Something of Value III

On the long drive home I had time to think things over and just get a glance at my life over the last few months and take things into greater consideration.

I talked to Spike and he told me something that I wasn't supposed to know, something that would have apparently made me go off the deep end. I have to say that it disappoints me how you see me Auska, why do you think I'm so weak that if a girl says something like What makes him think he can get a girl like me, that I will get all upset or kill myself or something?

I was stronger than this, I was ruder than this at a time, I haven't always been this nice and I haven't always thought and felt the way I feel.

I am so glad that Spike told me this, because it just shows me how right I was, she has a lot of growing up to do. She's not like Kay or Marisa, the two of them have felt real heart ache and have gone through some shit, they both have an adult mind set.

I think that its a bad thing, but it seems that unless you get hurt really really or see it happen to someome else up close and personal then you can't understand what real pain is.

It takes a lot of pain for you to know what feels good, just like it takes a really awkward moment to prove who you're comfortable with. And I think that its funny that the comment above was made and I've already done better, twice, she was right, I can't get a girl, like her, I needed a woman someone who is grown up enough to know what's really important in another person. I have two friends right now I'm taking into close consideration.

It's really hard for for me to express how thankful I am for the friends I have now, and for a lot of other things. But I better go on.

I talked to Marisa today, she called me up and asked could I make a five hour drive to Cleveland, Texas and come pick her up and drive her the three hours back to Austin, then I would have had to drive one hour back to San Antonio.

I would have done it, I would have done it and enjoyed doing it, I love spending time with her and there's also the fact she has been so good to me, but then her brother decided that they wanted to drive back to Austin in the wrecked car. I feel really sorry for her, she has just had shit flung at her for the last few weeks, her job has been harsh, her kitten is sick, then her grandma dies, the funeral falls on the same day as her orientation for UT Austin so she can't go, so she and her brother rent a car to go to the wake, and they get in a wreck...

I just want to go give her a hug, I feel like this is too much on one person and I pray it gets better for her. And now after reading Kay's blog I see she's going through hard times, I wish she would have told me on the phone, she just seems a little sad every time I call, and I wish I could make her feel better too.

I feel pretty useless, two people who I care about a lot are both going through hard times and I feel like there's nothing of value that I can do...

All that I need to find within you, is something of value, something untrue, all that I wish that I'd find within you...

No one here remembers back when I wrote the posts Something of Value I and Something of Value II, but I thoght I finally found my Something of Value back when I wrote part II, now I know I was right.