Taste

Here's something that I have been thinking about every since I mentioned it to Rickey last weekend when I was staying with him. He made the claim that he and I have bad luck with women and that women have bad taste in men. I corrected him that there are women out there with good taste in men. But he and I have a problem with our tastes. We have a preference for women who happen to have bad taste in men.

The thing is that sometimes the girls I like seem to have some good sense and be very sweet people, I can think of one right now. Other times I can get hung up on some girls I never should have liked in the first place. I don't know what my problem is. I think I might need to change my tastes for the most part, but how do you go about doing that.

Has anyone else noticed...but me=clueless.

...until August

My brother opened his eyes today for the second time all of the way, that's a big improvement. Shows how much my mom knows when she talks about all of her negative stuff. Today I was emotionally drained, I don't know what it is that's taking the toll on me or even if its anyone thing.

I manage to remain my usual self in the face of, well, everything. I can't say much about, well anything. I feel like I had my energy sapped right out of me, I slept from six this evening til eight and I still feel so tired. My arms can barely move, so I guess that this is the first sign I need a break. A real one. But it won't come any time soon.

But last night I started to think, its almost July, and then comes August. In August there's that glimmer of hope. And I pray that I am not stupid for waiting on someone to return. I've fought so hard to remain who I was before she went away. And when she comes back, I wonder if she will notice a change. Thanks to her, I realized I was worth more than what I thought, and thanks to her, I was able to cut the cords from some people who would sooner hurt me than help me.

Summer is in full force but I have something to look forward to. People think of Winter as symbolizing death but I disagree, winter is my most lively time. Winter is when I am at my best. I await the new school year...the cool winds, the rain and an old friend.

Mother Says

Today's not been good, the weather reflects the mood as dreary and bleak. My brother has been sick with something or other, my mother has decided to be completely and utterly negative on the subject. She and I got in an argument and she called me stupid and said I couldn't think. So I walked out of the house and went back to my place. Frankly I don't feel like putting up with that from anyone and like I said before I'm not going to sugar code things for people. I told her she needed to apologize.

Calling me stupid over an argument about a cup was out of line. I won't go into the details of the whole thing because it was dumb, but she basically told me she didn't see the need to reward stupidness by apologizing. So I stood my ground instead of rolling over and taking it, I'm not letting anyone walk on me. So I walked out.

I'm sorry to say it, but the old fashioned ways are going out. I'm not letting my kids think just because someone is older they are automatically right. What the fuck kind of logic is that? I'm going to teach my kids to look for what's right and if they do end up wrong, apologize and admit it. Don't hold on to some dumb idea.

Just because you've got further in life doesn't mean you know jack shit about it, in fact it could just mean you had a lucky draw...

A Reply...

I just want to say that I am in San Antonio right now first off, but I wanted to post this very interesting post out in the open.

Emily said...

Well, there's a flaw. You can't use it to defend actions which cause harm or have victims. Clearly there's a problem there. It doesn't make logical sense to use the argument that way, and of course nobody does.

The rest of the things you might use such an argument to defend are things which, truly, if it doesn't cause obvious harm to yourself or others, then I see that the argument DOES work. I might say 'well it is patently silly to eat popcorn with barbecue sauce, anybody can see that even without trying it,' but indeed you SHOULD try it before you know for sure that it is a bad or good idea. (actually, that turns out to be rather tasty.)

There is a slippery slope, when we start drawing arbitrary lines.

And my reply...

Yeah but who is to say that things like threesomes don't cause harm to the mind and the psyche? I mean obviously I've never had one and I am pretty sure you haven't either, but who's to say if we went out and did that tomorrow that we wouldn't be harmed in the head.

Which can sometimes be the worst kind of harm because you wouldn't know it even happened.

Sorry I didn't have time for a real blog tonight.

Don't Knock It Till You Try It

As many of you might already know, I am no stranger to arguing. If you've been in an argument with me then you know how I usually do it. I don't always win but a lot of the time I get some good ideas out there. One of the things I hate the most in arguments got pulled on me today and to be honest this kind of argument pisses me off.

I mean of course the argument of Don't knock it till you try it, this is not a valid argument. More often than not its used when in conjunction with sexual discussion. Let me throw the scene out there for you. I was talking about something with someone on a forum and the subject of threesomes came up. I simply said that this is not something that I would ever want to do because I don't have a desire to be with more than one person at a time and even if I did when you think about it, in a relationship if someone is looking to have sex with others doesn't that bring up questions about the relationship itself.

My main argument against the don't knock it till you try it mentality is that it can be used to defend anything. Let's say for instance that I am an avid member of NAMBLA, if someone were to tell me that sex with little boys was wrong I could easily say "Don't knock it till you try it."

Another good example is drugs, we're always told not to try things like drugs and cigarettes. But hey if we employ the don't knock it till you try it mentality then we should all give drugs a fair shot? Right.

Why not just give everything a fair shot, let's all try rape...or incest maybe, how about we kill a person, or burn down a small house...hey don't knock it until you try it. We can't jump on Hitler because how many of us here have gassed Jews or committeed mass genocide?

Hey, don't knock it till you try it right?

I hope we can see how this argument is utterly silly and its the dumbest way to argue anything except taste in food...

She's Got A Good Hold On Me

Been trying to write blogs that were a little bit more short and sweet lately. I guess I have more to say but I don't want to say it all mostly because I am trying to sort things out right now and there has been a lot going on. I was riding in my car earlier and I came across a CD I hadn't listened to in over a year probably.

When I popped it in the player I was shocked to find one of my favorite old Dashboard Confessional songs on there, its called Hold On and just everything about it makes me smile. But at the same time it makes me sad. Now I'm sure as a lot of you know I am a sucker for acoustic music, but the song itself is so poetic that I can't help but love it. Lines like "I never saw her leading me once, she never felt me beside her," just strike a cord with me. I don't know, there's a little joy to be had in finding and old CD and hearing a song you nearly forgot about. And for just a little bit of time, you can forget all of your troubles and slip into a happier time.

How Many Times Can You Say?

I feel horrible, I might have taken something out on the wrong person, someone I really cared about. I can't take seeing others that I care for get hurt and I can't stand to see them go through a lot of pain and get constantly hurt like that. It has an effect on me and I don't mean for it to. But pain in another person is easier to ignore if you don't know that person. I feel terrible now for the things I said.

Keeping Space

On this rainy night I can think back on all of the times that have shaped my life up to this point. I can look back and think back to what I wrote last night. I can look back and say that things have to change. They need to change now. I'm writing these words to save space, to keep time and to hold on to this spot and to mark the first day that I told someone they were wrong. The first time I told someone everything wrong with what they were doing.

Social Revolution

I don't think I have ever made a bigger mistake than letting people back into my life when they chose themselves to walk out. I shouldn't be so willing to accept them. Whether they call me up needing advice or I just bump into them, when I let someone back in who openly walked out on me after all my attempts to call out to them, what I do is easy to describe, I end up getting walked on.

You see I am not so good at saying no to someone. But you can rest assured that I am working on that. Like I think I have said before, my first mistake was caring too much, letting people back into my life falls under that. I work so hard to get the attention of the people who want me least and I am sure I am not the only one. I've stopped caring about honor, respect from others and who's toes I step on. I am seeing now that the more you walk on eggshells, the more your own values get broken.

We can't be afraid to step on toes, to be counter cultural and throw a wrench in the works. By appealing to the masses for how to act socially we have lost the ability to strike out. I think we should make it back to where people want to tell the truth, want to be good to others, maybe it just takes something a little bit more evil than the good its being done in the name of? "We have our share of Ghandis. We need a General Patton." I'm not going to be afraid to tell someone I know they're wrong for doing this or that to me, I'm not going to be afraid to step on their toes or get rid of friends who can't seem to stop taking and give once in a while.

I've got this feeling that this is the start of a large storm, that socially this country is about to turn over on itself and force its way back to a more conservative value system. I think this country is about ready for the fruits of its own labor to come bite it in the ass. I couldn't agree more that there's a social revolution coming. Our war shall be a war of words. The battlefield will be the hearts and minds of everyone here. The weapons shall be ideals and morals, vlaues and belief systems that are fair to more.

I watch the news and I see people becoming fed up, I feel like this could be the start of something very big.

I feel the way bank robbers must feel just before they go out on that last big job that ends up getting them all killed.

That is to say, optimistic.

+

Sister soldier you've been such a positive influence on my mental frame. If I could ever repay you I would but I'm hard up for cash and my memory lacks initiative.

Worse

I'm not sure which one feels worse, feeling completely used, or feeling like you did something wrong and having others confirm it? People wonder why I am the way I am, a lot of the time its just because I get treated the way I do.

All At Once

There are certain people you just keep coming back to

She is right in front of you

You begin to wonder could you find a better one

Compared to her now she's in question



And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same




Maybe you want her, maybe you need her

Maybe you started to compare to someone not there



Looking for the right one you line up the world to find

Where no questions cross your mind

But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt

Much longer for you to sort it out



And all at once the crowd begins to sing


Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same



Maybe you want her, maybe you need her

Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Maybe you want it, maybe you need it

Maybe it's all you're running from

Perfection will not come



And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes


We'd never know what's wrong without the pain

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same



Maybe you want her, maybe you need her

Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there

Maybe you want it, maybe you need it

Maybe it's all you're running from

Perfection will not come



Maybe you want her, maybe you need her


Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another

To another

Season Finale

It would appear one of the problems has taken care of itself before the end of the season(see my last note/blog), which is usually the way with the sweeps type things. I just wanted to say that, my missing friend was found only a day after she went missing, alive but in the hospital.

Other things are still there, all of the time, other problems that are still yet to be resolved. But in time I guess.

Sweeps

For those of you who either don't watch television much or who haven't worked the a television website like me, sweeps is the time of year when all of the shows start pressing their plots and squeezing all of the juice out. Trying to bleed out all they can in the ratings. Basically this is the last three or four weeks of the season of the show when everything comes to a head.

This might mean like in Supernatural that Sam is going to die and Dean needs to think of something to do, or in the case of Smallville the bad guy faces off with Clark and the other characters are caught in the midst of battles themselves, you could take Buffy's example and this could mean that the Apocalypse is coming and the big bad is rearing its ugly head.

The basic idea of sweeps is that almost no one is safe, characters die, get married, have kids, get injured horribly, or make startling revelations. The idea is to draw everyone into the show, make the watchers who record or sort of just skim the episodes stick and really watch. This also makes people watch the next season to see the overall outcome of the things that happened, a lot of times Sweeps ends on a cliff hanger.

Right now, my life feels like its going through sweeps, and its almost the right time of year too. My brother is still in a coma, with two women fighting over him I might add, I got punched, got in an argument with a person over a girl, one of my friends is missing and no one is sure where she went, my depression seems to be getting worse and school isn't really going easy for me either.

What gets me is that just like in the shows, I feel like this is the start of it. I feel like there's a storm coming and its going to be bad. I feel like its time to batten down the hatches and pray for the best. What would the best be? Well August and September is when most shows start back up, the best would be Persephanie and I talking again, me getting help, and my friend who ran off too, my brother waking up after the women fighting over him cool off, school working out in the end and me learning how to handle the stress. Hmm, and maybe a summer romance...

After all, no matter the loses, Dean brings Sam back, Clark beats the bad guy, and Buffy overcomes the Apocalypse. My hope is that we'll all come through this, no losses. With that, I need to get off here, got stuff to do. And if you are out there Jess reading this, I'm gunning for you, for the best thing for you.

As back in old times, I'll say it like I used to on my LJ:

_{See you, space cowboy}

Fickle

It's true that people are fickle, they make it no secret that their loyalties only last as long as you're some good to them or popular. This is apparent in all forms of media; music, television, movies and even books. People only remember who you are as long as you are on the best seller list or in the big block buster. Any one of us could be like those stars, a few years down the road from being a pop trivia question or a VH1 special.

Not surprisingly enough, the Internet is one of the best places to see this, with things like myspace, facebook, instant messengers and even forums; people form these bonds on them as if they are together in real life, they do many of the things real life friends do without the element of actually being there. Sometimes those bonds grow into something more than a friendship...

But all too often those bonds aren't built to last, one or both of the parties don't take things as seriously as they would with a real friend. And the Internet is a breeding ground for phony people. People who can pretend to be what they're not. People who can stab you in the back from a world away and never have to own up to it because there's never any way for you to look them in the eye, there's always that block button...

A programmer would tell you that time matters very little to data, that as long as the container the data is stored in whether it be a hard drive or CD remains safe, the data will not degrade or corrupt from age alone. But on the Internet, a system made entirely of bits of data, time seems to be all that matters. Not just time in the ebay auction sense, but time as in how long you have talked to someone.

A "friend" you have talked to for years might suddenly forget you if you don't see them online for a month, not answering an email or message fast enough might mean you get deleted from a "friend's" contact list and address book; a myspace friend you added less than a week ago can delete you because you haven't spoken to them since the day of the add. If anyone here thinks I am joking, I have had both of these happen to me. If a person who is too far away to even drive in a day can receive and open and message within seconds after you sending, why shouldn't it be that the same person when replying can't think bad things of you when you don't reply to the same message in seconds.

If there's one thing you can be sure about people, its that you can't trust them, most of them are out to get something. A lot of them lie or are two faced, I know people right now who I can tell and prove are two faced or act other than they want to appear to others. For every kind hearted action on the Internet, there seems to be three evil ones.