I hate the way you make me feel, I want to yell it to you, the way I feel but I can't, my words come out as silent actions and looks from across the room. I can't stand the tension, the things I am thinking about I can't take my mind off of.
I hated myself for how much I've done to make you distance yourself. I hate the secrets that have gotten revealed, the ones that we now know didn't help anything. I hate how the subject of "us" comes up in regular conversation...the way you look at me when I look at you, like I'm nothing, like I'm less than nothing. When all I ever wanted from you was for you to look at me and maybe see someone you would like to have something more with.
I hate pain. Pain that I feel all of the time now because I don't know what to do, because I'm so confused and scared all of the time that it hurts, it transfers over into the physical. I hate feeling like I want to kiss you sometimes, or like I want to hold you and tell you everything will be okay. I want to be there to brush away any tears you have, to talk you through the painful things and console you through all of your fears and dark times. I fucking hate that I'm too much of a coward to do this for you or for me.
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