Open Letter to the World

Thank you to all of those out there who commented yesterday, things really haven't gotten any better, but it helps to know that there are people out there who really care. I really can't describe what's wrong. I mean I can just say I don't feel right but that is a broad term.

Right now I'm tired, I'm at that point where my mind has slowed down to a crawl and things are winding down. Tonight I might just sleep on the floor because the bed is so cluittered with stuff, it's almost like the perfect example of my mind. Even as I type this stuff my mind is sloshing through gallon after gallon of loose thought and I don't know what any of it means.

I've talked to a lot of people today, first Megan, then Twinks and then Kay. All of them had different suggestions on what to do and they are all great ideas. I'll give them all a try. I really think the free-write idea that Kay had is a good one because I haven't done that since like seventh grade. And while I think that I can't write while I'm depressed I don't know it to be true about me anymore. I mean the last time I tried was so long ago. I might be able to pull it off now.

If you all didn't see, I wrote responses to all of you individually in the comment section of the last post. At the time all it was all I could do to help me sort out what everyone had said. I'm glad to have you all around, because I really couldn't have asked for a better group of people to go to for this kind of things unless I had a team of paid psychitrists. There were so many comments from other saying I was there too at one time. That means so much to me, not because misery loves company but because I know it doesn't have to be like this the rest of my life.

Things do get better, as Jamie said. Things tend to just go in cycles like this. Right now I am on the down side of things and sooner or later I'll have to come back up. More than anything right now I would just like to be alone right now with no obligations, no phone. Just food and some CD's maybe a small television to watch before I go to sleep. That way I could just write and draw. I could just be free for a while with nothing for me to think about.

Of course there will always be certain things never far from my heart or mind. But a quiet weekend like that could reall do the trick. I could just exist and do something that I really enjoyed. This is not to say I don't enjoy talking to some people, but there are others I could go a few days without.

But there is really no time, soon the school will be filled with people and classes will take place. Things are going to get hectic and I am going to have to be here for it. Old friends will be back, and some will have moved on, but I won't be the same. I won't be like I was last year. I'm a little older and a lot wiser about things. I'll keep a clear head, I'll work on picking myself back up and I'll always remember to breathe.