Thursday, March 24, 2011

Fear Makes For A Delicious News Day

With the recent Earthquake in Japan and the unrest over seas the one thing that is constantly surprising is how the news tries to make everything about us. Not that these things don’t effect us, they do and they should. But they don’t effect us in the selfish way that many news outlets would have you believe. It used to be that you could watch something like Glenn Beck and get his looniness spread out over the course of an hour but then other shows would be more grounded. Now he’s gotten worse and all other news here seems to be following that trend.

Everything is world ending panic. Everything is going to get us, radiation, terrorists, storms, the economy. Sometimes there’s a conspiracy between groups to get us and other times they’re all just working individually.

Here in Houston they’ve debuted this anchor free news cast that’s little more than the daily news with a voice over from some creepy guy while scary music plays and they fear-monger it up about all of the ways you or your family could die.

And before I wrap this up, on the subject of Glenn Beck. I watched about a ten minute portion of his show the other day. Oddly enough he mentioned France and England but didn’t bad mouth them. Instead he claimed the Germans are plotting to rile up the Middle East with some pictures of dead Muslims from the war zone, like eleven years of that stuff never happened and this is the first time anyone over there has ever been killed, and he’s claiming it’s a German plot to put the world against the US, UK and France.

This man is a stark raving lunatic. He should be doing that show from a padded cell and I think given time, the inevitable conclusion we can come to is that we’re going to turn on the television one night to see Glenn Beck talking to and playing with his dick and he’s going to do that for an entire hour and then say. “Alright Shepard Smith! Back to you!” and that will be it. I don’t know how anyone can listen to and believe this man and his Da Vinci Code-esque rants (they’re about as badly plotted out as the book was too).

News like him is the problem with America.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

First Real Day

My first real day of work wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, it really went by fast too. Right now I’m gearing up for my second go at it.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Writing Again

I woke up this morning at 7 AM with a renewed need to edit and tear into this thing, I just needed to make it the best I could and hope that I ironed out all of the mistakes before I let anyone else see it. The notes left there by Tacia really help because they’re pretty much the only feedback of a specific nature I’ve received.

When I was talking with her last night I mentioned how it was odd, I had never been protective of writing before and I usually was more willing to let others see it but with this its not like that at all. She just said, “Well its your baby,” and I guess in a way she’s right. The story has gotten more work put into it than the previous ones and it shows in the details and things I’ve included and the notes I continue to make between calls at work and the little scenarios I dream up in the hopes I will be able to use them in future installments.

When I left off I was nearing the end of the tale with this first round of edits but I don’t know, I became too distracted and disheartened. With this renewed goal of pressing on through to the end, I figure I can clear some ground and have the story in a readable, respectable form in a matter of weeks before I go back and do some MAJOR edits.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Circumstances

I think we all hit those moments in time when we realize we’re sliding into territory we’ve been in before. We have to strive not to base our current predicaments on the past, because circumstances aren’t ever really the same. But at the same time we’re going to always look back at the last time and what happened, wondering what went wrong—if it did indeed go wrong. And if it went right, we might be trying to replicate that.

There really isn’t much in the way of “right” examples that I have to base things on and we really don’t get many second chances with the same situations or people. So I’m looking hard and evaluating everything right now, meticulously picking over the subtle nuances of the things that are going on right now and trying to understand what I can do to put things in my favor.

Work is hard, especially because I have realized more and more that a lot of the things working against you are based on the customers perception of you and sometimes you really can’t help that.

Honestly I like the work most of the time but I worry about the security of a job like that and it makes me want to fight to advance to a position where I’m not at risk for that so easily. Then there’s this other thing, probably something I really shouldn’t have on my mind at all and I’m trying my best to think of a reason not to act on it or even think about it (admittedly it will be better when I’m out of training) but there’s this girl who works with me and I just think she’s really cute.

Oddly enough she makes me really nervous, but I don’t even know how to act on something like that in a workplace setting so I am pretty afraid to even progress that. And if I did do anything with it, it seems like the kind of place where some sophomoric bullshit could ruin your relationship if not careful.

Tomorrow is the last day of my training, so that fixes one small part of one problem, but the overwhelming majority of the stuff is still going to be of issue.

Monday, March 14, 2011

What Are We Coming To?

It’s worrying to me the state of people. When I consider the kinds of things that people say and think are okay. For instance I went on an anime forum I used to frequent and was just reading the section meant for real world news. Never mind the fact that all too often the things in there pertaining video games and other BS like that get more rage and attention than news about people being murdered or brutally raped.

But when someone’s first reaction to the Earthquake in Japan is to say “I hope this won’t effect my manga this week” all I can think is I wish someone would kick them in the throat. Hard.

That kind of asinine attitude is just the kind of thing that shows the deplorable selfishness that seems to be everywhere. To add onto that, a friend of mine seems to have killed herself, I’ve been absent from the internet a lot lately and she left the suicide note on her Deviant Art. We weren’t really close, but I’m made madder by the fact that people were egging her on to kill herself and talking about how she didn’t matter…how it didn’t matter that her father was basically evil to her and her mother and all the pain he had caused in her life. They teased her about her feelings toward herself and her feeling of self worthlessness.

And to them this was a joke and it was funny and they didn’t have remorse for it, I’d doubt they had remorse for her being dead if they knew. I hope that the note was a fake, or she didn’t do it or at the very least someone found her and stopped her before it was too late. I know we weren’t the closest but I don’t think that means she deserves to die.

But what I find sadder is that people believe that ANYONE deserves to suffer and die like that. 

Thursday, March 10, 2011

It’s hard to feel like you deserve anything, when you don’t feel like you even deserve to get up in the morning.

Monday, March 07, 2011

I thought having a job and something I was good at and doing for more than just the money would make me not hate myself. But I was pretty much wrong. No matter what its always there and I just don’t think this is going to pass like everyone says it will.

And with that realization and the recent events going on around me I’ve lost the last bit of faith I had in others.