Tonight was the perfect night, not in what happened but in the feel, the sky was filled with a light mist, the cold wind and air felt good as I walked along the river that this city is so famous for. Althought I wish I could have been with her, I think a lot about her, I try not to but I do. It blots my concentration and there are times when I wonder if I will ever be the same again.
I know now that I never really knew what it was like to feel something for someone before maybe last year, before that I would think I felt something, but this is much much harder. This is much different than the times in Junior high and high school. Here things have been different.
There's some part in me which would like nothing more than to leave things as they are, stay back and try my best to just leave her be, but then I think she could get hurt again. Damage like that just stacks, it builds up and I'm tried of seeing people like her treated like shit, everything that I see happen to her I just think that she doesn't deserve any of this.
My mind is dragging through everything, I need to wait, but I don't want to, I need to play this slow, but its already been a year. I really can say I hate that I can't help her out or say the words to make her believe in herself, but I can also say that I will still try. I've failed enough people but I keep doing this, why? What the hell is wrong with me. I've got nothing going for me, school is shot, I'm in the hole and I feel like there's nothing that I can do about any of this.
I'm so afriad now, but I have to do this alone and in person, its the only way.
It seems that when I try to do anything else, when I try to write anything else that only one subject can flow from my fingers, as if I've been pricked by needles and just left to bleed this away. I know that to all of you out there I will not be the same until I've bled all that kind of blood away.
No comments:
Post a Comment