Heartbreaker

I have been thinking, laying in bed does that to a person. I didn't even think about this until just a while ago, but there was something said on the phone yesterday that caught onto me, it was something that I've never heard a girl say before, especially to me.

We were talking and somehow we got on the subject of how all men are heartbreakers. I've never really thought about it before, I've never broken a girl's heart [that I know of] nor do I want to. I don't even like to think of that kind of thing. As I've said before—I can't even bare to watch a girl cry, and if it's my fault that they are crying that makes it ten times worse.

Kay was telling me that everyone breaks a heart someday, but I don't know if I think that's true, I know everyone gets their heart broken at least once. But I think that's one of the few absolutes when it comes to this kind of thing. Does anyone remember when I mentioned all of that stuff Auska had told me, Spike, and Marisa about how every guy in the world will cheat someday because we're just prone to it.

I know a lot of cheating guys, but I also know guys that never cheat and that never even took their eyes off their girlfriends, I know a lot of people that have broken hearts, but then I also know a lot of people that have not broken hearts too.

When it comes to Auska I know how she gets with things like that, there's not a lot of trust of others on her part, with good reason. But I wonder if it can ever be said that all people ________. Absolutes are hard to find, blanket statements are indiscrete and many of them are just things that people say out of some form of excitement.

Honestly, I think that jsut afraid that I'll break some girls heart some day, I mean I've been through that and I don't want anyone else to have to go through all of that. It's just a torrent of pain and bad throughts and if the person that did it isn't there to talk to you about how and why then it makes it even harder. I remember a time when I knew that it was my fault, when I blamed myself for how things had gone and thought I was dumb to have done all of the things I did. I didn't have a friend who could make it all make sense, that could tell me that I was being lied to.

When you have a broken heart having someone to talk to is a luxury, most of us just have our own minds, and our thoughts are most of the time worse than reality. I was lucky to have Marisa there to just sit and listen to me, to take care of me and to talk to me. I think that's what kept me from being really bad off. And I was also lucky to have Spike around to figure out what the real problem was.

I never want to make some girl have to go through all of that, I never want to know I was responsible for soem poor woman feeling like it's her fault, or like there's something wrong with her. It's a scary thought, after all, no one should ever want to break a heart.