Attraction Like This Only Happens Once Every Five Years…

I had forgotten what it was like to really be attracted to someone. That can’t stand it, nervous fits of excitement kind of attraction. It’s not in the creepy way or in the same way that you get a crush on someone. It’s an entirely different beast.

For a long time I lived without the fear of rejection from the women I took on dates because I wasn’t that attracted to them. I think when someone first told me that we should just go our separate ways I was shocked by how well I took it. I felt like an adult.

A few years back I was hurt by someone and while she loved me as a friend and probably still does. She didn’t love me how I loved her. After I sulked a while, I felt like I could tackle the world without fear of rejection because I had survived that…even more, our friendship had survived it. Even when I was dating the last girl and we made it a few months before she broke it off in a hasty phone call, it didn’t hurt. So this reinforced my feeling. I thought I’d taught myself to do what I told so many I had.

Not care.

But in truth I had just raised the bar. I fell in love with an intelligent, quirky, cute girl who was ambitious and smart last time around. She wanted a degree and she wrote and stood up to me on anything, and she was critical of my writing and well cultured. Nothing about her was aiming low when it came to what’s to be desired from a woman.

In fact it was aiming higher (and further) than I ever had before. And if Angry Birds has taught us anything, its that it’s really fucking hard to aim high and far…

The girls following her were glitter compared to stars. They were made for TV Life Time movies compared to Oscar worthy films. They were the Sega NOMAD compared to the Gameboy—forgettable, unnoticeable, and even a little unworthy. Not that the girls were bad off or bad for me. But they weren’t for me.

This new thing though, if it is to become a thing, its got the sparks of something big. It’s impressive when you can tell someone what you’re thinking and not have them run screaming. We’re all a little crazy—you’ve just got to find someone who’s brand of crazy meshes well with yours while trying not to go stark raving mad.

Because she’s so…impressive, desirable, fun—I’m scared again. I seriously do care about making this go well and I am afraid I’ve already fucked it up. Right now I’m just hoping that she’s half as sweet on me as I am on her.