Letdown

Worry is a type of sustenance, when you worry you don't want to eat. You always feel full, you always feel awake. It keeps you going in a way that other emotions can't. I'd hate to say it but so much pisses me off right now. So many people have just been lying to me for way too long. I can't even stand to hear the words try your best, how the fuck will you know I am trying my best. I try my best so often and it just gets thrown back in my fucking face.

This used to be a place where I wrote down my hopes and dreams, back when I had hope, but I don't have the energy for life anymore, I'm not strong enough to just handle all of this and move on. I see how lucky others are, how good they have it and when they're ready to throw it away I want to hit them. Someone wants to throw away a relationship for a goddamn game, I would get rid of every game I have and never buy another for a sure thing.

Fuck the fact that games are occasionally fun, its not like they are important, and its not like they're even important enough for me to have to tell someone this. Fuck what anyone thinks, and comparing them to sports, they aren't important either so you're just calling the kettle black.

All the drama around here, and all of the shit happening in my life, all of the things I was hoping to do, everything I hoped would last me gets denied. My doctor used to ask why I was depressed, this is why, no one cares, no one around here really wants to know what anyone else is going through except so they can blab it to every other damn person they come across.

Shit around here gets blown out of proportion, taken to lightly or ignored all together. I don't want to be part of it anymore. I hate it, I really do. I hate it here, and I hate it at home. There's nowhere left for me. I really used to genuinely love it here, but those feelings got smashed. I used to love meeting new people here. I hate all of those things now because new people mean new oppurtunities to get let down, and everyone around here gets around to letting you down, it just takes some longer.