Fickle

It's true that people are fickle, they make it no secret that their loyalties only last as long as you're some good to them or popular. This is apparent in all forms of media; music, television, movies and even books. People only remember who you are as long as you are on the best seller list or in the big block buster. Any one of us could be like those stars, a few years down the road from being a pop trivia question or a VH1 special.

Not surprisingly enough, the Internet is one of the best places to see this, with things like myspace, facebook, instant messengers and even forums; people form these bonds on them as if they are together in real life, they do many of the things real life friends do without the element of actually being there. Sometimes those bonds grow into something more than a friendship...

But all too often those bonds aren't built to last, one or both of the parties don't take things as seriously as they would with a real friend. And the Internet is a breeding ground for phony people. People who can pretend to be what they're not. People who can stab you in the back from a world away and never have to own up to it because there's never any way for you to look them in the eye, there's always that block button...

A programmer would tell you that time matters very little to data, that as long as the container the data is stored in whether it be a hard drive or CD remains safe, the data will not degrade or corrupt from age alone. But on the Internet, a system made entirely of bits of data, time seems to be all that matters. Not just time in the ebay auction sense, but time as in how long you have talked to someone.

A "friend" you have talked to for years might suddenly forget you if you don't see them online for a month, not answering an email or message fast enough might mean you get deleted from a "friend's" contact list and address book; a myspace friend you added less than a week ago can delete you because you haven't spoken to them since the day of the add. If anyone here thinks I am joking, I have had both of these happen to me. If a person who is too far away to even drive in a day can receive and open and message within seconds after you sending, why shouldn't it be that the same person when replying can't think bad things of you when you don't reply to the same message in seconds.

If there's one thing you can be sure about people, its that you can't trust them, most of them are out to get something. A lot of them lie or are two faced, I know people right now who I can tell and prove are two faced or act other than they want to appear to others. For every kind hearted action on the Internet, there seems to be three evil ones.

Sick

I'm so sick and tired of my family I don't know what to do, I am sick of them wanting me to do certain things for them as if that's all I have to do and all I want to do on my summer vacation, or lack there of. i am tried of getting phone calls from people bothering me and getting on to me about not doing what they want fast enough.

I'm sick of them, I don't want to be in this city anymore.

Cuddle

I think it might be too late for this. Right now I don't really know what's going on with me, inside my head or anywhere else for that matter. I keep thinking something is wrong but I don't know what. Maybe its just that I am not true to myself, maybe its that I forgot how to be. I miss so many things about last semester, some of them I don't miss at all. But I miss having other people around to talk with.

Sadly I miss most of my friends in San Antonio, some of you I had barely begun to hang out with, like Wesley. I miss hanging out on couches talking until the wee hours of the morning and most of all I miss having someone to cuddle up next to and just watch a movie. I want all of those things back.

Hookah is another thing I miss, because it became such a regular part of social interaction for me. I miss Law & Order and bad movies picked out by Brandon. Right now I just wish I had someone nearby I knew, someone familiar that I could talk with. I guess I have made some new guy friends, but no girls. And I really thrive on the company of girls because I feel comfortable around them, with guys I'm defensive, brash, down right rude and pretty much an asshole. With girls, most of the time, I don't have to be. I don't relate to most guys because all they care about are titties and...well titties. And I have really made like four new friends here, but that's it.

I need to get out more, I need to find a way to meet people. I'm really just not cut out for this.

Ockham's Razor

How many times have you witnessed someone telling you that they wanted to change things in their life? And then the next day they go right back to doing the same thing that they always do? If the thing that you are doing is not working and you have done it several times before, then the simple explanation is to do something different.

It's the principal of Ockham's Razor, the simplest explanation is often the right one.

Every girl that I know always says this, that this is the last time they are going to date 'a guy like that' and then they always run back to the same type of guy, sometimes the same guy. I know what you are all saying, that this is their own preference. But the problem is that by the time they are ready to try something new they are so put off by what they have been trying.

Women need to realize that they're just making themselves more bitter when they stay around with guys that mistreat them. And that there is usually at least one guy they know, who would date them, who they are ignoring. Now I am not going to tell you its fate or destiny. I don't believe in those things. I believe we do shit, sometimes we get it right, sometimes we get it wrong.

For any of you that believe in fate why do you do anything at all? I mean what's going to happen is going to happen...and it is much simpler to think that we are all effecting each other while the environment effects us than to think there is some grand plan and the placement of every molecule was planned out billions of years ago. Again Ockham's Razor.

And all of this goes back to what I started off saying, fate is not real, its not going to help you. If a guy treats you bad then you need to get off your ass and get out of there. What's more when you meet the person you fit with right, there might not be some spark or sign, you might not even take an immediate liking to each other. Instead of sticking what you know is wrong, why not try what very well might be right?

Credit Where Credit Is Due

I don't want to be this guy anymore, the one who is so easily walked on and who gets into dumb situations that he should have the common sense not to. And yet every time I look at it, every time these things come up I already know the answer. I made a bad choice and I should learn from it.

When you get your feelings trampled on enough you stop even looking at it like its something different, you stop caring as much for what you want and you just start thinking about others. Eventually you see that you haven't taken care of any of your needs in a long time and by that time you're in a habit.

I know so many other people that do this, they put their heart and feeling on the line like I do and they get nothing from it, maybe they get a slight bit of credit. But most of the time that credit is only spoken of in soft tones, "He's such a nice guy". The second that it comes time for any action everyone's forgotten you. You've faded back into a crowd of faces, you've faded back into the crowd of countless people who stopped giving a damn a long time ago, never gave a damn in the first place.

Then you just stop being nice, you stop trying to do right by anyone. You start to think that there's not enough good in the world for any of it to get back to you. Everyone is too busy trying to that thing they want, the one thing that is going to make their lives right. Some think they have found it and are trying to convince other to do the same. Anyone that worries about others, cares for one person or a lot of people just gets trampled on. They get walked all over by the people trying to get what they ware after.

Eventually you get tried of doing for others, you don't have the strength anymore because everyone has taken so much and nothing has been put back in. And even if a little gets put back in, its never enough to replace that which was taken. You get dwindled down. The girl who makes sure her boyfriend is happy, but gets thrown aside for trivial things and ignored, the mother who works two jobs to have her kids come home and be rude to her and leave her alone, the guy who wishes just one girl would make him feel as special as he makes her feel, the kid who busts his ass because his mother and father won't and takes care of all his little brothers and sisters...a lot of us fit into a motif like this. A lot of us are tired of getting shit on by the world.

Just yesterday I said some stuff about someone that was really mean and spiteful to Brandon and Andrew. And I think they think I was joking, but I was serious. I'm tired of watching everyone who is doing the wrong thing reap all the benefits. Let rapists be put to death, let cheating significant others get some STD, lets stop saying the Egyptians built the pyramids; they had slaves to do it and it wasn't their own people, let's never marvel at the Statue of Liberty again and not remember the French gave it to us.

Let's give credit where credit is due. If you know someone who has been nice to you, a thank you will suffice. Give that person the benefit of the doubt, don't ignore them. Because if you do, I just hope it comes around to bite you directly in the ass.