Me, I'm offened! Greg and Heather made a gues about what my blog would be about yesterday, me being bored and me being nervous about....well you know. I think this is shit, you could at least give me a fair chance. Well no more, I need to be a little more unpredictable. Right now I am trying to think up some stuff for the story that I'm working on, it will be my return to...well writing as I used to. I worked on it for a long time last ngiht.
It has been a long time coming, but I haven't worked on anything really creative in a while, my last real complete work was the one I did with the story Lavender and Cherry Blossom. I actually planend to show that to some people, I mean its not my usual thing, what with all of the love story type elements, but it is well written and if I were to polish it up a bit I am sure that I could maybe submit it to something.
To some on the outside it might look like I am pressing myself to work on something in the way of writing, but in actuality. I am just trying to keep busy. All of the drawing has done it to a point, but when school starts I seem to have more of a problem drawing, and less of a problem writing. Right now I am also thinking of some kind of editorial that I can write, maybe something on that just effect everyday people, maybe something that effects college students. But I could have it done as soon as, well as soon as right after I finish this. I really don't polish my writing when I do these little editorials. I more than likely just slap them out there, of course they are checked for spelling, most of the time.
So on my plate I have some drawings to do of Greg as a Nartuo character, and then some of him and Heather together, I will try to get those done when I can, as I know Heather is reading this, but I am out of practice drawing men for the most part. But I think I can bang something out. So there is what I have to do.
Now on to what I have to say about today, well I woke up pretty late and went up to campus, on the way there I ran into Brenton and Nicole. It was odd, I never really see them out and about, for all fo the time I have spent here, I walk by their place and they are never out walking around. But they claim to be out all of the time. So I was shocked to see them. We walked up there together, and I found out then that class registration begins today, so I will have to go back later.
Well I headed over to the bookstore, anyone who knows anything about my past friends, knows that Desiree works at the book store. I make it a point to avoid the bookstore at all costs. Because I hate saying this, but last year I was torn up over her, I really didn't know what I had done wrong. And part of the reason that I feel like I do about myself is because of what happened with her. I have never been so torn up over a girl. And the reason I have such a problem telling this girl that I like her is that only one girl I have ever told that has reacted in a positive way, I have lost friends, I have been called names and ridiculed over it and so much more.
It's not like I am just going to bounce back from that! I don't know what else to say. I have certain things inside, things that I like to keep covered up. You know like feelings and the like. Saying that I like someone now, that would expose me, once again. Even if she most likely won't hate me for it, or think I am just some other typical guy that likes her for her looks alone, I never really can tell what she will say or do. To this day Allison won't look at me the same, she won't even hang out with me. And no matter how many people say I should leave her be, I know good and damn well that I can't just leave someone that I considered a best friend alone. I just can't do it.
It hurts inside, it really does to think that I could lose someone I am just starting to get to know the same way. That's why I hope that Cassie and Heather and everyone else read this, because I know that I will be able to look back and go I told you so. I hate this, I don't want to lose this person, I don't want them to think that no one can ever like them either, because really, they can. And I would do anything to not hurt a girls feelings. But I don't know, she could react by crying. And when she cries around me, no matter why, I fall the fuck apart. She did it twice. It made me feel so small and unable to do anything and I'd like nothing more than to be there and to make it so she never cried again, but I don't see that happening.
Regardless I guess I havew come to far, I need to just go on and make this move so that everyone out there will know: Look I failed again. It's going to happen, but I just want to let everyone else see, I called this one. I knew it before it happened. I was right all along, this is the only subject I am EVER right about. Here it goes again.
At least this time I expect it, I know I'm going to fall, so I'll pack a parachut for the plunge...
For those of you who want to see the editorial article, click here.
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