Friday, August 28, 2009

First Time

The time had come for colds and overcoats, for big blankets on beds and long days cuddled up with loved ones. It was shocking for autumn to actually come to Houston at a time when the calendar dictated. For the first time in Colin’s relatively short life it was actually cold in November. Thanksgiving break seemed to fly by too fast and in just a few short days he would be back in school. Things would go back to normal. Normally this was the time of year when he craved the smell of summer. But this year was different.


Colin couldn’t think of anything he would trade this for. The frigid temperatures had forced them under a blanket and his small space heater seemed to show no promise. Finally she’d had to gather herself against the only other warm object in the room, him. When it had happened she’d half thrown her body across his, if only in an effort to stave off the cold. With one leg draped over his and her curled around his bicep, she nestled in against his neck.


He tried to turn his attention back to the television but there was nothing on daytime TV that could sway his interests for long. It seemed that his eyes were destined to glide back to Ashley.


Ever since he could remember she was the most perfect person he’d ever laid eyes upon. Although he’d never mention it. They had been a pair since infancy and their families each regarded the other as part of the clan. He made sure to only stare at her from just around the delicate curve of her face, so that he could stay hidden. All the while her green eyes stayed locked on the screen.


His mind drifted to thoughts of her rich full lips opened into his. Her maroon hair brushing the side of his cheek as he kissed her neck. His short fantasy played out on the small suede couch, bathed in the pale blue glow of late night television. The little day dream caused his heart’s rhythm to increase in tempo. The beats fumbled out and sped up to the point that he feared that there might not be a valley between the thumps much longer.


The fabric of his dream was torn away and she was staring into his face.


“What’s the matter?” her lips parted slightly and he could see those two big front teeth.


“Nothing,” his voice came out shaky and quick, despite his efforts to control it, “I think I’m just cold is all.”


She pushed her head back into the nape of his neck, “Me too,” she said, “You’re not allowed to get up though because your piece of shit heater will let me freeze.”


Ashley had always been affectionate towards him, it wasn’t for the same reason that he would have wished. But this time was different, her younger sister was sleeping in a room upstairs and his twin sister had gone off with some friends. For lack of a better word, they were alone.


The show they had been watching came to a commercial break and Ashley leaned down to snatch up the remote, “Ugh, this show sucks, let’s see what else is on,” she flipped frantically through the channels.


“It’s the middle of the day, nothing is on,” Colin said.


“We’ll see about that,” she said almost as if to challenge him, “your dad has like fifty-kajillion channels, there has to be something on one.” She stopped on a channel where an old black and white movie played, “Jesus, what’s this doing on, its like, older than my parents…”


Right away Colin recognized the images, a pale man in a high collared cape pressing some early twentieth century movie vixen up against a wall and clamping his jaw around the curve of her elegant neck. Before the woman in the movie could scream he grabbed for the remote, “Can we just change it?”


“What?” she yanked back on it, “Are you offended,” she snickered with a dainty hand covering her mouth. Despite his frustration with her joke, her tan skin seemed to find a new glow.


His heart sank, “Look, you’ve been around me all my life, when the Hell have you known me to wear a cape or run around sleeping in coffins?”


She slapped him on the back playfully, “It’s just a movie,” she said, “I mean calm down, damn, you act like everything on TV is supposed to be true.”


“It’s a stupid stereotype, like saying that because you’re a girl you suck at sports or that because our Dads’ are black we’re more prone to be criminals,” Colin said.


Ashley laughed, “You are really over thinking this, huh?”


“How would you feel if every other horror movie was about a bunch of half-wits slaughtering your kind or if you had to sit through reruns of that Vampire Slayer show…” Colin turned to face her as he spoke.


She sighed, “You’re hardly even like the TV vampires,” she paused to rewind the digital recorder back, “I mean have you ever done that?”


On the screen the vampire was drinking the woman’s blood again. She put up a minimal amount of struggle and then settled in as he finished his meal. Colin stared at her with a blank expression, “No. We don’t drink Human blood anymore.”

“Duh,” Ashley said, “But you hardly even drink blood because you don’t need it anyway. So how would you know how that feels? It might be the greatest things ever for Vampires—like better than sex or something.”


“I doubt it,” he countered quickly.


“It’s a figure of speech,” Ashley said, “Not that you’d know what sex was like either.”


“And neither would you.”


“I just get the feeling that you’re being dismissive of something for no reason,” Ashley said.


Colin sighed, “You know we’re forbidden to bite anyone.”


“Oh I remember the rule,” Ashley said, “but you seem to have forgotten.”


“What?”


“You’re forbidden to bite someone without their consent,” she said. He could tell what she was thinking at by the devilish look in her eyes.


“Are you crazy?” he asked.


Ashley tossed the blanket off and stood up, “We used to take baths together when we were kids all of the time and you even kissed me that once, remember.”


He tried to look away, “Sort of, yeah.”


She laughed, “Shit Colin, you sure know how to make a girl feel special.”

“Sorry.”

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Continue?

This blog has been going on for some time, well in some way shape or form. I started out with Live Journal and moved to Blogger and Xanga soon after that, now I just use Word Press and Blogger…

The point of all of this is that I plan to continue doing this. I don’t know why but there’s something fulfilling about just writing in one of these. And while I don’t have much to say today, I can offer you…well I can offer you a set of pictures I made for a friends RP.

Star Wars Logo

And then this…

Vader Choke Sig

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Controversy

It would seem that I have started a bit of a problem. But let me start off by saying, I am writing this post on Windows Live Writer, just downloaded this and its interesting. Seems Microsoft is stepping their game up to compete. Now on to what I wanted to write. This will be a short post.

But a friend of mine, or former friend, who will remain nameless actually claimed that we couldn’t be friends anymore because I posted a picture.

This picture:

O7rgPl

I think that it did need to be said, and when I saw this picture I thought that it said it perfectly. She claimed I was after attention, I think that was the only comment she could make that didn’t seem like it disagreed with the inevitable truth, there’s no such thing as a Muslim-Commie-Nazi-Peace-Monger…

Saturday, August 08, 2009

That’s Socialism Fuckwad!

It seems that I can’t turn on the television without some over zealous idiot running off at the mouth about socialism. You’ll know them because they’re the old ladies who stand up and shout shit at town hall meetings or the radio show hosts who believe that America is turning Red. These people are so quick to tell you about the evils of socialism and how it will ruin everything we hold dear.

These people are even starting to use religion to do this. Case in point: Believer’s Voice of Victory - its a Church show that comes on with a whole cast of old people who probably still think gays are the Great Satan. Anyway, this show was preaching about how socialism is contrary to God’s plan. These people who actually take the bible word for word and use no other sources are trying to say that Socialism, a system that was written about 1,500 years after Christ, is something against Christ.

What makes this stupider? There’s an early form of Socialism used in the Bible.

What makes all of this complaining about socialism even dumber? We already have many socialist policies in place RIGHT NOW.

Gasp! I’ll pause while you all clean the shit off your legs.

Been to the library lately? How much did it cost you? Oh that’s right we pay taxes for that so everyone can use it and that way anyone can just come in and get a card and read books for free…its to further literacy and all that good stuff and — oh my God, we don’t pay for it per use and its done through our taxes. Sounds like socialism.

Who here’s called an Ambulance or the Police or even the Fire Department…you might get charged for the Ambulance ride. But did the fire department only show up if you gave them a credit card that was valid? What if the cops only arrested someone’s murderer if the dead person had the cash on their body to cover the expense. Who all is reading this blog and doesn’t have any fucking kids in school? Did you pay your taxes? Guess what you’re paying for the school.

With all this socialism around us for so long…one would think we’d have gone to Hell or fallen into utter chaos by now. Here’s the thing, don’t believe the hype. Half the people who try and tell you how evil everything is, don’t realize how the idea of that thing can work in theory when used in conjunction with other things. In a totally capitalistic society, no one would get medical care without paying right then, no one would get a fire truck or cop unless they had the money, there would be hardly any taxes and every public building would probably need to charge a toll. The roads more than likely would too…either that or the businesses on the road would pay.

The Army? They’d be volunteer and bring your own weapons. Quick someone call the guy who owns the Stealth Jet…he’s needed over here. With the amount of stupidty running around in the media these days I’m not shocked many people don’t realize this because the news has gone out of its way to make this more about the fight and less about the policy.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Loot Only When Appropriate

Watched Knowing the other night interesting flick and pretty good. But I noticed something that I have seen a lot of in destruction films. Namely Cloverfield and one of those shitty Day of Destruction Earthquake things. In these movies people always loot when the news breaks what’s going on. Now I get the appeal of looting, there’s free shit, you’re out with friends, and you get to throw bricks through windows. Who doesn’t want to loot? And if you know that 2/3rds of the way through the film that the aliens will level the city, no one is going to miss a couple of wide screen Samsungs and that Mac Book Pro.

The problem is that people in movies seem to loot when its not a good time too. So I have decided to outline the right and wrong times to loot. Let’s break it down by the nature of the crisis.

Zombie Attack: Totally a looting occasion, Zombies are slow, they are often unable to work doors and other simple apparatus and the cops will too busy fighting off the undead to actually stop you. One thing, don’t hold up inside of the mall, this might seem like the best idea, but if you stay in the mall you’re pretty trapped and this always turns out badly in movies and video games.

Giant Monster Attack: This is a no go on the looting, giant monsters cover too much ground too quickly and while you’re carrying out that DVD collection you always wanted he could roll up on you and knock the entire street down. Also too many giant monsters attract the military and other giant monsters. Some of them have beam weapons and other stuff and it can get pretty bad.

Alien Attack: Aliens are smart and most often want to violently destroy us without reason. Thank God that Hollywood has taught us this! Since Alien weapons come in all kinds of varieties this is kind of up to you. If its the ones from War of the Worlds, the worst thing you can do is be in a crowd, they love that. So if the people are looting, don’t. But if everyone is running the other way, you are go for snatch and grab…besides it will be too busy picking them off to notice you carrying the blu ray player.

Super Volcano: What are you stupid? Have you ever seen the speed that a Volcano can erupt at? You better keep your ass at home–far from the city.

Massive Global Warming…Cooling…that thing from Day After Tomorrow: Because this movie hardly made sense, there’s not really evidence of what we should do. I would say go for the looting if you’re not north or west of Texas because that’s where the majority of the shit will go down.

Super Earthquake: Only loot in Earthquake safe buildings…possibly wearing a hard hat.

Nuclear Holocaust: You’re the last one left or one of them? Your house better look like the show room at Best Buy and there should be more cars in your yard than some small dealerships have. This goes for any last people left on Earth incidents.

Super Solar Flare: Why are you stealing, you’re going to be dead in like a matter of hours? Seriously think when you loot, don’t take stuff you won’t ever get to use and in this case you never would get to use it.

I’d like to remind everyone that you should be courteous: don’t steal more than you need. Share: if someone needs to use a cinder block, let them, and then retrieve it and use it again. Don’t forget to steal weapons and ammunition this only applies when the threat is appropriate. And most importantly AIM HIGH: what the fuck are you driving out of there? A Ford Focus? Put that shit back and find a nice Ferrari or Bentley.

Well that’s all…happy looting and if you have any other giant disaster occasions, tell me and I will get them up.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Written In Blood

If they had known what we’d done, Holly kept reminding herself, they’d never let us do this. They’d never even let us be partners.

She stood on the side of the drive watching as the fake movers wheeled “their” furniture up to the decoy house. All of it purchased on the American taxpayer’s dime. It amazed her that the government used such elaborate schemes to catch offenders.

Lewis stood beside her, alternating between a Lucky Strike and an ice cream cone. He only spoke in vowels as he tried to stave off a brain freeze, “Mm, you really should try this, it was nice of the HOA to bring it by.”

“Not hungry,” she didn’t bother to look at him. “Not sure if you noticed, hon, but it’s frigid out here.”

“It’s not that cold,” he took another quick lick. “I couldn’t have done this at home without getting bitched at,” now he was taking a drag on the cigarette.

Holly spoke in a diminished tone, “What the Hell is wrong with you, we’re supposed to be the married couple…”

Lewis glanced up and down the street, “There’s no one out here,” Lewis said, “I know you’re looking for any excuse to light that fuse on your tampon and go rocketing into some lecture.” He started up the driveway towards the garage door following behind two movers carrying an entertainment center.

She clenched her teeth, biting back anything she might say that would be out of character. Just before he entered the house she asked, “Where are you going?”

“Jacuzzi.”

“Don’t smoke that in the house,” she yelled.

The house was a small modern thing, pressed between a pair of modest two stories. Even with real estate market being in turmoil, neighborhoods like this were still flourishing all around Houston. It came as no surprise that not everyone living in them was a law abiding citizen.

Holly took a moment to regain her composure after Lewis left. She stood with her slender arms clutched around her frame in the breezy winter air admiring what would be “their” house for the next few weeks.

“Just moving in?” a shrill voice cut the air behind Holly after a few minutes. She whirled around to see a scrawny young lady in a bright red sun dress. It’s too fucking cold for sun dresses.

Holly forced a prim smile, “Oh, hello.”

The woman scratched her bushel of frizz, “You must be Carol Benedict.

“Heh, yeah,” Holly said. The sound of her pseudonym caught her off guard. “And you are?”

“Annemarie Thyne,” she said. “It’s one word,” she added tilting her head to the side as she clasped Holly’s hand.

“Huh?” Holly played the part of the unassuming housewife well, even if she wasn’t playing.

“Annemarie is one word,” she said

“Oh,” Holly laughed. “Sorry, it’s just—I’m utterly shattered.” She drew her arms about herself again, “Haven’t had good sleep in a while.”

“I see, I see—well I just stopped by to welcome you to the neighborhood,” she brought her hands together at the conclusion of her sentence. “I live right over there,” Annemarie pointed to a house on the opposite side of the street at the corner. “If you have any questions or need anything, just come over!”

Holly nodded, “Will do.”

A moment later Holly watched as she returned across the street to her own home. Her husband came out to get the mail. They kissed on the front lawn. It made Holly cringe, not in disgust. But it caused desires to well within her.

Holly had to go inside.

She slipped her heels off inside of the door. The marble tile was cold against her feet and she rushed for the carpet. The spectral aroma of roasted tobacco dominated the air. I told him to stop smoking those Goddamn things in here.

The movers were working upstairs, but she could hear a toilet flush in the bedroom. Holly turned, walking the short hall with her hands clenched at her sides, “Lewis!” she said.

She entered the room to find him shirtless and flicking his cigarette back into the toilet.

“Lewis!”

“It’s Dan.”

“We’ve got to lay out some ground rules,” she said.

“Like?”

Holly glanced into the bathroom, “You’ve left the seat up, balled your knickers up on the floor, and tossed your cigarette in the loo after flushing…”

“Wow, we’re already doing this?” he brushed past her.

“Did you wash your hands?” she asked.

He placed his phone and wallet in a neat stack atop the shelf and began fiddling with the string of his swim trunks. “I squat, like a girl.”

Holly sighed, “Why are you acting like this?”

“I talked to the SAC and I protested this case,” Lewis said. “I’m not thrilled about this.”

“Why?”

“We’re expected to show affection in public,” Lewis said. He slammed the bedroom door, “And we already fucked.”

“That wasn’t our fault,” she shifted her eyes to escape his gaze. “We were shot up with narcotics and—“

“This was a bad idea.”

“It’s just a case,” Holly said, “And we can work it like any other.” He leaned against the wall and his muscles flexed. She couldn’t admit it, but right then she wished he’d been wearing a shirt.

He rifled through his pockets. “If we fuck this up, it could get us both killed,” he said. “Can’t just carry my gun like normal.”

“I know,” Holly said, “but I’m keeping a cool head, so it’s not like you can’t.” Liar. She tried not to picture his hands on her hips and prayed he didn’t touch her.

For a moment he stared at her. Then he opened the door. That bedroom door was their curtain going up.

“I’m going to try out the hot tub, Honey. You want to come?”

Holly exhaled, “I better start dinner. We’ll be eating take-out if I don’t get the kitchenware unpacked.”

“Want any help?” he paused at the end of the short hall.

She smiled, a faux, forced smile, “I want you out of my hair,” her tone was playful. “Go relax.” When he was gone from sight she walked into the bathroom and shut the door, locking it behind her. She took a seat on the edge of the tub and rested her head in her hands.

…I’m keeping a cool head, so it’s not like you can’t.

It would actually be easier for him. He was getting a divorce. He’d been with a woman on at least a regular basis. Before him, Holly hadn’t touched a man in two years. Now she was trapped with the only man she could think about and the only one she couldn’t have. I’m so, so fucked.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Law & Order Yemen

I didn’t catch the lead in or second act…but it ends like this:

This is criminal justice, Yemen style. A man accused of raping and murdering an 11-year-old boy is paraded through his home town before being shot dead by an executioner.

Hundreds of onlookers lined the streets to watch the gruesome scene, cheering and shouting abuse at Yehya Hussein al-Raghwah.

The boy, Hamdi al-Kabas, had reportedly come into his shop for a haircut last December during the Muslim festival of Eid. After brutally attacking him, the barber cut his body into pieces and dumped them outside the capital Sana’a. He was given the death penalty by a Yemeni court a month later after apparently admitting his crime.

Shocking images of his final moments were released following the execution yesterday.

First he leaves the city’s central prison, handcuffed and dressed in white robes. Fear etched on his face, he is surrounded by soldiers as he is led towards a ceremonial red carpet.

He is allowed to say a final prayer, his shirt is then ripped open before he is laid face down.

As a police official reads out his sentence for the last time, a doctor oversees his treatment and crowds – which appear to include children – jeer and punch the air, some filming his final moment on their mobile phones.

I think that we need to go this route more often, call it cruel, call it barbaric. But if someone saw this happen in their street, they’d think twice about diddling kids or hurting them.

Article Link

Monday, July 06, 2009

Atheist Summer Camps?

Is it just me is it getting hard to tell the atheists from the religious? Yet more proof that atheism is just a religion for the godless and with science as its doctrine. Before you go getting all butt hurt just read this definition:

Religion - a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.

It’s not a far jump to make that the way its practiced by some, atheism could fall under that umbrella. Ah well, here is the article that I saw passed along on another site.

Prof Richard Dawkins, the prominent atheist, has helped set up an atheist summer camp where children will be taught rational skepticism and sing John Lennon’s Imagine alongside the more traditional activities of canoeing and swimming.

The evolutionary biologist and author of The God Delusion, who stepped down from his post at Oxford University last year, has subsidised the five-day camp in Somerset.

Camp-goers will be given lessons in rational scepticism, as well as sessions in moral philosophy and evolutionary biology.

There will be more familiar camp activities such as trekking, tug-of-war, canoeing and swimming but children will also be taught to disprove phenomena such as crop circles and telepathy.

The retreat is for children aged eight to 17 and will rival traditional faith-based breaks run by the Scouts and church groups. It will teach that religious belief and doctrines can prevent ethical and moral behaviour.

The camp is part of a campaign, backed by Dawkins and Professor AC Grayling, the philosopher and writer, designed to challenge Christian societies, collective worship and religious education.

Prof Dawkins said it was designed to “teach children to think for themselves, sceptically and rationally”. All 24 places at the camp, which runs from July 27-31, have been taken.

Crispian Jago, an IT consultant, is hoping the experience will enrich his two children.

“I’m very keen on not indoctrinating them with religion or creeds,” he said. “I would rather equip them with the tools to learn how to think, not what to think.”

The emphasis on critical thinking is epitomised by a test called the Invisible Unicorn Challenge. Children will be told by camp leaders that the area around their tents is inhabited by two unicorns.

The activities of these creatures, of which there will be no physical evidence, will be regularly discussed by organisers, yet the children will be asked to prove that the unicorns do not exist.

Anyone who manages to prove this will win a £10 note – which features an image of Charles Darwin, the father of evolutionary theory – signed by Dawkins, a former professor of the public understanding of science at Oxford University.

“The unicorns are not necessarily a metaphor for God, they are to show kids that you can’t prove a negative,” said Samantha Stein, who is leading next month’s camp at the Mill on the Brue outdoor activity centre close to Bruton, Somerset.

“We are not trying to bash religion, but it encourages people to believe in a lot of things for which there is no evidence.”

A spokesman for the Church of England questioned Dawkins’ decision to stage a summer camp for atheists.

“We would defend the right for anyone to set up an event like this, as long as the young people are happy to attend,” he said.

“But in his imitation of the type of youth events that religious groups have been running for years, Dawkins makes atheism look even more like the thing he is rallying against.”

Atheist Summer Camps?

Is it just me is it getting hard to tell the atheists from the religious? Yet more proof that atheism is just a religion for the godless and with science as its doctrine. Before you go getting all butt hurt just read this definition:

Religion - a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.

It's not a far jump to make that the way its practiced by some, atheism could fall under that umbrella. Ah well, here is the article that I saw passed along on another site.

Prof Richard Dawkins, the prominent atheist, has helped set up an atheist summer camp where children will be taught rational scepticism and sing John Lennon's Imagine alongside the more traditional activities of canoeing and swimming.

The evolutionary biologist and author of The God Delusion, who stepped down from his post at Oxford University last year, has subsidised the five-day camp in Somerset.

Camp-goers will be given lessons in rational scepticism, as well as sessions in moral philosophy and evolutionary biology.

There will be more familiar camp activities such as trekking, tug-of-war, canoeing and swimming but children will also be taught to disprove phenomena such as crop circles and telepathy.

The retreat is for children aged eight to 17 and will rival traditional faith-based breaks run by the Scouts and church groups. It will teach that religious belief and doctrines can prevent ethical and moral behaviour.

The camp is part of a campaign, backed by Dawkins and Professor AC Grayling, the philosopher and writer, designed to challenge Christian societies, collective worship and religious education.

Prof Dawkins said it was designed to "teach children to think for themselves, sceptically and rationally". All 24 places at the camp, which runs from July 27-31, have been taken.

Crispian Jago, an IT consultant, is hoping the experience will enrich his two children.

"I'm very keen on not indoctrinating them with religion or creeds," he said. "I would rather equip them with the tools to learn how to think, not what to think."

The emphasis on critical thinking is epitomised by a test called the Invisible Unicorn Challenge. Children will be told by camp leaders that the area around their tents is inhabited by two unicorns.

The activities of these creatures, of which there will be no physical evidence, will be regularly discussed by organisers, yet the children will be asked to prove that the unicorns do not exist.

Anyone who manages to prove this will win a £10 note - which features an image of Charles Darwin, the father of evolutionary theory - signed by Dawkins, a former professor of the public understanding of science at Oxford University.

"The unicorns are not necessarily a metaphor for God, they are to show kids that you can't prove a negative," said Samantha Stein, who is leading next month's camp at the Mill on the Brue outdoor activity centre close to Bruton, Somerset.

"We are not trying to bash religion, but it encourages people to believe in a lot of things for which there is no evidence."

A spokesman for the Church of England questioned Dawkins' decision to stage a summer camp for atheists.

"We would defend the right for anyone to set up an event like this, as long as the young people are happy to attend," he said.

"But in his imitation of the type of youth events that religious groups have been running for years, Dawkins makes atheism look even more like the thing he is rallying against."

Action

Things have kind of been in a rut lately and I think I need to go ahead and work on getting out of it. For real this time. It's been hard for me to sit here and just ignore what's happening but at the same time things aren't going to get any better if I just don't do anything eithe.

In leaving a message for someone, I was forced to come to terms with some of the things that have happened in the past few months. I went from thinking I could never feel as good as I had a few months ago to really far down in the dumps over some stuff. Needless to say I don't feel the need to retell them here not because this isn't a private place but because I don't think they need to be repeated or discussed anymore. I have talked them out, I have rolled them over and over in my head lately and when I left the message...I came to the conclusion that what I needed to say--what I had to say is what I always had.

And that's really, all I can say about it.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Heaven Forbid

The story I wrote a little over a year ago that basically changed the take I had on a lot of my characters. So now I am facing doing a rewrite of it, or at least of part of the actions from it. Only this time I plan to give the fights purpose and other things they did not have before.

On a side note, I was looking for badass Bible quotes and came up with something off a cracked article:
From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the the youths - II Kings 2:23-24

I don't think I ever remember reading this part.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Writing Quotes

I have been taking a bit of a forced break from my writing lately, mostly because of the fact that I am trying to just kill some time and not write. Well I have been looking over some of my favorite quotes from different books and things on writing. I might be posting some of these from time to time:

"2nd draft = 1st Draft - 10%"

This first one is from Stephen King, I like it because I take it to mean that we can always trim a little off that first draft. I am one for brevity and I like the idea that I can really get down to it and shave off a lot of unnecessary words.

"When you write a story, you're telling yourself a story. When you rewrite, you're taking out all of the things that are not the story."

This is just a cute little saying, it comes again from King and closely precedes his advice to write with the door closed and edit with the door open. I don't really agree with this because I am constantly showing my writing, going back and chipping away at little things as I am writing and coming back to write more, but I think that it could work for some people.

Remember, these are not facts or rules that everyone will agree with. Nor will they work for everyone. But I think that for some, at least one of these things might help them or give them that extra little boost or even just inspire them to do the opposite.

Place yourself in the background. Write in a way that draws the reader's attention to the sense and substance of the writing, rather than the mood and temper of the author. If the writing is solid and good, the mood and temper of the writer wil eventually be revealed and not at the expense of the work. Therefore, the first piece of advice is this: to achieve style, begin by affecting none--that is, place yourself in thebackground. A careful and honest writer does not need to worry about style. As you become proficient in the use of language, your style will emerge, because you yourself will emerge, and when this happens you will find it increasingly easy to break through the barriers that separate you from other minds, other hearts--which is of course, the purpose of writing, as well as it principal reward. Fortunately, the act of composition, or creation, disciplines the mind; writing is one way to go about thinking, and the practice and habit of writing not only drain the mind but supply it, too.

This final quote comes from The Elements of Style by William Strunk and E.B. White. The book is in its 4th edition and has come to be regarded as pretty high up the chain of books on writing. It's very brief and very affordable. Well that's all for now I think I might post some more later.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Novel

At a certain word count, a book turns into a novel or rather a book is considered a novel. I don't think I even knew that until very recently but when does a book feel like a novel? When, while writing it, do you get the true sensation that you are writing a novel? This experience with Four Winds has been fun, its been very different from what I expected and when I started out I didn't ever think I would go in half of the directions it has. A book and characters growing and learning and growing outside of what you expected isn't bad but as I sit here on the cusp of 80,000 words I look back and know that this isn't it. I've started a series, I've got a long road of editing and rewriting and added ahead of me and I still have to find a publisher for the damn thing.

Even then, this is really exciting.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Racism in Houston

Th internet affords one a lot of opportunities to make an ass of themselves. Stupidity is the cancer that infests the information super highway and it seems to come in many forms. Bigotry has found a new home in cyberspace and I was shocked to see some of the things posted in my own city on the site Topix which is like a large forumor some such shit. Basically, from what I can tell, its a place where some people go to discuss things and some cyber degenerates go to beg for online sex. But to each his own.

Anyway, these comments were posted in a thread about racism that made me take notice. The basic idea is that the commenter used an unregistered guest account to make a stereotypical ethnic name and troll (for those who don't know, trolling is fueling the argument in a bad way) the site. The first one is as follows.

Written by "Eboneesha"

My name be Eboneesha Li Herenandez, an African Hispanic Asiatic-American Girl who just got an award for being the bess speler in class. I got 67% on the speling test and 30 points being black, 5 points for not bringin drugs into class, 5 points for not bringin guns into class, and 5 points for not gettin pregnut during the cemester. It be hard to beat a score of 120%. White dude who sit nex to me is McGee . He got a 94% on the test but no etstra points on acount of he have the same skin color as the opressirs of 150 years ago. Granny ax me to thank all Dimocrafts and Liberuls for suportin Afermative action. You be showin da way to true eqwallity. I be gittin in medical skool nex an mabe I be yo doctor when Barrac take over da healtcare in dis cuntry.

The second post is probably the same person and equally ignorant to the facts.

Written by "Papi"

My son took a test for the fire department in a large city here in Texas. He got a 72 on the test but got 30 points added for being Hispanic. That 102 total put him in the academy and some anglos who might have scored 100, left out. He felt bad but I told him what the heck! If they're giving out benefits for free, what the heck!

I'm sorry, people who write stuff like this and believe this kind of shit should be told better...wait no they should be drug from their cars and hit with a pipe wrench. I know we're not supposed to advocate violence--but just call it going back to my Crusader roots. While I don't neeccessarily agree with affirmitive action, it doesn't work like that and on that small a level. In fact it should be done away with, because it might have been needed for a short time, but I think that time has passed--black president and all, kind of hard to say a black man can't get anywhere in this country.

Even then, these people are obviously sick, degenerate KKK members or something like that. Because while the average racist person has a small level of innocent racism to one subject (like interracial dating) these mongoloid dick heads seem to think that a fifty year old stereotype represents an entire set of ethnic groups. I've got one thing to say to people like this, if you have to use the internet to say something that you feel because you're too scared to say it to the face of someone do us a favor and leave--and take your white hood when you go.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Rape and Child Porn are Constitution Rights?

I am becoming increasingly disgusted by the state of some people online and what they view as appropriate. After some feminists lobbied to have Rape simulators and child pornography games banned, a ban which I fully supported, there was a mobilization the likes of which you don't often see on the internet. People shouting about free speech, about their rights, about America being more open sexually...what were they all so adamant about protecting? Racial rights? Gay rights? Abortion rights?

No.

They wanted the right to play sexual games that involved children and raping women. And I don't mean the legal definition of a child. A sixteen or seventeen year old girl, while considered a child, is fully grown in most ways biologically and in many country they are considered adults for sexual purposes. I am talking about actual children. Persons nine and ten years old and sometimes younger.

What's worse is that the ban's major target, rape, is seen to be by some as a normal sexual desire for someone to have. They don't see anything wrong with playing a game where the entire object is to rape someone else and there is no other path to take. In fact, they see the way that stores have stopped carrying the games and that Amazon.com refuses to sell them as a gross miscarriage of justice.

People cried out that "even women have rape fantasies"--yes some of them do claim that, but the fact that they're having a fantasy about it doesn't mean they want to be raped and truly saying that you think a woman would enjoy rape should upset any woman within a ninety three million mile radius. Some would make the argument from an anthropological argument that rape is only culturally unacceptable here, therefore its not our right to promote our values worldwide. To them I say this, rape, whether accepted or not anywhere in the world, if it is truly rape. It's wrong. Rape is never right, never can be. End of story.

These games were made in Japan, a place where things are seemingly calm. But lets not forget that a years ago there was a call for them to provide separate train cars for women because of men rubbing against them. So its not that hard to see that even in a country as set on honor of family and the like, there can be problems. But the thing is, countries like Australia have already banned animated child pornography--the portrayal of rape I doubt will be messed with there. The U.K. took steps to do the same recently. While the U.S. is kind of playing with the idea, even going as far to take a man to court over it, I think that the issue here is this.

If a company wants to make video games about rape, child molestation and bestiality, they are actually free to do so because of our Constitution. But any store, corporation or person is free not to sell, own or buy them and we are all free to protest them. Furthermore, if you find sexual gratification watching actual rape--not that role playing stuff--then there might be something wrong with you. Correction. There's something fucking wrong with you. If you get sexual gratification from seeing children nude or placed in sexually explicit or suggestive situations, you are a pedophile.

I can't sugarcoat this and I frankly don't care about the feelings of anyone who would want to argue these statements with me. On the subject of pedophilia and the outcry that the people always make about "can't you just call us Lolicon Lovers?" Nope. I could call the Klan Aryan Race Enthusiasts, doesn't make them any less of a horrible cancer in the body of the Human race.

Students of the Universe Part 1

As it appeared on Writer's Beat.com



The stench of hot garbage in the alley was so harsh and pungent it was hard to distinguish any other smell. Heavy rain from the previous night had washed through the alley. The water was brimming with the fumes and juices of meals long passed. As the sun reached between the buildings to reveal trains of people and cars moving through the streets, it also brought more revelations.




Between the two red brick buildings, where illumination held little dominion, a body lay bludgeoned and caked with crusty blood. What had once been the face was now a shredded mess of tissue, decomposing over a bag of burst open garbage. The corpse’s arms were spread, the right actually twisted out of joint. The skin had been ripped apart at the shoulder and showed a yellow mass of tissue.




The medical examiner made it a point to say that the person had probably laid there for a while before expiring. It had been a painful death.




Each car passing in the road sent water spraying from the divots in the concrete. The sound almost drowned out the words of the uniformed officer as Lewis slipped a cigarette into his mouth. “She’s been here a few days,” said the officer as Lewis took a drag, “It’s a wonder that more of the blood didn’t wash away.”




Lewis nodded, “Could you have at least tried to cover up some of this goddamn smell…”




“Sorry Agent Reynolds,” the officer said, “But the alley is filled with trash.”




He plucked the cigarette from his mouth and turned to the cop, “Well before you call me out here to stand in some shit like this next time, remember—a picture’s worth a thousand words.”




The cop grimaced, his mouth parted as if to speak but then he just strode off. Lewis knelt down next to the body. A hot putrid odor was rising from the corpse. He un-holstered his side arm and used the nose of the weapon to push back some of the trash and get a better look at the body. He sighed, blinking as he tried to push through the horrid smell.




“Not a bad looking girl,” Lewis remarked to the nearest officer, “Bit of a brown bagger.”




The cop glared at him with eyes wide, but said nothing.




Lewis covered his mouth to cough and then looked up, “Where’s my partner?” he asked.




“She arrived earlier,” one of the medical examiners said, “But I think the sight of the corpse got to her.”




Lewis turned and walk towards the medical examiner; she was a short chunky blonde who appeared too young to work for the police department. In the back of the investigator van, near where she stood, there was a box filled with instruments and supplies, he snatched one of the wipes out of the box to clean his gun off as he spoke, “I’m going to find Agent Prescott.”




“We can’t leave this body here…” she replied.




“It’s been here for at least a few days,” Lewis said, “I doubt that it’s going anywhere.” He returned his gun to its holster and walked off down the alley way. He turned the corner and stopped to look through the window of a deli. A harsh glare on the glass forced him to cup his hands over his eyes, but he spotted her at a table in the corner with bottle of tea. He left his cigarette dying on the sidewalk as he neared the door.




Lewis was hit was a rush of warm air as he entered. He hadn’t realized it was that cold outside until he was inside. He rubbed his hands together as he made his way over to her. She sat with her legs crossed and her head hung. Chances were she hadn’t spotted Lewis yet because her long brown hair was in her face.




He came to a stop right next to her, then turned to the man at the counter only a few feet away, “Can you get me a coke?” asked Lewis.




The man at the counter nodded and walked off to get the drink.




She never looked up from the table as she lifted the bottle of iced tea and took a sip, “American tea isn’t even really tea,” she started in a low, flat tone, “All I taste is bloody lemons.”




Lewis ran his hand over the top of his short hair, “You okay, kid?” he asked.




“I hated that we were transferred,” she said. She scooted closer to the table some, but she had to be careful of her injured arm. Only a few weeks prior she had taken a bullet in the arm. It hadn’t hit anything too vital, but while it healed up the two of them had been moved to an Investigative Crimes Unit inside of the F.B.I.




“Well they had to give you time to heal up, Holly,” Lewis said as he sat down.




As she nodded Lewis caught a glimpse of her eyes, tinted a shade of red. Her hair hid the way the eye shadow had smeared. Holly exhaled roughly, “Does the victim have a name yet?”




“I didn’t bother to ask,” Lewis said.




“I see,” Holly pushed the bistre tendrils out of her face, “I suppose we should try and scrape up some evidence.”




Lewis gazed out to the street, “Yeah,” he said, “Although witnesses for this kind of thing are usually few and far between.” When he glanced up again he spotted someone in the alley adjacent to the scene of the crime, “I might know where to start.”




Lewis threw a twenty on the table and didn’t bother to wait for change. He and Holly made their way across the street and into the opposing alley. A blustery wind pushed at them as they came to a stop next to a makeshift shelter. Sticks were lashed with bits of string and twine, made to support a blue tarp that was haphazardly strapped down.




A little ways up the alley was a man who was little more than waxy red skin wrapped over bone. He was mostly naked with a cloth bundled about his crotch like a makeshift diaper. His bony fingers grasped a stick that was burnt at the end, as he scratched something into the side of the building with it. His eyes were wild as he danced with eccentric motions still holding the stick. The hole of his mouth appeared in the scraggly yellow beard as he muttered to himself.




Holly shrunk back behind Lewis as they approached, “Sir…” Lewis started. The man didn’t react. “Sir, I’m Agent Reynolds and this is my partner Agent Prescott, we’re with the F.B.I.”




The stick scratching at the wall became more pronounced as the man tossed his head back to let out a cackling chuckle. He brought his head down and scratched at the spotty clumps of hair on his head.




Lewis and Holly stepped closer to the man, Lewis sighed, “Sir, did you hear me?”




Holly pointed up at the wall, “Lewis,” she whispered form behind him, “That’s Umbral Calculus,” she said, “I remember it from Uni.”




“Math’s never been my thing,” Lewis said as he approached the man. He touched the man on the back, his reddened skin was sticky with sweat and calloused. “Sir!” he shouted.




The man turned around, “Hmm,” he said glaring at them, “Can’t you see I’m busy, boy.”




Holly’s muscles constricted as his gaze fell on her, she swallowed hard, “That’s a right complex equation you’ve got there, Umbral Calculus if I’m not mistaken?”




He nodded, “It would seem you possess a keen eye, I was hoping to show that these two equations are in actuality similar. Of course in proving this I will have proved very little besides that they are related…these numbers have no practical application for me, you see a common beggar.” As he spoke his movements were exaggerated and dramatically pronounced, like a theater actor.




Lewis put his hand to his chin, “I see,” he said, “And do you teach this class out here often Professor.”




“I’m called Skarkiss,” the beggar replied, “These equations are the way that the universe speaks to me, it speaks to us all. I am a mere conduit through which the communications are passed down and read out through, like a seismograph reads the vibrations of the Earth. I am a professor in nothing, I teach no one…I am just a student of the universe.”




Lewis rolled his eyes, “For fuck’s sake.”

Missed

Seems I need to stop neglecting this place, I have missed blogger but I have also taken up a second, secret blog elsewhere on the web. I will be maintaining them both, but this will be my out in the open, outright, blog. My life has been poured into this thing for the better part of four years after all. I will continue to update this.

What's going on with me? Well my novel is coming along and some other smaller fiction writing. And then there is my job search. But I'm around, if you stop by--drop me a line.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

San Antonio

I went there for a wedding this past week and it just already feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, or at least it did. Then I come back to the real world and I just feel like here I don't want anything to do with most of the people and like there's nothing new or interesting or fun here for me to do. I want to move back but I don't even know where to begin.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Care?

I never knew how little I cared until I thought back on all of the things you put me through and I thought back to the times where I bent over backwards to really make you notice me. I have to blame myself for some of it, because I could have, should have stopped. But I think some of the blame rests with you for your own actions.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Someone Get All These Damn Kids Off The Internet

Maybe six years ago it seemed like the internet was a more mature place, I could get on and have intelligent discussion with other. The first thing that an immature person seems to want to do is try and make you see they are mature by talking about sex, how they have sex and how sex is the best thing ever, especially when sex is handled in an immature way. That's what seems to fit the entire thing that I see going on right now. As it stands right now there are some people who I think should be left on an island to perish.

If you can't consider the feelings of others when you engage in relationships, why do we need you?

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Funeral

There's a funeral for a family member this weekend, its someone I barely know and they were very old. I didn't talk to them ever and I usually avoided them because I didn't like going to the town they lived in. Now it seems my Dad is mad at me because he thinks I should go. I hate funerals, I hate going to them especially when I don't know the person involved and it makes me feel awkward because I don't have anything comforting to say to anyone to help them out and I don't think things will be helped by me being there. I'm not a comforting person, not in the least and I don't see how I could be when the people who's family member it is seem so bent on not liking me. You see, I'm not directly related to the person who died.

He's related to someone who married into our family and I just can't go to a funeral for someone I don't know because it just seems like a chance for something to go wrong. Hell I remember when I was at my brother's funeral I wondered to myself "why are some of these people here, they never semed to care when he was alive, so why fake it now". I don't think that makes me an asshole or anything, I just think that makes me truthful.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Plot

There's been a little bit of time since since I actually got to sit down and write in this, or write something in this that I really wanted to. I guess a lot has happened since I last touched this blog and some of it is documented in other places, but I will be moving it here, so if the gaps in date between this post and the last is suddenly closed, you'll know why.

It seems that its wedding season all over again, after having the last wedding I was supposed to attend get canceled, not that I wanted to go in the first place, two more wedding's have come up. These two, I actually care about, being the difference this time. For some reason it still kind of surprises me when I see people I know getting married. I think that Tiffany was the first to really do it and I was shocked then because I just don't think of us as being that old, even though we're getting older every second.

I feel like soon I'll be sitting there thinking, "holy shit, I'm 45" or something to that effect. Of course that's only if we make it that long. Just as shocking as the marriages and babies that have come up are the deaths. A few people I know have died in accidents and the like, even one or two have just dropped completely off the radar screen. I am sure that somehow some of them will turn up later.

Life seems to sometimes work like a plotted out novel, people vanish from the pages only to turn up much later and slip right back into the lives of the characters. I wonder sometimes if that's a sign of something more, then again it could just be a sign of just how small the world we live in really is. I can't say that I want to see all of the people who went away, but sometimes I think that it would be interesting.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

...

I can't help but feel like I have done something wrong. Besides the usual, I mean. There is just a lot of stuff going on in my head and I can't deal with most of it. It seems that I also don't want help from anyone else either, since I have been constantly pushing that away. Truth of the matter is, I don't know what I want to do, but I know that I feel like I can't do things anymore. It seems more and more each day that the things I once had are slipping away, the things I could do right.



I used to write in this thing...five times a week, some times I would do it multiple times a day. Now I seem to not write in it once a month, but looking back there is more buzzing through my brain now than there was before. I can't be sure what to think about all of this...

Saturday, January 31, 2009

List

Was talking to Auraya and she was saying how she doesn't know some things about me, although she didn't specify. So I thought I would do one of these cheesy "getting to know you" blogs to waste my time and yours.




  • I wear a size fifteen shoe (American)

  • I've never left the contenint

  • I hate pickles, but will still eat them some of the time for some reason

  • Redwall is the first book that got me into reading

  • I can never wear hats

  • I'm quiet literally blind...without glasses or contacts, I can't see to drive or walk really.

  • I refuse to buy an iPOD, not out of some hatred for Apple, but because I am simply scared I will break the thing.

  • I have a long standing rivalry with School Buses

  • I own a Datsund doggy named Carlen

  • I have three nephews and a step nephew and two nieces.

  • I hate peanut butter

  • I find something about horses unnerving

  • I have these strange habits when it comes to hygine, I will clean my hands very often for no reason and I will clean my ears and nails more than once a day even if there's no visibile dirt.

  • I've had a gun and a knife pulled on me

  • I've had my writing published before

  • In my life time I have drawn over 75 comic books

  • I quite literally can't see a girl crying and not stop to help them, not sure where it came from but if I manage to pass by and leave them, it will bother me for days.

  • I've sent someone to the hospital in a fight before, they did swing at me first, but I hit them once with a chair.

  • I have an overwhelming fear of heights.

  • I've actually been told I am a good cook.

  • I don't like cake

  • I have a problem with hording things, I keep numbers in my phone I haven't called in years and I actually have files in this computer that were on the computer I had like four computers ago in 1998.

  • I love any kind of tea.



These are all random, but I just deicded it would be something fun to do.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Literary Journal

Looks like I have to start a literary journal...so I might be noting some of the stuff down in here. This differs from a real "diary" because this is where I will put useless shit that I really don't need to use in my writing but for some reason feel compelled to...

Monday, January 26, 2009

The End

It seems that you saw fit to finally go ahead and disown me, cut me loose, whatever you would have it called. And I'm left wondering was what I did really the most horrible thing ever? Was it enough to be left without a word or reply or anything at all. It makes me feel like people really will let you down more often than not. On a long enough timeline people will do just that. Maybe that's a bit much, a bit too much of an impossible standard to live up to.



I can admit it was a dumb thing to do, I can even admit that I was at fault and I apologized, just as someone who is at fault should. People don't always want to forgive. So I use this as a learning experience I guess. I chuck this one up to having been unlucky and let it go. It's just so hard to part with friends. Even when they're one hundred and fifty miles away, even when they're a million miles away. Distance, fights, the little things that pop up, they shouldn't matter in friendship.



But they do.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Meet Boxxy

Well prepare to meet one of the strangest things on the internet, Boxxy. Now don't say I didn't warn you. Boxxy isn't to be taken lightly. She's probably one of the oddest sights you will see on you tube. Much speculation revolves around exactly what is wrong with her, whether it be drugs, retardation or some kind of sick and twisted trolling job.



I'm actually embarrassed to admit that she's slightly cute for the first ten seconds or so and you'd almost want to meet her in person until she opens her mouth. God when she opens her mouth I think I could smell the sulfur and heard the wailing the grinding of teeth. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the anti-Christ.








Not my fault if you kill yourself...

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Quickie About the News

I think that there needs to be something done about the news media in the country, they are getting to the point where they neglect real news to report on pop news and shit. I'm so fed up with the television that I'm going to go draw.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Admisson

There's thoughts that I wish I could vocalize, thoughts that seem to be hidden from even me. I guess you were wrong, I guess that sometimes I'm scared of what certain other people might think. More importantly I am scared of what I might think...if I actually have to say these things out loud doesn't that make them true? If I vocalize this...someone hears it, even if its only me.

I can write this, because this keyboard, this monitor, its therapeutic. Maybe its a partial admission of guilt to an anonymous audience, maybe that really doesn't mean much. But there's still so much I can't face yet. There are things I'm scared to admit to myself, to others.

Failure is a scary thing, and when you've failed its something that can really eat at you. Sometimes, I think everything I do is just an attempt not to fail. If I set goals, if I try, if I make an effort and still fail...then that means I really can't do it. But if I do nothing, well then...no one expects someone who does nothing to get anywhere...

Monday, January 12, 2009

Freedom?

I can't help but think I did something wrong, and it seemed this year started off so good. Well at least it seemed to. Maybe its that I worry too much and when things are like this I can't stop worrying and its all that I can do. I can't notice the things around me or the people, I just have that one thought in my head and its nagging and bothering me. There's no way to be rid of it, to just push it out like waste or garbage or something I don't need.



You develop a lot of connections to things, or you can. But it seems that when you do, you run a higher risk of getting hurt or into trouble. That's the problem, when you have nothing to live for, there's no risk in anything you do. You're free, probably in its most true form. But when you invest in something and open yourself up, its the risk and that's what gets to me. I'm not sure how I would react if I was just someone with no one to care about, no one to worry over. I've never been that person. I spend so much time worrying about something or other.



The things that used to bring me some clarity are failing now and I just can't really count on them because of what I am seeing. It seems in a way everything in the world is failing down around us, and so many of us have so much invested in so many risky things. It might seem odd, but those things that worry other people, the fear that they feel about the war, or the economy and such, aren't what is in the front of my mind. It's other things, things about myself. I think that worries me far more than anything.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Swimming Up Hill

It's just some of the time, nothing I can do feels like it ever has a chance be right. Even with the best of outcomes, I just know that it won't be anything good that comes of this. It's like I'm swimming up hill, against a current. There's no kind of help, there's no assistance, just opposition. That's what its like to work at this alone and to know you're doing it alone. I just lose my words, its all too much trouble, its all not worth it.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

To Write Love On Her Arms

Please be warned: Reader disgression advised TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS by Jamie Tworkowski


Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."


I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.


Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.


She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "F--- UP" large across her left forearm.


The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.
She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.


I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes.


Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando's finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.


She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott's) Travelling Mercies.


On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I'm not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.


Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.


After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.


She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.


As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."


I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.
We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses.

All these things are true.


We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.


I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars. She would ask you to remember.



"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars." And we will Renee, we will.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Another Cold Houston Winter

Looks like another cold Houston Winter...


Wait? Did I just say another?


And what's this cold I speak of?


I walked outside and was shocked to find...its cold! Wow its been a while...I think right now, more than ever I wish I was in San Antonio again.

Friday, October 24, 2008

20/20 Surgery

I think that I had started to think I wouldn't every meet anyone with whom I could actually have a real relationship with. My day to day activities have made it hard for me to meet anyone who shares the same interests as me and it seems that there aren't places that the poeple I would like to talk to go. They're sure as Hell not in clubs or out at bars for the most part. And while I can have fun at those places...its an empty shallow kind of fun; the same kind I get from eating good Chinese Food or playing Tetris.



It's not going to fulfill any major need...its just a small fix to a bigger problem.



The people I have met that I think I could actually date or would care to spend time with are either too far away or very hard to get hold of and usually busy. Meeting new people would be the normal course of action here. But where do people like me like to go?



Its really a moot point, in my current condition I couldn't see myself venturing out in the first place.



There is a funny thing though, about regrets. I can look back over the past several years and point out the mistakes I made and the things I could have done differently and possibly changed several things at once. It's weird to think about, but then I know some of them would have changed so many other things and I wonder if its worth it to have taken those chances and taken a different branch in that fork in the road.



I guess the only thing that we can learn is to take more risks...I think I am understanding that more and more.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

My Drug

That's it, it seems I am addicted to online forum role plays. I guess its not a bad thing, as it helps me write. But if anyone else has this little addiction. Please let me know.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Atheist Advert Bus Campaign

An ad campaign for atheism has started in Great Britain. They will advertise on the sides of buses in the capital city of London. The ads, which look like this:





What bothers me most about this is the word "probably" in the ad...its like if you want to go all out, go all out.



This article was found on a forum site, where another user said this about it:



The atheist bus campaign launches today thanks to Comment is free readers. Because of your enthusiastic response to the idea of a reassuring God-free advert being used to counter religious advertising, the slogan "There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life" could now become an ad campaign on London buses – and leading secularists have jumped on board to help us raise the money.


The British Humanist Association will be administering all donations to the campaign, and Professor Richard Dawkins, bestselling author of The God Delusion, has generously agreed to match all contributions up to a maximum of £5,500, giving us a total of £11,000 if we raise the full amount. This will be enough to fund two sets of atheist adverts on 30 London buses for four weeks.


LINK

Well if this constitutes advertising...why not something like this on the side of a bus:



...Even If It Kills Me

Well this is me getting back into the swing of things. I have made the choice that I want to write in a blog again, that is I want my blog to be a big part of my daily life or at least semi daily life. They don't have to be super long entries, but they have to be long enough.



I've been working more on honing my writing skills than anything else lately, but I am in school and really trying this time to get some serious work done. Other little distractions have popped up though to kind of take my mind off the school thing. I tend to have trouble concentrating on my writing and school work when I am under certain kinds of stress.



I think I miss having people around me that I could just walk out my door and go to visit. The apartments I live in right now don't lend me to the type of people I usually hang out with or any way to connect with the people here. And after my stint at my last job, I have becoming untrusting of others for the reason that they really can't be trusted.



Sure my core friends have stuck around and I have even sought out some of the older ones to bring them back into the inner circle but none of them are near enough that I can just go to them to feel a little less alone. One person in particular that I met a little less than a year ago has become a profound friend and been a big help for me in the way of moral and emotional support.



I have to post a little quote, its a little something from a song:



"I’m not saying that I’m giving up, I’m just trying not to think as much as I used to. Cause "never" is a lonely little messed up word. Maybe I’ll get it right some day. For the first time in a long time I can say that I want to try. I feel helpless for the most part but I’m learning to open my eyes and the sad truth of the matter is I’ll never get over it, but I’m gonna try to get better and overcome each moment in my own way." —Motion City Soundtrack

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Wall of Weird

In the world of blogging I ma kind old school. Not as old school as being like, pen and paper...but old school in the way that I had a xanga and a live journal account...back when they were cool. Now the thing is, I don't say this to brag, in fact I am kind of embarassed by all of this. But when I first found out about blogger, I moved to it.



I guess that's where the trend ends.



Fast forward a few years to the rise of You Tube and with it the video blogger. I have never done it, never even used a webcam. But I thought it was slightly neat, although I don't know if I could ever make the switch. I used to not even look at video blogs, at all. That is until I found out about walllofweird on You Tube. I know this might sound like something stupid, but she's unbelievably cute and I kind of like the sound of her voice. So I will watch her videos from time to time.



I think that she is the only instance of me actually paying video blogs any attention but look at her!





Figure 2

Can you blame me? Not to mention she's funny. Not funny in that Lewis Black or Doug Stanhope, laugh until you shit yourself way, no she's funny cute. Which is different and doesn't seem to effect all people the same way. But I would suggest checking out some of her videos since they can be interesting. In the world of Internet Women Celebs (which some will say doesn't exist) she's a notable entry for cuteness. Another person who actually needs an entry on that list is Miss Paperlillies...check them out.

Monday, September 22, 2008

It's Been A long While

Alright, I don't want to write too much right now because I simply don't feel like it. It's been a while since I wrote in any of my blogs and ALOT has happened. Unfortunately I haven't been in much of a mood to deal with it or write about it. I just found out I will have to wait one more day to register for school because of hurricane Ike.



In fact, everything for the past week and a half can be chalked up to Ike and its effect on Houston. I can't even think of a time when I have seen the city this unorganized, its shocking really. Something that took less than a day to happen has effect this city and every city in a line due north of us up to Chicago.



On top of that I have been reflecting on a lot of things, trying to find things out about myself and doing some serious soul searching. My head probably can't take much more but I can tell you this, I will have something to write here later, once I sort out all that's happened.



In the mean time, Fall is near...the cold air is near which excites me and at the same time I just wish things could be like they were two or three years ago. There's nothing good right now, nothing how it should be.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

You Want To Make 200 Bones Bro?

This was too funny for me not to post...you have to read the pictures, as I won't be able to get the text out of them..this guy posted this on a message board, he got it off another board. But this has internet gold written all over it.



There is an email responding to a question about how this isn't sexual next, check it out...


This is so fucking awesome.

If the pictures are too blurry, here:

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/1665/make200bonesbroka1.jpg

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Hideo Kojima...You Lying Bastard!

This man can't stop himself, he should be put in a Rehab Home...



The Topic At Hand...



Read the link...that's right.



By the way...best quote on the page!



I'm starting to think that Snake and Kojima (like Dubya) have no exit strategy planned..."

Quitter

I quit my job today. I couldn't go back there and when I finally just tried, I decided I needed to just give it up and go back to school. At that point, they were going to fire me anyway if I went back because I was late. And I really wasn't happy there or with most of those people. Most of the time I felt like I was really worthless there and people made me feel as such all too often. My one supervisor that I thought was really cool called and asked me what was wrong. I told him in a nutshell. An older lady who worked with me answering phones also called. I felt really bad for telling her, because we've lost four people in the past month, we only had nine people over there to start with.



I can't function with the way things were. Any things, in the last day or so I've done things that were drastically hard to do, but needed to be done. Even if I technically just didn't do anything with the work situation so they were going to fire me. I can't be healthy in the situation I was in before though. It was making my physically sick. So I had to make a change.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Adjustment

I wonder how much longer I can keep my mouth shut? I want to say something that I think won't come out right or go over well. And its in my nature to say something like this all of the time. The words come up, uncontrolled and unchecked. They come straight off my heart and through my mouth without being run through my mind what so ever. I think that might be the wrong way to do this.



My life has been all about adjustment, I think everyone's life is. When you crave those changes and the difference, its a great thing. But change is hard to get used to and its scary. Some of us would rather go through the same miserable routines than change. Right now I am stuck in that place in more ways than one. And I really don't know what to do about it.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Complex

There's some complex stuff going on right now, but its all in my head. I am trying to figure out exactly what it is I want to do next because there's not a clear path to follow and there's no easy risk to take, you know. This has been a long year...life's thrown a lot of curve balls (as I think it always does). But right now, things seemed to have calmed some, and I seem to have something on my mind that just won't leave. I'm starting to wonder if this was all one big mistake.

Something That Produces Results

You're trying to grow up and learn. Oh so that's what you call it. I'll never understand the mentality that people have to take all of the wrong steps, to repeat all of the same old mistakes. To cry out for help, only to ignore those who seem willing to actually help and run head first into the person who is least qualified to do anything.



I am done helping those who I think need help without being asked, maybe even begged. Its not worth it because it never turns out for the better. This last time is just more proof to that, I just have to not watch some people, not care for them or look after them. They'd never do the same for me, anyway.



You say, you want something the produces results? Then actually be open to something that's real instead of surrounding yourself with people who don't know what you're going through, with people who want you around for the wrong reasons and grow up.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Care

I spent the past week and a half trying to be nice to people at work and trying to be all friendly and all that other silliness and I see it just means I get walked on. I am sick and tired of the people who I have had to deal with and what I have been stuck with doing. I have gone from doing my job to doing about three jobs and then getting told that I am "A waste of man hours". I have seen most of the good people leave because they realize its bullshit.



I was really depressed, stressed out and sick about a week ago, so I tried to use my two sick days to get off work. Not only did they not pay me for them like they were supposed to, they suspended me for three days which caused me to lose more money. Keep in mind this is all stuff I can't control.



Then I go back in there like a sap and act all nice a friendly, while people are get all rude with me like I am doing something wrong. This one asshole hates me just because I talk to some girl he likes and is not even dating...then he ends up in the hospital with some issue. They asked me to sign a card for him, I just told the girl, "I don't hate him, but it doesn't mean I care..."



And that's exactly what I meant to say. I'm really sick of being the only person who cares about others when no one even wants to return the favor.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Texas Responds to the World Court

To those who don't know, a Mexican national who helped to rape and brutally murder a young girl was killed just before midnight last night. The Mexican National who had been on Death Row for years tried to appeal by saying that he wasn't given a chance to appeal to his home country before the trial because he didn't know he had the right. I guess we put a new spin on the words "Ignorance of the Law is no excuse".



This is a message to rapists and murderers that sooner or later they get what they deserve. When Bush tried to intervene, because the man has been a pansy lately when it comes to foreign policy, the Supreme Court told him to step down and it wasn't in his jurisdiction. Likewise we showed how the World Court has no power over our constitution and Supreme Court...when we adopt a treaty its up to the Supreme Court to interpret it.



And while the World Court has nothing to do when it comes to millions killed over diamonds in Africa or the civil rights violations in China, they can't stand us killing murdering rapists. I think the State of Texas said it best in this personally addressed memo to the World Court.



Monday, August 04, 2008

When Hell Freezes Over

So I made a little wager with Chris from work today...turns out that he wanted to invite me to his birthday party despite the fact he was pretty sure I wouldn't come. Why? Because he's having it at a strip club...not even just that, but a full nude bar. I promptly said no...even when he said a girl I like might come.



He then told me that he was going to invite Max, who is currently on leave from the military. For those of you who don't know, Max is Tiffany's husband. And for those who don't know Tiffany...she still gets uptight when I say fuck. So you can imagine she wouldn't like the idea of her husband going to a strip club. When Chris said what he said next, I laughed.



He told me he's going to get Tiffany to come too.



I must have looked like a lunatic, I laughed so hard. So here's where the wager comes in. I told him if he gets Tiffany there, I'll come. I'm so confident in Tiffany's core morals that I will go to a strip club if she does. I still won't let anyone dance on me or anything (I might buy an eight dollar coke), but this is a large move for me. I've never set foot in a strip club and have no desire too. But I had to get in on this, just because its such an outlandish thing. Tiffany at a strip club...no, not going to happen.



Perhaps the saddest part of this story is the fact that if I am forced to go and that girl I like is there, no matter how many nude women are running around the room, I won't be able to take my eyes off of her.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Burn the Weather Man At the Stake

I don't believe this shit...they said last night on the news there would be nothing Tropical here for at least the next two days...then I go outside today for lunch and its raining. Now there's like a forty mile an hour wind whipping around outside my apartment...



Should we be able to fire these assholes down at the weather service when they mess up like this. I expected a quiet night at home drawing this picture and being lonely and now all of a sudden I am dealing with a thunderstorm warning and the neighbors kids crying about the bad weather...



I shouldn't have to take this kind of treatment, if this were freak storm...it would be one thing. But this is a named Tropical Storm. I mean, remember Hurricane Allison (yes I know it wasn't a Hurricane but saying that a Tropical Storm caused that much havoc is saddening)? That storm snuck up on us and completely washed this city out...twice. They didn't even see it until it was six in the morning the day it was hitting. We had a like four hour warning.




I am getting tired of this. How does the city with some of the worst weather get the worst weathermen?

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Sick

So I was forced to leave work today on account of the fact that I was afraid I was going to throw up there. I came home, slept and laid around most of the afternoon. I talked to people here and there, but for the most part I just waited around. I think that only one person really worried enough to call and ask what was up. I kind of liked it that way. I'm allowed time to sit here like this and starve this sickness...it doesn't seem to be working yet.



There's been a lot going on this week. Right now though, I can't even bother to think about all of it. I just need to kind of step back and try to get some rest.

Friday, August 01, 2008

My Brother and Barack?

This is a little bit of a shocker that I received the other day.





Who's that? It's my older brother, Jeff and Barack Obama...not sure how he even got the chance to meet the guy, but I wish I had been there. I never get my picture taken with celebs...