It's been a hard last couple of days, I'm not even sure that I want to talk about it. I've tried really hard to be left alone for the most part, I do want to see people some of the time but people can be over bearing. They can be hard to deal with and too much going on around me isn't one of the things that I think is really good. When there's a lot going on I can't concentrate or function it seems.
For the most part the people I know have been disappointing and I know what some people are saying, I should find new friends. But its not that easy and right now I am occupied with trying to find a job and school. I really just want to stay out of the house as much as possible. My brother called me back the other day after I called him for help with something and he go started talking about how I don't talk with him and my sister—in—law unless I have to.
I don't know what to tell someone, I'm not really all that talkative with most people, even on the phone I keep my talking to a certain amount. And when it comes right down to it, most of the time when I talk to them they come off as kind of condescending, and its not that I don't talk. I just don't talk when they want me to. Sorry that I need a little alone time. Even with people online I used to talk to alot I have been feeling like I don't know what to say anymore. Or like I don't have anything to say. I don't know why things get so hard really. I didn't think they were supposed to be like this. And people telling me to stay optimistic shouldn't really say that anymore because when I do try that it really doesn't take long before something comes along and just smashes any chance of that working.
Its like this, in the end I expect pretty much everyone I trust to turn on me at one point or another, I can think of one or two people that haven't, but for the rest of them it seems to be a matter or time. This is why I just don't feel like bothering with completely new people most of the time.
