Now I’m still winding down from the Christmas holiday and recovering from a cold, so anything I don’t want to do is pretty much out of the question. But when my step mom started asking me to go to Fiesta I had to comply just to make her stop moaning about me not doing what she says. I fucking hate Fiesta and for those of you who don’t know, it’s supposed to be a grocery store.
But unlike Kroger’s or HEB or one of those other places they try to keep this ethnic small village market feel by doing shit like putting things under little booths that I’m tall enough to hit my head on, or spreading dirt and hay on the floor. What is this? A fucking barn dance, dirt and hay don’t belong on the floor of a store where food is served. I don’t care what kind of feel you want to convey!
I mean I half expect to see chickens and shit roaming the floor and pissing right behind themselves as they scurry across my path. That’s what small town villages were like, why don’t you go for some extreme realism and stick a guy who has leprosy on the corner with a begging cup? I mean that would be like a village a long time ago and it would make the customers feel more at home because they’ve lived in places like that before, right?
There’s also all kinds of colorful shit hanging around the store like empty piñatas that no one could reach if lit a rocket in their ass. They think it looks more festive and creates some kind of environment. Well all it really does is look dumb as shit, sorry if you weren’t going for that take them down.
With the exception of one most of the Fiestas in town are dirty, and all of the ones I’ve been to outside of Houston are just as bad. But there is one good thing about this place.
The only saving grace of Fiesta is the fact that the place isn’t the worst store out there, I mean that coveted glory goes to none other than Food Town. How is that for a creative name, Food-fucking-Town.
I mean no flash there, is that what they were going for? Well Food Town is the new trendy thing, no ‘frills’ grocery store. Well I have news for you fucks at Food Town. Shelves….not a frill, fresh food….not a frill, and lights in the parking lot….not a frill.
This place stacks the merchandise on the floor and then stacks the same thing on it until they have a shelf like that. Now I’m not saying anything about how unsanitary this can be in some cases, I mean at least the dirt on Fiesta’s floor was put there on purpose. But Food Town must not realize that no one can get the food on the bottom unless they drag it out. And if they do that, then they could damage what they’re trying to get. Who the fuck wants to fight with a bag on peanuts that sat on the floor in a mound of dirt and then have it rip while trying to get it out.
And you never know if you’re going to get some steak or a fucking stomach ache from eating bad meat. I’ve gone there to find gray meat and sometimes even flies in the meat case. My brother and I take bets too see ho many flies we’ll count in there when we have to go because his wife or my mom sends us. They think the prices make it worth it. Well why don’t they go?
Simple because there are no lights in the parking lot and someone could easily, mug/rape/kill you and no one would know until the fucking sun came up. There’s no security guards at the place so that makes it east to have bad shit going on in the parking lot. Sometimes people deal drugs out there, during business hours. But the drug dealers have to get near the Starbucks out in the parking lot because there wouldn’t be enough light for them to count their money if they didn’t.
These stores exist for one reason, rich suburban soccer moms like to brag about how much they saved at Food Town even though they live in 300,00 dollar houses and drive H2s. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a hot soccer mom as much as the next guy, and I like talking to women, even when its about stuff I don’t care about all that much. But how you saved twenty bucks on the way home from picking up the kids at Karate lessons because you bought expired milk, smashed bread off the floor and gray slabs of nondescript meat is not a good topic of conversation.
Sorry soccer moms, you lose out this time. And to everyone else, if one of these God forsaken super shit shops shows up in your area, boycott the hell out of it.
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