Bad Week

ALright as an update, last week was just really bad for everyone, I have friends getting sick and a hard time with school and just an all around not so good thing going on here. I'm really not in a good mood, I saw that yesterday and I don't know what to say or do anymore so that I don't get mad at someone and go off. Right now I'm sitting here in the room, Brandon justh eaded back home, he hasn't slept yet so he needs to catch up. I'm wondering if I shouldn't grab a quick nap to catch up on sleep. It would be nice to actually have a reliable sleep schedule but I need to work hard at it to get that kind of thing started.

Since I last wrote in this thing I got news that Tiffany was getting married next summer. Well I'm happy about it and all, she seems to be the only person I know who had a good week. Then I thought, well she hasn't even been dating this guy for a year yet? I mean she and PJ only broke up this week a year ago...

I know this might sound bad too, but I look around and there are so many people I know that rush into things, people I know that seem to be a little in over their head. People are a little gung—ho and whatever it takes when they should be still trying to figure out how much they really like a person. I remember the last time I was all gung—ho about some girl and I really learned my lesson. I haven't trusted what a girl said or did to me since then. Because the last time I did it was just a bunch of lies. And I'm not trying to say that lal girls are like that, but it makes it harder to trust them when you get the few that are and really mess you over.

I'll give people a chance, I won't judge them on looks or anything like, which is not to say that I don't like a girl that looks good. But I know that its not the only thing that matters. I'm tired of girls deciding things before they even get to know you, especially when you wanted to be friends with them and nothing else, its like what the hell, I'm not even good enough to be you're friend?

It hurts to hear the same thing over and over again when you really didn't mean any harm, espeically when you tired to present things in a non-harmful way. I feel bad because its hard to be a guy this day and age, I mean not hard as in there's no jobs because women took them all, let's get real.

I know so many guys who have been called creepy and stalkerish for doing normal things, not to say that stalking someone is nromal. But if you know a girl for a month and you send her flowers at work, not a stalker. You know a girl for any amount of time and you're in her bushes outside with a telescope and a night vision camera, stalker. There's not a fine line really. It's a thick, black, well defined sharpie line.

I have never really been one for people doing things that are even considered creepy, but is it so wrong to ask someone out for coffee or be excited when you see someone for the first time in a long time? I mean if you talk to a guy three times a week and then don't see him for two weeks or talk to him during that time, is he really smothering you? I got accused of that last year with you know who.

And you know, I used to try and be nice, I used you try and say that it was just her way, but now I know its fucking bullshit. You wish someone paid you that kind of attention or you wouldn't have flirted back with them, that's how it worked with her at least. After all of this I still think women are better than men, men just piss me off till no end.

And right now, its so hot here, its humid again and its raining and just nasty, I want it to go back to cold and rainy, I love that time of year. I want there to be cool winds and the damp grass again, I want it to be a little bit dark out all day and for there to be a light mist in the air. I love fall just because of all those things. I live for this time of year and for the cold.

And yet school is so hard now, I don't even know if I'm cut out for this, what am I cut out for. I need to do something, I need to shape out. This morning I just prayed that I could make it through all of this, that I could get up on time and get where I need to be and just make it. I don't know, I really want to be something, nothing bit like a famous writer, but I would like to write. It's what I enjoy. And yet i haven't written in months, I haven't had an idea or made a story. I just feel useless now and I need to get out of that mode.

Hmm, well this ran a little long, I better get to napping, because I really can't stand it anymore.