Faulty

I listened to his voice, he was a man who sounded to be in his mid thirties but looked at least ten years older. His eyes encased in dark circles and he leaned forward over the table with a cigarette clenched between his index and middle fingers. His voice rasped a little as he rocked toward the table some, “Back then I didn’t know anything but drugs,” he continued telling his tale to the woman who sat across the table from him., “I lived for the drugs and used drugs to feel alive.”

My fingers went around the top of my cup, the smell of the sweet coffee wafting out filled my nose and I sighed. I glanced down in the cup and I could make out my own reflection. My dark curls bunched up around my head, in the surface of the liquid my eyes appeared to be little more than dark holes.

I take my final sip from the glass and glance over at the man sitting in the corner booth, his back is to a window. He’s sat back some now. The waitress hovering over me with my ticket in hand grabs my attention, “Would you like this now, sweetheart?”

I nod to her, “Sat it down,” my arm goes down to the ash tray and I retrieve my cigarette. With a long slow drag I flare the ember on the business end and then flick the remains down in my coffee.

“I know what you mean,” the woman across from the table with the man was talking now, “I’ve been clean and sober six months and it still feels…it’s still like something is missing.”

Just lifting the glass slightly, I slid my ticket and my money under the still half full mug and get to my feet.

“Then maybe there is,” the man answered her as he took a drag on his own cigarette. “Who are they to tell us that we’re not right…its not our fault that we were manufactured with these…Faulty Souls…that some God saw fit to make it where we need someone else to feel right…we can’t all find someone else, its not just that easy. And when no one is there, we need something to hold us over.”

I smiled slightly, “I thought so,” I mutter under my breath.

“I don’t know…” the woman said.

“Maybe drugs are the answer,” he said now, “Maybe all that shit they’re pumping into our heads down there only works for some of the people out there, what about people like us…”

My fingers fumbled down the buttons of my coat, they were large metal buttons and I had always had a hard time getting out of them, when I reached the last one I dug into my coat, “People like you, you say?” Both of them looked up at me.

“Lady, do you know how rude that is?” asked the man.

“Where are my manners,” I said, “I might care if you actually were a person…”

“What’s that…”

“Demonic scum,” my fingers curled around something cold and metallic. The look of shock on his face was priceless. When I leveled my gun at him and fired the gun through his face, his blood painted the wall and that look was suspended there. The glass window nearby was shattered and in the panic the woman cried out going to hide under the table.

I scoffed, the smoke in the room now wasn’t the kind from a cigarette or match. The dimly lit diner was filled with the sounds of glasses rattling and confused screams of panic. Demons masquerading as humans, preying on the weak. Wolves in sheep’s clothing.

I made my escape in the blink of an eye. A tuft of black feathers left in my wake. In this kind of justice there’s no jury, no witnesses, no one is all that sure what they’ve seen. I took orders straight from God for so long that to me, there’s no reason to be discrete or to show discrimination between demons, whether it’s a low level trying to con a woman into carnal or chemical pleasures, or something far more sinister.

The truth of the matter was something was stirring, deep within the Earth. Something so horrid that it had the demons heading for higher ground, every now and then they’d attempt to blend in and act right. What could cause them to seek shelter so vigorously?

I didn’t know, but as I watched the commotion inside of the diner from the next parking lot over, I was sure I would find out.

Untitled Piece

She said, “October never got this cold before I moved back here, but I’m not complaining.”

The thin wire frame sign twists and bends in the cold wind. All of the grass under me where I lay feels so cold against my back that I could swear the ground was wet. The sun is blotted out from the sky by a low hanging sheet of clouds. And I just have to lay here and ask myself, “How often do I get to do this?”

After living in Chicago for a while, it never got cold enough for her to consider it Winter or even Autumn. Her thin livid arms are stretched out and up behind her head, she turns to look at me and some of her red hair drops over her eyes, “Did you say something?”

“It was nothing,” I let the words slip out as I continued to stare up at the clouded sky.

This was the epitome of the lazy Saturday, this was the kind of day that I lived for, even on the rare occasion that they happened. I felt her head ram hard into my chest. When I glanced down I could see that she had jumped against me, her arms were wrapped around me and her face gazing up at mine.

“No kids, no work; I really think that I could stay out here like this all day,” her voice was quiet with excitement, the way intimate secrets were told. It was the way her voice always got when she was giddy. That was something that should have been comforting, right?

I wrapped my arm around her back and let my hand rest on her stomach, “With things the way they’ve been around here recently its good to have a rest.”

“Well I know that work’s been getting to you,” her green eyes were half closed now and her lips stayed parted when she finished speaking. She reached up and pushed her hair back some, “Work’s been hard on all of us.”

Hard was an understatement. Including myself, several of our group had been injured in the past few months, one of them nearly died and on top of all of this we have very good reason to believe that we’re being spied on by someone in our group. Basically everything that we knew has changed or be rearranged in some way or another.

Life set us on this track and then halfway through went and pulled the track up and left us to wonder aimlessly with out direction. I’m not sure what options we have when that happens except for trust our instincts and hope for the best.

“At least we’re all still alive,” I said.

She slid her body further up mine, our faces coming closer together, “It’s like every time we talk you get hung up on this,” she paused, “Isn’t there anything else you’d care to think about…anything at all,” her voice took that same tone again.

I smoothed her hair back with my hand and then ran my fingers down through it, “I don’t mean to do that at all…”

“I know, its just…we’ve got some time to rest finally and…”

“I know, sorry…” my voice is dry, dry like the rough brown pine needles we cleared from the yard earlier that day.

“…and you act like things are so serious,” she said. Suddenly she smiled real big, “It’s not the end of the world, you know?”

Sixteen years of marriage and its hard to believe, this woman still smiles at me this way. She smiles at me despite the things I’ve done, despite everything that’s happened. Sometimes I wonder if she’s blocked it all out. Sometimes I think if she only knew. I’m a monster.

My free hand fumbles through my pocket, I produce my lighter and a pack of Lucky Strikes. I struggle to get the pack open with one hand and pull one single cigarette free of the flip top box. Her eyes scold me, but she doesn’t say a word.

I slip the thin white clothed strip of tobacco into my mouth and go to light it, “The end of the world,” I repeat, “Sometimes I think it is…”

I'm a Girl?

After working in a game store for the last few months I have had a chance to observe a few things. More recently, like this week I have had a complaint from a few people of the same nature. Basically several people came in and made the same complaint about different games. The complaint didn't have anything to do with gameplay, graphics or anything like that. Frankly it kind of surprised me that they had this complaint. What was it?

The complaint was that they were a girl in the game they were playing.

In one case there was an option to change the character to a male or female. But in the other the girl was the main protagonist and you didn't have the option. The last time that I heard someone mention it was today. The game was portal and the person saw their reflection in the portal and asked "Is that what you the person looks like?"

I answered, "Yeah."

"I'm a girl, I don't want to be a girl, I'm a guy."

The thing I don't get is the guy went on to make this an even bigger deal and I just had to think, do you realize how long it was before there were that many girls in games as playable characters? The market for that kind of thing is pretty male oriented and even worse when there are women in games they traditionally look like Laura Croft. What's the matter with playing a female protagonist? I mean I don't see any issue with it really. This guy acted like it was dehumanizing to have to be a girl for a few hours in a game.

I mean do these people think about the fact that any time a girl played she had to be a guy for years nearly...and that when they finally started to use girls they were almost always there to be this sexual object. Not that it actually is a huge deal, but it kind of pissed me off is all.

Al Gore?

Al Gore won the Noble Peace Prize...well there goes any honor that Institution could have hoped to have had.

I say we stage a protest, I'm going to start burning trash, emitting all the green house gases I can and just generally Polluting because that's what Al Gore wouldn't want, right?

Actually, if you can win a prestigious award by lying...I'm not sure what this world is coming to.

Friend Zone

I had a little bit of a talk the other day with someone about some things, namely dating friends. I've never understood why I see so many people talk about how they want to be friends first but it seems like there's almost never any chance for anyone to date their friend. Its like, by going there you're automatically pulled out of the dating pool. Yet at the same time here you are being told that you should go and be friends first.

From my standpoint, those guys that end up dating girls that they were "friends" with aren't the kind of friend that I would call a real honest friend. Its hard for me to explain, but have you ever looked at a girls friends and thought, "Yeah, he's just trying to get into her pants" about one of them? Well those are the kind of guys that usually end up getting the girl when they are quote, "friends". As mean as I am, I just can't trick another person, I have to be real friends with them, and that's my problem.

I know that talking about this isn't going to make the problem go away, I mean all kinds of problems get talked about and none of them are just gone because of it. I really don't ever see a change where socially its just well known that most of the time the type of person that someone says they want to date, isn't the type they actually date.

A lot of men don't care how smart a girl is. A lot of women don't seem to care if a guy really is nice to them. In some regard, both sexes suffer for their lack of truth with themselves. I've seen a guy try to convince himself that a girl was smart, just to justify being with her. Likewise, I have seen a girl trying to convince herself that this guy is being nice to her when it's clear he's not.

But there's hope. Some men out there (like me) can't stand a girl who is stupid when it comes to dating. What I mean is we all make some mistakes or goof up from time to time. But if you've almost drowned from standing in a shower, I don't want to talk to you. Actually intelligence in a girl is attractive and as I have said before, can make a decent looking girl seem a lot cuter. Plus, unlike beauty it doesn't fade.

There are also those girls out there who like guys that are nice to them and aren't looking for some kind of a "work in progress" bad boy. Unfortunately for most guys like me, most of those girls are taken...

...yeah it sucks.

Dancing With the Stars

Dancing with the Stars gargles my balls...

I mean where the Hell is the real star in that show?

I wish my mom would stop talking about it all of the time...

Teen Rapes Dog to Death and Molests Little Girls

Remember that guy I posted about who raped the road killed deer? Remember how people thought it couldn't get worse than that? Well get read for this:

SPARTANBURG, SOUTH CAROLINA - A Campobello teen is accused of raping one neighbor's dog and another neighbor's two little girls. Now the dog has died and charges against the teen have been upgraded.

After receiving word that the dog died possibly because of the rape. Fox Carolina called the Solicitor's office to see if now new charges would be filed against the teen. An hour later Solicitor Trey Gowdy called to say that the charges will be upgraded to the "most serious animal cruelty charges they have on the books."

The dog's owner Sylvia Jones says, "At first when it happened, I couldn't eat or sleep every morning I'm waking up thinking Princess is there but she's not.

Princess's little dog house is empty now. Sylvia Jones says she died of internal bleeding this past Sunday because of the rape. "The vet told me she had a little blood in her urine and that she was bleeding inside."

Sylvia says she and her husband would not have believed Cory Williamson raped Princess exactly two weeks to the day she died had they not seen it with their own eyes.

"When I got here we were laying on the deck looking at him and he had his pants down and he was doing sexual activity with the dog like a man would do to a woman."

The Jones family says Princess wouldn't eat or play anymore after the attack. "She (Princess) couldn't even sit down, her bottom was swollen sore."

Sylvia says she knows Princess was just a dog, but she wants people to know that Princess was also a part of her family. A family that now has been forever changed. "She looked so pitiful. It's sad, there was nothing I could do for her."

Neighbors worry that if Williamson is accused of raping a dog and molesting two girls in the same neighborhood, who knows what might happen next.

Neighbor Bill Johnson says, "As a community we shouldn't have to watch our kids every second they're playing. We want him out of this neighborhood."

The Solicitor's office says it wants to make sure Williamson is out of this neighborhood while he's awaiting trial on the molestation and dog rape charges so they are requesting that his bond be revoked. Williamson's bond hearing will be held next Friday.

Real

I'm a little upset, just because of the way I got chewed out in general, albeit by some people off the internet that I don't even know. The thing was this, someone made this thing where you post pictures of girls you think are pretty. The catch was they couldn't be like models and stuff like that, they just had to be regular girls. When it started out everyone post one or two pictures at a time.

Well I'm not going to post nude pictures of the girls, so all of mine were pretty much regularly dressed. I start getting yelled at because the girls I am posting aren't big breasted enough, or they're too skinny, too thick or whatever else. I put up with it for a while, but eventually I got tired of emails and stuff about it. So I just gave up and wrote this to them this morning:

Yeah I'm done with this thread in all honesty. If people are going to bitch about girls I've posted for being too whatever, and the thread is entitled "Real Girl Picture post" I don't have anything else to do with this. You guys don't seem to know what real girls look like. And in a way I have to agree with Carnage (another poster), that these big breasted, fake looking girls that everyone seems to be into, aren't what a girl looks like. Very few girls are blessed with looks that good and comments like "her nose is a little too long" show just how petty you all are being. A girl might have a little meat on her, especially if she's got a chest. If she doesn't have much of a chest then she's more than likely thinner.

It's not impossible to find someone who's thin with a chest. But its not common. Add to that gobs of makeup, what looks like some plastic surgery and other stuff and these girls everyone's going ape shit over aren't more than just someone's fixer up. I could take almost any girl who is kind of cute and with thousands of dollars of surgery or makeup make her look like that…thing is a girl doesn't have to be half naked to be hot, or super skinny, or big breasted.

I hope if any of you have daughters you sure as hell teach them that at least.

So that's it for me, I'm out.

I think that a lot of the time in today's society that this is the problem with the perception of other people. Each gender doesn't seem to know what regular people look like and they expect every guy they come across to look Brad Pitt and every woman like she's Jessica Simpson. I just got really pissed because I know those girls who get ignored for their little flaws. Some of them are great women and extremely beautiful and sweet. But the truth is they're not perfect enough.

Changes

This wee has been a very eventful one indeed.. A month ago I was having such a hard time. Actually a week ago things were not all that good. And then all of a sudden so much changed. On top of that things are there is still a lot for me to do and a lot on my mind right now. I am actually at work, just finishing up my shift and I don't think I have been this exhausted in sometime. It takes a special kind of tired to get like this. I can barely move and my whole body is cold.

I spent part of the night playing games with friends, the other part of the night I spent thinking about the story, about the comic I said I was going to do so long ago. I think that now I can make a conscious effort to do it and get on with it. I have had so much going on and I more than likely have a shit load of material to pick from. Let alone I have the story that I am writing and I am working hard to get all of my things in line to make the story more presentable in case I actually want to market it, which is the overall plan.

Bu right now, I am so tired, work has been hard on me tonight and I feel like I could sleep forever. I think I just might try. I still have fifteen minutes of work and I guess that I could try and do something in that time like finish cleaning up. But I just wanted to get something posted in this thing and let everyone know I am still using it and that I plan to keep using it just like I said.

Shameless Plug

Well this is more of a self plug than anything else. First and foremost I have to tell you that I have started an internet forum for writers. I am running it myself. I am overseeing it and I have complete control over it. That having been said, anyone is welcome to join. No part of it costs money and my hope is to grow as a writer and help others to grow.

The thing holding me back the most is that I will have to do leg work to get this thing off the ground. I need a little help honestly. More than anything I need people who know someone who wants to be a writer to simply tell them. It might seem like spamming or like this is rude. But I know there has to be other writers out there who want some forum where they can go and openly discuss things. We welcome all types of writing.

That having been said, I will move on to what I really wanted to say. I ended up watching Knocked Up the other night and I couldn't be more happy with the fact that I bought it. I had no idea I was going to like it so much. And what gets me the most about it is that it reminds me so much of me and my friends. The way they talked, the situations (besides the whole pregnancy thing, Super Bad's situation fit more). In my personal opinion the movies stay true to themselves, they get a message across in a way that you almost don't notice you're getting something. But when you leave you're really taking it with you.

I am just very glad that I watched these. And I hope that more people get to see them and can look past the vulgarity of it all, because underneath all of that is a real solid message. A message that's important because a lot of times in the world today, we don't get movies where people do the right thing. The right thing isn't popular.

Well I've got to go grab some food. The next little blog I do will more than likely be a story clip. See you then.