I Think God Can Explain

Entirely too hard for me to do any of this stuff, right? People give up too easily on things sometimes; people want to tak an easier way out. We all want that path of least resistance. So many things that we want to do, that we force ourselves into are much harder than we first expect so we back out of them. Anything we could want at all could turn out to be more of a challenge than we initially think. That's just the way life goes. I think that for the most part, many of the things that I wanted before, I realize now that I don't want.

I wanted them be cause I thought I needed. I really can't explain all of this better than that. I guess that when we are at our lonliest we have the most time to reflect and think about what we really want. I used to get really lonely where I was living before, I mean I was alone in my room most of the day, alone at work most of the night. What else can you say?

Now I realize that I'm not going to have to be alone anymore all of the time, I am near friends, and near other people that I could make friends with. But the fact still remains I want someone I can hang out with on a regular basis, someone to just talk to and to be around. Its hard to find that, I used to have it because well we were all couped up there at the school.

Even the people that are here with me, Heather, Brandon, Greg, Persephanie and some others, they are harder and harder to get hold of and we all work and have things to do, commitments to meet and the like. It gets hard to coordinate something when we all work different days at different times and just a week back I lived thirty miles from anyone.

To tell the trut I had no idea it was that fucking far! I thought I was much closer than that to tell the truth. None of it matters now, all that there is to say is that there's somethings out there I really want, I really want to do, and not just that...things I need to do too. And I am trying increasingly harder to do them. It just takes time, I can't even explain it. I don't think anyone can...except maybe God.