I really can't write a very long entry, I'm on my mother's computer at the house in Gatesiville, Texas. I'd be surprised if you've ever heard of the place. I've decided that I'm really going actually work on getting back on my feet. I start going to thearpy sessions Tuesday and I'm going to concentrate on me and the things that matter to me this time around. A lot of people told me that I just didn't worry about myself enough, but I usually just told them its how I wanted to be or that I chose to be that way.
I think I just did that because I thought I needed to just to keep friends. But I shouldn't have to, no one needs friends who take and take and give nothing back. That's not how any relationship should work. It's also not right to have one person giving everything and the other giving nothing. Real friends don't work that way either, even if the one person likes giving they shouldn't be the only one doing it.
I'm not going to base what I have on what other people have, because I want something for myself. I want to follow my own ideals and not be bound by what someone else thinks. I learned all to week that when I say Man, I want that things might not be as good as they look from the outside. Or they may not stay so good all of the time.
What I want is something good and true and not hidden, I mean I don't want to have to down play anything I do, because who really gives a damn what others think. When I told my dad what was going on and he actually listened, I realized how much I had been in the wrong by always just telling everyone I was okay. Or telling people that I'd be happy as long as they were. I love to see my friends happy and all, but it hurts sometimes when you can't seem to be happy too.
I am still going to be nice and all of that, and I'm still going to worry about my friends. But I'm not going to let it effect me unless its a concern of mine. I'm not going to spend time dwelling on relationships between friends, its really none of my business. I really don't have time to hunt down solutions to other people's problems or to get all worked up for them. They usually wouldn't listen anyway.
Well, I need to go. Got other things to do.
1 comment:
It's really great that you finally really stand up for yourself. It's great that you're finally gonna think about yourself, and more important that you're really gonna work on making yourself feel good.
I'm proud of you.
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