Heroes and Cowards

Call me anti-patriotic if you will, but has anyone else noticed that the word Hero is grossly over used and used incorrectly? I mean the fireme and police who died on September Eleventh, they were heroes, the soldiers who chose to go fight a war in a country they have no stock in, they are heroes, but when I was in Killeen over the weekend and those journalist were returned to the FOX news people, they were called heroes. If anything they were just unlucky. They were definately not heroes since not only did they manage to get captured, but they managed to convert themselves to Islam to get out of it.

While I am on the subject, the word coward is over used. I remember when you used to watch America's Most wanted you would here John Walsh call the killer a coward, sometimes they might have been. But I mean there are some guys who are riding around with body parts in his trunk and has bad tags on his car, that killer is not a coward. As unethical as his moves may be, he could be called plenty of other words, psychopath, asshole, sicko...but coward doesn't fit.

They call suicide the cowards way out, but there really aren't that many brave people in the world. If suicide didn't take some level of extreme balls or hopelessness, then there would be people getting nervous and killing themselves over all kinds of things. So before you use one of these words, think about its meaning, the real meaning.

Not What You Think

Well the class that I was really looking forward to taking got canceled, on top of that all of my other classes got dropped on accident, so I had to go in today and redo a schedule, which was all very frustrating. And then those lonely feelings, they just won't go away. I just want to hang out with my friends, but they are all busy today. I feel like I am being needy or something, but that's the thing that sucks about living off campus, there is no one here. I don't even have a roomamte to fall back on.

One really good thing did happen today, I got the comic turned in for the paper at UTSA, I hope it wasn't too vulgar or anything. But it really wasn't a bad one. Well this little blog won't be that long, and it won't be what everyone is expecting. This will be it.

Looks Like It's Your Fault You're Poor

Two days ago I wrote some stuff on about another blog, the blog belonged to Jacqueline Passey, before I go into another little piece on her, I would like to give you some background on the person who is writing all of this. She was born in 1978, and what's funny about her is that despite the obvoious things that I disagree with her own, she and I share many of the same interests. I was reading up on some of the stuff she writes about and she likes my favorite band Blink-182, many of the shows that I enjoy including X-Files, X-Men, Angel, and Firefly. It's odd how someone you have a lot of interests in common with can be so different from you, that why I know that you can't base a realtionship solely on interests.

Going back to what I was saying, she grew up in an upper middle class family and she said that she went through a rebellious period in her life, that brings us to our blog. And I say that I really hope I don't offend anyone by posting this. But her exact blog entry is as follows:

Second, poverty in the US is largely the result of poor choices. "Former Clinton advisor William Galston sums up the matter this way: you need only do three things in this country to avoid poverty—finish high school, marry before having a child, and marry after the age of 20. Only 8 percent of the families who do this are poor; 79 percent of those who fail to do this are poor." (Quote from "Why We Don't Marry")

Poor people consistently demonstrate poor judgement.  They drink, smoke, and use drugs at higher rates than non-poor, then wonder why they get sick.  They choose not to buy adequate insurance, setting themselves up for financial catastrophe, claiming they "can't afford" it when they apparently have plenty of money to spend on color TVs and cigarettes.  They tend to be fatter, which as I've already explained, is 100% within their control and the result of either poor values or lack of self-control. 

Yes, I'm "blaming the victim."  The so-called "victims" are to blame!  They are the ones repeatedly making the bad decisions that put them into poverty and keep them there.

Who are the real victims?  US taxpayers.  The bottom 40% pay little or no income taxes, or even receive money in the form of tax credits.  Everyone else is forced to subsidize poor people's poor choices through numerous welfare programs that just encourage more bad behavior.  Incentives matter.  When you give people money and benefits for being poor, you get more "poor" people.

We need to stop encouraging poor people's bad choices and start holding them responsible instead.

Now I don't consider myself as a conservative, issues like prostitution being legal don't bother me. If people want to pay for something that plenty of people are giving out for free, that's their choice; I wouldn't want to. But hey it might take, look how they can sell a common fucking thing like water that covers most of the planet. And I definately don't consider myself a liberal I have never been for and never will be for abortion, simple as that.

But I think that what she is saying right here is pretty odd to say about a group such as the homless and impoverished where many of them have metal issues, are disabled or have other obstacles in their way. Let's paint the example of the ideal family, a mom, a dad, and a son and daughter. Rightfully so lets say your daughter needs surgery and you're already pretty much just getting by. You do this to make it better for her, and end up spending almost a decade coming back from it.

See the thing that people that are middle class don't seem to get is that the system is made for us, when it was constructed, it had the people at the top in mind. People that even if they don't have the right kind of insurance might be able to go to Canada and get it. I don't need to look at statistics. I can say this, drug addiction and alcoholism are diseases. And what really gets me about all of this when people talk like this about poverty is that these are the same people who are pro-abortion (pro choice is bullshit, pro abortion is what it is). These people act as if an unborn child is a disease that needs to be done away with when it is in you're body, going as far to refer to the child as if it is a parasite. Then on the other hand, when it comes to alcoholism and drug use, which are proven to be much like diseases, they shit on these poor people and want to make them be held accountable.

I think that Mitch Hedburn said it best when he said that alcoholism is the only disease you can have where people will get mad at you. No one is going to walk up to you and go, "You motherfucker, you've got a Lupis problem!" Now its true, I don't always bend over backwards to help the poor, but when I can I try. And I definately don't blame them for something that American society structured just so they couldn't win.

The trick here is, we all make bad choices, but when you don't have daddy there to bail you out, then its your fault and you should know that you don't have the right to make that choice, I guess. Does that sound fair to you?

Ten Months

Never a dull moment right? Never able to fit just right and always out of place. It's hard when you feel like a circle peg trying to get into a start shaped hole. Why is it that I feel like nothing is ever fitting right in life and I feel like there is nothing left to do at all. I talked to Heather for a long time tonight, what I didn't tell her is that lately its been harder and harder for me to get things done. It's lonely around here, I live alone now, for the first time really with not much hope of me havign a roommate anytime soon. I mean I have talked with Brandon about rooming with him at the end of this year, but that is a long time away.

And there is so much else to be scared of, besides what I spent most of my time talking to Heather about. But, this has been really hard on me lately, because my Dad keeps saying it, and its fucking pissing me off, not at him, just in general to think. My Dad keeps saying that he knows he is dying and that he just can't keep working this long. I know that the reason he is working is partly my fault, I am the one still in school dependant on my parents.

My mom is retired now, if my Dad dies I don't know what I will do then, I mean realistically my mom is not really my Mom, she's my step mom. My real mom died when I was 6. For real family, parents that is this is my last one. And I really love my dad, I really do. I may give him Hell, but I feel like I need to go see him this week, first and foremost. He works so hard up there, away from anyone else and he's practically all alone except for his friend from work who lives about twenty miles away, Charles, but he's not up there all of the time.

So that's what I'm doing, and I feel bad that I can't even talk about half of the stuff I want to talk about here, that was only one of the most pertinent. For those of you expecting more on the lady I wrote about yesterday, well I had something personal and important to talk about today. I had to talk about yesterday was a shitty day, I had to talk about it because it's what I have been wanting to say about everyday for the last few weeks; and really life is not looking any better. I've got this secret in me, eating away at everything, I've got something to worry about all of the time, and I have no one to talk to about half of these things and no one to spend time with.

Ten months until I move out, ten months until the next summer, ten more months life feeling disconnected. I can only pray that at the end of all of this when I am back around people I don't feel just as lonely still.

This my life for the next ten months.

For What It's Worth

Alright, this is something that I haven't had to do in a long while, not since the days of Kay, Amanda, and Twinks. But I have to talk about this because frankly I haven't seen anything like it on the internet as of yet. I don't know if any of you have heard of a blogger named Jacqueline Passey. She's pretty much an advocate for a lot of things. I even commented on two of her blogs, I wasn't rude about it. I just had a few questions. She posted a lot of info, such as this in one of her latest blogs:

I am a very high-quality woman. I know that sounds arrogant, but let’s consider the facts:

• I’m slim (whereas 62% of American women age 20 to 74 are overweight)



• I’m attractive (my new picture has been rated more attractive than 86% of the women on Hot or Not -- and the women who upload their pictures are a self-selected sample that is probably already biased towards being more attractive than the general female population)



• I’m relatively young (whereas 82% of American adult women are over 30 years old)



• I’m intelligent (IQ tested at 145 when I was a child, which is 3 standard deviations above the mean -- higher than 99.85% of the population. Even if I’ve gotten dumber as I’ve aged I’m probably still at least a 130, which is higher than 97.5% of the population.)



• I’m educated (whereas 77% of American women do not have bachelor’s degrees)



• I have my financial shit together (no debt, perfect credit history, 6+ months living expenses saved, adequate insurance, self employed)



• I have a strong libido and love having sex (my lover *never* has to beg, unless it’s for me to let him get some sleep!)



• Most of my interests tend to be more popular with men than women: science fiction, libertarianism, blogging, politics, economics, guns, gambling, etc.

Given that self-improvement is an ongoing project of mine this list will continue to grow (I’m currently working on adding bilingual, very physically fit, well-traveled, higher income, and fantastic cook to the list). So even when “relatively young” (an important criteria for most men) drops off that list, I should have added enough other things that my overall dating market value should remain the same or even improve.

The above list explains why I typically receive 50-100 (sometimes more) responses whenever I post personal ads. This is in addition to getting hit on almost every time I go out alone (and all that those men know about me is that they like the way I look, they don’t even know about all the other qualities I have that make me more appealing than most other women).

So, I have a *lot* of choices of men who want to date me. Given that, of course I choose to date only the highest quality men -- men who are also fit, attractive, intelligent, educated, financially successful, etc.  I’m attracted to men from any race and a wide age range (21 to 50 or so) so the pool of men who meet those requirements is quite large, which allows me to add all sorts of additional restrictions if I want -- must be atheist, must be libertarian, must not want (more) children, must be financially independent or self-employed and available for frequent world travel, etc.

This is an actual word for word post from her blog. Now what I want to say about this is that I think that this is the main problem with american society. People who look for all of the things listed above, people who think these are the only things that matter. I know that some of those things are important, but the thing is when the shit hits the fan will you still be beautiful? Will you still be financially secure?

I have heard so many tales of real love and how love can perservere through anyhting. And the problem is that when you are looking for all of these things, when one of them falls out of place, you might be ready to give up on them all. I talk big, but I don't know much about love really. I have loved but I have never been loved back, not really. But I can say this, distance, time, money, and even looks shouldn't get rid of love.

If you feel for soemone, really feel for them you should tell them. A strong libido isn't going to do much when everything else has drained out of the realtionship. I say this because I know that so many people count on sex to slove all of their problems when many times outside of a heathy realtionship it just creates more.

I do find it kind of funny that I don't fit any of the requirments that she listed, I mean look: must be atheist, must be libertarian, must not want (more) children, must be financially independent or self-employed and available for frequent world travel, etc. I am definately not an atheist, I'm not even sure what a libertarian is, I want children, at least two, I still depend on my family, and I hate being on planes.

I wish that people could understand what real love is, and understand why the divorce rate in this country, and just around the world in general is so high. That having been said, I know that I need to end this here, I need to get some sleep. But I will be writing more on this blog as I have time to look at it. For those who don't know, I start school Monday, so I will have less and less time starting then. But I would like to tell you all to make sure that you remember what's important in this world.

Coming Along

Let's just say that the past year has been a learning experince, for the most part I have made the perfect example of what not to do, I have really shown just how low down things can get, I have shown just how much I can bounce back from and I have made some important new friends. I have realized that theater a lot of things that I really want to get done and get out there. Like I want to get at least the first half of my series of stories written out, and then I want to get this comic done, which seems to be becoming more and more of a reality.

I have actually be drawing something, unlike how I didn't draw the first half of summer. But the not drawing something for all of that time was not my fault as much as it was my schedules and the fact that my brother wanted me to do all of this work around the house, havew a job and pay rent and the fact that I felt like the more sleep I got the less I would have to deal with the things going on around me.

Even now there has been a lot on my plate, a lot on my mind. And the more things that I do, the more it seems to take care of all of these things. This summer couldn't have gone any better in respects to the last year. It had to go the way that it did because I needed to really get a good look at the way things were going to be if I didn't shape up. Before many of the things I claimed I as going to do, I didn't do, now that I know how things are going to be, I have to do them. I have to do everything I can, that even means not giving up on the things I used to want so badly. That's where the comic comes in, and some other things too.

One thing I have noticed is that it feels a lot like just because you aren't on their schedule, people act as if the things you do don't mean anything. They promise things and then don't act on them. Like lets go here, but then they never deliver. I'm really getting tired of it, and for the most part I'm not going to be going out very much anymore. There is a lot for me to be doing right now, like writing and drawing. I need to write a lot more if I ever want to get this story done, and please my fans. (I'm joking).

The Future

There has been so much going on this week, with the comic and just in general, everyone is coming back to San Antonio which is good because I missed a lot of people but we are also seeing who is not coming back at the same time and its hard to find out that someone you enjoyed hanging around will not be back this year.

The other night I was on the way to or from somewhere, I think I was on the way back from Greg's, I sat down and I called PJ up on the phone and we got to talking. And he said something that I hadn't really heard anyone say before, but I knew that I had felt it for a long time. He and I were talking about moving away from home, and living on our own in kind of a childish way.

Somewhere along the line the conversation got serious. And PJ just came out with I can't being able to make enough money and live on my own. He didn't mean it the way you're all thinking, he meant what I was thinking exactly. That he couldn't imagine it. I look around and I see a lot of the future in my friends, not all of them are bright.

But some of them are right there with me in the future, and they're the people I wouldn't replace with anyone. I have a lot that I want to say about what I thought about when I was talking to PJ, I told him a lot of it. I told him about some of the things I would like to see happen. And surprisingly enough all of this was bought on by the advent of the comic, or our involvement into the comic. This is an idea we have had since fifth grade and I would like just once to get something I want to do, done.

There is a lot of things that I want to say, things I am thinking right now. I can't really talk about them. I have never been one to hold back much on this blog. But these are feelings that I have kept inside for this long, and I need to hold onto them for a little longer, see exactly what they mean. I know they mean a lot to me, but I don't know where they go.

Gotta get up for more school stuff to be taken care of, that means I have to go.

Can You?

Maybe I am thinking to hard, maybe I feel this way because something said scares me, and it really does. I love all of my friends but there is just something about the idea of one friend cheating another that gets to me, and that's all I can say. I can't be asked to name names, I can't be asked to go into more detail.

I have been thinking about something, what would you give up for someone, you know what I mean. I don't mean having someone in a sexual way, that's just shallow and stupid. I mean what would you give up to really have someone to hold, to talk, to be with? I have been thinking about that because life requires us to make sacrifices, whether they be small or large. Are we willing to sacrifice enough? And after we do will we be bitter about it, because that kind of takes the whole point away.

I think that I can, I think I'm strong enough to do that...

Now more Kingdom Hearts quote junk...

Thinking of you, where ever you are. We pray for our sorrows to end and hope that our hearts will blend. Now I will step forward to realize this wish and who knows: starting a new journey may not be so hard or maybe it has already begun. There are many worlds. but they share the same sky—one sky, one destiny.

Back Home / Comic Party

It's about time for me to go and take a shower, I just wanted to say that this is my official home message, that I am back in San Antonio, but this is not the end of my little ride, I have a lot to take care of. I have a lot on my mind too, namely one thing that I won't go into detail about :).

Thing is, I have been thinking about everything more seriously now. I want to write this story, I want to do this comic and I want to be truthful to myself and others. So that's what's going on right now. Going home helped me think, it helped me clear my head and gave me the courage to do something I had been aching to do for a while.

And now I have the courage to try this comic thing over, I don't care what others think of it. I have had a lot of complaints that the comic was too wordy.

Sorry that people are too lazy to read, but its not even that wordy, only a few of them are. The others are just more words crammed into less bubbles, which I plan to fix this time around. I don't want to say to much, but if you want some comicy goodness check these out!

New Stuff

The Regulars Main Characters

Same as the above, uncolored

Greg character colored

Tanookie Promo Art

The Infamous Skin Head Scott

Nikki

Old Psersp Art

Nikki lineart

Old Heather Art

Comics

So That's Where They Come From (comic)

Hand's On(comic)

Two Of A Kind(comic)

The Perfect Gift #1(comic)

Trinity Delimna #2(comic)

Claudia Kills(comic)

Old Stuff

All Characters(old)

Comic Concepts 1(old)

Even More Comic Concepts(old)

Vanessa Design(old)

The girls(old)

Mandi Concept(old)

Old Regulars Concept(old)

Original Regulars Girls(old)

8.106(old)

Kinsey Concept(old)

Ashley Remix(old)

Final Allsion(old)

Erin's the Best At Smiling(old)

What's my Age Again(old)

Dressed to Kill

Cute Without the 'e'(old)

No It Isn't

This is for someone who hurt me so badly, and when I say hurt, I mean that kind that inflicts the heart. I don't know if I will ever look at friends the same, I mean its been months and I can't stop thinking about it. Greg's roommate Beef showed me this song by +44 and all I can say is that I understand the lyrics because they hit home.

Mark Hoppus formerly of Blink-182 is the singer, people say the song is about Tom, but I think its about this girl he used to like back when Blink was getting big, I have reasons for this. But yeah, this describes what it felt like last November(2005)...

Please understand

This isn't just goodbye

This is I cant stand you

This is where the road crashed into the ocean

It rises all around me

And now we're barely breathing

A thousand faces we'll choose to ignore

[chorus]

Curse my enemies forever

Lets slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful

This desperation leaves me overjoyed

With fading lights that leads us past the lives that we destroy

I listen to you cry

I cry for less attention

But both my hands are tied

And I'm pushed into the deep end

I listen to you talk but talk is cheap

And my mouth is filled with blood

From trying not to speak

So search for an excuse

And someone to believe you

In foreign dressing rooms

I'm empty with the need to

[chorus]

Curse my enemies forever

Lets slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful

This desperation is leaving me overjoyed

With fading lights that leads us past the lives that we destroy

Please understand

This isn't just goodbye

This is I cant stand you

New Job Time

I'm just sitting here, thinking and thinking and thinking some more. So yeah I did quit the job, now time to replace it.

Two Whole Years

Alright, well mark this day, this is the two year anniversary of this place. And I would like to take this time to announce that I am making a new comic. You know how we do.

Since this blog was started:

blink-182's broken up

I've had and lost my first girlfriend

Apple got a deal with Intel

The Dave Chappelle Show has gone off

The Iraq War has been raging on

I've met some of the best friends I will ever have

Fall Out Boy and Panic! At the Disco have gone from small time to the biggest things

Three people from my high school have died

The X-Box 360 has come out and the PS3 and Wii have been announced.

Sequels to Kingdom Hearts and Xenosaga have come out.

Tiffany's gone from dating PJ, to being married to some other dude.(word?)

Penny Arcade has made 156 comics and their first book

Maddox has written 15 articles (sad really)

Zero terror attacks have happened on American soil

My mom has retired

I've gone on and off of medication

I've lost three very good friends, but apparently they weren't as good as I thought.

I've become 67% more effective at sarcasm...

And this site has gotten 7221 hits.

Here's to the future.

Quitter

Quitting my job later today, more later...

I Think We've Got The Wrong Dicks

I think we've got the wrong dicks.

That was the line a little over two years ago when PJ, Alexis, Tiffany and I came to San Antonio on our Senior trip. The story? Well PJ and I wanted to go to a resturant called Dicks here in town. Its one of those theme resturants and the theme is being rude the costumers. Like sometimes when you ask for more bread they just throw it to you, but its all in good fun.

Well, the girls were not having it, we had to go somewhere nice. And we did, it was okay, but it was boring. No one threw a single thing at us...

PJ and I decided that we could sneak out while the girls were sleep and go back, but I told him that with our luck we would end up in some similarly titled Women's Strip Club, to which he appropriately said 'Justin, I think we've got the wrong dicks'.

Boobs

Persephanie got this started, she said this because of something that I posted earlier, and I felt the need to actually make a real post instead of just one of those short bits like I normally do. What happened is Persephanie asked me why guys like boobs so much. And for the most part I don't understand most of it. What I do know is that people will claim their just fun, don't know what that means, don't really want to know.

At first I told her that I didn't understand it because I don't like them really. But she asked me why most of the guy population likes them. I know that I have gotten up here and gone on about the whole men seeing women as objects thing. I think that at sometime all men have been guilty of it. Even if it was when you were younger, I know that when I was younger there might be those guys you thought were the cool kids. And when I was that age all I wanted was to be noticed. This was a long time ago, it got to the point that when I had something in common with this one kid, I would immediately try and prove it so we'd have some common ground for friendship.

Well once I told him I liked the color green and he called me a liar. Not fun. Later when I was older and guys would talk about wanting to 'bone' some girl, I would just nod and not say anything. Remember, image is everything. I was too scared to say anything back. One time a guy I was in school with asked me which girl I would want to have sex with in our class? I mean this was just me in the hall randomly and he walks up and askes that. Some guys considered that small talk back then.

But this kind of thing continues even until this day and age. I met two guys outside of the movie theater where I was working the other day. Well they seemed pretty cool and one of the managers at the theater is two months younger than me. She is reall beautiful, I don't know how else to describe her, I don't talk to her much, but it was two in the morning and I didn't want to leave her there without anyone else, so I stayed around. Well finally as her ride got there and she was leaving one of the guys said something along the lines of See you baby, and blew a kiss at her.

I just mentioned that was wrong, because I am sure she gets that kind of thing all of the time and that she is tired of it. So what can we do to get rid of all this? Well we can say just one thing, guys, we need to learn how to treat women. One thing I have said is treat women as you would want your own daughter treated.

And I know that there are women who treate guys the same way, but I don't really know many of them or have the inside knowledge to talk about it.

So now to go on with it the way I meant to: boobs and what they boil down too. Boobs represent all that is backwards in society. I mean it is legal for men to show their chest, but not women. By that right what are the diffrences in the chest of a man and a woman. Some men have nipples that are semi-functional, that is to say a saline solution is emitting from them at times. Even that having been said, what causes women's breasts to have to be covered is most likely the size, right?

Well next time you see a fat guy with no shirt tell him to wrap that shit up, that's what the law is telling me. Even more so, if they made it legal for women to go topless tomorrow, a men would look for a week or two. But there's only so much of that you can get excited over before you get bored with it. It's like Doug Stanhope said:

I might stare for a day or something, but after that I don't give a shit. And I know that because I have sat in a titty bar for so long I became completely desensitcised. You spend eight hours with tits hanging in your face, slapping off you head and your like, 'whatever, just get me another cock-tail'. But if that cock-tail waitress leans over and you can see down her shirt, you go 'look I can see her tit, its right there!' After right hours that's the best tit you saw all night, because its the tit your not supposed to see.—Doug Stanhope, Comedian

Likewise I have a story that is the reverse of this, at my school so many girls walk around wearing short skirts, like wash cloth short, that when one comes in with a skirt at or past the knee, I can't stop looking!

The Eternal Question

Today on the internet you can find some of the smartest people in existence. For instance in a forum just today I saw some young person pose the most brilliant question and I quote, Why does girls like dicks?

Well there you have it, that is the problem with the youth of the world.