Absolute Terror

There’s that first time for everything, well right now I am writing this blog ahead of time, just so that I can post it tomorrow. Now have no fear, if anything really big happens then I will add it to the end of this post. So its not like I’m trying to be deceiving. But one thing I have to say is that if you plan on watching Evangelion, look away, because this is going to be a spoiler from hell.
I was looking over a friend’s old blog entries and he mentioned the show and what he thought it was about. I think he’s right and I even had this discussion with some one else, that whole show with all its fight scenes and religious symbolism boils down to one thing, the interaction between people.

Basically I ask this of anyone who ever sees this, who ever even comes across it one day while their looking for something else…How many of us have felt Fear? How many of us have felt Love? Now how many of us have jumped right into the face of Absolute Fear and stared it down just for love?

Yeah those first two questions sent the hands up but that last one threw you all for a loop? Well love is worth it, but you have to be so much stronger than just the person you start out as to stand in the face of Fear. Men fear lots of things, a lot of them fear different things, some of them fear the same thing. We all say we fear something normal, like I have a fear of heights, and yes its pretty bad.

But what about the fear I never say out loud, not because its too embarrassing but just because its not the normal insight that you give, I’m afraid that some day I’ll someone I love for granted. Love, not romantic mushy mushy love, but the real sticking it out marriage kind of Love. I don’t know why I fear that. Maybe I fear it because I see every day how many men do that and I would hate to be like that.

Now back to what I was talking about before, Evangelion is basically the humans fighting these creatures called Angels. The Angels have one main weapon that renders them nearly invincible to conventional weapons, this weapon is the AT-field, or Absolute Terror.

This field is nothing more than a sacred barrier that incases every heart, soul and mind. Even humans in the show have them although they have don’t have the mastery to use them. What I am trying to say in short is that the field is just a way of showing the barriers we put up to keep ourselves from getting hurt.

People basically pretend to be something that they are not just to come off in one way or another. People seem so scared of each other at times they will completely wall themselves off. I know I’m guilty of this. I’ve been scared of what people might think if I just acted real with them. In truth, half of our problems can be fixed by just acting real…

Even now I can’t be completely real with some people. I can’t just walk up to them and tell them what I think of them, most of the time simply because it would be too rude sounding. I would come off as an asshole.

And there it goes again, right in that last line, “I would come off as an asshole—“ see it yet? “…I would come off as…”

I don’t even know why I give a damn, I think the people I really know, the people I really want to know me, that I want to see the real me see it already. If I look like an asshole to someone I could care less about and don’t like, why do I care.

Because it seems that we almost always care about how people see us. Some people claim not to care about how they are viewed by others, but most of the time these are the same people that would get mad if you were to take a shot at someone they love.
Isn’t someone you love just an extension of yourself?

I would say that it is.

And then there are those out there who fall into such a deep slump that they just seem stuck in a web of the questions “Is there anything worth looking for, worth loving for, worth lying for. Is there anything worth waiting for, worth living for, worth dying for?” Yes there are song lyrics in my blog, but they prove a point.

Have you found the things in your life that answer all of these questions? Now better yet, can they all be answered by the same thing? If so, then damn you’re good. I envy that. I seem to have deviated from what I was talking about, a specialty of mine.

About those AT Fields, I think that they do exist, and yeah you can call me crazy if you want. Or you can run into the middle of a city and try to spread yours an tear some shit up. Then you can bring your idiotic ass back in here and plop down in that chair.

I mean that they exist in a figurative sense; they keep us from understanding each other. The AT field is the only way I can explain some things that I see go on around me, I don’t mean that I literally blame it on this, but when speaking to Rickey, Brenton, Brandon, Eddie or PJ I can use this as a metaphor to describe something because they’ve all seen it and understand it too.

I really don’t want this post to be drug out until its just forced and seems to be something stupid. I don’t really think anything good can come from it if it gets too long. So I want to go ahead and end this pretty soon, but I have to say this: even things like Evangelion that seem like they might just be a really cool show, there is something an underlying meaning to all of the mayhem you see on the screen. And in this show, the underlying principle its trying to teach us all is “Love hurts sometimes, but in the end a world with out it is not a world worth living in.”