Not that I want to sound all sad and everything, but I just want to know when will life be right. I don't mean perfect, nothing is ever really perfect. But I refuse to settle for a life where everything I do, everything I know and think is just medicore. For the past three months or so I've filled this thing with entries both happy and sad, and some a little bit funny.
But when it all comes down to it what does all of this mean to me? Its not like this is the life I really want. I like my friends--but thats really all I have going for me is friends. And sometimes, when theres someone I want to be more than a friend I end up just having to settle for her being my friend. I've tried so hard to think of what I could be doing wrong, if its something about me that I just could change.
But I'm starting to think that its just me, that I am the cause for all of the things that happen to me and the way they happen. I don't know what I'm going to do, or if there is anything I can do. I think I'll have to really try to make some changes. Try to make myself something by actually working at things.
It's going to have to start while I'm here, I'm going to have to occupy more of my time with doing things other than just sitting here. I need to go for walks or something. I mean all I really need is a CD player and I can take long walks without having to worry about getting bored.
And somehow I need to get my mind off Des, I've been thinking about her alot. I don't know how to get over something like this, I guess I'll have to figure it out when I go for a walk. I want to show her that I can be what she wants without it being entirely obvious, but I doubt there's a way.
Well I have to get off here, I have things to do and I haven't been doing them because my brain is burned out lately.
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