List

Was talking to Auraya and she was saying how she doesn't know some things about me, although she didn't specify. So I thought I would do one of these cheesy "getting to know you" blogs to waste my time and yours.

• I wear a size fifteen shoe (American)


• I've never left the contenint


• I hate pickles, but will still eat them some of the time for some reason


• Redwall is the first book that got me into reading


• I can never wear hats


• I'm quiet literally blind...without glasses or contacts, I can't see to drive or walk really.


• I refuse to buy an iPOD, not out of some hatred for Apple, but because I am simply scared I will break the thing.


• I have a long standing rivalry with School Buses


• I own a Datsund doggy named Carlen


• I have three nephews and a step nephew and two nieces.


• I hate peanut butter


• I find something about horses unnerving


• I have these strange habits when it comes to hygine, I will clean my hands very often for no reason and I will clean my ears and nails more than once a day even if there's no visibile dirt.


• I've had a gun and a knife pulled on me


• I've had my writing published before


• In my life time I have drawn over 75 comic books


• I quite literally can't see a girl crying and not stop to help them, not sure where it came from but if I manage to pass by and leave them, it will bother me for days.


• I've sent someone to the hospital in a fight before, they did swing at me first, but I hit them once with a chair.


• I have an overwhelming fear of heights.


• I've actually been told I am a good cook.


• I don't like cake


• I have a problem with hording things, I keep numbers in my phone I haven't called in years and I actually have files in this computer that were on the computer I had like four computers ago in 1998.


• I love any kind of tea.

These are all random, but I just deicded it would be something fun to do.

Literary Journal

Looks like I have to start a literary journal...so I might be noting some of the stuff down in here. This differs from a real "diary" because this is where I will put useless shit that I really don't need to use in my writing but for some reason feel compelled to...

The End

It seems that you saw fit to finally go ahead and disown me, cut me loose, whatever you would have it called. And I'm left wondering was what I did really the most horrible thing ever? Was it enough to be left without a word or reply or anything at all. It makes me feel like people really will let you down more often than not. On a long enough timeline people will do just that. Maybe that's a bit much, a bit too much of an impossible standard to live up to.

I can admit it was a dumb thing to do, I can even admit that I was at fault and I apologized, just as someone who is at fault should. People don't always want to forgive. So I use this as a learning experience I guess. I chuck this one up to having been unlucky and let it go. It's just so hard to part with friends. Even when they're one hundred and fifty miles away, even when they're a million miles away. Distance, fights, the little things that pop up, they shouldn't matter in friendship.

But they do.

Meet Boxxy

Well prepare to meet one of the strangest things on the internet, Boxxy. Now don't say I didn't warn you. Boxxy isn't to be taken lightly. She's probably one of the oddest sights you will see on you tube. Much speculation revolves around exactly what is wrong with her, whether it be drugs, retardation or some kind of sick and twisted trolling job.

I'm actually embarrassed to admit that she's slightly cute for the first ten seconds or so and you'd almost want to meet her in person until she opens her mouth. God when she opens her mouth I think I could smell the sulfur and heard the wailing the grinding of teeth. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the anti-Christ.

Not my fault if you kill yourself...

Quickie About the News

I think that there needs to be something done about the news media in the country, they are getting to the point where they neglect real news to report on pop news and shit. I'm so fed up with the television that I'm going to go draw.

Admisson

There's thoughts that I wish I could vocalize, thoughts that seem to be hidden from even me. I guess you were wrong, I guess that sometimes I'm scared of what certain other people might think. More importantly I am scared of what I might think...if I actually have to say these things out loud doesn't that make them true? If I vocalize this...someone hears it, even if its only me.

I can write this, because this keyboard, this monitor, its therapeutic. Maybe its a partial admission of guilt to an anonymous audience, maybe that really doesn't mean much. But there's still so much I can't face yet. There are things I'm scared to admit to myself, to others.

Failure is a scary thing, and when you've failed its something that can really eat at you. Sometimes, I think everything I do is just an attempt not to fail. If I set goals, if I try, if I make an effort and still fail...then that means I really can't do it. But if I do nothing, well then...no one expects someone who does nothing to get anywhere...

Freedom?

I can't help but think I did something wrong, and it seemed this year started off so good. Well at least it seemed to. Maybe its that I worry too much and when things are like this I can't stop worrying and its all that I can do. I can't notice the things around me or the people, I just have that one thought in my head and its nagging and bothering me. There's no way to be rid of it, to just push it out like waste or garbage or something I don't need.

You develop a lot of connections to things, or you can. But it seems that when you do, you run a higher risk of getting hurt or into trouble. That's the problem, when you have nothing to live for, there's no risk in anything you do. You're free, probably in its most true form. But when you invest in something and open yourself up, its the risk and that's what gets to me. I'm not sure how I would react if I was just someone with no one to care about, no one to worry over. I've never been that person. I spend so much time worrying about something or other.

The things that used to bring me some clarity are failing now and I just can't really count on them because of what I am seeing. It seems in a way everything in the world is failing down around us, and so many of us have so much invested in so many risky things. It might seem odd, but those things that worry other people, the fear that they feel about the war, or the economy and such, aren't what is in the front of my mind. It's other things, things about myself. I think that worries me far more than anything.

Swimming Up Hill

It's just some of the time, nothing I can do feels like it ever has a chance be right. Even with the best of outcomes, I just know that it won't be anything good that comes of this. It's like I'm swimming up hill, against a current. There's no kind of help, there's no assistance, just opposition. That's what its like to work at this alone and to know you're doing it alone. I just lose my words, its all too much trouble, its all not worth it.