I'm very worried about a friend, I just feel that there is a lot going on in her life and she needs someone to talk to, I feel like she needs a shoulder to cry on. I don't know what to do about it because she's too far away. I'm here, she's there and I just want to see her back to her old self again. I know at the age she is things can get rough, times can get unsure. I mean I know I went through it too.
I hope she finds her soliace, I hope she finds what she needs to get through all of this, because I really want her to, I really want to see all of my friends get through the things thatb other them.
And then something else has been on my mind a lot, something that I have been thinking of for the last month or so, I think I even said part of it the other day somewhere on here, but it stands to be said again. And yes I got it from that video on my profile: A far off memory that's like a scattered dream, a scattered dream that's like a far off memory. I want to put the peices together—yours and mine. There are a lot of things left to think over, and even more left to do before I can even take the time to think.
I went to Church with Heather earlier tonight, well last night, its morning now. And there were a lot of things said there, some I agreed with and others I disagreed with. I think that goes for almost anything said. But one thing stuck with more than the others. It was about the friends you pick, and it wasn't even most of the stuff that the guy said, it was about one line. He said something in the area of, If you have a friend that that's leading you in the wrong direction then run, get out of there. Now I think that sometimes we have friends that can have the wrong ideas, but they need helping, but then he went on to say I only have about three men that I let influence what I do that much...
My freshmen year of college I practically lived and died for what one of my friend's said, I thought that he was going to be the thing that brought me closer to what I wanted to be, closer to God, closer to finding a girlfriend, closer to being a good student. I was so stupid, I was so stupid that it took almost a year after that for me to realize how stupid I really was. You know how they say there will be false prophets, I was dealing with the worst kind. And let me be the first to tell you, they don't come at you head on, you're all used to your enemies doing that.
But the worse kind of enemy comes at you from the side, they get right up next to you with that Chesire smile and they'll act friendly. They get in your head and they know your whims, they know how to make or break you. I know that even now there is something that someone like this could get at me through, several things. But this person, never again, I will keep them in my front. My eyes watching them closer than an old man in a retirement home watches the young nurse. I'll keep him close to my front, so he can't make a move without me seeing him. At your side they can move in your footsteps, make their way around you undetected. In the front there's nothing they can do but be watched.
The other thing going on is I need to find a new job, fast, see I have pretty much set myself up to get fired from my job, I don't want to be there anymore, I don't like it there one bit. They really treat me as bad as you can treat a person without physically harming them. They don't behave at all in a professional manner, which is what I thought things were supposed to be like. But nothing is ever the way it should be right? I want to get out of that place while I can, I doubt they're going to want to give me my next pay check or the money they owe me for the bounced checks.
And I should have listened to my brother Jeff, not the one who got me the job, the other one, when he said that this whole thing was a bad idea. Part of me knows going home for summer would have been the best bet. But now I am here and I am kind of glad that I stayed, actually I am very glad, at least one really good thing came out of it. And right now I need more good in my life. Today a lot changed, I lost fear, and I think that somewhere between telling my supervisior whatever and writing something out to send to someone that I needed to see more than I think they did, I realized: I won't get a fucking thing done sitting on my hands.
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