Tired.

I got to talk to Mandi some today, I think its funny that when I need her most Mandi is always there to set things straight, I can talk to her and she just puts things in such clarity for me. It's strange because Mandi was one of the first friends I made when I moved. Now she is probably one of the only ones I have left from that same time period. I am really tired of trying to maintain friendships. I'm tired of making friends, and losing them at the end of the semester. It's painful to watch people you really want to keep around go.

I really am tried of having to make new friends, I am really tired of trying to build new bridges.

And even more so I am tired of trying at relationships, I think what you really get isn't worth it, especially since most people don't want to try, they don't want things to be good, they want drama. Even when things are going perfectly fine you have those who will just cause drama because they can. I think everyone who's dated has dated someone like that. It never bodes well for them.

It seems like with me I put so much work into things only to get nothing back. And its like Vanessa said, I can't keep getting this happening to me, I can't take all of this stuff hitting me at once, no person can forever. I'm not going to give up on relationships, but I guess I will just be more picky. The other day I asked this girl out, she's a really sweet girl, works at this place I'm at like all of the time. But the thing is that I just wanted to see where things would go, test something out. Because I'm not usually the kind to date someone like that. I just have this mentality, but I think that's really the way to do it, and from what Tomi said, it can work out better when you just give things a chance.

Tomi and I sat with her new boyfriend and talked about leagues one night, like when you say someone is out of your league. I really didn't think that I was even in the league of the average girl, but Tomi told me I shouldn't doubt myself like that. I'm not going to say I've had a complete turn around, but I do believe that I can do it. I can work and become a better person, not so that I can get the girl in the end, but just so I can be happy with how things are. Tomi basically said that there are no leagues, and for any girl that uses them, she's not worth your time. Anyone who would discard you on physical appearance alone is not worth it.

Besides, I've found that while many girls might look good, they aren't mentally stable in there way of thinking about relationships. Really it's not a mental stability, its a mental maturity, and I don't have time to pamper someone until the grow up.