Definition

I’ve hit a snag, for so long I defined my life with a set of things that I thought would be a constant. You figure that this is the last thing you’ll ever want to do in this life. The last job you hold, the last person you’ll love, the last house you’ll live in.

It seems to be my nature to make long term plans for things, maybe its just me. But that’s the truth. And I hate change in all honesty. Even if its for the better, even if there’s a chance it could go right I think that something going right scares me, maybe more than something going wrong.

I’m used to things going wrong—I can handle that, its happened so much.

For six hours I sat and scanned pictures out of a box, pictures three and four times my age, pictures of other people’s memories and pasts. Looking back at my step mom, her sisters, her family—I realized that I’m just starting out here and its wrong of me to lay my cards out before they’re dealt. I’ve got maybe sixty good years in me…or with the way I eat perhaps just forty.

Then again, if I have to sit through Batman and Robin again, I could end my life midway through it and that would be a blessing.