Delicate Balance

I would like to say that I feel like things are going right around here, in my mind and stuff I think that its safe to say that things come around and balance themselves out, the nicest of us can get fed up and the one who seem to be the meanest can become so nice that its scary.

In the last two days I think I’ve grown closer to Jamie, Mandi and Rickey than I was before because there’s been a lot of good conversation. So is there a problem? Not really, I just think that I’m starting to find out who I can really count on to do stuff for me in a pinch and who I can count out.

The people who are the most important to me seem to be the ones who I can have long winded conversations about and leave just feeling like I suddenly understand them more. Not that I just know them more, but I can see reasons behind some of the things they do.

After talking to Mandi for the last little bit of time I think that I’ve finally filled in some of the holes about things in her life. She seemed to me just like a regular person, and like Rickey was saying, she seemed more two dimensional. But we all know that’s never true. Mandi is just like anyone else, she has more sides to her.

She’s more confident than she lets on, she knows what she does and doesn’t want, she’s funny without having to try and she’s just entertaining. Jamie is really interesting too in that she’s just a really sweet person and doesn’t deserve half the shit that life gives her to deal with. I wish there were something I knew how to do to help her out and make her feel better, but there’s nothing I can think of.

For some reason this week I am starting to miss Allison more than ever. I had a dream that I went to see her the other night and I just thought about how sad it made me when I woke up. I laid in bed for like and hour thinking about all of the fun Alli and I used to have. Even though I knew her less time than most of the people here, and that she and I didn’t even hang out much towards the end of the semester it felt like a part of me was missing. Kind of like losing a sister. Allison was important to me.

With Allison being missed so much there was a glimmer of hope, I met a new friend, Kristen. She is actually someone who knew Allison, she lives across the complex from me and she and I are actually partnered up together. In a way she kind of reminds me of Allison, the really pretty girl who never heard it for whatever reason, she’s from Sugarland which is near me and she’s generally fun to be around.

While I was talking to Mandi I sat and watched her write in her journal. I just wish that she had one on here that I had easier access to so I could read her’s and trade back and forth with her. I would really like to see what she thinks about what is going on in her day to day life because Mandi and I seem to be having more and more fun. Although she still thinks I’m mad when I’m not.

I never got that, I don’t know what it is that makes her think that but maybe she’ll see. Desiree left town today and I already miss hanging out with her, she and I didn’t get to do much this week but maybe next week, I hope, if things work out. I don’t want to end up losing her as a friend because of the fact we’re both in and out all of the time. That would be terrible.

Well I better get off of this damn thing, I have to get in the shower and get to bed before long so that I don’t end up missing taking Jamie where she needs to go tomorrow. Sorry about the updates or the lack there of, as if anyone reads this. It’s just hard to sum things that are going on in the real world up and put them into writing on the digital web.

Are You Livin’ In The Real World