Forums

Coming home from work at this time feels weird. But I felt I needed to post something here just because I have been thinking it. I spent a lot of my time on forums a while back, one forum in particular and these days it just feels like a waste to even log in most of the time. I rarely if ever feel like the things these people are saying interest me and the little things I do still like to do there are so few that I can handle them simply by hitting the place up once a week.

Not that I am shunning forums all together, the Canon Camera photography boards and the Something Awful writers forum have been very helpful to me in finding people with whom to get tips from and share ideas.

If not for my time on forums though I wouldn’t have met some of my very favorite people. At the same time I think the relationship between me and forums is coming to a close.

Other Projects

I’ve been working on some things: besides the novel and the fan fiction. Probably the biggest two are a second story with a different cast and my photography.

The other story doesn’t have a name but its got a plot outlined. It’s about a girl who dies but continues to live a kind of half life in her body. The Angel of Death gives her a second chance, but is unable to repair damage done to her soul so he patches her soul with that of her sister who also died. Her being dead and her sister being a vengeful spirit who wrestles control from her on occasion is supposed to make for interesting situations. Rounding out the cast is a necromancer/best friend, a vampire and a police officer who turns caretaker to the girl.

And then there is the photography thing, this development has been taking center stage a lot and rightfully so. The big thing I had planned that went off pretty well was my Doctor Who shoot, featuring a friend from work as the Doctor. (A fictional female Doctor)

Forced Hand

I was trying to decide what to do, but I think my hand is being forced…

365 Days of Summer

My mind has been in overdrive these last few days and I’m struggling to figure out what course of action to take about this situation with a woman at work I shouldn’t be dating but can’t get out of my head.

I’ve been thinking about some other things too, like how I kind of want to try something my friend Kara did. Now we all know how I feel about New Year’s Resolutions but hear me out.

I want to try and take a photo everyday for a year. Not of me, just of anything or anyone. I think it would be a fun project and it doesn’t have to be with my big camera. I might even make a blog or something and post the images there. I think that would challenge me to keep up with something and actually get out and do more with cameras and my camera.

So I’m doing it, starting on the first of the year.

Settling?

When is it time to settle or is there ever a time to settle. I’ve gotten it beaten into my head that I can’t get what I want romantically and that’s all there’s left to do. My first instinct at this point when I really, really want someone is to ignore it and push the thought out of my head.

Everyone always says the same thing: “The worst they can say is no.” But when you have something you really want no can be everything. I’ve gone through that before and its not like no just comes easily or like its just no. It messes up friendships or in some cases, like my most recent little try with someone it makes the girl hate you for no reason.

Here’s the thing, on one hand I have a girl who is somewhat interested in me and willing to go out with me but I’m only mildly interested in. There’s nothing wrong with her, but there’s a girl at work who I’m just beginning to realize is the picture of perfection to me and while it makes me want to try something it scares me. Because I already know her answer going into it.

Do I want to lose another friend to that awkwardness or deal with the long wait for things to return to normal. I’ve only ever had one friendship that stood up through that rejection and I don’t think me and this person are that strong yet or if we ever can be.

So do I settle, I mean like I said there is nothing wrong with this other girl. Hell, probably the only reason I’m not able to give her my full attention is the other girl. I don’t want to string anyone along and I’d like to think I have an idea of what I want in someone else. I also think its realistic and completely able to be found.

I guess it doesn’t help that I don’t think I deserve it.

She’s Not That Into You

Been pretty absent from here as its getting harder and harder for me to find a reason to be anywhere online that’s not Facebook or the Something Awful Forums. I’ve been reading constantly, though most of it has been fan fiction or photography books. I’ve even started to take some notes in that last area. Needless to say my control over the camera has gotten a lot better.

A while ago something like this would have been impossible for me. So just knowing what stuff does helps tremendously.

Then there’s been some other, minor annoyances. One of them I think I will concentrate on here. There’s a person from my facebook who went to high school with me (meaning that he’s also twenty-five) that pretty much posts things like this all day:

“Great night talkin to her. (: she's the best(: ♥”

The “her” in question is his girlfriend and this is a direct quote from him I just took off my wall. My issue here is that he does this all day long and that he also draws little things that say his name ♥’s her name and posts them on his wall.

Now I’ve never been one to shy away from talking about a girl I liked. And if I love someone I don’t feel like I need to hide it. But if I ever get to the annoying level where I make hearts and seriously mean it, I hope that my girlfriend has the foresight to slap me as hard as she can.

Thing is you never see the girl respond or say anything about him, so either she’s embarrassed or she’s not that into him.

Don’t Want to Be Here

I haven’t forgotten this place, not by a long shot. I’ve been trying to stay busy off line more often and I’m about to crawl into bed as soon as I finish this post.

The final half of this year has been a pretty scary time in the U.S. and the future looks bleak when it comes to the freedoms people have long enjoyed. The most disheartening thing about it all is that people don’t seem to care. They just want to go on about their lives without thinking about it and worrying about it.

I’ve come to the point where I don’t want to live here anymore, we’ve gotten in the habit of being largely embarrassing. People in other parts of the world called us stupid for so long and it seems like its become true. People are fighting against themselves all over the country, working to pass laws that impoverish and hurt them and the most watched news station in the country is a lie mill that’s easily bending to the will of one political party.

Starting to hate your own country is never fun, but its hard to stick up for something that’s become so visibly messed up.