Trust

I’ve started a new job, which I guess is the big news for me this week but there’s not much to say about it. I hate having to wake up at four AM just to make it there on time but what can I do about it right now?

But writing about work seems to be a waste of my time, no one would be all that interested in it.

The thing that’s been on my mind for some time now is that how I think I’ve been losing the ability to trust people anymore. Be it either because they refuse to trust me no matter how much I show them its okay—its not reactionary, not like I’m trying to get them back—but when someone doesn’t trust you it can be guessed that they might not stick by you when things get rough.

Or it could be that of all the people I have put trust in, the thing that seems to most consistently come from it is harm. I don’t think in any friendship, relationship or anything I’ve ever come out as the person who didn’t get hurt. Its not that I want someone’s feelings to get hurt, but its kind of telling that its always me.

I guess I have no one to blame but myself, if I’m choosing the people I trust I seem to make bad choices or I could just choose to believe that this is just what people do and I’m being naïve and these constant mistakes and the times I get hurt are a lesson…I should be learning to listen and not make the same mistake. Which seems to be trusting others.

Still I’m trying to hang onto it for some people, but I just don’t see that happening at this point.