Cyber Love?

Someone asked me suddenly the other day if I thought it was possible to have feelings for someone whom you have never met in person. I didn't really answer the question, it was two thirty in the morning and I was having feelings for bed...strong ones. Other times I have been called crazy for getting so involved in the lives of people whom I have never really met or for worrying about them when they have trouble.

But the thing is that I have some friends online that I knew before I knew most of you who will read this, people I have talked to through phones and long emails, whom I spent rainy days IMing and chatting with. People who taught me to write, who read my first stuff, the really bad stuff, people who have been emotional support and who I hope I have provided some comfort to.

After all, I fell in love with a girl I only met once, and then talked to over the net for months after that. I cared for her more than I have any other single human being in my entire life and we just talked through emails for the longest time. Our communication came once a day and yet when it came and I knew it was on the way, I couldn't wait. There are few feelings in the world like getting an e-mail from another person, not a myspace message or a facebook wall post, but an honest to God e-mail. When she used to write them to me I would be so excited, I'd curl up in front of my boxy old monitor and hold my face close to the screen to read it.

I might read the thing over and over again before I would place it back in my inbox to rest, and I have several of them still saved even now.

Because she was telling me intimate details of her life and I was telling her some from mine, when we finally met up again in person, I felt close to her. I felt so close that I told her I loved her, because she was everything that I had ever wanted in another person and still is.

So to answer your question, I think that love can bloom anywhere, even in cyberspace. Here was a girl I liked bu I had no idea the substance of, until I talked to her online. Love is a strong thing, it has bloomed on the battle field and in dank hospital rooms. Even if we are to accept that the Internet is a cruel place, I believe that Love can still transcend that cruelty

Picky?

Allow me to be a little introverted here, something I normally don't do on this blog but I think that for what I am talking about the idea is appropriate. This time the focus is on me and the subject is one of preference, or taste rather. All of this is in response to a recent allegation that I am picky. I have to admit the idea of me being picky kind of caught me off guard. I don't think I have ever been called that.

Here are just a few things I have to say on the subject of my taste in women, I know many things I like aren't the norms; like how I love legs or girls with beautiful hair. At the same time I don't know why I like some of the things I like; like how I have this strange love for redheads. These things are just like that some of the time and we have to accept it.

Now all of the things above aren't factors for me not to be able to date a girl, but there are some things that a girl cannot have or do if I am going to date her. I think that everyone is like that because realistically you have to have some standards. For instance I wouldn't date a girl who took it upon me to bad mouth my religion. Basically you don't have to be Catholic or even Christian, but respect that I am and that its not some fairytale.

Now I think that this is totally acceptable, as are the rest of the things I look for in a person as signs not to date them. Why is that? Well simple, because I don't believe in dating someone just to date them. If I date someone its because I want to get married to them, otherwise I don't see a point in us wasting our time on each other. That might sound harsh, but its the truth.

I don't see it as a problem that I won't date someone who drinks too heavily or who isn't at least a little assertive, these are just things that I need to have in another person to be with them. If I know I can't spend the rest of my life with a person why should I go through the trouble of dating them. Dating isn't supposed to be for you to get more ass and rack up booty points, its a screening process for marriage. And if you try to argue with me otherwise I'll lay you out cold on with a retort.

I think that is the problem people have understanding me when I say certain things like how I would break up with a girl for asking for a threesome. You're damn right I would, and don't call me cruel. She was basically looking for a roundabout way to cheat on me. I'm not a picky asshole, really. I just have strength to stand up for what I believe I should have in another person.

WTF?!

Two blogs in one day? That's right I'm going crazy it would appear. I am excited though because its almost August and I am hoping I get to hear from Persephanie again. It would mean a lot to have that back in my life, to just secure things since I have lost so many friends for various reasons recently.

My friends have been some of the most important things to me over the years and to lose anymore would really just hurt. But actually gaining a real solid one back, someone I really cared for is the best possible thing right now. I might sound like everything this negative right now and all of this, I know some people might be pissed about the things I say and I'll say it before as I have, I don't usually care when people think I am saying something that pisses them off.

But I also don't think you should care so much about what I say. I continue to be nice to people despite the fact that I get walked on, I continue to try to make friends even when so many of them walk away, that's life right? Probably the best news about me in my current state is that I seem to have become the writer I once was. My writing has become crisp again and maybe heartache is my inspiration? I would hate that to be the case but who knows.

And to Kara: I try my best to never generalize as if its all women, I know several who are great people and don't do things like that...you included. I could name a lot of others. But one thing I will say is that women like you are hard to come by, people like you are hard to come by. There's not many good people left in the world and when someone says their a Christian or when someone says that they believe lying is bad, or that people should be straight forward its not always the case.

None of those things mean that the person believes what they are saying. I'm attracted to a certain type and it seems that some of them say the above things (I especially like religious women) and don't actually follow through on them. I know its sad really. But don't feel like I am talking to you when you read things like that. You have never been mean to me before and you're as far as I can tell the perfect kind of woman to date. Unfortunately there's not even enough of you out there...

You Might Be Trying to Be Nice, But You're Still a Liar

I'm going to tell you exactly why women shouldn't ever try to talk about how much guys lie. It's actually quiet simple and you can sport it all over sites like facebook and myspace. To put it all in very simplified terms, just look at your profile; do you see where it has the marker for relationship status.

Now, you would be hard pressed to find a guy who has that he is looking for dating or a relationship who would turn down a girl whom he is attracted to. If he did turn down a girl for any reason he would more than likely just tell her no. He might give a reason.

What you don't do is give some reason because you think it will make a guy feel better. I am going to tell you straight up, some of us maybe pretty damn dumb, but all of us using these sites can at least read, or maybe its that words elude you. But last time I checked you having Dating or a Relationship under looking for meant that you can't tell some guy who asks you out "I'm just not looking for someone right now."

I mean no matter how you try and spin it, you're a liar. Either you lied on your profile, or the more logical choice is that you're lying to the guy. Let a girl ask me if I want to go out with her, I'll tell her no if I don't want to. It might hurt her feelings but she won't be running around thinking there's some chance. And if you right after that start dating anyone else, they're going to know you lied so what's the use. Just stop thinking you're doing someone favors and tell the truth. It reflects bad on you. Learn to say no and be a damn grownup.

Taste

Here's something that I have been thinking about every since I mentioned it to Rickey last weekend when I was staying with him. He made the claim that he and I have bad luck with women and that women have bad taste in men. I corrected him that there are women out there with good taste in men. But he and I have a problem with our tastes. We have a preference for women who happen to have bad taste in men.

The thing is that sometimes the girls I like seem to have some good sense and be very sweet people, I can think of one right now. Other times I can get hung up on some girls I never should have liked in the first place. I don't know what my problem is. I think I might need to change my tastes for the most part, but how do you go about doing that.

Has anyone else noticed...but me=clueless.

Don't Knock It Till You Try It

As many of you might already know, I am no stranger to arguing. If you've been in an argument with me then you know how I usually do it. I don't always win but a lot of the time I get some good ideas out there. One of the things I hate the most in arguments got pulled on me today and to be honest this kind of argument pisses me off.

I mean of course the argument of Don't knock it till you try it, this is not a valid argument. More often than not its used when in conjunction with sexual discussion. Let me throw the scene out there for you. I was talking about something with someone on a forum and the subject of threesomes came up. I simply said that this is not something that I would ever want to do because I don't have a desire to be with more than one person at a time and even if I did when you think about it, in a relationship if someone is looking to have sex with others doesn't that bring up questions about the relationship itself.

My main argument against the don't knock it till you try it mentality is that it can be used to defend anything. Let's say for instance that I am an avid member of NAMBLA, if someone were to tell me that sex with little boys was wrong I could easily say "Don't knock it till you try it."

Another good example is drugs, we're always told not to try things like drugs and cigarettes. But hey if we employ the don't knock it till you try it mentality then we should all give drugs a fair shot? Right.

Why not just give everything a fair shot, let's all try rape...or incest maybe, how about we kill a person, or burn down a small house...hey don't knock it until you try it. We can't jump on Hitler because how many of us here have gassed Jews or committeed mass genocide?

Hey, don't knock it till you try it right?

I hope we can see how this argument is utterly silly and its the dumbest way to argue anything except taste in food...

All At Once

There are certain people you just keep coming back to

She is right in front of you

You begin to wonder could you find a better one

Compared to her now she's in question



And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same




Maybe you want her, maybe you need her

Maybe you started to compare to someone not there



Looking for the right one you line up the world to find

Where no questions cross your mind

But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt

Much longer for you to sort it out



And all at once the crowd begins to sing


Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same



Maybe you want her, maybe you need her

Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Maybe you want it, maybe you need it

Maybe it's all you're running from

Perfection will not come



And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes


We'd never know what's wrong without the pain

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same



Maybe you want her, maybe you need her

Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there

Maybe you want it, maybe you need it

Maybe it's all you're running from

Perfection will not come



Maybe you want her, maybe you need her


Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another

To another

Sweeps

For those of you who either don't watch television much or who haven't worked the a television website like me, sweeps is the time of year when all of the shows start pressing their plots and squeezing all of the juice out. Trying to bleed out all they can in the ratings. Basically this is the last three or four weeks of the season of the show when everything comes to a head.

This might mean like in Supernatural that Sam is going to die and Dean needs to think of something to do, or in the case of Smallville the bad guy faces off with Clark and the other characters are caught in the midst of battles themselves, you could take Buffy's example and this could mean that the Apocalypse is coming and the big bad is rearing its ugly head.

The basic idea of sweeps is that almost no one is safe, characters die, get married, have kids, get injured horribly, or make startling revelations. The idea is to draw everyone into the show, make the watchers who record or sort of just skim the episodes stick and really watch. This also makes people watch the next season to see the overall outcome of the things that happened, a lot of times Sweeps ends on a cliff hanger.

Right now, my life feels like its going through sweeps, and its almost the right time of year too. My brother is still in a coma, with two women fighting over him I might add, I got punched, got in an argument with a person over a girl, one of my friends is missing and no one is sure where she went, my depression seems to be getting worse and school isn't really going easy for me either.

What gets me is that just like in the shows, I feel like this is the start of it. I feel like there's a storm coming and its going to be bad. I feel like its time to batten down the hatches and pray for the best. What would the best be? Well August and September is when most shows start back up, the best would be Persephanie and I talking again, me getting help, and my friend who ran off too, my brother waking up after the women fighting over him cool off, school working out in the end and me learning how to handle the stress. Hmm, and maybe a summer romance...

After all, no matter the loses, Dean brings Sam back, Clark beats the bad guy, and Buffy overcomes the Apocalypse. My hope is that we'll all come through this, no losses. With that, I need to get off here, got stuff to do. And if you are out there Jess reading this, I'm gunning for you, for the best thing for you.

As back in old times, I'll say it like I used to on my LJ:

_{See you, space cowboy}

Fickle

It's true that people are fickle, they make it no secret that their loyalties only last as long as you're some good to them or popular. This is apparent in all forms of media; music, television, movies and even books. People only remember who you are as long as you are on the best seller list or in the big block buster. Any one of us could be like those stars, a few years down the road from being a pop trivia question or a VH1 special.

Not surprisingly enough, the Internet is one of the best places to see this, with things like myspace, facebook, instant messengers and even forums; people form these bonds on them as if they are together in real life, they do many of the things real life friends do without the element of actually being there. Sometimes those bonds grow into something more than a friendship...

But all too often those bonds aren't built to last, one or both of the parties don't take things as seriously as they would with a real friend. And the Internet is a breeding ground for phony people. People who can pretend to be what they're not. People who can stab you in the back from a world away and never have to own up to it because there's never any way for you to look them in the eye, there's always that block button...

A programmer would tell you that time matters very little to data, that as long as the container the data is stored in whether it be a hard drive or CD remains safe, the data will not degrade or corrupt from age alone. But on the Internet, a system made entirely of bits of data, time seems to be all that matters. Not just time in the ebay auction sense, but time as in how long you have talked to someone.

A "friend" you have talked to for years might suddenly forget you if you don't see them online for a month, not answering an email or message fast enough might mean you get deleted from a "friend's" contact list and address book; a myspace friend you added less than a week ago can delete you because you haven't spoken to them since the day of the add. If anyone here thinks I am joking, I have had both of these happen to me. If a person who is too far away to even drive in a day can receive and open and message within seconds after you sending, why shouldn't it be that the same person when replying can't think bad things of you when you don't reply to the same message in seconds.

If there's one thing you can be sure about people, its that you can't trust them, most of them are out to get something. A lot of them lie or are two faced, I know people right now who I can tell and prove are two faced or act other than they want to appear to others. For every kind hearted action on the Internet, there seems to be three evil ones.

Growth?

I had something unexpected and new happen to me the other day, and this little story might sound a little odd. But I was getting my car inspected the other day and just as they finished this really pretty girl came in. I don't know why...it was odd but I just kept looking at her.

I would have talked to her I thought, but my car was done and I had no reason to be there. Well when I got out side they told me sure enough that I would have to come back because the parking brake on my car was out. I just kind of shrugged it off and paid, then I left.

Here's the part where things get odd. I got about half way up the street and I just decided to go back and make something up, a reason to be there. I decided I would say I was calling my Dad for something about the car. I don't know what made me do it, but I just did.

Well I went back inside of the place and I sat talking to her and this other lady, she told me her name, that she was twenty seven, that she was a teacher and we talked about writing and just things like that. It felt weird to do this, it felt odd and just a little bit forced at first, but then I felt more comfortable.

The excuse I gave could only last for a short time, so I had to go. Before I did I asked for her number, well she just said that she didn't really know me and she didn't feel comfortable do it. Which I understand, I know its not safe for a girl to do that. The odd thing was, I didn't really care. I didn't even take it personally, maybe I have grown a little?

For Kara

As the title suggests, this is for Kara. Any one can read this, if you take offense to these words, good. Maybe you should take a look at the way you're doing things then and ask yourself this question Do I feel secure in my actions?

Junior High is a pretty hard time in all of our lives. While things might have been simpler back then for most of us, before the threat of terrorism and the like. Life was hard because for the first time, we were feeling strong attraction to girls.

Back then most of it was innocent, and it got expressed through the wrong outlets. Most of us got as far as holding hands, maybe a kiss. But the thing was, what was the ultimate thing you went for when you went after a girl? You could hope at best to make out, no one dared to say the S word.

Almost a decade later I could sit here and tell you all kinds of horror stories about what I have seen guys do. I could tell you that guys are just looking to put their wieners in your naughty bits. Most women seem to think that already. So why is it that girls fall for guys that are going to screw them over?

Women aren't stupid, even the dumbest person by nature has a memory and can tell when they are doing something the exact same way again. The problem is guys are tricky, they've evolved to a point where they have safe guards to counteract most of the ways women guard themselves.

In the case of some guys, its just so they can get some tail. A guy doesn't think past sex most of the time. Some of them won't even use a condom, forgetting what the function of sex is actually for! But these are the guys that are easier to see through, most of them spit rhetoric that you see in movies, hear in rap songs, or read in joke books.

They're going to target vulnerable girls, the ones that are younger, emotionally unstable, or fresh out of a break up. To them, these girls are no conquest, just a means to an end...the end of a hard on. Unfortunately I knew some guys like this, all of them even drew straws over a seventeen year old to see who got to take a ride on her that night. That was how they would describe it. Better than that, the one who made his move decided to do so when she was almost completely passed out on a couch. He had sex with a barely conscious girl...

Now the more danger guys are methodical. These are the ones with a real brain in their head, that got further than second base in Junior High, learned the ins and outs of women (physically and emotionally). They're dangerous because they are adaptive to situations. They go after hard targets, women who have moderate to high confidence and some who say they don't believe in one night stands. Some of these men can function and think enough while drunk to still accomplish their mission.

I've heard of guys like this, met about one in my life. The one I met did such things as get girls who had never been kissed to sleep with him in one day and let him film it. It was more than just trickery, it was pure manipulation. It was incredible to realize that someone can have that kind of power over someone else. Even so not just any guy can do this, it takes quick thinking, wit, an adaptive personality and good looks.

In a matter of speaking, you must be an evil genius to accomplish this feat, most guys that are out there trying to get into a girls pants are trying to do it like this last guy I mentioned. Why? Because they want a prize. Some guys want a virgin, they might even tally the number they've had. I've heard guys even speak of sleeping with a one girl for each letter of the alphabet, that is to say they want to find a girl who has a name that starts with each letter. Even worse are the ones who only like to go underage...you can find all types, but the basic message here is, guys are sick monsters.

Hell, even I am. I just turn my anger towards other guys. If I make a guy cry, I feel pretty proud. Maybe his confidence dropped a little, less competition for me. Part of me wishes that if I have daughters, they're lesbians so I don't have to deal with the pain and torment the average guy inflicts on a woman.

Now I am tired of writing, I think I might go make a sandwich or something, oh and if you have any hate mail or letter bombs please send them to:

I don't really care if you don't like what I wrote.

1234 This is a fake street anyway...

Wherever, USA

Do It For Me Now

My body is filled with...well I don't know what. I looked back at something I haven't touched since the day I last spoke to you. You were eighteen years old and one day. It was the saddest day I've had since...well since a long time ago and I haven't been whole since then. But right when I was thinking of doing the wrong thing, the stupid thing. You saved me again, you've always been there to pull me out, even when you weren't really there.

What follows is your words, untouched by pencil or cursor. Words that struck me so hard that I know what I need to do.

Hey. Things are actually not going good at all...and it concerns us. When I came home from school with your presents, my parents kind of freaked because they don't know who you are and wonder if we have been secretly hanging out, which led to "do you talk to him online?" thing. They found out that I talk to you on myspace, and they feel really uncomfortable with me talking to an older guy that they don't even know. So, they are making me do the same thing I had to do with Heather. I don't really understand myself, and so I bet you won't either, and that's ok. And yes, i'm 18, an adult, but I still live under my parents rules until I leave for college. This is incredibly hard for me to do since it is going against my own will and desires. Justin, you are an amazing guy! You truly are! And I don't want this friendship to end...but I have to do this or I'll get in so much more in trouble. Please, please, do this for me, and soon we'll be able to get back to talking again. I have to sadly delete you from my friends. That's why I cannot have you on facebook. Please forgive me! I hope that when I leave for college and that I am finally free, I am able to speak to you again without ambivalent attitudes from my parents. I know this is hard, i mean, it's hard for me too! I'm so sorry. I want you to know something though: to thine own self be true. Justin, there will be many obstacles ahead, and I'm sad because I won't be there to help you when you need it! But please remember to be yourself, night to day, every single moment of the day! Cause being you is why I cherish this friendship! Please promise me to do that, and I promise you that I will come back to you once I am on my own! I hope that day will come soon! Thanks for everything..for you have truly been a wonderful, fantastic, marvelous friend!

If I don't shape up, and get back on track, who will she find when she comes back? Well I'm not going to even humor that question. There you have it, hon, you're boys back on track. I think for the first time in months, I'm back. After all, its what you wanted.

God blessed me with a wit, with attitude enough to stand up to others, against moral wrongs, to strike out where I saw tyranny even in the smallest degree. And that's what she admired. I seem to have gotten that back today. I've read just one thing and found the strength to carry on through all that's happening. I have to say sorry to Kara, I promised her a blog today about how evil men are, rest assured she'll have it soon. It might be worse now that I am back like this.

Hook Ups

Since the day I left Junior High it has seemed like things were changing too fast. I remember when kissing someone was a big deal. My first year of high school I heard from the younger sibling of a friend that three girls at our school had gotten caught having sex.

Back when I was there it was rare to even hear about someone going as far as to get fingered.

Now in college people talk about hooking up as if its something completely normal and even therapeutic. I used to see examples of it everyday. I still see guys that make out with girls, interchangeably in groups, and girls who make out with each other for a guys entertainment. I have to stop and ask, what happened to you women?

The women from a newspaper, Laura Sessions Stepp has written this book called Unhooked about the decline of love and its replacement by hookups in college and high school life. If I didn't see it for myself I wouldn't have believed it at first. In my high school people were so close knit that there wasn't much hooking up in the open, everyone knew everyone.

But when I got to college things changed severely and I could see the stuff that was going on all around me. One girl I knew personally got passed around like a doobie among hippies. Guys would get together and discuss her performance and even rate her on how well she did individual things.

Stories cropped up about different crazy acts she had taken part in, one of the most notorious was her allowing a guy to use the vibrate function on his phone for purposes other than it was intended for, needless to say the phone broke. But the point here is this, hook ups, for the most part, are degrading to women and they harm the guy on the other end of the thing too.

The problem really stems from Feminism, now I know I am going to get a lot of hate speech over this, but I think the second that women led themselves to believe that sexuality was the way for them to become more independent, they left themselves open to be used in a new way. Being outlandishly sexual doesn't empower you. All of the guys and girls I know that get the most crazy sex are the most unhappy people.

I read an article that Laura Stepp wrote on Valentines Day and it amazed me how much I thought the same way she did. She wrote about how many women didn't want anything to do with long term relationships because there wasn't any time for them. Stepp states in her article:

A national survey of 18-to-29-year-olds by the Pew Research Center reported that almost 60 percent were not in committed relationships and the majority of those were not interested in being committed. Young women even have phrases for couples, frequently spoken with a touch of derision: They're 'joined at the hip,' or 'married.'

But I can tell you right now that part of the problem lies in our parents. I had a friend who had a mother who had been divorced several times, and this friend told me that "I don't see the big deal with marriage, its just a short term commitment". Believe it or not the reluctance for people to seek divorce ruins the minds of the children involved.

What I can't do is offer much help. Guys I know think they are happy to be this way, to seek out these things and only these things. And occasionally making out with someone at a party isn't going to damage your mind forever, but going about looking for this as if its going to lead you to eventually meet someone you love is a dumb idea. If the other person only sees you as a hook-up that's all you'll ever be. Even if you marry that person, expect to get divorced, or have major problems. You weren't what they had in mind, just what was convenient.

A link to the original article can be found here: myspace

Cuddle

I think it might be too late for this. Right now I don't really know what's going on with me, inside my head or anywhere else for that matter. I keep thinking something is wrong but I don't know what. Maybe its just that I am not true to myself, maybe its that I forgot how to be. I miss so many things about last semester, some of them I don't miss at all. But I miss having other people around to talk with.

Sadly I miss most of my friends in San Antonio, some of you I had barely begun to hang out with, like Wesley. I miss hanging out on couches talking until the wee hours of the morning and most of all I miss having someone to cuddle up next to and just watch a movie. I want all of those things back.

Hookah is another thing I miss, because it became such a regular part of social interaction for me. I miss Law & Order and bad movies picked out by Brandon. Right now I just wish I had someone nearby I knew, someone familiar that I could talk with. I guess I have made some new guy friends, but no girls. And I really thrive on the company of girls because I feel comfortable around them, with guys I'm defensive, brash, down right rude and pretty much an asshole. With girls, most of the time, I don't have to be. I don't relate to most guys because all they care about are titties and...well titties. And I have really made like four new friends here, but that's it.

I need to get out more, I need to find a way to meet people. I'm really just not cut out for this.

Ockham's Razor

How many times have you witnessed someone telling you that they wanted to change things in their life? And then the next day they go right back to doing the same thing that they always do? If the thing that you are doing is not working and you have done it several times before, then the simple explanation is to do something different.

It's the principal of Ockham's Razor, the simplest explanation is often the right one.

Every girl that I know always says this, that this is the last time they are going to date 'a guy like that' and then they always run back to the same type of guy, sometimes the same guy. I know what you are all saying, that this is their own preference. But the problem is that by the time they are ready to try something new they are so put off by what they have been trying.

Women need to realize that they're just making themselves more bitter when they stay around with guys that mistreat them. And that there is usually at least one guy they know, who would date them, who they are ignoring. Now I am not going to tell you its fate or destiny. I don't believe in those things. I believe we do shit, sometimes we get it right, sometimes we get it wrong.

For any of you that believe in fate why do you do anything at all? I mean what's going to happen is going to happen...and it is much simpler to think that we are all effecting each other while the environment effects us than to think there is some grand plan and the placement of every molecule was planned out billions of years ago. Again Ockham's Razor.

And all of this goes back to what I started off saying, fate is not real, its not going to help you. If a guy treats you bad then you need to get off your ass and get out of there. What's more when you meet the person you fit with right, there might not be some spark or sign, you might not even take an immediate liking to each other. Instead of sticking what you know is wrong, why not try what very well might be right?

Fame < Infamy

I think that much to the surprise of others my conversations with Prentiss don't involve video games, anime or things such as that. Last night was one such night, where we put aside our nerdy quandaries and discussed something that had to do with real life people and situations. This next part may not surprise you if you have read my posts for any length of time, the discussion came to women.

In regards to women, Prentiss and I are the same. We were never the type to think girls had cooties and most of our friends are female. I let out that I happen to detest most of the masculine population for various reasons. But we didn't try to dump all of the relationship problems off on men, although it would be the easy way out. I think that various problems are the doing of the women themselves. Like a girl who sticks around with a guy who is undoubtedly using her for sex or as his own personal skeet rag, is no better than the guy in the situation when she is told up front, by said guy what she is to him.

Much to her own accord, the warnings of friends, both female and male, go unnoticed and the girl in the end gets the raw end of the deal while the rawest end of the deal is passed on to us. Who is us? Well us is guys who are looking for something long term, who see no benefit in dating someone if there's no future in it. Anyone can get fucked, but what does it matter if you can't make love?

I know that this might be brash, this might sound to both men and women to be the pompous preachings of some little virgin who doesn't know the first thing about relationships...but I'm here to tell you that in that last regard, you're more than wrong. I have witnessed the down fall of relationships like the fall of angels from the blinding heights they once held. Angels who held more sway than Lucifer...and I can say this. No matter how good a relationship looks its not invincible if you think you're above knowing what to look out for.

Having mostly female friends has taught me a lot of about their side of things. And of course I know my side. Prentiss says we should write a book. I would actually be up for that. If gay guys can write books on dating women, why the Hell can't we?

The Measure of a Man

How many people out there think that it is totally stupid for guys to cry at all? I had a long talk with some people earlier today and a lot of the men there seemed to hold this same sentiment. Many others said it was alright, as long as the guy did it in private.

I can tell you right now that its not unmanly to cry. Most of the thing that people consider manly are things that don't matter or are just flat out wrong. It doesn't make you a man if you've fucked a lot of girls, or if you can drink so much without passing out.

Another thing I find really odd is how women want a guy who has emotions, but someone I once used to be friends, let's just say I won't call her what I want to call her here and she will remain nameless, but she told me she didn't like it when a guy cried. Even at a funeral. It showed how much she knows and how much she was nothing more than a little girl. It never ceases to amaze me that so many of the things women say they want are not what they look for.

I'm not afraid to admit that I cried not too terribly long ago over a friend being gone, and I don't see any problem with it. I will probably cry when I have my first kid or maybe when proposing, when my real mom died, I cried then and also when my frist dog died; although that was a long time ago. Anyone who wants to call me a pussy or a sissy or whatever else for it, they can. I have emotions. At least I seem human...and being human can't make you any less of a man.

I'm Not Here For Your Entertainment

Did I miss something? When did it become alright to just ignore someone when you didn't want to deal with them? Because that's the standard practice for girls. And if some guy were do that to them they'd use that as an excuse to hate all of the guys in the entire fucking world. But we're supposed to not be bitter and just keep trying for them, because they think their princesses and the like, we wouldn't want to disappoint them.

Let me tell you this, because no one seems to ever listen when I tell them anything, most of the reasons girls have all these problems are their own doing a lot of the time. I can't remember how many times I have heard one of my friends tell me she wants to go back to her old boyfriend, the same one who did something horrible like cheat, lie, ignore or mistreat her; or some wacky combination of the above. If you're going to tell me some stupid shit like this, don't expect me to be there when you fall on your ass yet again.

I've got enough problems without you thinking I'm a free shrink for you to use and I'm done looking out for others in that regard. I have seen far too much and for all my helpfulness I have been shit on recently every time I did something. So I say why put in the effort?

Harden

You know, I am really tired of going on dates now and getting lied to. I can't understand why you would tell someone to call you and then decide you don't want to answer. I am sick of getting treated so badly and getting used. And you know what. I am going to harden myself to others a little bit for it, I don't mean to, but you know what, its just going to happen.

I have bad luck with this. Just once I want to see someone actually want to go out and keep going out, and not lying about it. I'm not into liars, I am into certain things, and I don't really want anything to do with most people. I have no idea how to relate to people about things like this. So I'm forever stuck.

Black History Month

Yeah I know, it might seem kind of odd that I would bring this whole thing up so late in the month, its the last day. But I wanted to say something when I thought that it would be appropriate. I was in the car the other day with my sister—in—law's mother and father. We were having a discussion about something unrelated to race and her mother mentioned that she had a problem with black men marrying white women. I thought the comment was so stupid I laughed.

Why I thought it was so stupid is because we are sitting here wondering why so many problems relate back to race in today's society. I can look around where I am right now and see people of different races sitting distinctly apart from each other and having nothing to do with one another. When I know and you know that if these people over here would fuck those people over there, then they'd be all mixed and they're wouldn't be two separate groups of people staying apart. The fastest way to get rid of racism is mix the races. Remember when two Kingdoms were trying to become one what they used to do, have a prince from one marry a princess from the other.

If God didn't want races to mix he'd have made more than two sexes (already some people have found a loop hole).

Now this next thing is in response to something that I saw posted on that infinite well of useless information that is known as Myspace. Someone posted a bulletin about all of the injustice that has been done to whites in the last feel years, and I have to say that while I don't normally take a stance about issues of race, because I think most people need to let it go...I will say that some of the things I read in there were a little backwards.

Probably the only thing that really stuck out to me that I saw in this bulletin were that racial slurs only seemed to count when whites said them and that there isn't a white history month, but this is a black one. Okay for the first thing, who cares about racial slurs, my three best friends, one of them black, the other two white; one of the white ones calls me his nigger sometimes, you think I care if he does this? No! And yes I have been called that word by someone meaning it in a hurtful way, doesn't bother me. I might still hit them or something, but I just like to fight and am violent like that.

As for the black history month thing...have you looked at a history curriculum? Every month is white history month. I mean even in World History classes they usually focus on Western Europe, and when they aren't they're comparing it to that part of the world and relating things back to there. I am actually for them getting rid of Black History month and putting it into the rest of the school year according to when it happened. But that's just because I think history should be told in order and not broken up by who did it.