One Last Time With Feeling

It's hard to even type this, I've been going on four hours of sleep,

and I didn't really get to go to bed until three this afternoon, it was

worth it, I had a good reason, the reason is Marisa, she left and I had

to see her one last time here. I had to just hug her, give her a card and

wish her well. I felt like it's kind of like, hmm, a

responsibilty for me to do that.

I know I will see her again, I can't just let this go

unanswered, I can't just sit around and ignore this. She was one of the

best friends I had here, she kept me safe, she protected me, maybe

without even knowing it.

I'm alone in this dorm now, Spike is with Julia, and that makes me

feel bad too, this is the last time they will see each other until this

coming Christmas, what a gift that will be for him, I know I

can't even buy him anything, what could even measure on any scale for him

after recieving something like that. His one true love back in his

arms.

I feel this obligation to be there for him this summer, to help him

through this, because it's going to be hard for him, harder than it ever

has been for me. I want something sure, but its something I've never even

had with a girl who I've never been with. What he wants is something he

used to have availble to him on an almost weekly basis. That compaionship

is not able to be replaced, that feel of comfort is not replicable.

It's not something that you can just pull out of your ass and make

work, its not something that you can just pretend to have with some

person. Cheating wouldn't bring it, and he wouldn't cheat on her anyhow,

he'd rather die. He feels the same about cheating as I do.

I feel like things are about to get rough, things are going to be

challenging and I'm going to need my friends to help me through just like

they'll need me and their other friends. I've said it before, I only

trusted three people here, I mean really trusted, Spike is here,

and will be in Houston with me, Marisa is gone to Austin, and Auska will

be here the summer.

The pillars of support are falling away, our little family here at

University of Texas at San Antonion is falling apart, we're back to where

we were when we first got here, we'll be in a strange world. Yes, I said

it, home, my home in Houston is a strange world to me. I

feel more comfortable here, but I must make due there. I must deal...

I love this place, I will miss room 8.106, I will miss the cute girls

across from me and the smell of their cigarettes outside, I will miss

Kramer's phone ringing constantly through the wall, the tumping base of

rap music as he entertained a lady, I will miss people bursting into our

door whenever the fuck they pleased, I will miss the Minstrel's

nervousness around girls, deep late night talks with Spike, Rei and her

silly litle boots, I will miss Auska's stubborness, I

will miss going out to Wal-Mart at all hours of the morning, I'm

sure to miss Julia's surprise visits and so many other things that I

can't even name them all. I will be back here, but the here I

knew won't be here, if that makes any sense. This place will never be the

same.

I guess I have things to look forward to, things to be happy about and

alot to be thankful for, thank you God for giving me a wonderful year

here at UTSA. And to many more (not too many). Oh and Evan, if you're

out, I just wanted to say, much love and everything for choosing to go

into the army, defend our country and be a hero, you rank right up there

with my dad man, much respect to you.

Next time I do this, I'll be fighting with a dial up connection to do

this. Everyone remember, ladies especially—everything's longer on

dial-up.

_{Me, Marisa, and Spike}