Dusk And Summer

Well this is my end of summer report...I guess we can call it that. If I had written this exactly a week ago, it would have been a totally different story. I would have had to say that this was the most uneventful and bland summer, and that besides the bad nothing happened that I could call something good.

Well I will have to take that back. I made a new friend and after that I could look back on the things that happened over this summer that weren't all bad. I really did spend most of the first half of the summer alone. I think that for someone who has depression this is really the right way to help them, am I right? But there were a few occasions I got to see my friends and just hang out with them. I don't count school because there such a time constraint and limit on what you can do.

Anyway, I also go to go see people like Brandon, Tarin, and Heather. It was nice seeing all of them, Brandon let me stay with him and we had some great times watching the Angry Video Game Nerd. We set up and talked, went outside and just had cigars and it was like old times again. That's something I really missed and kind of felt empty without. Rickey and I just hung out and talked, I kept him up just like old times. And Heather has been supportive and has helped me through some pretty hard times and all with my brother.

I didn't get to see Prentiss as much, but I talked on the phone with him often enough that it was the same. We are always the same and I am convinced that this is how we will continue to be. Tarin I only got to see one time and it was only for a few hours. It was awkward because her new boyfriend was someone I had never met and I am sure he didn't like me. He's not the type of guy I would hang around with but I would say that none of the guys she dates are. But it was still great to see her and I got some pictures out of the deal.

Also I got a lot of writing done this summer, and insane amount. And I am glad for that because I felt like I really wasn't getting anywhere before.

But one of the things that happened this summer that came out of nowhere was Kat, we met on a forum site for Naruto and was later realized that she lived like right across from me in another subdivision. I really only spoke to her because she went to school in San Marcos and knew Stephanie Adams. But in such a short time I made friends with someone who is eerily similar to me and just so much fun to be around. Thanks for being there Kat and making this summer so much better than it is.

Sadly the one thing I promised to do this summer, beat Final Fantasy XII, hasn't happened yet, because I am a lazy person and I hate keeping promises to myself.

Fortune Cookie

I haven't written in this blog in what seems like forever. In actuality there has been real reasons for my choice not to write as much in here. Collectively over the last few weeks I have written over fifty pages of stuff that was story alone, this does not include the papers for school. And as I write this right now I have two more papers ahead of me before I can rest.

This last week has been turbulent to say the least but it ended up being one of the best weeks yet. Having someone nearby who I could hang out with and just go out and do stuff with has been comforting. That sense of not belonging and just not having a place I've felt since, oh I don't know, about September of last year seemed lifted for a while in the last place I expected that to happen. Right here in Spring.

Its hard not to think of the fortune from earlier this week in the half assed cookie in which it was housed. You will face new challenge everyone reads this kind of stuff the same. The fortune is bad news, just eat the cookie and when you bad news comes it will seem less cosmic...you won't feel like God has an out for you if the cookie didn't tell you that you had this coming

But what if the challenge isn't a bad one, even though the cookie didn't tell you the answer it sure as Hell predicted what will happen. And as a person who usually scoffs that these sorts of things. I have to say that no challenge is without at least looking at to see if its worth taking on. Few will read this blog, even fewer will understand it, even less than that I will want to understand it.

But know this, the last few months have been turmoil, uncertainty, life changing. This week I had an epiphany, an eleventh hour awakening that has set me up for the next stage of life. And to think, a little strip of paper with a line of lotto numbers on one side and a sentence on the other might just have triggered it.

Cyber Love?

Someone asked me suddenly the other day if I thought it was possible to have feelings for someone whom you have never met in person. I didn't really answer the question, it was two thirty in the morning and I was having feelings for bed...strong ones. Other times I have been called crazy for getting so involved in the lives of people whom I have never really met or for worrying about them when they have trouble.

But the thing is that I have some friends online that I knew before I knew most of you who will read this, people I have talked to through phones and long emails, whom I spent rainy days IMing and chatting with. People who taught me to write, who read my first stuff, the really bad stuff, people who have been emotional support and who I hope I have provided some comfort to.

After all, I fell in love with a girl I only met once, and then talked to over the net for months after that. I cared for her more than I have any other single human being in my entire life and we just talked through emails for the longest time. Our communication came once a day and yet when it came and I knew it was on the way, I couldn't wait. There are few feelings in the world like getting an e-mail from another person, not a myspace message or a facebook wall post, but an honest to God e-mail. When she used to write them to me I would be so excited, I'd curl up in front of my boxy old monitor and hold my face close to the screen to read it.

I might read the thing over and over again before I would place it back in my inbox to rest, and I have several of them still saved even now.

Because she was telling me intimate details of her life and I was telling her some from mine, when we finally met up again in person, I felt close to her. I felt so close that I told her I loved her, because she was everything that I had ever wanted in another person and still is.

So to answer your question, I think that love can bloom anywhere, even in cyberspace. Here was a girl I liked bu I had no idea the substance of, until I talked to her online. Love is a strong thing, it has bloomed on the battle field and in dank hospital rooms. Even if we are to accept that the Internet is a cruel place, I believe that Love can still transcend that cruelty

Cursed Out in Class

So last night I got cursed out in a classroom. A classroom that was full of students and one teacher. Let me start out by saying I should have known that when I opened my mouth and said something I was going to start a fire. Even though what I said was something that I would think any reasonable person could agree was not offensive or controversial.

The way all of this started was with the topic of minorities in Sociology class. Now when you hear the word minority a lot of you are already thinking racially, but we talked about many kinds of minority. Another guy in the class who was white asked the question randomly about BET which as I am sure you are aware stands for Black Entertainment Tonight, I mean I think the 'T' is for tonight. I don't give a damn enough to go look.

Anyway, what he asked was 'What would happen if whites had a White Entertainment Tonight (or whatever that 'T' is for)'? Well I could tell where this was going, and after the teacher did her little explanation of how norms and culture trends I stepped in and simply said that the question that should be asked was, 'Why is there still a BET? There is nothing of quality on that station, nothing of substance, this a devoid hole. To quote myself from earlier, its a gaping goatseed anus on our TV dial.

You see, this is where you would think the argument started. But really it wasn't. The teacher bought up something else, I couldn't even hear her much, but she mentioned this neighborhood called Sienna Plantation, its a nice place, floods a lot but still nice. But this black lady cut in, over the teacher, her exact words were 'I don't see how any black person can live in a neighborhood with Plantation in the name.'

I simply said, 'It's just a word, any word is what you make of it.'

This woman started out semi-calm, 'How can you say that?' then I couldn't hear for a second, 'she said something about me not being black enough.' They teacher cut her off. Like ten seconds later she gets up out of her seat yelling and carrying on, telling me how I am an 'ungrateful fuck' then she said the dumbest thing. She asked, 'How can you say slavery is just a word?'

Did you see the word slavery anywhere in what I just typed until this point? I thought not. I tried to explain that Plantations aren't just for slaves, aren't just for blacks and that in South America they are still in use today to make coffee.

This is when she talked right over me and continued to curse, yelling and carrying on. At that point I shut down because you don't have to yell to talk. And I don't deal with crazy bitches, sorry but I have dealt with enough crazy people in my life. I don't have to hear it from one more. And anyone who flips out over the word Plantation...or even the word Nigger can go cry to someone who gives a damn, because I am tried of trying.

Eventually it calmed down, I didn't say anything back to her because she wasn't making sense and that's how crazy people are. In all honesty she's the same one who goes on and on about her good Christian crap and suddenly she can't forgive a bunch of people who died about five generations ago in the late 1800's? That's asinine if I have ever heard of anything being asinine and I dare anyone to argue with me how that opinion she brought up even makes sense.

I'll say this as quickly as I can because I am going to have to wrap this up. But the main problem with race relations is that people of the same race want to group together and blame others. Some of the most racist people I have seen are other blacks talking about whites and they think that anytime something happens to them its racially motivated. A lot of them don't seek to better themselves, they just complain about how its this other races fault they can't rise up. Well let me tell you, maybe if you read a book, got out and did something, got some culture, and I don't mean culture from a record store or a magazine, maybe if you stopped acting like anyone who doesn't have the same skin tone as you is out to get you, or like every time you do something wrong and get caught that its your race that made you get in trouble you wouldn't have such a hard time becoming a productive member of society.

And just in case anyone cared, the high school inside of Sienna Plantation is named after a black guy...