Fed Up

Well I basically got chewed out again tonight when I simply drove a few miles out of the way just to get my clothes and pillows and stuff. I figure that if I have to sleep on the floor here everyday I might as well have my pillows and all of that other stuff. I figure that I am not being too unreasonable, especially since I was on the West side of town, but then when I do it I get bitched at for wasting so much gas. At this point I am paying rent and have been for a while, I don't get anything that the normal people paying rent get, I get shit. I can't even sleep as long as I want to, I get treated like a fucking kid all of the time.

So my dad called tonight and they found these apartments they wanted me to look at, I did it and I am in love, I think I might try and get these as soon as I can, I can't take much more of this living over here. It's not even the distance, it wouldn't be half bad is my brother didn't treat me like I was a prisoner instead of someone paying rent and going to work as much as he does.

Granted he works like all these extra hours because he takes them, but I don't want to waist the only two days a week that I can potentially write on sitting at some other place for extra money. If I had a family I would do it, but I can't even think about having a family for a pretty long time.

If I get this fucking apartment though, it will change everything, I will actually be able to spread out and just be fine for a while. And I wouldn't have to hear bitching about how I am doing this or that and its so wrong despite the fact I pay for it and its just as much my choice as its not my brother's.

But I don't want to fucking go off on that for too much longer.

The other matter at hand is that I am quickly falling for this girl and the thing is, I know I shouldn't be. She won't respond well to this whole thing at all I am sure. And its funny when you think about how you should talk about who to ask out, I was one of those people who would always think about it in terms of the girl I wanted and the girl I could have. What I basically mean is that there are those girls that I really know would be good to date and fun and I would be totally satisfied with, But those are usually the ones I know I could never have.

And when it comes up that I want to go after someone who used to like me, they now have lost interest because I guess they no better. It's always too late when you realize these kinds of things. But now, there's someone I like again and I know that this one is pretty much out of my league. And there are a couple other people I have been thinking about but the same goes for them.

It really does feel like there's not going to be anything going right with me for a while.