Circumstances

I think we all hit those moments in time when we realize we’re sliding into territory we’ve been in before. We have to strive not to base our current predicaments on the past, because circumstances aren’t ever really the same. But at the same time we’re going to always look back at the last time and what happened, wondering what went wrong—if it did indeed go wrong. And if it went right, we might be trying to replicate that.

There really isn’t much in the way of “right” examples that I have to base things on and we really don’t get many second chances with the same situations or people. So I’m looking hard and evaluating everything right now, meticulously picking over the subtle nuances of the things that are going on right now and trying to understand what I can do to put things in my favor.

Work is hard, especially because I have realized more and more that a lot of the things working against you are based on the customers perception of you and sometimes you really can’t help that.

Honestly I like the work most of the time but I worry about the security of a job like that and it makes me want to fight to advance to a position where I’m not at risk for that so easily. Then there’s this other thing, probably something I really shouldn’t have on my mind at all and I’m trying my best to think of a reason not to act on it or even think about it (admittedly it will be better when I’m out of training) but there’s this girl who works with me and I just think she’s really cute.

Oddly enough she makes me really nervous, but I don’t even know how to act on something like that in a workplace setting so I am pretty afraid to even progress that. And if I did do anything with it, it seems like the kind of place where some sophomoric bullshit could ruin your relationship if not careful.

Tomorrow is the last day of my training, so that fixes one small part of one problem, but the overwhelming majority of the stuff is still going to be of issue.