Last night I rambled on in a long winded post about so many things that I really had alot of things I really did have some time to think about, but pretty much most of the time I act without thinking, which goes without me having to say if you know me. Before Firday I had spent the better part of the week in my dorm just sitting around, I tried to avoid some of the people here because of somethings that have been going and its probably for the best.
The truth is, I can sit around for as long as I want and disect every little thing that a person tells me, any of us can...and most of the time you'll find out that what will end up happening will be that you will damn near go insane because the scariest things are usually whats in our minds. That's how monsters and stories about creatures come to pass, someone sees an ordinary thing and tries to make an excuse for it and when they do they dream up the most horrible thing you can.
This might be my only problem in a relationship, I mean the only huge problem that I would have with dating someone is that when they tell me one thing, or when something happens I might think the worst of it. Now I'm not one of those, "the sky is falling" people who sit back there with their Bible talking about the end times that we're in. Dumbass the world has been ending since it started, that's the way of things--just because there's a quake doesn't mean its time to repent for the last time.
I like to be realistic, I like to take a simple thing like not being able to get a hold of a friend I can usually get on the first ring and turn it into "maybe their ducking my calls" or "maybe I pissed them off". When the truth is most of my friends don't genenally get pissed for little things, even the girls who people think generally have a shorter fuse. Girls are more understand than men, so I know that for most girls the fuse extends well past that of you're normal pea brained male.
Now what is it that I'm trying to get at, well its just this, while most people sit back and try to make reasons for why its someone elses fault, I usually pin the blame on myself, which has been known to piss some of my friends off because they thought I shouldn't have done this.
I never really saw the big deal with it, if most of the things happening around me that are bad are directly related to something stupid I did in some way then wouldn't that mean that I could fix them? It would give me a little bit better outlook on life I would think to say that I can fix these problems because I caused them. And even though you can't always fix what you cause, it's just nice to think that.
There was a line in my favorite TV Show (Angel) that said basically this, well it wasn't a line, it was a group of lines. But another character was having a conversation with Angel and basically told him that, "For us, there is no fight. Which is why winning doesn't enter into it. We go on no matter what. Our firm has always been here, in one form or another. The Inquisition. The Khmer Rouge. We were there when the very first cave man clubbed his neighbor. See, we're in the hearts and minds of every single living being. And that, friend is what's making things so difficult for you. See, the world doesn't work in spite of evil, Angel. It works with us. It works because of us."
I know that's some pretty dark stuff, but it makes you really think doesn't it? You see the news at night and you think "how can someone do that to another living human being?" Well there's your answer, they can because inheritly we will do the worst things that we think we can get away with. Self-control is a leanred attribute, not something we inherit. But commiting a sin, just doing something generally bad can be so easily done because of the fact sometimes you can do it just by not acting when you see something wrong happening.
It doesn't matter how small the thing that's wrong is, it is still wrong. So I'm going to just go off on this note, try to be kind to someone, men open doors for ladies, ladies umm, say thank you for it. Give a homeless dude a dollar or even a pixie stick or something. Because nothing you do really matters. Don't say that you're going to become rich and famous and help the little guy, that one little guy you might help won't be any different than if you stop trying to be rich and famous and go volunteer at a soup kitchen or something. If that quote up there is right, if nothing we do matters at all at all, then all that matters is what we do. The smallest act of kindness is the greatest thing in the world.
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