I Am Jack's Sympathy for the Martyr

Some things are looking up, I am starting to wake up more on time and just to be more alert like I used to. A friend of mine who I just made a little while back might have found me a place to work. I really should feel happier, and I do. But a lot of things still bother me. Recently, I have been taking a closer look at the things I do, my parents always want to blame my depression for everything that I do.

I really want to know exactly what qualitfies as being depressed and what it could cause me to do. I really do think that a lot of things that they do and say are just plain wrong, but what do you do against something like that. Most parents will want to tell their kids to be happy and they will want their kids to do right when they had done wrong and to know the difference. Not to think everything they had done was wrong.

I really don't want to go on about this any longer, but I do have something to say, what is the deal with people that we give too many chances? I have known this girl for almost a year now. I used to consider her a friend, I have even mentioned her on here. Nicole. A few months after I met her I started to see major flaws in her personality, she takes the everyone look at me approach.

I am saying this because she makes no attempt to not talk about others behind their backs every chance that she gets. She also makes no attempt to not make herself seem like some kind of martyr that everyone is after. She acts as if she's at war with everyone and like they are just out to get her when in reality she usually starts the shit by doing something like breaking someone's stuff and not replacing it, or inciting two people to fight by telling them different things about each other. Usually this involves skewing the truth a bit.

When she gets caught suddenly she is the good friend that was trying to mediate but was misunderstood, she is the friend that was helping out for the good of everyone and who got caught in the middle of the nasty argument. Her most recent little action was making friends with someone that I had happened to meet through some other people, let's call her Carrie. I don't know how they get along when everyone you meet has bad things to say about Nicole. But Carrie thought Nicole was cool so she started hanging out with her.

Well the other day Nicole brought up something I had done to Carrie and was wrong about, the problem had been resolved but of course its Nicole's duty to go digging in other people's business even though she can't keep her own shit together. Well I sent Carrie this message:

I just wanted to tell you if I upset you I'm really sorry, but Nicole started a conversation tonight about how I was in the wrong and all of this, and maybe I was. But you have to understand, I don't trust or like Nicole, so if you ever have a problem with me, please come tell me. I don't want her talking to me, or about me. She does things with this sneaky way of trying to get at people through others. I don't want you to get the wrong idea, I have no problem with you or ******(her roommate). And I really like you both as people. But I don't like Nicole trying to give me advice or even trying to talk to me. So the next time you have anything to say just tell me, I'd feel much better knowing it and being able to correct it. Again I'm sorry about the clothes thing I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable and I admit it was a bad idea, but I'm glad you told me. Thank you for that. I'll talk to you later.

Not really threating right? It's not even written meanly or anything. Well Nicole got wind of it and is going around trying to tell everyone how I did her so wrong and I'm out to get her and make attacks on her because that's what the whole world is trying to do.

Well I have this to say to her: Look you fucking coward, don't try and tell me that anyone is hurting you, and don't try and use others to get at me or anyone else, you want to have a fight, let's go right out blow for blow, I bet you right now I have the gaul to stay in it and see it out fairly, the only reason I'm putting this up is because I don't know what kind of little smear campagin you've run on me or anyone else. You put on fake smiles and try to get people to come back and be by your side when no one really can feel sorry for you long because most of your problems are of you're own doing. And you keep telling me that you have things in common with Carrie. Liar, Carrie is a smart, fun loving person with an easy going attitude who tells people things that she thinks about them to their face. She doesn't get on the phone and bitch her boyfriend out while others are around, and if she does it at all, she doesn't do it in front of him and be little him like some kind of child. She doesn't use God as some kind of defense and try to call other's bad Christians when she's dating a guy and trying to get him to move in with her. Carrie says words like thank you, please and you're welcome; not to try and trick someone into helping or feeling sorry for her, but to actually show apprciation or ask that something be done.

Carrie also doesn't flaunt or show off anything, she doesn't call you up and whine about stupid shit or force you to listen to her stupid problems that no one care about until the point that you want to just stick needles under your nails to keep from passing out or thump yourself in the nuts to keep from going into some kind of bullshit induced coma. Carrie has never put on music to go sit and cry by because she wanted someone to feel sorry for her. Nor has she spend months trying to trick a guy into thinking that she deserved him, people probably feel like she's someone they actually want to be around. Lastly, Carrie is likable and pretty. Tell me, how are you two so alike.

Don't worry, because before long Carrie will see right through you, as most others do. And it doesn't matter what you say about it, you'll stab her in the back, its your nature. And then you'll try and play the martyr once again and blame her for it. But we all know no one has any sympathy for the martyr.