What You Need...

I would like to say a word about this past week. It really hasn't been the best week, in fact the only good news I got was my new game. Now I really don't know where I am headed anymore, I don't have that compass and I'm afraid that I haven't had it in such a long time. Nothing I wanted to do seems to be working out, and I am afraid that school is something I just can't do much longer. Furthermore, I did something really bad over the weekend. Or thought something really bad. But if you take the Bible literally, thinking it is just as bad as doing it.

I think even that is figurative, but still the fact that I thought this scares me, because more and more these types of things are starting to make sense to me. It's never right to abandon a friend, is it? I had a long talk with Brandon, not the Bronze Man, the other one. We talked about something that I heard a speaker at a church say about giving up on friends that didn't do you any good.

Even though Brandon and I both agreed that this might not be the best course of action, I still thought about just not talking to one of my friends from now on. I told myself it was because I didn't want her to be near me, it hurt too much. But that was a lie, I sat in my car after I left a friends and I thought about it. I thought about how I was really feeling. And I realize I was just tired of seeing my friends hurt and in pain, not just her, all of them. With the exception of a few, I have had to sit there while a friend is torn up over something or other.

I can't describe how it feels to watch someone you really care about hurt themselves over and over, or just get hurt. If any of you remember when I used to like this one girl last year, I won't name her because in all seriousness I don't want her to even know I remember her, but when I used to talk to her, all she could do was hurt herself. Sometimes physcially, other times it would be something like doing things she knew weren't going to go well.

I didn't want to stand by and watch that anymore, I thought back to what got said at that church, and then I remembered something else said in a lot of churches, "turn the other cheek". If someone hurts you, especially unintentionally, then at least give them one more change. I got intentionally hurt by someone last year, and that caused me to get really mad at someone who didn't deserve it. I didn't even give them the benefit of the doubt because I was basing everything on past experince.

Past experience can help in some cases, but not all people are the same and consequently they will not react alike. Instead of throwing it in my face when I went to talk to her, she told me something that I never knew I wanted to hear, but when I heard it I know that was really all I needed. When someone tells you that you made them believe in something again, it can mean a lot.

I can see how things come full circle, I talked about helping others not too long ago, and its hard to see results sometimes, but when anyone you used to know comes up to you and says certain things, it feels good, maybe its not what you wanted to hear, but it might be just what you needed.

Well I better get out of here so I can get some writing done, with that game in there sitting in this close a proximity to the Playstation could cause me to get sucked in again.

_{Greg, you're still dead.}