nothing

When I can't sleep and its too much to stay awake all throguh the night, I'm so bad off that my body hurts from restless nights and the nightmares haven't stopped for almost a month now. At first I would ignore them, now they're driving me insane. When I went to bed this morning I had been up for over forty hours, now I'm awake again. Still so tired my body hurts but I'm scared to go back to sleep.

Why do I try to trust ot look out for anyone? No one cares about you or anyone else other than their own involvement in you. No one, and just when I get hope that maybe something is about to turn around, maybe the dreams will stop and maybe some of this will start to make sense, I find out, that it already does make sense, it always does, you've just been used.

That's all I ever get. That's all I'll ever get, I'm the one who gets walked on. I keep waiting for the good news and the meaning behind all of this, but there isn't one. And there never will be. The meaning was what I said it was weeks ago; that hope, trust and love and all of the other shit people tell you are so important aren't reasonable to have and don't exist.

Dreams are like pictures that should refelct our hopes and what's in our souls now? Well all mine are nightmares and they just get worse and harder to ignore. There's really nothing left to do.