Today, how to describe today, I really can't think of much else that can go wrong in my mind. I say and do things and when I think back on them I can only see how it will go wrong, how I'm wrong for trying this or that. I wonder what did this, how did I get like this. Why can't I just see things the way someone who's normal does?
I'm really just tired of trying to interact with people and to figure out what's wrong with me, but I know when I stop that things are only going to get worse. I wish I could be a loner but I know I can't. I know that now but I really don't know what to do now. Tomorrow I start going to thearpy sessions, just because of all this. It's really hard for me to have to even talk about it, I haven't told anyone else here except for one person.
And even then I can't believe that I'm doing it myself. I wish I could say that things were just fine, but they're not and they aren't really getting better on their own. So I guess this is me trying to get the help I should have months back. Well I have to go, I might add a little more to this later tonight.
3 comments:
Hey, back to the Fight Club titles... it's okay because at least you're seeking help. A lot of the time, when things go wrong, we're taught as a society to deal with it and fix it ourselves, but it's not that simple because we don't always know how. Sometimes you need someone who cares to ACTUALLY help you and to actually listen... even if they're paid to care and listen. Problems don't fix themselves, and you don't always know how to fix them and need to be taught and helped... you can't send a plumber to do heart surgery without proper training and you wouldn't send him to his first surgery all alone either.
Sometimes it's not all you that has problems dealing with making new friends. It's awkward for everyone. It's better to have tried than not to have--as the cliche goes, 'nothing ventured, nothing gained.' You can't know until you've done something.
Please keep trying, and good luck at therapy. I hope things start going better for you.
Thanks for the support you two, but this won't be easy, its hard to start talking about things that you've never had to share with another person. I hope that I can do it and that I can finally relax some, I haven't felt relaxed in forever and its killing me.
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