Black History Month

Yeah I know, it might seem kind of odd that I would bring this whole thing up so late in the month, its the last day. But I wanted to say something when I thought that it would be appropriate. I was in the car the other day with my sister—in—law's mother and father. We were having a discussion about something unrelated to race and her mother mentioned that she had a problem with black men marrying white women. I thought the comment was so stupid I laughed.

Why I thought it was so stupid is because we are sitting here wondering why so many problems relate back to race in today's society. I can look around where I am right now and see people of different races sitting distinctly apart from each other and having nothing to do with one another. When I know and you know that if these people over here would fuck those people over there, then they'd be all mixed and they're wouldn't be two separate groups of people staying apart. The fastest way to get rid of racism is mix the races. Remember when two Kingdoms were trying to become one what they used to do, have a prince from one marry a princess from the other.

If God didn't want races to mix he'd have made more than two sexes (already some people have found a loop hole).

Now this next thing is in response to something that I saw posted on that infinite well of useless information that is known as Myspace. Someone posted a bulletin about all of the injustice that has been done to whites in the last feel years, and I have to say that while I don't normally take a stance about issues of race, because I think most people need to let it go...I will say that some of the things I read in there were a little backwards.

Probably the only thing that really stuck out to me that I saw in this bulletin were that racial slurs only seemed to count when whites said them and that there isn't a white history month, but this is a black one. Okay for the first thing, who cares about racial slurs, my three best friends, one of them black, the other two white; one of the white ones calls me his nigger sometimes, you think I care if he does this? No! And yes I have been called that word by someone meaning it in a hurtful way, doesn't bother me. I might still hit them or something, but I just like to fight and am violent like that.

As for the black history month thing...have you looked at a history curriculum? Every month is white history month. I mean even in World History classes they usually focus on Western Europe, and when they aren't they're comparing it to that part of the world and relating things back to there. I am actually for them getting rid of Black History month and putting it into the rest of the school year according to when it happened. But that's just because I think history should be told in order and not broken up by who did it.

Credit Where Credit Is Due

I don't want to be this guy anymore, the one who is so easily walked on and who gets into dumb situations that he should have the common sense not to. And yet every time I look at it, every time these things come up I already know the answer. I made a bad choice and I should learn from it.

When you get your feelings trampled on enough you stop even looking at it like its something different, you stop caring as much for what you want and you just start thinking about others. Eventually you see that you haven't taken care of any of your needs in a long time and by that time you're in a habit.

I know so many other people that do this, they put their heart and feeling on the line like I do and they get nothing from it, maybe they get a slight bit of credit. But most of the time that credit is only spoken of in soft tones, "He's such a nice guy". The second that it comes time for any action everyone's forgotten you. You've faded back into a crowd of faces, you've faded back into the crowd of countless people who stopped giving a damn a long time ago, never gave a damn in the first place.

Then you just stop being nice, you stop trying to do right by anyone. You start to think that there's not enough good in the world for any of it to get back to you. Everyone is too busy trying to that thing they want, the one thing that is going to make their lives right. Some think they have found it and are trying to convince other to do the same. Anyone that worries about others, cares for one person or a lot of people just gets trampled on. They get walked all over by the people trying to get what they ware after.

Eventually you get tried of doing for others, you don't have the strength anymore because everyone has taken so much and nothing has been put back in. And even if a little gets put back in, its never enough to replace that which was taken. You get dwindled down. The girl who makes sure her boyfriend is happy, but gets thrown aside for trivial things and ignored, the mother who works two jobs to have her kids come home and be rude to her and leave her alone, the guy who wishes just one girl would make him feel as special as he makes her feel, the kid who busts his ass because his mother and father won't and takes care of all his little brothers and sisters...a lot of us fit into a motif like this. A lot of us are tired of getting shit on by the world.

Just yesterday I said some stuff about someone that was really mean and spiteful to Brandon and Andrew. And I think they think I was joking, but I was serious. I'm tired of watching everyone who is doing the wrong thing reap all the benefits. Let rapists be put to death, let cheating significant others get some STD, lets stop saying the Egyptians built the pyramids; they had slaves to do it and it wasn't their own people, let's never marvel at the Statue of Liberty again and not remember the French gave it to us.

Let's give credit where credit is due. If you know someone who has been nice to you, a thank you will suffice. Give that person the benefit of the doubt, don't ignore them. Because if you do, I just hope it comes around to bite you directly in the ass.

It's A Small World Afterall...

Well just like the title says, you would be shocked how you can go four hundred miles and find a common connection. Well first off I need to say that my first three test grades have been 84, 88, and 23/25...this I am proud of. But after getting my latest test back I was walking out of class with this girl I have been talking to some, not in that way, but she's pretty cool. Her name is Melanie.

Well Melanie was telling me she spent a semester in Florida and I asked her why, well she told me that she did and Internship with Disney. Well that is the same thing that someone else I know did, someone I don't talk to anymore, I won't name any names but...yeah.

It just seemed so strange to me that I knew two people who had done this same thing. I told her some about the fact that I knew someone who had been a part of the same program, as a matter of a fact they had even asked me if I wanted to do the same thing and I turned it down, I don't know why but I am glad I did.

This is just further proof that things aren't as disconnected as people would think.

Corruption of Innocence

If you're like me and you've been on the Internet for any amount of time, you've seen some things. Disturbing things that most human beings would cringe at, Tub Girl, Goatse, 4chan; these images or places on the Internet might not be known to all. But to those who know them they stick in your head. If you have not already seen them, I would suggest you don't, they are graphic and disgusting to the normal person. I spent a year working at an Internet forum, I built a tolerance. but it is the things like these images that let us know that the Internet is like the free market of jokes and anything else, there's a demand for everything out there, someone wants it and if you're around too long you will accidentally find it.

Now here's the thing I want to focus on specifically. Most of you know I am not a fan of porn, but the I can understand and rationalize porn. I don't need to explain the rationalization, we all know what porn is for. But the thing I cannot understand is animated porn, especially the kind where there are no people.

Someone recently reminded me that we ran across an ad for Finding Nemo porn one time, I almost clicked it just to see if they were serious. I mean no one could be turned on by that?! The only appeal of it is the shock that someone would twist up a story about fish (where one of the only female actresses in the movie wouldn't touch a guy in the first place) and make it something dirty.

I think its that people like seeing something innocent corrupted.

I mean had it been Aladdin, or Little Mermaid we would be shocked for a short while, but after so many Disney and kid movies, its just the same old thing. That won't draw the audience.

So what happens when animals, who don't even have sex in our terms, isn't enough to draw you in? Enter Cars porn. I kid you not. Now these are machines, it'd be like watching your toaster and blender go at it. Inter-appliance relations. How can the people doing this justify what they are doing? How can they think that this is not in some way feeding a sick fascination that people have with corruption?

How many men do you know who have fantasies about doing something corruptive to innocence. Let me give you a common one, and I'm not knocking having sexual fantasies, because it's not always a bad thing. But look at all of the guys who talk about women, or girls is what we should call them, in those Catholic School Girl Outfits. Believe it or not that's a corruption of innocence issue. The idea is that by wearing this outfit, the girl is portraying herself as innocent.

I think its a conquest thing. So many guys want to sleep with a girl her first time because its like going to the Moon, or like sailing uncharted waters, the first flight across the Atlantic; its just something to conquer to them. After doing it for a while there are no emotions involved, its just glorified self pleasure.

The End of Heartache

It's over...

But is that a bad thing? Should I be pissed off that I wasted all of my time on someone who didn't give a rats ass about me?

Well I should, but you know what, I will be fine knowing I'm over the heartache and the pressure to do right by someone who never tried to give me the common courtesy of doing right by me. People I have done a lot less for have been a whole lot nicer to me.

So for those who are wondering if I am mad at them, everyone who has should concern, they should know I am not mad. There are some out there who I am mad at, but they will remain nameless. What counts is that I'm going to pull through all of this because I made the promise to a friend that when she came back, I would be a better person. And I made a promise for myself that I would work to become a better person for the family I'll have one day, for the people that really do care about me, and for all of the things that people have done to help me out.

I am going to have to pull, and even though I'm still in pain, I have to press on. I have to do what I can to make it myself, with those who really want to help.

Here's to the end of heartache.

Rot In Hell

Here's to having less friends than you originally thought, not because they moved or because of something understandable like that, but simply because they really don't care about you. You know that thing you get in those annoying ass emails that says at least one person in the world loves you enough to take a bullet for you?

It's bullshit. No one cares about you most of the time, and you find it out the second that you fall on hard times. I'm tired of being walked on by people, and then even worse, having them turn around and laugh in my face about it.

So you know what, if you want to be my friend, I mean really, then tell me, otherwise go away. Because no friend ignores someone, no friend does any of the things a lot of these people have done. And I just have to say this, it won't make much sense to anyone but Julie, but thank you to her for actually being truthful and just not ignoring it means a lot when someone actually tells you something, instead of lying and avoiding the question.

And to those few who made me feel like this, I hope you rot in Hell. I really mean it.

King of Calamity

Well it began Sunday afternoon, its a period of time from the first weekend in February pretty much until Spring break that I dread every year. The Super Bowl, Valentines Day, My Birthday...things that almost undoubtedly end badly for me, regardless of my best efforts. My roommate Brandon called himself the King of Coincidence one time, I guess that makes me the King of Calamity. And this is the King:

Let's start with why I hate the Super Bowl...well here's my idea on sports. Watching sports is just about as useful as masturbation...with out the pay off. And there are plenty of things I could do all of a Sunday Afternoon that involved something more to my liking. I could play a game, write, talk to someone, tell PJ we're going to draw only to spend all of the time playing a game...anything. And the Super Bowl makes people do dumb shit, like ignore their wife all day or pay four million dollars for a commercial. (Now lets not get rash, the commercials are the only reason to watch this awful mess)

The Super Bowl is so out of hand they are having sales before it now...okay, I know what you are thinking, "But Justin the sales are on things you need for the big game." Well I have to ask you this then, where does it stop? I mean what's next, Popeye's Black History Month Sale? Not everything warrants us trying to press shit on people. I mean who buys a 6,000 dollar big screen for one game that, historically, has a tendency to be one sided?

But I could go on about that too long, my beef with Valentines Day, just once I want to take a special girl out and just make her happy, that's all. But you know what the problem is? The same problem there always is, even when I accomplish trying to surprise someone to make them happy, I usually fuck up something. Whether it be a big rose throne in my arm, girls not taking the gift, or me getting yelled at (it happened) there's always some issue.

Finally there is my birthday, which falls on a Friday this year (yay)...during Lent (oh...) Which means I won't be have meat that day, which is not a big deal, but then there is the kicker of the fact my birthdays have a way of turning into a shit storm before the calm. And this year might actually break the trend if my friends come down from San Antonio. But if not I will try and avoid this day's past repeating by just hanging out with PJ where nothing can possibly go wrong, besides me getting my ass kicked on Resistance Fall of Man, but that's a whole different story.

Hmm, on second thought I should have spelled Calamity with a K, it worked for Mortal Kombat...would you like to accept these KOINS as a token of my appreciation.

Give me Envy, Give me Mallice, Give Me Your Attention...

Alright, so I had a blast yesterday, especially considering the normal mood that I have been in these past few weeks. This girl that I met at a party, Charice, she and I went out and took a nice little number of photos. It was kind of reminiscent of the time I did the same thing with Heather and Mandy. But, I got a little more ambitious this time and I a wider range of scenery to work with, and less people milling around ruin my shots. Plus I didn't use the flash or any of the flash settings so my shutter speed was way up which meant I could catch little quirky things that she pulled.

(this is Mandy for those of you who don't remember)

Here now are the photos that I liked the best, just for the people here on blogger and facebook, hope you all enjoy them!

Charice had the idea to crawl down in this tube, you can't tell here, but there were like a million asshole kids running around.

I have always liked the shots of someone up high like this, the background is photo-shopped, surprisingly I was able to do it in like two minutes. Since my class taught me a few new tricks, my skills have gone up. PHOTO SHOP LEVEL UP!

What did we learn about motion shots? Well they are hard to do when you a slower shutter, the flash is just out of the question. But realistically I really liked this picture of her on the swing, there was on that was just as good, although I haven't gotten to it in photoshop yet to shrink it down and all of that. Brandon Beecham saw a raw of one of these, its monstrously huge.

This one was kind of on the spot, I didn't even see the bench until she pointed it out. When I took this the glare seemed like it might ruin things, but the view screen has a way of over exaggerating the glare.

Let's just say I was inches from the water when I took this, almost fell in. Water is wet...it was cold.

>Somewhere along the way we figured, "Maybe turning the camera on black and white will cut down the glare." Wrong!

Well the photo inserting thing is acting up, so that's all I have for now. Thanks for looking!