I don't have much to say right now. Just that I have been spending some time trying to get something done with the comic and the characters. Here is a drawing of one of them. It's not inked yet, but I think that the lines are pretty clean. What do you think?
How many times have you witnessed someone telling you that they wanted to change things in their life? And then the next day they go right back to doing the same thing that they always do? If the thing that you are doing is not working and you have done it several times before, then the simple explanation is to do something different.
It's the principal of Ockham's Razor, the simplest explanation is often the right one.
Every girl that I know always says this, that this is the last time they are going to date 'a guy like that' and then they always run back to the same type of guy, sometimes the same guy. I know what you are all saying, that this is their own preference. But the problem is that by the time they are ready to try something new they are so put off by what they have been trying.
Women need to realize that they're just making themselves more bitter when they stay around with guys that mistreat them. And that there is usually at least one guy they know, who would date them, who they are ignoring. Now I am not going to tell you its fate or destiny. I don't believe in those things. I believe we do shit, sometimes we get it right, sometimes we get it wrong.
For any of you that believe in fate why do you do anything at all? I mean what's going to happen is going to happen...and it is much simpler to think that we are all effecting each other while the environment effects us than to think there is some grand plan and the placement of every molecule was planned out billions of years ago. Again Ockham's Razor.
And all of this goes back to what I started off saying, fate is not real, its not going to help you. If a guy treats you bad then you need to get off your ass and get out of there. What's more when you meet the person you fit with right, there might not be some spark or sign, you might not even take an immediate liking to each other. Instead of sticking what you know is wrong, why not try what very well might be right?
There's a school of thought that I have blatantly subscribed to since just about the time that I started Middle School. Many probably just call it a superstitious way to think, still others might think that its just a matter of our own perception, a watched pot never boils. But in my own mind I think it is safe to say that when you get your hopes up you almost undoubtedly get them crushed.
Hope is one of the things that keeps humans going, it keeps us from being down in the dumps all of the time. Even the pessimist sometimes has hope. But getting your hopes up is a different thing entirely. Its being so sure of something that you hope for that you rule out all other possibility, likewise, you prepare for only what you have hoped for. Setting yourself up for the panic disaster of the aftermath of what would be anything else.
Go figure that I would have actually gotten my hopes up a lot of times recently only to have them dashed. And while I don't believe in karma or fate, I do believe a little in probability. We as humans have a probability to hope for the least likely, or a less likely thing to happen.
When we get that hope up too high is when we have a problem. Now I am not saying that the best way to go through life is by becoming Descartes. I am trying to tell you that maybe if we didn't put our eggs all in one basket that things wouldn't be so bad. Life is a series of events, based on the choices we all make, and how they all play in together, but on top of that there are random events, freak accidents, unexpected surprises and such; that play into this equation every day. Maybe its a little much to get our hopes up that what we hope for is going to be just what we get. Hell, it might not even be what we need
I think that much to the surprise of others my conversations with Prentiss don't involve video games, anime or things such as that. Last night was one such night, where we put aside our nerdy quandaries and discussed something that had to do with real life people and situations. This next part may not surprise you if you have read my posts for any length of time, the discussion came to women.
In regards to women, Prentiss and I are the same. We were never the type to think girls had cooties and most of our friends are female. I let out that I happen to detest most of the masculine population for various reasons. But we didn't try to dump all of the relationship problems off on men, although it would be the easy way out. I think that various problems are the doing of the women themselves. Like a girl who sticks around with a guy who is undoubtedly using her for sex or as his own personal skeet rag, is no better than the guy in the situation when she is told up front, by said guy what she is to him.
Much to her own accord, the warnings of friends, both female and male, go unnoticed and the girl in the end gets the raw end of the deal while the rawest end of the deal is passed on to us. Who is us? Well us is guys who are looking for something long term, who see no benefit in dating someone if there's no future in it. Anyone can get fucked, but what does it matter if you can't make love?
I know that this might be brash, this might sound to both men and women to be the pompous preachings of some little virgin who doesn't know the first thing about relationships...but I'm here to tell you that in that last regard, you're more than wrong. I have witnessed the down fall of relationships like the fall of angels from the blinding heights they once held. Angels who held more sway than Lucifer...and I can say this. No matter how good a relationship looks its not invincible if you think you're above knowing what to look out for.
Having mostly female friends has taught me a lot of about their side of things. And of course I know my side. Prentiss says we should write a book. I would actually be up for that. If gay guys can write books on dating women, why the Hell can't we?
There really hasn't been that much around me in the sense of encouragement as of late. I'm not sure what else I can say about it all. The thing about it is I have been doing better than I usually do with things like school, but then things with most of my friends aren't going so well. I think the only person that I am on really good terms with as far as my old friends go is Prentiss, and we've never been on bad terms.
Last night I talked to Tiffany, yes Tiffany...Prentiss' ex. She and I talked for a few hours actually and we shared a lot of what had gone on. I think she was shocked to hear how much some things had changed around here. And she let me in on a few secrets about girls, things I had thought but I wasn't sure if the girls actually noticed. Well, was I shocked to find out not only did they notice, they took it into consideration.
I started to think about Persephanie again, it's been two months since she and I haven't been able to talk. And people say it gets better with time. Everyday it seems to get worse, the dreams, the thoughts of her and just wishing we could talk. I think this whole thing is really fucked up because realistically she was the best source of emotional support I had. I remember I wrote those lyrics from the Something Corporate song, I've realized that I relied on you, like yellow does on blue. That's how I feel, that is how I felt back then even.
And maybe relying on a friend so much makes you weak, but it feels good. Just like ignorance is bliss; loving someone in whose eyes you never seem capable of doing any wrong is special. It's like being a hero. Sometimes I wonder, when we talk again in a few months will she still see that hero? Will she see me be so different that I won't matter anymore. In all those months will she even remember me. Her last words to me were, "I'll always love you". But I worry she won't even remember me. And that's my greatest fear.
What is sexy?
Purity is sexy.
Smiles are sexy, and two armed hugs.
Cuddling is sexy, so is the smell of a girls hair when she's fresh out of the shower.
Glasses are really sexy, nerds are sexy too, as are girls that snort when they laugh and girls who don't care enough about their hair.
Girls who liked to be tickled are sexy, so are small girls that drive big trucks, girlie girls who like to get dirty from time to time are sexy, and so are knee lenght skirts.
Hair wraps are sexy, artsy girls are sexy, high heels are sexy, and girls with a brain are sexy.
I guess that my point is some of the things that people don't think are sexy can be. As a matter of a fact sometimes innocent girls looking sexy doing something that a less innocent girl wouldn't look like anything doing. Does this mean that if a guy thinks these things are sexy they just want to sleep with you? No, I know that I care about girls and feeling someone is sexy doesn't mean you just want one thing. Sometimes a guy calls you sexy and he really does care about you as a whole person, just remember that.
When we were in high school we all thought of Spring Break being something really magical, where you and your friends could get out alone and just be yourselves. Every time you saw a movie about college kids and Spring Break was involved you knew what they would be up to...drinking, partying, and other illicit activities. Now I am certainly not saying that these are the kinds of things that we should seek.
I'm no more a believer in getting drunk and random sexual acts than I ever was, but the point is that you would think if those people could do that, then maybe I would be able to do some lesser things, hang out with friends, not get hassled, go out of town for one or two days. Little things like that.
Well the reality is that the things you see in the movies are lies. No one parties like that on Spring Break, the majority of the people I know spent their break working, busting their ass at some job for the regular hours they are usually there. I spent most of mine stuck here at my parents house, nothing to do and no one to hang out with, the few times I did do something it was short lived, with the exception of hanging out with PJ Saturday and Friday.
But I wanted to go to San Antonio, I wanted to see my friends, hang out, I had pictures I needed to take for school, that got canceled. I really don't want to spend another moment with my family right now, any part of them. I don't want to be around them because they've been pretty rude to the fact that I am even supposed to be on break. I spent fifteen dollars this week, fifteen dollars of my own money and I heard nothing but complaining about it afterwards.
And that was because I bought a movie that I had wanted since I first saw it in theaters, (Casino Royal) but I think that this will be some of the last time I spend here at the house, I think already that I want to move further away from my family than I have ever been. Every choice I make gets questioned by them, even ones like who I choose to like or how late I sleep on my own break.
I know I only talked about it in passing with most people, and that most probably thought I wasn't serious, but now that I think about it moving to Chicago sounds better and better.
How many people out there think that it is totally stupid for guys to cry at all? I had a long talk with some people earlier today and a lot of the men there seemed to hold this same sentiment. Many others said it was alright, as long as the guy did it in private.
I can tell you right now that its not unmanly to cry. Most of the thing that people consider manly are things that don't matter or are just flat out wrong. It doesn't make you a man if you've fucked a lot of girls, or if you can drink so much without passing out.
Another thing I find really odd is how women want a guy who has emotions, but someone I once used to be friends, let's just say I won't call her what I want to call her here and she will remain nameless, but she told me she didn't like it when a guy cried. Even at a funeral. It showed how much she knows and how much she was nothing more than a little girl. It never ceases to amaze me that so many of the things women say they want are not what they look for.
I'm not afraid to admit that I cried not too terribly long ago over a friend being gone, and I don't see any problem with it. I will probably cry when I have my first kid or maybe when proposing, when my real mom died, I cried then and also when my frist dog died; although that was a long time ago. Anyone who wants to call me a pussy or a sissy or whatever else for it, they can. I have emotions. At least I seem human...and being human can't make you any less of a man.
Did I miss something? When did it become alright to just ignore someone when you didn't want to deal with them? Because that's the standard practice for girls. And if some guy were do that to them they'd use that as an excuse to hate all of the guys in the entire fucking world. But we're supposed to not be bitter and just keep trying for them, because they think their princesses and the like, we wouldn't want to disappoint them.
Let me tell you this, because no one seems to ever listen when I tell them anything, most of the reasons girls have all these problems are their own doing a lot of the time. I can't remember how many times I have heard one of my friends tell me she wants to go back to her old boyfriend, the same one who did something horrible like cheat, lie, ignore or mistreat her; or some wacky combination of the above. If you're going to tell me some stupid shit like this, don't expect me to be there when you fall on your ass yet again.
I've got enough problems without you thinking I'm a free shrink for you to use and I'm done looking out for others in that regard. I have seen far too much and for all my helpfulness I have been shit on recently every time I did something. So I say why put in the effort?
This is the climate of our society, I can't even turn on the television without coming across some news about some celebrity doing something outlandish and stupid. Yet we as a society never punish them, and when we do its only as much as we will allow ourselves to. We act like they have something hard on them because of the job they do when there are many jobs out there that are less in the lime light and when it comes right down to it those people get shit on.
A news story out of Britain has this fourteen year old girl talking about how it is stylish to be pregnant, and that's what she went and did got pregnant. So did some of her friends. I know what you're saying, "This doesn't sound right? Where are the parents?".
We can't hold the parents at liberty because we all know that since the television and radio are these kids real caretakers the people on there are the ones we should blame right? Entertainers? Let me tell you this right now, people need to teach their own children that Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and the Olsen Twins are not role models. Anna Nicole Smith has gotten more press coverage than all of the other important deaths that have happened recently. A President, the God Father of Soul Music, and many more have been dwarfed by the press' barrage of this one time playmate...she hasn't even done anything this millennium!
And in the case of Paris Hilton, do you remember when you had to be famous to get on television? Since Paris Hilton all it has taken is infamy. You fuck a guy, get on drugs, say or do something stupid and there you are, front page news. All the while we are fighting a war, electing a president in a year, people are starving all over the world. But you're more concerned which of these blonde bimbos ends up in rehab this week, or if the bald one had a reason the shave her head...
Stop giving a fuck about these people, they should learn that they don't have to keep being bad to be famous. I mean Jesus has been famous for 2000 years and he didn't flash his penis getting off that Donkey on Palm Sunday. As a matter of a fact the only time he ever got even remotely angry was when he flipped tables at that temple and even then he had good reason. The reason that they keep doing this shit is because we keep paying attention. And do you know who it is effecting? Little kids! When they see you can pose nude and still be on American Idol, that you can flash your vagina and its somehow okay, or that rehab is the way you fix every problem...they think they can act this way or should to be famous!
Being famous should depend on skill, talent or something of that measure. Not on how scandalous you can be. I was listening to that new Fall Out Boy CD today and I realized that one of the lyrics in one song applied to this, "This ain't a scene, its a goddamn arms race,". They are all just bidding for the most attention, because in show business no exposure is truly bad exposure if you spin it right. Well I say is high time we cut them off.
You know, I am really tired of going on dates now and getting lied to. I can't understand why you would tell someone to call you and then decide you don't want to answer. I am sick of getting treated so badly and getting used. And you know what. I am going to harden myself to others a little bit for it, I don't mean to, but you know what, its just going to happen.
I have bad luck with this. Just once I want to see someone actually want to go out and keep going out, and not lying about it. I'm not into liars, I am into certain things, and I don't really want anything to do with most people. I have no idea how to relate to people about things like this. So I'm forever stuck.
NOTE:This is a small excerpt from my story, it actually features people I know in real life (Brandon and Persephanie in this case) and this is the first time I have ever posted this story any where, hope you all enjoy.
Back when I was in high school there was usually one twenty four hour Starbucks in a major city. Now you could find five in Houston alone. It was cold out, still raining and just starting to get dark. The steam from my Cinnamon Dolce Latte warmed my face as I stretched my neck out over the cup.
My hands were clasped around the cup tight to keep them warm. A man in a black fedora was just on the other side of the glass gathering napkins from the small counter, he stepped back outside and came over and then sat down right across from me. He looked up at me through his ice blue eyes.
I inhaled the cinnamon smell of the latte and then spoke, "Father, I feel like all of this being cheerful is getting to me," I paused to sip my drink, it was still very hot, "I feel like I've lost faith or something," I said.
"Why do you feel that way?" he asked in a soft voice as he pushed the napkins over to my side of the table.
"Well because I feel like I haven't got anything righteous left in me, like all of this is taking a toll or something. And what does God want with the non-righteous?" I said.
"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick...but go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but the sinners," he rattled it off quickly and immediately I recognized it.
"Matthew?" I asked and he nodded.
"If God thought we could all be righteous on our own he wouldn't have sent the prophets, he wouldn't have sent his only son to us," said the man in fedora.
I sipped on my coffee and then smiled, "I guess that's right, but what do I do to get better?"
"Well what started you feeling like this?" asked the man in the fedora.
"Recently I've noticed Justin is treating this whole thing like its just part of his job…all of the demons he's killed, he used to say it was doing God's work, but I notice he's getting distant, spiritually and emotionally," I stopped.
The man in the fedora ran his hand down the side of his face, through his beard, "I don't understand, how are you coming to that conclusion?"
"Well he's not enthusiastic about doing the right thing, he told Megan what we did 'didn't make a difference' a little while ago, she nearly hit him," I sipped the coffee, it was the only way to keep warm. "With the girls he seems to be somewhere else, Ashley even asked me about it," I paused to clear my throat. "And with me…when we're alone he's not the same, he may try to act the same, but I can just tell something is different. He kisses me like it's a routine and not a sign of Love…"
Now I knew I had divulged too much, my cheeks filled with red heat, blushing.
"Are you afraid there might be another woman?" he asked.
I laughed, "I suppose that would be the concerns of a normal woman," but I was anything but normal, "I'm not worried about that in the least, I am worried that he's losing the capability to love, and by trying to pull him back from there, I'm going in too."
"It's true, this job isn't pretty, and there's little room left optimism when you spend your days looking at the latest escapee from Hell," he told me.
"How have you done this for so long?" I asked.
"When I first became a priest I was just trying to help people, but when I got into the Order of Saint Michael and started fighting I figured it would be my life's work…" he started.
"What happened?" I asked.
"I saved this woman one day, and I never told your husband or anyone else all of this, but she was the most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen, like I was looking at a small part of God himself. She had the bluest eyes, dark brown hair with white blonde streaks that somehow just seemed to fit, and her skin was flawless and white like snow…" he took a long pause here and pulled his trench coat up around himself. I was listening intently.
Then he started again, "Coincidentally her name was Mary, and after a year of writing each other, talking on the phone and sometimes meeting up with her when I was near I realized that I was in love. I was ready to put my vows aside for her, I was ready to quit the priesthood. But when I went to tell her of this, a demon attacked and it managed to skewer her through. It was a coincidence, your husband had chased the thing for a half a mile, and it just happened that where they fought happened to be the place where she lived, it also just happened that it used her to try and reason with Justin, I put it down quick, only to find out she had been mortally wounded by its barb tail…we shared one kiss before she was gone."
I glared down at the table, "Wow, I just…wow."
"Persephanie, I will tell you this," he started "Things will get dark, they will get very dark, but its when the world around us gets dark that we tend to shine the brightest…" he said.
"But you…you still quit the priesthood, that wasn't even that long after we met you," she said.
"I quit because I failed," he said, "But I still fight with the Order of Saint Michael," he stood up straightening his hat on his head. I could see the long brown hair flowing out from underneath the fedora now.
I glanced up at him, "But do you fight for Love, or because of revenge?" I asked.
"That is hard to tell," he paused and turned away, "I'll give you my answer when I pull the last demon kicking and screaming into Hell." He was gone off into the parking lot where our cars were parked next to each other.
Such a contrast, my Porsche, only three years old; then next to it was his car, a 1967 Chevy Impala, large and boxy with that heavy frame.
I gathered my napkins around the still warm cup and stood up to walk to my car.
Yeah I know, it might seem kind of odd that I would bring this whole thing up so late in the month, its the last day. But I wanted to say something when I thought that it would be appropriate. I was in the car the other day with my sister—in—law's mother and father. We were having a discussion about something unrelated to race and her mother mentioned that she had a problem with black men marrying white women. I thought the comment was so stupid I laughed.
Why I thought it was so stupid is because we are sitting here wondering why so many problems relate back to race in today's society. I can look around where I am right now and see people of different races sitting distinctly apart from each other and having nothing to do with one another. When I know and you know that if these people over here would fuck those people over there, then they'd be all mixed and they're wouldn't be two separate groups of people staying apart. The fastest way to get rid of racism is mix the races. Remember when two Kingdoms were trying to become one what they used to do, have a prince from one marry a princess from the other.
If God didn't want races to mix he'd have made more than two sexes (already some people have found a loop hole).
Now this next thing is in response to something that I saw posted on that infinite well of useless information that is known as Myspace. Someone posted a bulletin about all of the injustice that has been done to whites in the last feel years, and I have to say that while I don't normally take a stance about issues of race, because I think most people need to let it go...I will say that some of the things I read in there were a little backwards.
Probably the only thing that really stuck out to me that I saw in this bulletin were that racial slurs only seemed to count when whites said them and that there isn't a white history month, but this is a black one. Okay for the first thing, who cares about racial slurs, my three best friends, one of them black, the other two white; one of the white ones calls me his nigger sometimes, you think I care if he does this? No! And yes I have been called that word by someone meaning it in a hurtful way, doesn't bother me. I might still hit them or something, but I just like to fight and am violent like that.
As for the black history month thing...have you looked at a history curriculum? Every month is white history month. I mean even in World History classes they usually focus on Western Europe, and when they aren't they're comparing it to that part of the world and relating things back to there. I am actually for them getting rid of Black History month and putting it into the rest of the school year according to when it happened. But that's just because I think history should be told in order and not broken up by who did it.
I don't want to be this guy anymore, the one who is so easily walked on and who gets into dumb situations that he should have the common sense not to. And yet every time I look at it, every time these things come up I already know the answer. I made a bad choice and I should learn from it.
When you get your feelings trampled on enough you stop even looking at it like its something different, you stop caring as much for what you want and you just start thinking about others. Eventually you see that you haven't taken care of any of your needs in a long time and by that time you're in a habit.
I know so many other people that do this, they put their heart and feeling on the line like I do and they get nothing from it, maybe they get a slight bit of credit. But most of the time that credit is only spoken of in soft tones, "He's such a nice guy". The second that it comes time for any action everyone's forgotten you. You've faded back into a crowd of faces, you've faded back into the crowd of countless people who stopped giving a damn a long time ago, never gave a damn in the first place.
Then you just stop being nice, you stop trying to do right by anyone. You start to think that there's not enough good in the world for any of it to get back to you. Everyone is too busy trying to that thing they want, the one thing that is going to make their lives right. Some think they have found it and are trying to convince other to do the same. Anyone that worries about others, cares for one person or a lot of people just gets trampled on. They get walked all over by the people trying to get what they ware after.
Eventually you get tried of doing for others, you don't have the strength anymore because everyone has taken so much and nothing has been put back in. And even if a little gets put back in, its never enough to replace that which was taken. You get dwindled down. The girl who makes sure her boyfriend is happy, but gets thrown aside for trivial things and ignored, the mother who works two jobs to have her kids come home and be rude to her and leave her alone, the guy who wishes just one girl would make him feel as special as he makes her feel, the kid who busts his ass because his mother and father won't and takes care of all his little brothers and sisters...a lot of us fit into a motif like this. A lot of us are tired of getting shit on by the world.
Just yesterday I said some stuff about someone that was really mean and spiteful to Brandon and Andrew. And I think they think I was joking, but I was serious. I'm tired of watching everyone who is doing the wrong thing reap all the benefits. Let rapists be put to death, let cheating significant others get some STD, lets stop saying the Egyptians built the pyramids; they had slaves to do it and it wasn't their own people, let's never marvel at the Statue of Liberty again and not remember the French gave it to us.
Let's give credit where credit is due. If you know someone who has been nice to you, a thank you will suffice. Give that person the benefit of the doubt, don't ignore them. Because if you do, I just hope it comes around to bite you directly in the ass.
Well just like the title says, you would be shocked how you can go four hundred miles and find a common connection. Well first off I need to say that my first three test grades have been 84, 88, and 23/25...this I am proud of. But after getting my latest test back I was walking out of class with this girl I have been talking to some, not in that way, but she's pretty cool. Her name is Melanie.
Well Melanie was telling me she spent a semester in Florida and I asked her why, well she told me that she did and Internship with Disney. Well that is the same thing that someone else I know did, someone I don't talk to anymore, I won't name any names but...yeah.
It just seemed so strange to me that I knew two people who had done this same thing. I told her some about the fact that I knew someone who had been a part of the same program, as a matter of a fact they had even asked me if I wanted to do the same thing and I turned it down, I don't know why but I am glad I did.
This is just further proof that things aren't as disconnected as people would think.
If you're like me and you've been on the Internet for any amount of time, you've seen some things. Disturbing things that most human beings would cringe at, Tub Girl, Goatse, 4chan; these images or places on the Internet might not be known to all. But to those who know them they stick in your head. If you have not already seen them, I would suggest you don't, they are graphic and disgusting to the normal person. I spent a year working at an Internet forum, I built a tolerance. but it is the things like these images that let us know that the Internet is like the free market of jokes and anything else, there's a demand for everything out there, someone wants it and if you're around too long you will accidentally find it.
Now here's the thing I want to focus on specifically. Most of you know I am not a fan of porn, but the I can understand and rationalize porn. I don't need to explain the rationalization, we all know what porn is for. But the thing I cannot understand is animated porn, especially the kind where there are no people.
Someone recently reminded me that we ran across an ad for Finding Nemo porn one time, I almost clicked it just to see if they were serious. I mean no one could be turned on by that?! The only appeal of it is the shock that someone would twist up a story about fish (where one of the only female actresses in the movie wouldn't touch a guy in the first place) and make it something dirty.
I think its that people like seeing something innocent corrupted.
I mean had it been Aladdin, or Little Mermaid we would be shocked for a short while, but after so many Disney and kid movies, its just the same old thing. That won't draw the audience.
So what happens when animals, who don't even have sex in our terms, isn't enough to draw you in? Enter Cars porn. I kid you not. Now these are machines, it'd be like watching your toaster and blender go at it. Inter-appliance relations. How can the people doing this justify what they are doing? How can they think that this is not in some way feeding a sick fascination that people have with corruption?
How many men do you know who have fantasies about doing something corruptive to innocence. Let me give you a common one, and I'm not knocking having sexual fantasies, because it's not always a bad thing. But look at all of the guys who talk about women, or girls is what we should call them, in those Catholic School Girl Outfits. Believe it or not that's a corruption of innocence issue. The idea is that by wearing this outfit, the girl is portraying herself as innocent.
I think its a conquest thing. So many guys want to sleep with a girl her first time because its like going to the Moon, or like sailing uncharted waters, the first flight across the Atlantic; its just something to conquer to them. After doing it for a while there are no emotions involved, its just glorified self pleasure.
It's over...
But is that a bad thing? Should I be pissed off that I wasted all of my time on someone who didn't give a rats ass about me?
Well I should, but you know what, I will be fine knowing I'm over the heartache and the pressure to do right by someone who never tried to give me the common courtesy of doing right by me. People I have done a lot less for have been a whole lot nicer to me.
So for those who are wondering if I am mad at them, everyone who has should concern, they should know I am not mad. There are some out there who I am mad at, but they will remain nameless. What counts is that I'm going to pull through all of this because I made the promise to a friend that when she came back, I would be a better person. And I made a promise for myself that I would work to become a better person for the family I'll have one day, for the people that really do care about me, and for all of the things that people have done to help me out.
I am going to have to pull, and even though I'm still in pain, I have to press on. I have to do what I can to make it myself, with those who really want to help.
Here's to the end of heartache.
Here's to having less friends than you originally thought, not because they moved or because of something understandable like that, but simply because they really don't care about you. You know that thing you get in those annoying ass emails that says at least one person in the world loves you enough to take a bullet for you?
It's bullshit. No one cares about you most of the time, and you find it out the second that you fall on hard times. I'm tired of being walked on by people, and then even worse, having them turn around and laugh in my face about it.
So you know what, if you want to be my friend, I mean really, then tell me, otherwise go away. Because no friend ignores someone, no friend does any of the things a lot of these people have done. And I just have to say this, it won't make much sense to anyone but Julie, but thank you to her for actually being truthful and just not ignoring it means a lot when someone actually tells you something, instead of lying and avoiding the question.
And to those few who made me feel like this, I hope you rot in Hell. I really mean it.
Well it began Sunday afternoon, its a period of time from the first weekend in February pretty much until Spring break that I dread every year. The Super Bowl, Valentines Day, My Birthday...things that almost undoubtedly end badly for me, regardless of my best efforts. My roommate Brandon called himself the King of Coincidence one time, I guess that makes me the King of Calamity. And this is the King:
Let's start with why I hate the Super Bowl...well here's my idea on sports. Watching sports is just about as useful as masturbation...with out the pay off. And there are plenty of things I could do all of a Sunday Afternoon that involved something more to my liking. I could play a game, write, talk to someone, tell PJ we're going to draw only to spend all of the time playing a game...anything. And the Super Bowl makes people do dumb shit, like ignore their wife all day or pay four million dollars for a commercial. (Now lets not get rash, the commercials are the only reason to watch this awful mess)
The Super Bowl is so out of hand they are having sales before it now...okay, I know what you are thinking, "But Justin the sales are on things you need for the big game." Well I have to ask you this then, where does it stop? I mean what's next, Popeye's Black History Month Sale? Not everything warrants us trying to press shit on people. I mean who buys a 6,000 dollar big screen for one game that, historically, has a tendency to be one sided?
But I could go on about that too long, my beef with Valentines Day, just once I want to take a special girl out and just make her happy, that's all. But you know what the problem is? The same problem there always is, even when I accomplish trying to surprise someone to make them happy, I usually fuck up something. Whether it be a big rose throne in my arm, girls not taking the gift, or me getting yelled at (it happened) there's always some issue.
Finally there is my birthday, which falls on a Friday this year (yay)...during Lent (oh...) Which means I won't be have meat that day, which is not a big deal, but then there is the kicker of the fact my birthdays have a way of turning into a shit storm before the calm. And this year might actually break the trend if my friends come down from San Antonio. But if not I will try and avoid this day's past repeating by just hanging out with PJ where nothing can possibly go wrong, besides me getting my ass kicked on Resistance Fall of Man, but that's a whole different story.
Hmm, on second thought I should have spelled Calamity with a K, it worked for Mortal Kombat...would you like to accept these KOINS as a token of my appreciation.
Alright, so I had a blast yesterday, especially considering the normal mood that I have been in these past few weeks. This girl that I met at a party, Charice, she and I went out and took a nice little number of photos. It was kind of reminiscent of the time I did the same thing with Heather and Mandy. But, I got a little more ambitious this time and I a wider range of scenery to work with, and less people milling around ruin my shots. Plus I didn't use the flash or any of the flash settings so my shutter speed was way up which meant I could catch little quirky things that she pulled.
(this is Mandy for those of you who don't remember)
Here now are the photos that I liked the best, just for the people here on blogger and facebook, hope you all enjoy them!
Charice had the idea to crawl down in this tube, you can't tell here, but there were like a million asshole kids running around.
I have always liked the shots of someone up high like this, the background is photo-shopped, surprisingly I was able to do it in like two minutes. Since my class taught me a few new tricks, my skills have gone up. PHOTO SHOP LEVEL UP!
What did we learn about motion shots? Well they are hard to do when you a slower shutter, the flash is just out of the question. But realistically I really liked this picture of her on the swing, there was on that was just as good, although I haven't gotten to it in photoshop yet to shrink it down and all of that. Brandon Beecham saw a raw of one of these, its monstrously huge.
This one was kind of on the spot, I didn't even see the bench until she pointed it out. When I took this the glare seemed like it might ruin things, but the view screen has a way of over exaggerating the glare.
Let's just say I was inches from the water when I took this, almost fell in. Water is wet...it was cold.
>Somewhere along the way we figured, "Maybe turning the camera on black and white will cut down the glare." Wrong!
Well the photo inserting thing is acting up, so that's all I have for now. Thanks for looking!
