There really hasn't been that much around me in the sense of encouragement as of late. I'm not sure what else I can say about it all. The thing about it is I have been doing better than I usually do with things like school, but then things with most of my friends aren't going so well. I think the only person that I am on really good terms with as far as my old friends go is Prentiss, and we've never been on bad terms.
Last night I talked to Tiffany, yes Tiffany...Prentiss' ex. She and I talked for a few hours actually and we shared a lot of what had gone on. I think she was shocked to hear how much some things had changed around here. And she let me in on a few secrets about girls, things I had thought but I wasn't sure if the girls actually noticed. Well, was I shocked to find out not only did they notice, they took it into consideration.
I started to think about Persephanie again, it's been two months since she and I haven't been able to talk. And people say it gets better with time. Everyday it seems to get worse, the dreams, the thoughts of her and just wishing we could talk. I think this whole thing is really fucked up because realistically she was the best source of emotional support I had. I remember I wrote those lyrics from the Something Corporate song, I've realized that I relied on you, like yellow does on blue. That's how I feel, that is how I felt back then even.
And maybe relying on a friend so much makes you weak, but it feels good. Just like ignorance is bliss; loving someone in whose eyes you never seem capable of doing any wrong is special. It's like being a hero. Sometimes I wonder, when we talk again in a few months will she still see that hero? Will she see me be so different that I won't matter anymore. In all those months will she even remember me. Her last words to me were, "I'll always love you". But I worry she won't even remember me. And that's my greatest fear.
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