My Big Easy

There's a lot of times that the things you want to say will be taken with the wrong regard, I mean I can name several situations that I know if people said that they were thinking, and were prefectly right about it would be taken very wrong. Most times these things have to do with sensative subjects, such as religion or politics, you can say what you really believe or even something that is a proven fact, and people will get very pissed about it.

As a person who has said some very dumb things in the past, things that were even dumber because of the company that I was keeping, I know how bad reactions can fuck up any relationship or situation. I remember one time I made a comment about sending fat people to the moon as a joke, and a friend stopped talking to me over it. Things that you say effect people's outlook of you, even now when I make an offensive joke, even if the joke would offend any group I belong to I make sure that I don't have anyone around who is easily offended, and if I do I make sure that I don't care if I offend them.

It's funny about people, sometimes they will go their whole life with people trying to do something for them that is grand and great when all they wanted was the simpler thing. It's like on X-Files what Aurthur Dales said in the episode The Unnatural, You're just dying to connect the dots aren't you, son? Look, I give you some wood and I ask you for a cabinet. You build me a cathedral. I don't want a cathedral.

It seems that sometimes the most simple things that you can want, the things that should be easier to give than anything else are hardest to get people to see. People want to give you the world, people want to give you it all when all you really wanted was a little bit. Still I can't help but think that it would be nice to have a lot of nice things in life, to have everything that you could ever want. Then I think that I want the simplist of things, I don't have to say what it is, I mean that's not important. All that seems to be important is that I want this simple thing and the fact that just telling the wrong person this could ruin our friendship.

How many people out there really know what it feels like to have ruined something good? How many of you can say that you had a great thing, and you shit all over...and not only that but after shitting on it, you pulled you pants up walked off and then realized just how bad it was. I don't need anyone in here that is going to tell me that their friend said that they had ruined everything. I want someone who realized the error of their ways because if you have to be told you obviously didn't know how good it was to begin with.

This is not something I want to ruin, matter of a fact between thoughts of classwork and unpaid parking tickets this has been eating at me all day, am I going to ruin this? I know I don't want to...but whether or not I have the strenght to do this at this present time is another thing. If this is the case I need to change some stuff, I need to stand up taller and admit some things that have been wrong, I need to work on fixing them and I need to do it because it's been needing to be done for a long time and only now can I really see it. I need to start being more truthful about what I think to myself and to others...but today I will need to handle business first, school stuff, then class drop...then test, then relaxing and thinking of a plan.

I know this will all be hard, the school, the other stuff--but nothing worth having ever came easy right? And its like Bri said One who never tries the impossible, is never the first to accomplish anything. I don't know where she got that from, but she's one smart chickie-boo. Eh, this is all getting a little quotation heavy. But I wanted to share one more thing, Neemo drew a picture for me of the character I tried to enter in the art conetest, her name is Pellegri Amano and the lovely Vanessa drew a picture for me for my birthday a few weeks back it's here.

That is all...