people that before they even know a thing about me, their first instinct is to label someone and then denounce said label. “Oh, you’re just a liberal—that means you don’t care about America” or “You and your Conservative mindset, its people like you that destroyed out economy.”

That has become how people argue these days, or at least its become a their go-to argument when they have nothing else to say. Instead of trying to refute what’s said, they simply claim your part of the other side and try to rally like minds to their cause.

Still its fun to watch them squirm when they find out that I have ideas from either side of the fence and don’t really fit squarely into either camp.

I think more people would be like that…if they actually knew what they were talking about.

The Verdicts are…almost in…

Early word on the story from those reading it is…its good!

Passenger Seat – Short Piece

A mere hour into the drive and with less than six words between them, Sarah had already decided that she wanted to be Dee. There was something refreshingly innocent about the girl; a youthful feel about her that came more from a state of mind than a lack of time.

She sat in the passenger seat of the El Camino with one pretty, slightly chubby, but shapely leg hanging out the window and her foot propped between the side mirror and car. Whether she was still awake or not, it was hard for Sarah to tell because of the mop of curls that guarded Dee’s delicate face.

Against the rust brown backdrop of the Arizona desert, Dee’s pale lustrous skin, seemingly untouched by sun, made her that much more mysterious. Sarah had to wonder; how did this girl get out here? Why was she hitchhiking? These were the questions one never asked, rules of the road—the rules of those running away. It was never about where you came from and it was all about where you were headed.

Everyone had something to run from.

When Dee stirred and crooked her head to the side to glance at Sarah, she smiled with the hot dusty air whipping her hair back around the headrest. “How much further to Vegas?” Dee asked as they passed another sign for U.S. Route 93.

“We’re almost to Boulder Dam, not sure how far it is from there,” Sarah said with torrid diesel aroma burning at her eyes.

Dee rolled over, adjusting to the hard leather of the seat and tugging her velvety dress down around her hips. “About an hour now, we’re making good time,” Dee said.

Planning Stages

Was looking into a basis for my character, Elizabeth. She’s Holly’s older sister and she kind of needs to be somewhat different and at the same time still seem like a sister and someone related to Holly.

Then I saw this image:

This is going to be her basis, right here. Her look, her personality, based mostly off this picture. I know it sounds odd, but at the same time you can tell a lot of things  from an image. Or you can at least draw a lot of things from one.

Second Draft

After a few months and one hundred and six thousand words, the novel’s second draft is done and all I have to say is…its a relief but at the same time its scary. I looked over some of the stuff needed for the query letter and all of that and its hard to believe what you have to do. Really gotta sell yourself, but it has to be done.

Sleep

I can’t seem to get enough of it right now, I am always tired, always ready for bed and fighting to stay awake. I don’t know what to do or why this would be going on. But I know for right now, I’m going to sleep.

Juxtaposition

Click to enlarge

Art by -- http://raynkazuya.deviantart.com/art/CoR-Tainted-Moon-176624609

Romania

I have a sneaking suspicion they have some kind of pretty people breeding program over there…

The C-Word

The word clitoris may or may not appear in my novel, apparently some people have caught wind of this and are kind of shocked. Is it really that big a deal?

Novelist

For the first time I feel like a novelist, despite not having one sale to my name and having nothing more than a few scraps here and there published. I have finally hit the 90,000 word mark on something again and it feels like its been a long time coming. I didn’t believe that this novel, the first of a series and my first serious one, had the power to go this far.

I can’t stay long, work to do and much to finish up before I can finally put this thing to rest. I need to work on my editing and re-editing of this thing to make it complete. 

Why Does Everyone Want You When You’re Gone

I’ve got friends asking me to move in with them…I have people I haven’t talked to or taken interest in for YEARS acting as if we’re all buddy buddy suddenly and treating me like their best chum.

Why is it when you’re not around, people suddenly want you back, or when you’re not available. When I lived near these people I didn’t hang out with them because they never called and I stopped calling. All of a sudden I’m hot shit, I’m Tickle Me Elmo or Pokemon Cards.

I can’t move back to San Antonio, it feels like a dead dream. That city was once what I wanted and I could have probably settled down there for a while—at least that me could have. But I cast that person out, bled all of that blood away and there’s a new determination burning inside of me that knows if I go back to San Antonio this fire will burn out.

Scott Pilgrim Premiere

Finally, Scott Pilgrim came out and I rushed right out to see it. Great movie, really hilarious and perfectly crafted for those with nerdy thoughts and tendencies. The only problem…the audience. I’ve never been with a more obnoxiously loud group of people in my life. I went alone so it’s not like I had anyone to talk to really—ran into someone I knew but barely spoke to them.

Movies like this always make me think how much is too much to go through for someone you really love. I don’t think there’s really an answer and anyone who baits someone along with “if you love me you would…” is really just trouble.

I finished This Present Darkness today. Pretty good book, although outdated in some ways. I’m glad that I got done with it though, I always feel great when I finish a book. It’s like an uplifting accomplishment feeling.

Florida

Well I am back and I wanted to kick this month off with a picture post from Florida.

I didn’t say anything while away really because I was thinking about the same thing the whole time. More on that later.

Proof it rains there

Downtown Disney

A crazy upside down building

McDonalds'

Our second Hotel view

Destin Beach

Alabama’s underwater tunnel.

Realize #2

I’m coming to realize I care too much about you to put myself first in these situations.

Xanga

The more I look around Xanga the more I realize its a breeding ground for people who think that their views are not just the norm, but that they are somehow enlightened for having them. I come here to write about all kinds of things. Many of them I don’t think are going to hold the same importance to everyone. But when I read about someone telling the story of their laser hair removal on their vagina or trying to tell us how all religion is ultimately evil and giving others a place to ridicule it, I don’t necessarily think that this would be the place for me.

I think I can’t go back to the account I had there before I got this. Thanks for nothing guys.

Transcending Time

I went into town to get my new inspection sticker put on my car today, and there was a huge hoopla that ended with me getting cursed out by some guy who worked at the place. I didn’t say anything back only because there was a woman and a small kid there and I wasn’t going to embarrass myself while risking fucking the kid up more.

But when the issue had ended and I was leaving an older man pulled me aside. I could tell by his accent that he’s from the area and he grew up here. He tells me how when he moved my car he saw my character sheets for Pathfinder and recognized the D20 influence. Then the man whips his phone out and shows me pictures of these tables he built to play Warhammer and D&D and he shows me these bad ass drawings of his characters and all of the shit that he made for the game.

I honestly was shocked, impressed and thought it was pretty awesome. What’s more is he complimented my character’s forethought and how well she was written. I told him thanks and just said I made her for role playing more than battle, but she could hold her own. We talked for twenty minutes and I left with a smile. I had to get my inspection elsewhere, but I was really happy to have met the dude.

Photoshop

It seems that photoshop has a lot to do with using what you know of the program to get around what you don’t know. Today I used to do this effect:

It’s got that rough, old photo charm but its still a sharp image. I love how that looks and I will be using it a lot from now on. As always, click the image to see it full sized.

Labyrinth

I feel trapped in this. It’s an endless circle of thought between what I want, what I need, what I deserve and the fact hat I can put none of those things first.

How am supposed to navigate this maze when I feel so walled off from one of the main components of the puzzle. I can’t do this any longer. 

A Reason To Like Redheads?

Blondes may have more fun but redheads have more sex, according to new research in Germany.

The study by Hamburg Sex Researcher Professor Dr Werner Habermehl looked at the sex lives of hundreds of German women and compared them with their hair colour.

He said: "The sex lives of women with red hair were clearly more active than those with other hair colour, with more partners and having sex more often than the average. The research shows that the fiery redhead certainly lives up to her reputation."

He added that women who dyed their hair red from another colour were signaling they were looking for a partner, and added: "Even women in a fixed relationship are letting their partners know they are unhappy if they dye their hair red. They are saying that they are looking for something better."

Psychologist Christine Baumanns said however that it may not be the women who were to blame for the better sex lives of redheads.

She said: "Red stands for passion and when a man sees a redhead he will think he is dealing with a woman who won't mess around, and gets straight to the point when it comes to sex."

I will let the article speak for itself now:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-400779/Redheads-sex-blondes-brunettes.html#ixzz0uAjeZrvr

Kelly Thompson Art Expedition

 

Love her – she’s so talented and she draws a lot of something I like – Redheads.

Link: http://www.kellythompson.co.nz/

Thank you

Thank you for showing up just in time. You always seem to be there to pull me out of the fire.

Friend?

It seems I was wrong, you know little to nothing of being friends or how to work with others and reciprocate in a friendship. I think the fact of what you’re doing is lost on you. I think your hypocritical statements don’t even occur to you, they’re so far off your radar they might as well be an actively camouflaged stealth jet.

You wonder why I close people out or why I behave how I do sometimes? Well this is it. I don’t need to justify my reactions to others because this is why I have them.

And I’ve no doubt you’ll come sulking back to act like you never left and nothing changed, and you’ll expect me to do the same. Well its not going to happen.

This Maze

It’s been a hard last month, my father was in the hospital and he’s home now recovering slowly. But it might take up to a year for him to be fully well again. He had to have surgery on his heart and he would have been dead if he’d had a heart attack. I really have to thank God that we were lucky enough to make it through this and have him back with us.

This blog is something I need too, I’ve become dependent on it. When things are going badly, when I am missing someone, when I don’t know what to do and I can’t really vocalize my thoughts they flow out through me in the form of words, not beautiful words and there’s nothing special about them. They’re raw and true and they’re sometimes the things I don’t say because I don’t know I need to.

Lately I have been listening a lot to John Mayer, I’ve always been a fan of his since the song “Waiting on the World to Change” came out, though I never actually had it in my collection until now. The song that has me caught right now is called “Daughters”, just writing about it makes me want to give it a listen.

But the opening lyrics are some of my favorites because they express something I feel and a second thought I sometimes wonder about different girls I come across. The two thoughts don’t necessarily connect, I like the maze idea, that a girl’s not simple; that she’s not a prize to be won but you do need to appreciate her and deserve.

Though in the second part of the opening, you see that not all mazes are good and not all of the problems a person has are your fault:

I know a girl / She puts the color inside of my world / She’s just like a maze / Where all of the walls all continually change /And I’ve done all I can / To stand on the steps with my heart in my hand / I’m starting to see maybe its got nothing to do with me /

Love this song, if you think you didn’t like Mayer, I say give it a listen. It can change your mind.

Back Home

Well they’re bringing my father back to Houston today to do the surgery, apparently the Beaumont Hospitals were ill equipped or some such.

Camisado

Been avoiding writing this here, mostly because it seemed like it might be a short term thing. My father is in the hospital with a hear problem they think, though the tests keep coming back normal, today they’re going to inject a kind of dye and try and find the clot. I just wanted to put this down somewhere because it is important to me and it worries me and writing about things usually makes me feel a little better.

Also, I think I have seriously damaged my foot, I can barely stand on it.

Protester

Stopped by a gas station today after dropping off my nephew, I was exhausted and hadn’t slept but an hour and when I walked up people were protesting Israel and the flotilla thing. One of the guys asked me what I thought about Israel’s actions.

Hm, let’s see, what do I think about a country checking boats for weapons, getting attacked, defending themselves and still trying to deliver said aid to the people it was meant for only to have it refused?

I said, “I find it hilarious.”

This guy grabs my arm, now I had just stopped to get water. I looked at him and told him, “Take your hand off of me before I take it away from you.”

Needless to say he got out of my way.

Dexter

Been watching Dexter lately, first season. I have to say that there’s something I am seeing here. Its a pattern. But I am getting it slowly and I think I know where this is going, or where I think it is going.

I am hoping its more surprising than just what I think and I know it will be.

The Long Road

There’s still a lot to do, but there’s a slight promise out there now of progress and that’s enough for me. I am starting to wish I wrote in this thing more and starting to wish I had named this blog, “The Promise of Progress”.

Maybe some other time, eh?

Writing Points

Well I have hit the 52,737 Word mark. It looks like I am actually showing some progress these days.

Get Ready

The reminder of things going on, I need to keep this note here to make sure that I realize what I am doing. I need to start thinking of the next step and stop living just in the now. I have a lot to consider and I don’t want to encounter anything that I could have prepared for but didn’t.

Someone get Rory out of Doctor Who

Seriously, he’s ruining everything!

Post

Been far too long since I have written here. Don’t have much to say right now though. I am just working a lot more on the novel and trying to pump out an actual readable product. I will be posting here more often again.

Untitled.

What’s worse than the rudeness and the subtle hint of dislike is just simply not caring. It seems to be the way of things, if you can just not care about someone until you need something from them, not even think about them—it won’t matter what they say or do. You just don’t have to care.

And it is really hard to make someone start caring and to make them pay attention. I used to be the master at trying  and fighting to be noticed by others. I think you reach a point where just stop and to some degree stop worrying about it.

But everyone is going to wonder what at least one person thinks about them. There’s always that one who’s opinion you value and usually its more than one person. The thing is, that it hurts more than anything to realize that you don’t mean anything to someone, that you’re not special in the least to them and you’re totally, helplessly replaceable.

Then all you’re left to wonder is if they ever cared and why you still do.

Truthful?

It’s always great, when writing, to have someone you can trust to be as truthful and even as brutal as possible in their assessment of your work.

Don’t Get Your Hopes Up

I realize why I don’t get my hopes up on things and the like, its become pretty apparent considering that when I do or don’t do it, the result is the same. Things typically don’t go how I would have hoped. I think that hoping would have actually made it worse.

Angry

I want to tell you how I really feel about everything, but thinking about it makes me angry and I really don’t want to be angry with you. I’d much rather just stay angry with myself and never let this out.

On the Ball

I realize, what good is it with me telling you I have faith and to push through when I won’t even try to do the same myself. I need to get on the ball.

Best/Worst of the People

I just heard the most selfish fucking thing I have ever heard come out of a minister's mouth.

He was talking about the economy and saying basically that the reason why he doesn't believe in socialism is because he is "not of this world" and therefore the problems with the economy don't effect him and aren't his problem.

He went on to say, "When they are having their worst of times and its my best of times, why should I help out?"

How can anyone talk like that?

Wikileaks Video

Well its been all over the news and the web, the military has been accused of shooting some people who appear to have been journalists in Iraq in 2007. People have been pretty quick to call fault on the military, but most of them don’t really know jack shit about war, so let’s begin there.

I talked to several service people on a forum, one them who owns an RPG launcher himself, (Israeli) and they all said they couldn’t tell that it was a camera. I showed some military people I know personally, they couldn’t tell either. I couldn’t tell, though I am not that well versed in every type of rocket propelled grenade launcher. The tripod, which people also claim to see isn’t any  kind of sign that a camera is in use, snipers use tripods too.

People forget, that a bow and arrow can shoot a helicopter down…an RPG can utterly destroy it in mid air. And everyone is so quick to blame the soldiers, but you’d have done the same thing.

Let’s be honest, you're out there and not just in charge of soldiers. You're in charge of someone's son, and someone's father, and someone's husband and someone's friend, perhaps your own. The saddest part is that if that helicopter had been shot down by and RPG launcher, no one would post that story, no one would give a flying fuck and some might openly mock the military for the losses.

Then an unmarked van pulls up, of course they shoot that too. The van could have had a rocket launcher or worse inside of it. Even if it picked the people up, it doesn’t make the van not connected.

The kid in the back of the van, I can say with with a great deal of certainty that the helicopter didn’t shoot him…do you know why?

Because the bullet that goes in a 20mm machine gun would more than likely rip the kid in two and he wouldn’t have survived for them to evacuate him. So either he was injured earlier or it was shrapnel. Why do people think that medics wear those red crosses? For the symbolic nature of a red cross? No its because it keeps you from getting shot while doing your job. The same goes for ambulances, medivac choppers and the like.

So what we have here is an honest mistake blown out of proportion by a website whom had to have gotten this video through some illegal means and has been accused as such by other governments. We have a video where there appears to be someone with a gun, at least once and some news people standing near them. People, you can’t stand in a warzone and hold a gun without someone trying to shoot you and you can’t expect the military to have a helicopter wait around by a potential rocket launcher for someone on the ground to jog over and confirm.

Be realistic people.

The Kind of Case That Makes You Worry About Our Culture…

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/wire/sns-ap-us-teen-sister-sex,0,3357813.story

Long story short: A fifteen year old girl went to a party, her seven year old sister, worried, followed her. At the party, the older girl was having sex with someone and it somehow led to her taking cash in exchange for letting the men gang rape her sister…

I don’t think I can say anything good about any of the people involved in this. The reports say seven people joined in on the rape—let’s excuse the fact that gang rape makes little to no sense to me in the first place—how do you wander up and see someone raping a seven year old and take any action other than leaving or trying to intervene.

There are some crimes where you are excused or even expected to join in. Looting, riots, fleeing an area when cops come in a little too enthusiastically…

Rape is something that should disgust and bother anyone so much that they should be going to call 911 right off the bat. Let’s take another case: A fifteen year Irish girl who lived in Massachusetts was sexually harassed, assaulted and stalked to the point of committing suicide. 

Many school officials saw some of the behavior going on, while they didn’t join in, no one stopped it. I remember the whole “Don’t Snitch” thing that went around for a long time in hip hop culture and how people were so quick to make fun of it. But the culture of the land seems to be at best based on “It’s not my problem” and in some cases we just join in. The issue shows up time and time again, people being mistreated in public and no one saying anything about it. No one even caring.

I understand there are times you don’t butt in and its not your place. But it should be obvious when someone is being physically hurt for no reason or no good one, that’s not one of them.

Issues in the Dark

The other night when I drove home it was around eight at night. In the winter it would have been pitch black by then, but it’s just getting really dark at that time. Even then, I noticed I could hardly see. It seemed so hard to drive and just see the road and I mentioned it to my dad.

He blamed the lack of the moon.

Then last night it happened again, under the biggest moon I’ve ever seen in the sky. Now I am getting scared I might have night blindness, I’m hoping its something else or just my imagination. But we shall see tonight.

Long Road

Having someone with whom to bounce ideas off of has been pretty good when it comes to writing because I can get a sense of what I need to do to make my own work come out better.

A lot of my work with the story has been concentrating on the second novel but I think that I realize that now I need to refocus on the first and getting it into a workable product for someone to read.

Things that I had planned and wanted to do before in different stories, I figure I should do them now. I think I should make everything I think should happen, happen and not hold back for some later thing. Most importantly I think that if you hold all of your ideas for some later tale, why wouldn’t someone just read that if all the good ideas are going there?

To those out there that have edited, helped me sort things out and read over something—thank you. There’s still a long road to go.

A Measure of Progress

I found a story that I read when I was younger and first coming into my own as a writer. It was around the time I stopped writing fan fiction and started writing my own characters and worlds…

It was a story from the perspective of a soldier killed by Snake (the main character from Metal Gear Solid). It went on in detail to describe the soldiers feelings and thoughts as he died and it painted him as remorseful and someone to be thought of as more than a useless pawn…

…reading it now it’s like pretentious garbage. I can’t believe that a younger me would be taken in by this kind of thing. It’s a measure of maturity and of progress. Back then I thought it was so deep and so beautiful and poetic. Now I almost laugh to read it. Which I know is wrong, but I think that this says more about me than my old writing compared to my writing now.

Back then I thought, “If I could just write like that I would be set.”

Now what I am aspiring to do is so much more.

Random Facts About John Mayer #1

Fact #106: The fragrances used in Axe Body Spray were all extracted from John Mayer’s sweat.

Fact #233: It’s said that if 44,000 people gather with guitars and strum an “E” all at the exact same moment, John Mayer will be summoned.

Fact #14: John Mayer’s not dead, but he’s preformed concerts in both Heaven and Hell before.

Fact #77: Mayer prefers to sleep on couches, but in a pinch he’ll take where ever it may be that he passes out.

People

I realize more and more every day how little I am coming to care about people online and just in general. Everyone wants to be the exception, they want you to treat them differently than you do others. They want to be able to do something to you and get away freely with it while you get bitched at for everything you do to them.

People are pretty much scum. There’s few exceptions and there are times when people can seem good but they’re mostly selfish, probably all selfish and few are worth the amount of water you’d have to drink to piss on them.

Grow Up

I can’t call you friend anymore and the worst part about it is: I don’t know why.

I’ve facebook messaged, emailed, IMed and sent messages on sites we both go to over the last couple of months and there’s been no response since practically Christmas. It’s not like you haven’t been on or have made an effort to hide that you’ve been on. If you don’t want to talk to someone, be a grown up and just tell them.

A real friend can make time to say something back, to at least say hi. I’ve got busier friends under more pressure that do it.

Yet you seem to make time to talk to everyone who doesn’t know you and to make small talk with people whom you, yourself would have admitted mattered. You could make all of the excuses you want, but its plain to see you don’t want to make the time and its shitty that I’ve wasted this much of my time trying to keep up with you.

If this is the fickle way you treat friends, why would anyone worth a shit want to be your friend?