Now I'm not bitter...

Before I go out on this date today I need to talk about why it is that I hate this holiday so, its no offense to the people that are going overboard to cleebrate it. But I have had my heart split in two and broken so many times on Valentines Day. To the point that there are things that I can point out that many people might even be able to compare something they have dealt with too. I know that everyone goes through heartache, but I don't think that everyone gets talked horribly about by someone that they consider a friend why they are right there.

Let me clear it up, when I was a freshman in high school I had a crush on a friend, she and I weren't the best of friends, but from the day I had gotten to the school I had thought Wow, look at how incredible she is! I thought that she at least felt as if I was a friend on the level that she wouldn't bad mouth me.

Well the day before Valentines Day we were in PE together and I was tossing a baseball at my friend, we'll call him Sean, and he told me to throw as hard as I could. I did and just when I let the ball go, the girl ran right in front of me and it hit her in the eye. She was knocked down and out, Sean and I caught her and she came to pretty quick. She pushed both of us off and told us to get away.

That next day I came to school with roses, I thought she was going to hate me forever and I really wanted her to know I had admired her from the time I got there. Well I asked her friend to help me get her upstairs where no one would be in the morning. When she did that I would come out around the corner and give her the flowers.

Everything went as planned until she didn't even accept them, she told me she didn't want them and to do something else with them. I don't remember what I did with them, it doesn't matter. I felt terrible, almost anyone will at least take the flowers. But she didn't eve do that. You may think this is the whole thing, but its not, its just where it starts.

A day or two later we were in PE again and a guy, a guy that I hate with a passion starts talking to her about why she is such a prude. Why doesn't she just date some guy. She goes through all of the stuff about how no right guy has come along, and about how she feels like no guy worth her time has come around. And he asked her, what about Justin. Most people would have etiehr done one of two things, gone He's just a friend or he's not my type or said I don't want to talk about it.

But she decided to go on and say what she really thought, she just looked at the guy and then acknowledged me with the closest hand, Well just look at him, he's just... she stopped there for a long time and something interupted us. But I can't tell you how it felt to get that, I can't tell you how good it feels to think that everyone is thinking that kind of thing on the inside. So people that want to know why I don't act nicely to new people, or people that wonder why when someone who pisses me off once good enough sometimes doesn't get back in to have a chance to do it again. Now you know, people who wonder why I don't give a flying fuck if some person is sensitive and why I don't cater to people that I don't think are intelligent enough to be worth my time, this says it all.

I don't like people because I don't trust people. No one comment and tell me it was a one time thing, because I can tell you other things that happened on other years this day. Bear with me. Because I have every reason to hate this holiday and every reason to be just how I am.