I guess this is as good a time as any to write in this again. I really haven't done anything with my blog substantial in days. I guess there's school work, and all of this drawing and me just thinking about some stuff that's never really far from my mind. I have a lot to consider now.
I find myself asking questions more often, but they are important ones; Do I really want this? Who is this for? Should I stick with this? Should I even be trying this? It's pretty hard for me to consider what I want to do now. Now that I'm doing it more often I realize, I never really did it before. Even when it was something that ended up benefiting me, I had only done it because I thought it was what someone else wanted.
I thought that thinking What do I want? would make me selfish. And sure there were some people who told me I needed to think about myself more, but then again some of those people are the same ones who did really bad things to me just because. So why would I have listened to them, why would I listen to them even now.
Now it's not like I go around only thinking about only myself. As a matter of a fact, I still think about others alot, but only when they're people that would do the same for me. I've just gotten tired of throwing myself out there to help someone out, when at the first chance they get that they can help me they can't, not because they don't have time, but just because they don't care.
As an addendum to this new found rule about who I will take the time to help out, I'm not going to try and help anyone who obviously doesn't want to help themselves or care about themselves. I don't see a point in trying to make someone think that they worth something when they won't even listen or let you try. Or when they won't tell you the whole truth.
If you ask me something I don't want to answer, I'm not going to lie. I'll either say That's not any of your damn business or I'll just tell you what's up. It's true I don't like to tell everyone all of my business. Very few people know what I really think and what's really going on, even fewer know it because I told them. Most people that found out, did so over time after knowing me from Elementary School till now.
Well I guess that's all I can say about this little subject. People will wonder why I don't jump at the chance to help them anymore. It's probably because I've given up on giving a damn when I know you wouldn't lift a finger to help me out. You never did all of the other times.
And for those who wonder what I have been doing online so much, but not talking as often, I have a Deviant Art Account now! Yeah I know. The is in the title of this entry. A lot of my art is there, and if you happen to have one too, drop me a line.
Is there anything worth looking for? Worth loving for? Worth lying for? Is there anything worth waiting for? Worth living for? Worth dying for?
3 comments:
It's great to be able to say that you control whether or not you have a good day!
That's not to say that certain someone's can't make me feel better. But I'm not going to go around all mopy because someone else feels that way.
I'm going to try and keep things this way.
Sharp disaster in a fresh new coma. Was it worth it when it was over? Proving yourself right, you'd make the biggest noise...
i hope you can figure everything all out. just be patient, it takes time.
but if you ever want to talk it over, you know where to find me.
Thank you Kay and Megan for being there, and thanks for finishing up my little lyric Kay. I guess if anyone would know that, it should be you. I am working hard to rebuild my world to what it should be, to what it always should have been. That wayI can be stable enough to move onto other tasks.
And in conclusion to what Kay said...
...well.. I'd lock my hands behind my head. I'd cover my heart and hit the deck. I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you
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