Nothing

I feel so unwanted here, like it wouldn't matter if I was here or not and that's just the tip of the whole thing, where the hell do I belong then. What's my place in all of this. I really don't feel at home like I used to around anyone. The girls that I like never regard me as more than a friend, most want nothing to do with me at all, other girls that are just friends pretty much could care less about me most of the time unless there's some kind of favor I can do for them. Other guys either end up hating me because of the fact I don't let them walk over girls and sleep with them at will, or they end up just being distant, I'm in the middle, I don't fit in well enough anywhere.

Really I try so hard to be nice and be good to others, I try to hard when no one else seems to care, and in the end no one cares about the person who was checking on them when they were drunk, or ran to the store to get more of this or that. I am not good with others maybe, but I try, I don't do things just to satisfy my own ends.

But why do I even bother to do anything, I don't want to be helpful or nice to people anymore, look where it gets me. No one cares what you think when you aren't ignoring them or being really rude, if you like them they have no reason to worry about you. When you ignore someone they want your attention so bad that it hurts them and they try their best to get it. But what do I really have to look forward to? A life of lonliness? I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to be here if I have to be like this all of the time, if I have to suffer just for being nice, just for speaking what I feel is right or telling the truth. I've never heard of anyone speaking out so loud and yet having no one even look your direction.

Right now I want so badly to give up on everything, maybe I already have.