Idiocy Should Be Illegal

If being an idiot was illegal, it would probably be easier to keep the criminals outside the jails and use them as fortresses.

The Weather Today Is Optimistic With a High Chance of Doubt

I feel like I am being tugged in two different directions, on one hand I feel like something is wrong and on the other I feel the way bank robbers must feel just before they go out on that last big job that ends up getting them all killed.

That is to say, optimistic.

Your Sex Stories Don't Impress Me

So I am sitting here at the school on the phone with my insurance company waiting for them to come back on. I am sick of this phone tag I am playing with them and the like. Three guys walk up and sit on the couches behind me and start up instantly talking about how they're such nice guys and bragging about all of the chances they have had to have sex and didn't take it.

They talk about how girls were wanting to do this and that with them. Then they start talking about the sex they did have. What is it about guys that makes them think they need to talk about sex constantly. Especially these guys because I think that they're all lying. I mean its three of the nerdiest fucks you've ever laid eyes on, and they seem like they are trying to make themselves sound like they are taking the moral high ground.

There's just something I really don't like about how guys think they can impress me with these stories. I literally got up and walked off.

The Great Disappointment

I want to start off by asking that you keep my very good friend Jessica in your prayers. I can't say much more about it than that. But I'd be glad if you prayed for her.

Two thousand seven has thus far been a terrible year, most of the people that mattered to me most are stripped away. I've been sick pretty often, I wrecked my car and on a scale of things happening globally, there's more wars going on than I can count. Some just think that we're undergoing growing pains and that the world will come out of it shortly. I am under the impression that all of these things are actually a death rattle.

Every year seems to get progressively worse, every event that I see seems to be worse than the thing like it that it follows. Anything good or nice gets squashed as soon as it appears. The world has been a rotten place to an awful lot of people. Most of the time these are the people who never deserved it, who never saw it coming.

This world is a mess, created by God and yet thrown so far from where it should be. Not reflecting what he intended at all, and he must have known it would be this way, he is after all God.

What's the great lesson here? Everything good is so rare, its so unique and when you find something good, hold onto it? I can't ever seem to do that last part. The good things usually only last me a few weeks at best. A good feeling is something I can hardly remember now. Not feeling lonely is something that I haven't known in almost a year. And I am beginning to think no one loves. When you love someone you don't leave them. You don't ignore them or not talk to them. You are willing to fight for them.

Love seems more and more like an abstract concept invented to just keep people happy, give them an unreachable standard to live up to. If you believe God is perfect, and God is love, therefore love is perfect. If you also believe no one person can be perfect, no one person has the ability to love. And I'm betting the chances don't look to good for two people either.

For a long time I thought that I could come and help everyone rid themselves of their problems. Help people feel better and whatever else. I'm done doing that, I find most people aren't worth the time I wasted trying to help them, I can think of a few right off the top of my head but I won't name names.

As for Jessica, I will wait and try to help her, because she was the last person I remember making me feel any kind of good. She was the only one recently who talked to me and made things just a little better. I could actually smile with her. A few others of you out there I think deserve help. But to those who don't...you'll know that I've given up on you.

The Only Way To Make It Through With Hearts And Wrists In Tact...

I don't know what to say about this world, this world it seems like its taken another person from us. Another good person. I don't know what to say. Except I hope she's okay and I love her.

For Kara

As the title suggests, this is for Kara. Any one can read this, if you take offense to these words, good. Maybe you should take a look at the way you're doing things then and ask yourself this question Do I feel secure in my actions?

Junior High is a pretty hard time in all of our lives. While things might have been simpler back then for most of us, before the threat of terrorism and the like. Life was hard because for the first time, we were feeling strong attraction to girls.

Back then most of it was innocent, and it got expressed through the wrong outlets. Most of us got as far as holding hands, maybe a kiss. But the thing was, what was the ultimate thing you went for when you went after a girl? You could hope at best to make out, no one dared to say the S word.

Almost a decade later I could sit here and tell you all kinds of horror stories about what I have seen guys do. I could tell you that guys are just looking to put their wieners in your naughty bits. Most women seem to think that already. So why is it that girls fall for guys that are going to screw them over?

Women aren't stupid, even the dumbest person by nature has a memory and can tell when they are doing something the exact same way again. The problem is guys are tricky, they've evolved to a point where they have safe guards to counteract most of the ways women guard themselves.

In the case of some guys, its just so they can get some tail. A guy doesn't think past sex most of the time. Some of them won't even use a condom, forgetting what the function of sex is actually for! But these are the guys that are easier to see through, most of them spit rhetoric that you see in movies, hear in rap songs, or read in joke books.

They're going to target vulnerable girls, the ones that are younger, emotionally unstable, or fresh out of a break up. To them, these girls are no conquest, just a means to an end...the end of a hard on. Unfortunately I knew some guys like this, all of them even drew straws over a seventeen year old to see who got to take a ride on her that night. That was how they would describe it. Better than that, the one who made his move decided to do so when she was almost completely passed out on a couch. He had sex with a barely conscious girl...

Now the more danger guys are methodical. These are the ones with a real brain in their head, that got further than second base in Junior High, learned the ins and outs of women (physically and emotionally). They're dangerous because they are adaptive to situations. They go after hard targets, women who have moderate to high confidence and some who say they don't believe in one night stands. Some of these men can function and think enough while drunk to still accomplish their mission.

I've heard of guys like this, met about one in my life. The one I met did such things as get girls who had never been kissed to sleep with him in one day and let him film it. It was more than just trickery, it was pure manipulation. It was incredible to realize that someone can have that kind of power over someone else. Even so not just any guy can do this, it takes quick thinking, wit, an adaptive personality and good looks.

In a matter of speaking, you must be an evil genius to accomplish this feat, most guys that are out there trying to get into a girls pants are trying to do it like this last guy I mentioned. Why? Because they want a prize. Some guys want a virgin, they might even tally the number they've had. I've heard guys even speak of sleeping with a one girl for each letter of the alphabet, that is to say they want to find a girl who has a name that starts with each letter. Even worse are the ones who only like to go underage...you can find all types, but the basic message here is, guys are sick monsters.

Hell, even I am. I just turn my anger towards other guys. If I make a guy cry, I feel pretty proud. Maybe his confidence dropped a little, less competition for me. Part of me wishes that if I have daughters, they're lesbians so I don't have to deal with the pain and torment the average guy inflicts on a woman.

Now I am tired of writing, I think I might go make a sandwich or something, oh and if you have any hate mail or letter bombs please send them to:

I don't really care if you don't like what I wrote.

1234 This is a fake street anyway...

Wherever, USA

Do It For Me Now

My body is filled with...well I don't know what. I looked back at something I haven't touched since the day I last spoke to you. You were eighteen years old and one day. It was the saddest day I've had since...well since a long time ago and I haven't been whole since then. But right when I was thinking of doing the wrong thing, the stupid thing. You saved me again, you've always been there to pull me out, even when you weren't really there.

What follows is your words, untouched by pencil or cursor. Words that struck me so hard that I know what I need to do.

Hey. Things are actually not going good at all...and it concerns us. When I came home from school with your presents, my parents kind of freaked because they don't know who you are and wonder if we have been secretly hanging out, which led to "do you talk to him online?" thing. They found out that I talk to you on myspace, and they feel really uncomfortable with me talking to an older guy that they don't even know. So, they are making me do the same thing I had to do with Heather. I don't really understand myself, and so I bet you won't either, and that's ok. And yes, i'm 18, an adult, but I still live under my parents rules until I leave for college. This is incredibly hard for me to do since it is going against my own will and desires. Justin, you are an amazing guy! You truly are! And I don't want this friendship to end...but I have to do this or I'll get in so much more in trouble. Please, please, do this for me, and soon we'll be able to get back to talking again. I have to sadly delete you from my friends. That's why I cannot have you on facebook. Please forgive me! I hope that when I leave for college and that I am finally free, I am able to speak to you again without ambivalent attitudes from my parents. I know this is hard, i mean, it's hard for me too! I'm so sorry. I want you to know something though: to thine own self be true. Justin, there will be many obstacles ahead, and I'm sad because I won't be there to help you when you need it! But please remember to be yourself, night to day, every single moment of the day! Cause being you is why I cherish this friendship! Please promise me to do that, and I promise you that I will come back to you once I am on my own! I hope that day will come soon! Thanks for everything..for you have truly been a wonderful, fantastic, marvelous friend!

If I don't shape up, and get back on track, who will she find when she comes back? Well I'm not going to even humor that question. There you have it, hon, you're boys back on track. I think for the first time in months, I'm back. After all, its what you wanted.

God blessed me with a wit, with attitude enough to stand up to others, against moral wrongs, to strike out where I saw tyranny even in the smallest degree. And that's what she admired. I seem to have gotten that back today. I've read just one thing and found the strength to carry on through all that's happening. I have to say sorry to Kara, I promised her a blog today about how evil men are, rest assured she'll have it soon. It might be worse now that I am back like this.

Hook Ups

Since the day I left Junior High it has seemed like things were changing too fast. I remember when kissing someone was a big deal. My first year of high school I heard from the younger sibling of a friend that three girls at our school had gotten caught having sex.

Back when I was there it was rare to even hear about someone going as far as to get fingered.

Now in college people talk about hooking up as if its something completely normal and even therapeutic. I used to see examples of it everyday. I still see guys that make out with girls, interchangeably in groups, and girls who make out with each other for a guys entertainment. I have to stop and ask, what happened to you women?

The women from a newspaper, Laura Sessions Stepp has written this book called Unhooked about the decline of love and its replacement by hookups in college and high school life. If I didn't see it for myself I wouldn't have believed it at first. In my high school people were so close knit that there wasn't much hooking up in the open, everyone knew everyone.

But when I got to college things changed severely and I could see the stuff that was going on all around me. One girl I knew personally got passed around like a doobie among hippies. Guys would get together and discuss her performance and even rate her on how well she did individual things.

Stories cropped up about different crazy acts she had taken part in, one of the most notorious was her allowing a guy to use the vibrate function on his phone for purposes other than it was intended for, needless to say the phone broke. But the point here is this, hook ups, for the most part, are degrading to women and they harm the guy on the other end of the thing too.

The problem really stems from Feminism, now I know I am going to get a lot of hate speech over this, but I think the second that women led themselves to believe that sexuality was the way for them to become more independent, they left themselves open to be used in a new way. Being outlandishly sexual doesn't empower you. All of the guys and girls I know that get the most crazy sex are the most unhappy people.

I read an article that Laura Stepp wrote on Valentines Day and it amazed me how much I thought the same way she did. She wrote about how many women didn't want anything to do with long term relationships because there wasn't any time for them. Stepp states in her article:

A national survey of 18-to-29-year-olds by the Pew Research Center reported that almost 60 percent were not in committed relationships and the majority of those were not interested in being committed. Young women even have phrases for couples, frequently spoken with a touch of derision: They're 'joined at the hip,' or 'married.'

But I can tell you right now that part of the problem lies in our parents. I had a friend who had a mother who had been divorced several times, and this friend told me that "I don't see the big deal with marriage, its just a short term commitment". Believe it or not the reluctance for people to seek divorce ruins the minds of the children involved.

What I can't do is offer much help. Guys I know think they are happy to be this way, to seek out these things and only these things. And occasionally making out with someone at a party isn't going to damage your mind forever, but going about looking for this as if its going to lead you to eventually meet someone you love is a dumb idea. If the other person only sees you as a hook-up that's all you'll ever be. Even if you marry that person, expect to get divorced, or have major problems. You weren't what they had in mind, just what was convenient.

A link to the original article can be found here: myspace

And That's The Last We'll Speak of It...

So what its been about two days since the shooting thing in Virginia and already we have Rosie O'Donnell putting her foot in her mouth with stupid statements such as her saying that The NRA is the biggest lobbyist in the US. I don't know how many people out there want to tell her she's fucking wrong, because obviously she's never heard of a little thing called OIL.

This is what launches the major problem with this kind of thing, the media turns into into a circus to fulfill their own personal wants. Some of them, like Rosie over here, will want to get rid of illegal guns as she called them. Well too bad the guns the guy used were legal. If you are going to start stating things, state the facts. Then you have those who just want ratings, who are playing this over and over, twenty-four hours a day, with breaks in between for more news about...the shooting.

The news has been adamant about pushing this in our faces, when they really have so little information to give us, they have so little that is new to give us. The people killed need to be remembered, but I am sure they don't want to be slathered with some kind of political button and paraded around for some political agenda. I don't even think that the heroes in this story, the teacher who died to save his students and the senior who barricaded the door; I get the idea that these people are just being used to get more ratings. I mean if you did something like this and saved someone, you would probably just want to be left alone. I know this because I don't think praise is what we always want!

The news is determined not to give us time to heal, just like they did with September eleventh for that week it happened, and Andrea Yates, and now this. It's like the line from Fight Club about the scratch in your mouth that would only heal if you could stop tonguing it. That's what the news makes these things into.

I also want to say that when this happened everyone thought this guy was white, everyone thought he was American born and raised, thought that he played violent video games, listened to violent music and that he was a certain type of person. They drew all of these conclusions hours before they even released a name for this guy, he turned out to be an Asian Immigrant, not that it matters. But what I want to say is that we need to stop blaming violent video games, music, and movies for this kind of shit. I have heard Tarantino's name come up more times when they talk about this guy than the actual guy. Tarantino didn't walk onto the campus and shoot those people. He makes movies, that's it.

Music and movies don't define us. I listen to a lot of kinds of music and I never commit crimes because of any of it. When did people stop being crazy and have to have a reason to be messed up in the head? No one is blaming the shooter for the shooting, no one is blaming the fact that he might have just been born wrong. Maybe his parents aren't at fault, maybe he was just a loony. His parents ran a dry cleaning shop in Virginia, do you know that they are hospitalized because shock? Well you see this crime isn't something that someone caused him to do. He was crazy and no one could have helped him if he didn't want to be helped, obviously he didn't want to be helped.

On a day when I think eighty percent of the blogs in the world are writing about this, I want to say something I bet many of them are not. We need to pray for his parents, his family, and we need to be less worried about warning signs and stop there from having to be warning signs. I knew a lot of people that were this crazy, but all of them had friends and maybe that's what keeps them from going over the edge. Family isn't enough, there's just things they can't provide, and even criminals have friends. So from now on when you see that quiet kid in the hall, don't walk by them or wait for them to say hi, just say hi to them. Stop and talk to them, it might make them feel like someone important. It might even make them open up. And it could just someday save a life...there's or someone else's.

Angel Feather - Commission

This is the first part of the commission that I asked this girl on Deviant art. Here's the picture.

Do Us All a Favor...

Next time that you feel the need to go into a school and shoot up some place like a school or a business, just follow these simple instructions.

1. Load the gun


2. Stick it in your mouth


3. Blow your brain out

Really, it would make things simpler.

You're Crashing, But You're No Wave

I really fucking hate celebrity news, its the most pointless drivel that they could possible put on the television. Why do I care how much someone got in their divorce or who is hooking up with who? I don't mind knowing stuff like when new movies come out that's something that I want to know, sometimes its okay to hear when celebrities do something really important for the community or commit a serious crime. But weddings and the like are not interesting, they're not even people that I know. I mean I can hardly bring myself to deal with the weddings of people I do know.

So what does this all amount to? I hate the channel E! I think its completely pointless and a juvenile waste of time. Can your life really be so boring and uninteresting you have to watch someone else's drama? I know that I have more than enough of that going on in my life right now. I'll keep out of other people's, thank you.

I really can't see the kind of audience that these shows have...well I can, I am looking at one of them. He's watched this stuff for about an hour this morning and I wonder, "Who does this appeal to." Most of the people I see watching this couldn't even tell you any of what's going on in the news right now. And while we have men and women ding in a war, we have whole news shows...news shows on CNN dedicated to this Anna Nicole Smith bullshit.

I'm sorry the woman died, but what did she do to deserve the public spotlight? Why are these assholes on my television? Why can't I turn on the TV without getting bombarded with who's dating who BS. And what's worse is the stuff they are telling us about celebrities. There was a story about the amount the wives of famous people got in the divorce settlements, they brought up pre-nuptials. I think this is the most fucking retarded idea. If a woman asks me for one, I wouldn't marry her ass. I think that someone asking for one of those is just admitting they don't think you can last. And that's not the attitude I want being taken into a wedding.

On a better note, they do sometimes mention positive things about celebs. Such as the story about actresses standing up against the common culture of Hollywood and the problem it has with weight. I am glad to hear this, because some of these women just looked sick.

The Angel of Death

Today I am really excited because my friend over at Deviant Art made this beautiful picture for me. I really can't tell you how much I love this picture but I am onthe way, right this minute to run off an color it. I just wanted to write this up and let everyone see the picture before hand!

By the way, this is a picture of the Angel of Death, and she drew it how I described, but you know how when you tell someone what you are thinking, but in a vague way and they think something completely different? That's the case here, and it happened that I loved it!

Political Correctness and Rosie O'Donnell

Political correctness is going to be the death of us all. At a certain point it might have been a good thing, then it might have been a little much, now it seems more and more like politician correctness is just a way to leave groups of people blameless for the things that have happened in the past and for the things that are happening currently.

In some schools in Britain it has become standard practice to skip over teaching about the Holocaust as it might upset Muslim students that believe the Holocaust never happened. Which is just stupid. I mean I'm not one to crush someone's belief system, but if you believe a well documented event involving the murder of over six million people was some kind of cover up, you're a dumb fuck. I mean I've seen fucking photos. I've never seen a photo of Jesus or Mohammad, yet Billions of people believe in them, how is this so hard to understand?

Some places in Europe are trying to say its not okay to call terrorists terrorists...although some of them even call themselves that and threaten 'a wave of terror'. No one seems to be paying this any attention, their all too busy listening to dumb ass Rosie O'Donnell. You know I heard her talking about how the American Government blew up the World Trade Center Tower 7 for whatever reason. I wish for just a second this were Soviet Russia so someone in the government would assassinate that bitch. She went as far to say sarcastically "This is the first time in history that fire has melted steel". You dumb bitch, how the fuck do you think they make steel?

People need to stop looking at people like her and the rest of the celebrity community and need to be more away of the words we use to describe people and places. If we change how we talk to accommodate the terrorists, yes I said it, then haven't they won just a little bit.

Cuddle

I think it might be too late for this. Right now I don't really know what's going on with me, inside my head or anywhere else for that matter. I keep thinking something is wrong but I don't know what. Maybe its just that I am not true to myself, maybe its that I forgot how to be. I miss so many things about last semester, some of them I don't miss at all. But I miss having other people around to talk with.

Sadly I miss most of my friends in San Antonio, some of you I had barely begun to hang out with, like Wesley. I miss hanging out on couches talking until the wee hours of the morning and most of all I miss having someone to cuddle up next to and just watch a movie. I want all of those things back.

Hookah is another thing I miss, because it became such a regular part of social interaction for me. I miss Law & Order and bad movies picked out by Brandon. Right now I just wish I had someone nearby I knew, someone familiar that I could talk with. I guess I have made some new guy friends, but no girls. And I really thrive on the company of girls because I feel comfortable around them, with guys I'm defensive, brash, down right rude and pretty much an asshole. With girls, most of the time, I don't have to be. I don't relate to most guys because all they care about are titties and...well titties. And I have really made like four new friends here, but that's it.

I need to get out more, I need to find a way to meet people. I'm really just not cut out for this.

Mother Pimps Out Seven Year Old Girl

A break from the ordinary for me, if you can call it a break. It's actually a heinous crime that should be punishable, I really think by death, but those of you who know me like Brandon does will know I saw the same about murder and rape.

But this crime just because of the severity of the whole thing should be closely watched. If you're not sure exactly what happened, I can relate it to you. A Michigan mother of five was arrested the other day for selling her seven (7) year old daughter for pornography and sex. When arrested she was in a hotel room with the little girl, she had with her a bag full outfits for the girl pose in and if the price was high enough she had a bag full of sex toys for whoever wanted to pay to use on the little girl.

As can be expected this is not the first time this little girl was raped and molested like this, and the cops are looking into the lives of the other kids. This little girl happened to be the second youngest of the bunch, so there might be more this 'mother', if you can call the bitch that, has done.

This just goes to show you that popping a kid out doesn't make you a real mother, as no real mother would do this. This really shows us that people are sick, sick individuals and that there is no mental illness that should keep this woman from getting at least life in prison.

New Normal

A while back Brandon commented on something that I thought was just a small part of one of the blogs I wrote. He made a remark about what I had called 'The New Normal', that is to say that there is a new order of things that are becoming the constant state of all our lives. Life without certain people, less communication between others and certain activities just being much harder to accomplish than they have in the past.

I remember a time when I would be winding down to watch television right about now, when Futurama was on and then Simpsons and the X-Files after that. That was my normal Sunday night routine. Back then I didn't have a car, (Gas was like 99 cents) I didn't even have a cellphone, not that I needed it because I never talked on the phone much anyway. Back then there were things that bothered me, normal teen drama bullshit...but nothing like the problems I have today. And back then the world was a simpler place. I felt safe no matter what, the News was just the News, but it was hardly ever Doomsday talk. My friends and I were a solid group, I knew where I stood with each one of them, and the few people I had around me that I didn't like were so insignificant that I didn't care if they were there.

Now all of this is not the case everything has changed and not for the better. The world, my life, everything around me has just gotten darker. And I'm not sure if we can just call this growing up or some kind of growing pain. But I hope dearly that all of this is not the New Normal. I noticed that more and more banks are open on Sunday, that used to be one of the most taboo things you could do. Sunday was the Holy Day. I see more and more that people just don't care about you, or anyone else, and its hard to care for others if every time you do you get stabbed in the back.

People's lives are shrouded in fear, their entire day to day being is marked by the trouble they manage to avoid, not caring who else might run into that same trouble. Lying and cheating have become commonplace. Underhanded practices are encouraged in most businesses and even in some school. This isn't the world that we wanted to grow up in? This isn't the world we wanted for our Children.

I hope for their sake this is not going to become the Norm.

Comish!

I'm super excited! The first commission I asked to have done is paid for and will be ready this week, now I can pay Kimmy next week and everything should be alright after that for a while. I will show both of the commissions to everyone here when I get them back. Just to let everyone know what a commission is, its when you pay to have an artist or writer do work for you in a specific form or fashion. Of course the payment depends on the artist and the piece; or the writer and the length of the piece.

So Kimmy, I will be paying this next week when I get more money!